I suppose maybe other things are going on in the universe tonight, but all Commentist Party eyes will no doubt be on Donks WOO! taking on yeah right’s Vikings (9:00 EST, NFLN). New “thank Christ he’s not Trevor Siemian” QB Case Keenum was unceremoniously cast aside (after a career year he will never replicate) for…Captain Dingleberry? Oh yeah, also coming off a career year he will never replicate and with a crippling, fully guaranteed contract that just don’t fly in the salcap era.
In short, you done fucked up, SKOL, and it starts tonight in whatevs they are calling Stade de Mile High now. You want preview with potty-mouthed humour?
After the first two drives, the #Narrative will shift to a reprise of the saddest QB battle in EVAR, as the aforementioned castoff Siemian is now Minny’s #2, whilst functionally retar….Forrest Gumpian Paxton Lynch is still second on the Donks depth chart for the time being. Everyone in Broncos country wants to see #Swag Kelly, because (i) perhaps he at least knows how to read; (ii) won’t go through one progression, then tuck the ball and run Tebow-style (only slower); and (iii) just because he’s not goddamned Siemian or Lynch.
Even the Vikings’ 3rd-stringer, Kyle Sloter, was the Donks’ 2017 camp darling. I dunno, we prolly have a bunch of late 7th round picks now.
Though, sigh, as you can see from the featured picture, Cool Black Guy Coach is the only one at the Keenum roll-out presser who knows how to put on a normal muthafuckin’ pair of shoes. Did blind lunatics dress Elway and Keenum?
Philip Rivers and the squadron Spanoi stole from San Diego travel to Team Desert DUI (10:00), who I presume must host due to ankle bracelet issues. No live TV coverage unless you’re a local, which is irritating to those of us who’d like a look-see at Chosen Rosen.
In other crappy sports, FS1 has the Dirt Packers v. Dirt Falcons at 7:00, followed by MLBN with Dirt Raiders (for now) v. Dirt Disney or Dirt Iggles v. Dirt BOLTMEN! at 10:00. I shall be streaming #BFIB kicking in the Dirt Chefs teeth yet again, whilst temporarily enjoying the DH. HOT TAEK: MLB needs to expand to 32 teams, move to four 8-team divisions, with the NL adopting the DH.
There’s random Ecuadorian Lesser Footy on GOLTV, and if you’re a paedo (hai, Marc!!) feel free to tune into ESPN’s bizarre, wall-to-wall coverage of the Little League World Series. Please, don’t be a paedo, ok?
Sydney by 14 at Half. Melbourne being wasteful, as usual.
Australian Toyota Girl is so much hotter than English-speaking US Toyota Girl.
Game Time Decision was the only one that picked the Doggies to win. He’s ON FIRE!
Watching Dan Rather interview Roger Waters while I was high was a multidimensional experience.
Now they’re making Dark Side of the Moon. This is a pretty cool documentary. It’s on the AXS Channel or something like that.
DOGGIES BY 5 at Three Quarter Time! What a third quarter from them!
And maybe they’ll escape without massive injuries to their stars, unlike my team.
Here’s what I look like trying to land an A380 while drunk off my ass.
Pictured: the plane’s reaction to you watching a shitty Chargers game.
I think I’m watching The Pink Floyd Channel right now. Not sure.
Yeah, mentally I’m fine.
I’m watching this awful Chargers game while writing checks to the IRS and to an accounting firm.
It’s fucking Saturday, man. My life sucks.
I’m going to change to the Pink Floyd documentary and do a big ol’ bong hit.
(bubbling sound of bong hit)
oh yeah
I wrote a memo earlier today. I have another one to write tomorrow. And that’s on top of finding an apartment that can make lady BFC Happy. Need some more fun.
I think the Roos are winning this. Up 28 at Half Time.
Woo hoo! Wine drinkin’ time!
San Diego wide receiver got hit during a catch and the ball hit the ground. I walk out of the room and return to see ARI returned that “fumble” for a TD. There is no WAY that play was not an incomplete pass last year
And so it begins….
Wow! Crazy fast Roos goal … mate.
ah, shit. Now he looks like a Donks QB again
I wonder if that’s the Buffalo Superb Owl I won’t give up!! dicklicker’s kid.
/anyway, fuck his cracker ass
meh, at least no strip club drive now
It’s not midnight yet, fucker.
Don’t presume…..
I can leave out in sub freezing temps in January, you might have payback.
Yeah, I’m still a little pissed off about that.
yeah, take that 1957 FUCK LIONS!!!
camera is shaking in pre-season because Donks are like footbaw #BFIB
/hides from Moose
Roos by 4 at Quarter Time
It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
this is the beauty of betting on pre-season. Minny’s 1s kicked Denver’s ass. If anything, the 2s were even MOAR lopsided (special teams and Siemian aside). But that magical 3rd string, yo.
chant with me Moose!
SWAG Wagon
SWAG Wagon!!!
whaddya know, reading the defense makes a difference
save us all the agony, and cut Lynch now. There will always be fodder one can sign to the PS for 3rd string.
Ummmmm….yeah I shouldn’t finish this joke. But something something 60s Mississippi something something.
Yes HELL, I’ll be there shortly.
Strip club trip?
hey, Donks come back?
Meh, there’s worse ways to go.
MAKE IT RAIN!!!!!!!
You’ll be burning for that Mississippi joke.
naw, see, if’n we do that, it won’t set no example FOAR teh others, Seamus!!
I think you missed my point.
Which was admittedly terrible, so that’s good.
Lynch. Cut. Think about it.
I’ll be waiting….
I was thinking youse saying cut down the lynched fella, I reacted as only a paternalist Johnny Reb could
Actually, I was saying that. Now I understand your comment.
/Hippo and tWBS get banned
I hope Lynch can weld, or work on small engines or some shit.
The world could always use more plumbers.
(From) just-shower-thoughts (tumblr)
“Getting older as a man is realizing that Velma would be a better relationship partner Than Daphne.”
But not necessarily a better cosplay sex partner.
True … true. But there are still Milana Vayntrub as Velma images on these interwebs.
Could go either way. Not sure which would be the angrier pegger.
Hey there, baby. Lemme show you my Deckel.
That’s sexy as fuck.
Mine is red.
My mixer, I mean.
Mine too!
I KNOW!!!! I’VE SEEN YOURS!!!!!
(mixer, that is)
Everybody has!
We’re not talking ’bout mixers anymore, right?
NOPE.
I has insta-pot and a Publix for mexican pastries. Hippo needs NO MOAR.
LMFAO
White.
Mine.
Yes … mixer … as well.
But not the Artisan Mini.
Classic Plus … drunk …
I also have the matching red stick mixer.
Get on my level Cunts!
My immersion blender is large, chrome and black. You know you want to watch.
This is one of my favorite threads recently.
At first I thought that was my foot operated three hole punch but then it looked like a laser table.
S-W-A-G!!!!!
Donks be winning this fecker 28-27
Who the hell is the chargers qb2?
It’s either Geno Smith or Cardale Jones.
Initial scouting says Philip Rivers must remain upright.
Dave Dickenson?
David Dennison
Denny Davidson?
he is who we thought he was
It’s not Dave Duerson.
If I eat too much food tonight, that means I won’t eat as much tommorow. We Smrt.
Mrs Cola: Did you have to tell that guy off?
Me: He was a dick, the host agreed, he can fuck his Liverpool shit.
Mrs Cola: How much tequila did you have?
Me: Your host is Mexican, I couldn’t be rude.
Mrs. Cola: So what did he say, I know you.
Me: Fulham was going to go back down.
Mrs. Cola: Good work not throwing him into a bookcase
Me: No problem.
See? This guy gets it.
you name the (International break) weekend, I’m glad to help you murder him.
So Arizona has a roof and a retractable field and the center of the turf is scorched as shit.
Fucking Arizona man.
I think they like to do everything possible to remind us it’s just preseason.
I picked a butt-ton of peppers today and had planned to pickle some after grilling. Welp now I’m stuffed on pork chops and brats, well on the way to drunktown and those peppers are gonna have to wait.
And also, Aussie Footy in 30min.!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s43lsedS8dw
Doggies playing good so far!
OK, I finally got all the rednecks outta my house.
What are we doing?
We’re going shooting in order to impress our attractive cousins!
Hey, I kept my thoughts to myself tonight. You guys would have been proud of me.
Oh Jesus, they’re breaking out the Little Miss Sunshine half time show.
Time to tune in to the local Chargers feed.
I can’t even.
maintain and
maintenance
are spelled annoyingly different.
yeah McKenzie’s return got me all wet two
Who’s got two thumbs, viewed six apartments today, and is ready to crawl into a hole and hibernate?
Apartment-hunting bear?
Oh wait no he doesn’t have opposable thumbs.
Those do.
attaway, run!!!
King Hippo will never consider visiting Europe now.
Artichoke.
Gruyere.
Gratin.
So easy and fucking delicious.
SHOW ME TO YOUR WINE CELLAR SIR.
nice try to find the open Viking corner in the end zone
for all the horrid things, I do like our cool new black punter
He’s already pissed the local media fucks off, so I like him too.
well, now I kind of love him
/to the uninitiated, the Denver sports press is even worse than the average circlejerkers
D-Mac and Alfred are the fucking worst.
Nobody will be able to tell if Lynch gets a concussion.
Siemian does a great Buster Bluth impression when pressured.