Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

[kid’s entertainer walks onto stage to rabid applause]

Entertainer: “HELLO OUT THERE, ALL MY LITTLE POOPSTERS!”

Audience: “HELLO CAPTAIN SHITSTAIN!”

C-Stain: “Oh! It’s so lovely to see all my friends. There’s Dookie in the front row.”

[camera pans to excited child wearing a “Don’t Shit Where You Eat” t-shirt]

C-Stain: “Boy, have I got a wonderful surprise for you today. But first, let’s read the headlines in The Daily Excrement.”

Audience: “YAY!”

C-Stain: [sits down behind cheap imitation of a news desk, dons visor that has #2 in bold letters, speaks in serious voice] “The headlines are as follows. The state of politics in our country? Still shit. Popular culture? Still shit. The environment? Really shitty. Tuition fees? Remarkably shitty. Real estate market? Shitty beyond belief. These have been this week’s news headlines.”

Audience: “AWWWW!”

C-Stain: “But remember, dung bunnies, I still have a surprise for you. But first let’s go to the “Wheel of Stool” sponsored by Waste Management, to find out which personality we’ll be profiling.”

Audience: “SPIN. THAT. TURD.”

C-Stain: [spins] Wow!. Look at that-Deuce McAllister. Huh. [thinks to self, “I’ve been at this a year and a half and Kaka still hasn’t come up!”] Well, food babies, THE DEUCE! played nine seasons for the Saints and rushed for over 6,000 yards averaging 4.3 yards per attempt!”

Audience: “Ooooooooo!”

C-Stain: “You’ve been so patient and now you’re going to be rewarded… with a preseason football game!”

Audience: “BOOOOOOOO!!!”

C-Stain: “Calm down, calm down. [smiles] Did I forget to mention that one of the teams playing is… THE CLEVELAND BROWNS!”

Audience: [erupts] “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

C-Stain: ” Why don’t we go … TO THE GAME!”

Audience: [raucous cheering]

PHILLY/CLEVELAND: [grumbles] You know how I feel.

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WakezillaMoose -The End Is Well NighSenor WeaselotheeWeeBabySeamusShogun Marcus Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

“Just like 9/11”

P. Caroll, Seattle

Shogun Marcus
ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Senor Weaselo

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Reenactment of a man getting farted on while 69ing….. or 3.9 Gs, not sure which.

Spur
Spur

Off to Hots, am gonna make some 17 years old cry. MORE Vodka and 90’s jams.

be safe folks. get an uber.

Senor Weaselo

For legal reasons, we heard nothing.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Spur
Spur

Spur is lit on old 90’s hip hop and legal weed, PM Dawn MVP, here i come HOTS. i love the DFO members. Grow this website.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you….

King Hippo

I am not sure we are fundamentally ambitious imaginary peoples. It is here for the folk who wish to partake. Dick joke footy zen.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

King Hippo

oh it’s about to get hectic in this muthafucka!

ballsofsteelandfury

Hey, ask your Aussie if she likes the Geelong Cats and/or dudes that write an AFL column on dick joke sites.

King Hippo

Bet she prefers to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

🤣😂🤣

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I end up lost in a strip club again this January….I know whom to blame.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The post-game show on NFL Network is a fashion nightmare. Three shitty suits and one ugly dress.

Sure, Patrick Bateman did some questionable things, but dammit he dressed well.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are quite the fashion maven.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Spur
Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

This song rules

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Spur
Spur

My Morning Jacket or The National?

King Hippo

The National and ah will fight yeeewwww over that

Spur
Spur

Best song?

King Hippo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Yeah but Hinckley missed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m OK with a severe wounding and you never know what damage it would do to orange…….. still good point.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

King Hippo

I just love this so goddamned much:

King Hippo

This 2-minute drill brought to you by Grandma’s Molasses

Spur
Spur

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King Hippo

oh my

King Hippo

will Big Balls Hue go FOAR it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Boss Todd gonna party at Applebee’s tonight.

WCS

A CARTON OF MARLBORO REDS FOR EVERYONE, BEERTENDER, AND KEEP THE REBEL YELL COMIN’!

/does 50 doughnuts in the parking lot
//intentionally plows over decorative shrubbery along walkway

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“50 doughnuts?!?!?”

-Andy Reid

King Hippo

Also, WHAT OF SCORIGAMI?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, it’s been done.

King Hippo

#ThePauls first pre-season Week 3 shutout since…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

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King Hippo

Akron/Nebraska is the Week 1 primetime game. Christ.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

oh, I chuckled

theeWeeBabySeamus

I knew you would.
Everyone else is wondering… da Fuq is tWBS talking ’bout?

WCS

I know a feral Chuck Amato when I see one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is there any other kind?

King Hippo

Yeah, he still collecting Bowden Family Welfare

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is that monstrosity meant to represent this football game?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, it can catch the ball and is good with the media.

Redshirt

5-0. Hail Santa!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

more VODKA! Tito’s is a great bargain brand.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Spur
Spur

we need to party in Vegas with weed, vodka and strippers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

M’kay. Name the day.

Redshirt

Ha! Bengals draft pick right there!

Gratliff

This is the thursdayest shit I’ve ever seen

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ditto

King Hippo

a shame this can’t count as a regulation TNF fixture, b/c you are rite, tis perfection

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

your team won a Superbowl. shut up.

Gratliff

Thank you

King Hippo

YES!!!! No good!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

I’m off tomorrow. Took my floating holiday. Let’s see how man calls i get from Sales that are “Urgent”.

King Hippo

the fuck you let them know you had a cell phone fer?

Spur
Spur

am a manager. Skype is a pisser.
In related news i hired an Aussie for San Diego. All the staff are trying to get with her. The CEO was mad i didn’t hire an American, my last two hires were Russian and Greek. He saw her in person today and he gave me a “Good Job”.

King Hippo

this is good managerialness

Spur
Spur

he liked the Russian too, Gayane. My direct manager, the COO, was very happy with her.

King Hippo

/commentists flood Spur Inc. with shoddily compiled resumes

ballsofsteelandfury

Ask her what her favorite AFL team is.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What the hell?”

– Jerome Bettis, discovering that Duncan Hunter’s wife had suddenly appeared beneath him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

No! YOU FOOLS! You ruined it!!

Redshirt

We can still get a 9-7 OT win.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“You already voted for this comment.”

Spur
Spur

You cheating on me Moose?! I like yours, you like mine.

WE HAD A DEAL!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s so fucking cute I forgot my first vote……. and the penis vote.

*penis vote wins Florida.

Spur
Spur

great point. she’s 1st on the Spur sexbot list. i prefer cute over sexy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Both is good.

Redshirt
Spur
Spur

Hail Satan.

Spur
Spur

wait the score is still 5-0?

King Hippo

and so it shall forever be, HAIL SATAN

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Nostalgia Critic did Ghostbusters II and did a nice scenario where they changed the movie to make the opening original and better, but while still keeping the plot intact. Also we’d get Ripley as a Ghostbuster.

But Janosz isn’t touched. He’s perfect just the way he is.