Your “Crab Cakes vs. Skyline Chili AFC North Tussle For The Ages” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

Local mom and pop restaurants win, your toilet takes one for the team. The above pic is the result of a search for ‘crab chili’ which looks exactly like I had envisioned it. Me? I’m staying away from the spread and betting the over on the prop bet of 2.5 Extra-Strength Zantac’s. There’s never been easier money, folks.

Both these teams are undefeated and impressively so. (even though the Bills and Colts were involved, smh) No team’s future success can be measured by a week 1 result, BUT! Week 2? Teams that win in the second week have a 79% chance of getting to the Super Bowl. The teams that do get there are a staggering 68-15 in the season’s final game. Made-up numbers don’t lie, citizens. How will this tilt turn out? In order to suss that we must go, TO THE GAME!

Bally/Cincy:

The Ravens re-vamped their wr spots and brought in Crabtree, Brown and Snead IV. And don’t you know, each of them scored a TD during the eviscerating of the Bills. Kudos to you, GM of the Ravens whose name I’m too lazy to look up! Speaking of wr’s having a heyday, AJ Green has had Baltimore’s breakfast, lunch, dinner and drank their milkshake over the years. Anyone recall his 10 catch, 227 yards outing back in 2015? If qb Dalton gets even a sniff of mention for the Bengalis ‘Ring of Honor’ or whatever they call it (Brown Stain of Excellence? Barely Up to Par Whirlygig sponsored by Les Nessman?) he’ll have to carry Green in on his shoulders during the ceremony in order to yang the yin of Green carrying him for so many years. LAMAR! did some mopping up last week and the rumorfying going on is that he’ll have a special package delivered to Cincy tonight. We shall see.

 

Let’s make this the most special Thursday night of the year.

367
Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
163 Comment threads
204 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
34 Comment authors
Spanky DatassMr. AyotheeWeeBabySeamusballsofsteelandfuryWakezilla Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY I JUST WOKE UP AND FOUND OUT I HAVE ELECTRICITY AGAIN IT WON’T LAST FOR LONG SO I JUST WANNA SAY HI YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, the Ravens suck.
But the Orioles won last night wooooo!!!! That’s 42, dammit.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Welcome back!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe, thanks. I’ll be gone again soon enough, but for now….

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Why are you up?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wait. Why am I up? Later taters!

theeWeeBabySeamus

My excuse is simple….power went out so I decided fuck it and went to sleep. Power came back on and the chimey alarmy things went off and I woke up.

But yeah, you’re weird. Go to bed.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Or, and hear me out here, I could stay up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

inorite?????????

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’ve gotten me into a disco rabbit hole ya jerk ya.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

My pleasure.

Wakezilla

Anyone up?

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I sure am.

That means two things. /tWBS

ballsofsteelandfury

I am now…

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Fronkenshteen

[whacks forehead into cutting board repeatedly]

GOD. DAMMITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Wakezilla

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://i.imgur.com/gv068Bt.gif

Wakezilla

I. . . was not expecting that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Only reason I busted it is because imgur sucks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Redshirt

Well, a Cincinnati Bengals Primetime Win is rare. Its worth the two hours of sleep I’ll get with the use of sleeping pills.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Having Joe Mixon in two leagues is a challenge

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Fronkenshteen

Well, the bright side of losing the whole week on Thursday night is that it frees your mind up for the rest of the weekend.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Wakezilla

Kick the field goal and go for the onside kick!

Redshirt

I know. I thought they would too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Redshirt

Live update off the coast of Carolina

Wakezilla

Bengals secondary seem to have their cramps sync up

Redshirt

I know. At the rate they were falling, I was waiting for a WR to come in.

Fronkenshteen

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!
Hate hate hate hate hate hate!
I want buck Allen & gio Bernard to die in a hail of gunfire.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Redshirt

Bengals Radio Commentators: “That Field Goal should clinch this game for the Bengals.”
Me: “Shut up, you fools! Do you pay attention to their games?!”

Doktor Zymm

Maybe that’s why they said ‘should’ instead of ‘will’?

Redshirt

They were ecstatic and they also said “Coffin Nails! BANG! BANG! BANG-BANG!”

That’s tempting fate in my book.

Doktor Zymm

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Poachers should be hung by their balls while watching their families slaughtered.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How about maybe a simulation of their families being slaughtered, cause the real families probably don’t deserve that.

Fronkenshteen

Fuck fantasy. I’m betting again.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

I’m rooting for the Bengals, mostly because I’m tired and don’t want to stay up for OT

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

comment image

Brocky

comment image

Doktor Zymm

High Five!
comment image

Redshirt

Yes, a last second turnover with the Bengals have a lead.

(repressed memory of the Wild Card game resurface)

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Ah yes, that one wild card game that the Bengals lost. That specific one.

…sorry, i couldn’t resist

Redshirt

No problem. Um, the one the should’ve won. Wait a minute, that doesn’t help. The one they lost because they choked. Damn it, that doesn’t help. Um…

Wakezilla

I haven’t seen a QB get pounded that hard from behind since Aaron Rogers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Knock that shit off. We’re better than that.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Are we though?

ballsofsteelandfury

We should be.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Now for a quick 3 and out for the Bungles

Horatio Cornblower

That’s an elite fumble right there.

Redshirt

YEAH! ELITE-fumble!

Wakezilla

I see the Ravens are trying to look like the Vikings tonight with their pants. Also, hello

comment image

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

So who should I be cheering for? The Bengals because they’re perennial underdogs, or the Ravens because Joe Flacco is E.L.I.T.E!?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

A REALLY good sandwich.

Redshirt

If I wasn’t a Bengals fan, I’d be rooting for the tie for Division Synergy.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Big Meteor Fan here

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Flacco’s favorite version of ‘Ante Up’

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I hope it was this:

Horatio Cornblower

Bingo.

When Bert says “Brownsville” I absolutely lose it. Every damn time.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

The whole thing is amazing.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

No Troy, you’re trippin’ … Just let it happen … but don’t make this weird.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Mixon hit that line so hard you’d think it was a woman.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

……… guys I blacked out. i just punched a whole clean through my fridge door. has there been any reason to drive me into uncontrollable rage?

WCS

Hope it wasn’t your jackin’ hand.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba
Brocky

Hmmmm, i see colinsworth and a packers fan appears…. what are the odds?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

If you’re trying to picture what I look like, look up pictures of a young vladimir putin and imagine if his eyes weren’t lifeless black orbs.

Brocky

now i’m imagining that gif of putin grinning when the two topless “protestors” run up to him.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

That’s not a bad approximation, to be serious. I’ve literally gone as Putin for halloween and had Russian exchange students ask if I was actually related to him

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Marvin Lewis is about as clutch as a glider

Brocky

So I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to post this picture, so here we go:

comment image

WCS

So, Bawlmer’s got this, yes?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what’s more tolerable than expected? The mariachi version of “Endless Love”.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(I need to leave this restaurant)

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

But make a scene when you do

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

“Bud Light: we’re literally telling you that you’re the lowest common denominator, rummy, now keep spending your grubby dollars on our shit beer”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

Brocky

So is that the national feed cutting out, or is the hurricane hitting indiana?

Horatio Cornblower

/crosses fingers so hard he gets arthritis

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

ELITE national feed

Redshirt

Its hitting Ohio too. I thought it was just Spectrum.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

tears of those against AJ Green this week flooding the country

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Table next to me “no, you didn’t grow up in a nerdy family, you don’t get it. Being nerdy is a badge of honor. You’re clearly not nerdy. And that’s an insult.”

Fuck people.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

You should have a bottle of warm Pabst sent over to show your appreciation.

Doktor Zymm

Seems like maybe confusing ‘nerdy’ with ‘asshole’

Spur
Spur

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

2/10, empty wine rack.

Redshirt

Phew. Thank you, Flacco.

Spur
Spur

comment image

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

comment image

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Mrs Flacco says your welcome

http://i.imgur.com/rEBYFOB.gif

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

bleh too drunk to fix

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

“FUCK imgur!!!!11!!” is always a correct response.