Your “Crab Cakes vs. Skyline Chili AFC North Tussle For The Ages” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

Local mom and pop restaurants win, your toilet takes one for the team. The above pic is the result of a search for ‘crab chili’ which looks exactly like I had envisioned it. Me? I’m staying away from the spread and betting the over on the prop bet of 2.5 Extra-Strength Zantac’s. There’s never been easier money, folks.

Both these teams are undefeated and impressively so. (even though the Bills and Colts were involved, smh) No team’s future success can be measured by a week 1 result, BUT! Week 2? Teams that win in the second week have a 79% chance of getting to the Super Bowl. The teams that do get there are a staggering 68-15 in the season’s final game. Made-up numbers don’t lie, citizens. How will this tilt turn out? In order to suss that we must go, TO THE GAME!

Bally/Cincy:

The Ravens re-vamped their wr spots and brought in Crabtree, Brown and Snead IV. And don’t you know, each of them scored a TD during the eviscerating of the Bills. Kudos to you, GM of the Ravens whose name I’m too lazy to look up! Speaking of wr’s having a heyday, AJ Green has had Baltimore’s breakfast, lunch, dinner and drank their milkshake over the years. Anyone recall his 10 catch, 227 yards outing back in 2015? If qb Dalton gets even a sniff of mention for the Bengalis ‘Ring of Honor’ or whatever they call it (Brown Stain of Excellence? Barely Up to Par Whirlygig sponsored by Les Nessman?) he’ll have to carry Green in on his shoulders during the ceremony in order to yang the yin of Green carrying him for so many years. LAMAR! did some mopping up last week and the rumorfying going on is that he’ll have a special package delivered to Cincy tonight. We shall see.

 

Let’s make this the most special Thursday night of the year.

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Spanky DatassMr. AyotheeWeeBabySeamusballsofsteelandfuryWakezilla Recent comment authors
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entropy

I’ve decided to waste my night watching Sicario: Day of the Soldado, and so far all I have to say is Josh Brolin is way more Thanos in this than he was in Avengers. Dude is harsh.

Redshirt

AJ GREEN, I’M SORRY! I LOVE YOU AGAIN!

Claymaker
Claymaker

I DIDN’T LISTEN

theeWeeBabySeamus

/checks score
//still can’t believe internet is still up

Screw you, Redshirt. 😛

Claymaker
Claymaker

I graduated from OU right before Mixon got there. I still know people who say that he did nothing wrong because that girl deserved it. (Although I think anybody in Pickleman’s would be pissed they paid that much for a Subway-level sandwich.)

I absolutely hate college football.

Doktor Zymm

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Redshirt

I keep saying it: WR Reverses work because its changes the direction of the play; an end-around doesn’t and that’s why it never works!

ballsofsteelandfury

This place has a 12 foot by 16 foot TV and it’s showing the Dodgers.

#LAFootball

Nice picture…

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brooklyn…just saying. Ebbets Field? Really, nothing?

Doktor Zymm

Just got home, how Thursdayish has the game been so far?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not very interesting because only one team is playing.

Redshirt

Twist in plot, the Bengals decided to show up for work this time.

Brocky

we almost had a flacco ception and a daltonception on back to back plays

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

How the fuck ya doing boys??

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Redshirt

Smilin’ like a Joker victim. But its still the 1st quarter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, Mixon’s back. Maybe I was right!

Claymaker
Claymaker

The Bills might get outscored by 500 points this season.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By the transitive property the Bengals would be leading the Bills by 83 points right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Bengals look as competent as they usually do during the regular season.

Redshirt

Not this competent. I’m testing myself to be sure I’m not dreaming.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, stop stepping on tomorrow’s open thread.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, the Orioles are winning.

NOBODY MOVE NOBODY SAY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

Can I shit my pants or is that considered a movement?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, 104 losses on September 13th is pretty damned impressive.

Oh shit. I just realized, 22 years ago today I made the biggest mistake of my life. And that’s saying something.

Yes, tWBS married a complete psycho 22 years ago today.

entropy

“Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or drop to the floor? Cuz if I freeze, I cain’t rightly drop to the floor, and if I go to the floor, I’s in motion.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Either way, Mesa PD is going to riddle you with bullets.

entropy

“aww, bless their hearts. Let’s just give em this one, OK?”

Redshirt

The roads are crumbling. The streetcar doesn’t work. Two bridges are at risk of catastrophic failure. But we have a Ferris wheel that only costs a third of the entry of Coney Island and a fifth of the entry of Kings Island.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit, please tell me Mixon just has to poop.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m at a bar meeting a friend and not only do more people care about the Dodgers game, it’s on the largest screen, almost all of the other screens, and the football game is only on 3 TVs.

#LAFootball

entropy

I was watching ESPN this morning and every time I saw “LAC” on the crawl during the NFL news I wondered why in hell they were discussing the Clippers.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the Shitty Clippers to you, good sir.

It’s ok, you’ve been away. You missed that one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I call shenanigans. You don’t have any friends.

What’s happening in the game? I’m presuming the Ravens are fucking up. It’s my fallback position.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I just checked the score online.
Ravens gon’ Raven.

entropy

It’s an AFC North division game. It’s safe to assume both teams will look awful and there will be fifteen on-field hits that qualify as “assault” in most civilized countries.

Redshirt

No, the Steelers aren’t playing and Burfict is still suspended.

Claymaker
Claymaker

“Also, the quarterback was tackled after his forward progress was ruled to be stopped, so a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct and Hubbard is banned for life from the NFL.”

Redshirt

So its taken 21 real minutes to go just under 4.5 football minutes. By my estimates, this game should end by 1:30.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been gardening every time the Ravens have the ball.

entropy

By all appearances, so have they.

Brocky

Yay green!

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Petronel
Petronel

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Claymaker
Claymaker

Drinking is the only escape.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

AHEM. NO IT IS NOT.

/Discworld joke

Redshirt

You don’t know until you try.

Petronel
Petronel

Yo Leetboy – you guys haven’t deliberately thrown to orange helmets in over twenty years. Get with it.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Oh thank god…this game was moving two fast…we almost went three plays between commercial breaks.

Why do I watch this crap?!?

Oh wait…crippling gambling habit…

Redshirt

The refs made the right call, debated, then made the wrong call, so it could be reviewed.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

In Joe’s defense…he only threw a weak ass throw into triple coverage.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

But is an elite interception?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

If you are buying your suit from Amazon…you aren’t getting the fucking job.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey great, just lost satellite signal.
THANKS HURRICANE AND DIRECTV!!!!!

Grumble grumble, I guess I’ll go read. Stupid books.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I really fucking hate instant replay. I just don’t think it works and it does nothing buy slow down the game to a crawl.

Redshirt

AJ GREEN, YOU ARE KILLING ME!

That’s the 1st time I’ve said that.

Redshirt

The QB was sacked. Where the hell’s the flag?!

Redshirt

Has the Ravens always wore those purple pants with the white stripe?

Brocky

I was thinking that too, may be a slightly new design

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

ballsofsteelandfury

We used to go out…

Ian Scott McCormick

Okay, I don’t get NFL network and the Bengals and Ravens ain’t exactly in market, so I’m relying on you to tell me how bad this game is.

Claymaker
Claymaker

I have three receiver spots in a dynasty league and have Julio, AJ, Michael Thomas, and Tyreek. DO I TRUST PRIMETIME ANDY???

Redshirt

It depends on if you think the Ravens will be overconfident, and who will win the WR/DB and OL/DL battles.

Claymaker
Claymaker

I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I look forward to Julio going 4 catches for 38 yards on Sunday.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh. I just remembered Greg Olsen got injured so I’ll be starting Green, Mixon, and Eifert tonight. Yay Bengals!

Redshirt

Jeez, I knew there was fan apathy in the Bengals fandom, but if the stands are any indication, we may be lucky to break 30,000 tonight.

Col. Duke LaCross

I don’t know why. 1/16 of the way into the season and they’re already 1/8 of the way to the record that’s gonna win that division. In the sticks where I grew up, we call that momentum!

/My old high school football team has three separate 25 game losing streaks in the last decade

Redshirt

The Fall of Cedric Ogbuehi Update: From 1st Round 2016 Draft Pick to 2nd Straight Gameday Healthy Inactive

SonOfSpam

Ok, which one of you chair-moisteners works at a Massachusetts gas company?

WCS

OWAH EXPLOSIONS AHH TAFFAH THAHN YOUAHS

Wakezilla

San Jose Sharks getting Erik Karlsson for a bunch of mid-level prospects is….quite the steal. We’ll remember this when the Kansas City Senators take the ice on 2024

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, whut? Are you shitting me?

Beerguyrob

Nope – their power play D now consists of Karlsson & Burns on the point.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Man, nobody fucks off like Brick Meathook. I didn’t do shit today except for five minutes where I looked very busy and I made sure that everyone saw me. Here’s a picture of the ceiling:
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(The killing floor is to the left and the carcasses come to our area on a rail. We saw off the heads and legs and then peel off the hides)

WCS

Don’t let the name fool you. It’s not really a floor. It’s more of a steel grating that allows loose material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.

SonOfSpam

Hey, did you go to Bovine University?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I did, more or less. When part of your education involves sticking your arm up a cow’s ass, I think that qualifies.

WCS

So you majored in fisting?

SonOfSpam

Lucky – my school only had it as a minor.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Sorry…”as” shoulda been “with”

theeWeeBabySeamus

The whole arm, my friend. Up to the shoulder.
Animal Husbandry/Veterinary Medicine is not foar sissies.

SonOfSpam

Neat – never seen the inside of a hooker processing plant before!

theeWeeBabySeamus

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have entirely too many Bengals on my various fantasy teams

entropy

This sounds like the start of a suicide note.

Ian Scott McCormick

So less of a fantasy and more of a dystopia.

SonOfSpam

Is “Dalton can’t play competently under the lights” still a thing? Because it seems like the Raveonettes should win this thing, but then I’m just a bot trying to own the libs.

Redshirt

Uncertain, Russian Hacker’s Subroutine. While the Bengals are still struggling, Dalton has actually been a bit better in the Lights. Its just his mistakes are illuminated more because of his past failures.

entropy

I feel like the NFL is trying to make up for HBO’s recent “no adult” content decision by putting the Red Rocket and Mr. Flaccid on prime time.

Redshirt

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of All Ages! Tonight, the Cincinnati Bengals, the National Football League, in association with Tums Antacid Chewy Bites presents: Primetime Andy!

http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/dr-dalton-and-mr-andy/

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