Your “Crab Cakes vs. Skyline Chili AFC North Tussle For The Ages” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

Local mom and pop restaurants win, your toilet takes one for the team. The above pic is the result of a search for ‘crab chili’ which looks exactly like I had envisioned it. Me? I’m staying away from the spread and betting the over on the prop bet of 2.5 Extra-Strength Zantac’s. There’s never been easier money, folks.

Both these teams are undefeated and impressively so. (even though the Bills and Colts were involved, smh) No team’s future success can be measured by a week 1 result, BUT! Week 2? Teams that win in the second week have a 79% chance of getting to the Super Bowl. The teams that do get there are a staggering 68-15 in the season’s final game. Made-up numbers don’t lie, citizens. How will this tilt turn out? In order to suss that we must go, TO THE GAME!

Bally/Cincy:

The Ravens re-vamped their wr spots and brought in Crabtree, Brown and Snead IV. And don’t you know, each of them scored a TD during the eviscerating of the Bills. Kudos to you, GM of the Ravens whose name I’m too lazy to look up! Speaking of wr’s having a heyday, AJ Green has had Baltimore’s breakfast, lunch, dinner and drank their milkshake over the years. Anyone recall his 10 catch, 227 yards outing back in 2015? If qb Dalton gets even a sniff of mention for the Bengalis ‘Ring of Honor’ or whatever they call it (Brown Stain of Excellence? Barely Up to Par Whirlygig sponsored by Les Nessman?) he’ll have to carry Green in on his shoulders during the ceremony in order to yang the yin of Green carrying him for so many years. LAMAR! did some mopping up last week and the rumorfying going on is that he’ll have a special package delivered to Cincy tonight. We shall see.

 

Let’s make this the most special Thursday night of the year.

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Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

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Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. I get home from rehearsal and see a scene from Orange Is the New Black (the parentals are finally watching it) that was filmed at the Burger King like a half mile or so from my house. How’s the game?

Brocky

better than it seems, still as inept as you’d expect

Redshirt

Bengals started out great. Then they remembered they’re the Bengals.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

The fire has died down and my bourbon is broken. I suppose I should move inside and refill. Maybe check on the game?

Horatio Cornblower

Are you on that Massachusetts gas line?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Thankfully no. On vacation on the cape, and my regular house is nowhere near it either.

Spur
Spur

where are you? Ice station zero?

Doktor Zymm

There’s a town in Canada called ‘Smithers’

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Exceeeeeeeeellent

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

This seemed too apt.

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

There’s a Bort Auto Body in South Sioux City, Nebraska.
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Spur
Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that Emma Stone’s head is awfully surprised to be in that picture.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I think it’s Emma from the waist up.
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Horatio Cornblower

Seems about right.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Ew, just noticed there was also some kind of hand amputation.

Brocky
Redshirt

If you ever wanted to hear the sound of 40,000 nervously muttering to themselves, just listen to the crowd.

Spur
Spur

We need the Raging Omars to score to produce more AJ Green scoring.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

need AJ green to be all time WR like a pickup game

Spur
Spur

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WCS

Wowzers.

Redshirt

Jets-Browns next Thursday. God help us all.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

The Browning Noise the Game

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It seems as if they put as much thought in that game as these people in their abbreviation.

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Spur
Spur

Joe Buck can eat my hairy asshole.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

He would after he let Troy have it first.

Spur
Spur

Tall Circus Bitches are cute too
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Brocky

She was in the circus?

………cool

Senor Weaselo

She has nerd cred AND redhead cred.

Spur
Spur

Yes, I have A Green, in Fantasy.

I also have Jessica Alba and Emily Rata in a fantasy. What of it?

Spur
Spur

Folks

Spur is LIT

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

A Leader In Training? I’ll say so!

Horatio Cornblower

I’m debating a second beer.

Spur
Spur

Do it pussy.

Horatio Cornblower

Done, but only because you’re a Leader In Training.

Redshirt

Wow. No flag.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m off. Anyway, it’s good to see everyone’s still alive and shit. It’s only been four months, but in Hellworld …

On the plus side, I’ve lost ~45 pounds since May (happy coincidence). So hopefully I’ll be in better shape to go on a tear the next chance I have to attend a get-together.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Then you should have spare snacks to share.

WCS

How is it TWWL has a rebroadcast of a 9/11 “very special episode” from 2011, and TWWL2 has something called “drone league racing,” and not a JV foobawl game? Baseball? Freaking darts?

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

They really want you to watch the football

WCS

DAM YOU DEAP STATE,, COURPT FBI,, AND KILLARY FOR MAEKNG ME PAY FOR NFL ‘WE NEEL AND HATE THE TROOPS’ NETWERRK

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Those bastards!

Horatio Cornblower

I once watched that drone league racing. After five minutes I literally had motion sickness.

Doktor Zymm

So Tuesday night my car wouldn’t start or jump start, the electrics were all fine, so I had to get a tow. Had to replace the fuel pump, and even though my car is cheap, it’s not that common so the replacement fuel pump ended up costing $375. One of the very few things I miss about Chicago is not having to own a car.

King Hippo

one of the things ppl forgets is that ALL THINGS R BAD

Horatio Cornblower

This Ravens team needs Ray Lewis to take a stab at a motivational speech.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

Horatio Cornblower

Tough, but fair.

Redshirt

Well, it up to halftime adjustments. (bites fist)

King Hippo

Marivn GOT DIS!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

After an extremely long day at work, which featured someone trying to dump a massive project on me right before I leave for a week of vacation, I am finally drinking and packing for Seattle and Vancouver. Apparently knocking out chores rather than watching this game was very much the right call.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I had a day trip up to Seattle a week and a half ago (the weekend of PAX and Bumbershoot). It was a beautiful day and a neat city to wander around. Have fun.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Did you go to PAX? I’ve been to ComicCon enough and gotten tired of how broad it is now. I feel like PAX would the better mix of things I’m looking for in my nerd convention.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I met someone to discuss business at PAX, but I didn’t stick around. I kinda wish I had, but I wish I had time to do a bunch of things that day. It was rather impressive as far as conventions go and the tabletop RPG area I was in was impressive. The whole thing was pretty awesome since I hadn’t been to any non-law con or anything in six years. So, anyway, if you’re really into video games and other gaming, then yeah: Totally go to whichever seems closest or most fun or whatever.

I was at Rose City Comic Con last weekend, which was fun since the last con I was at was RCCC the year I moved to Oregon, and it was really cool. Both were rather overwhelming with all the things going on and I kept wanting to see and do everything, which ended up with me mostly just walking around looking at booths and cosplayers and people hanging around (Except that I had to do a short-notice phone interview for an hour, so that sucked up some of my time).

I can’t imagine going to SDCC. It just doesn’t really seem fun to me. I plan on going to Emerald City in March, though. That and Heroes Con are still “pure” and pretty fun.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

SDCC certainly is an experience. I haven’t been in 5 years, but even then it was getting to be too much. You certainly can meet more people than you would ever expect in a day though. My shinning moment was getting Billy West to say “These would go great with some guac-a-mole!” in 2006.

I’m going up to Seattle for a cousin’s wedding and one of my college roommates moved up there last year, so I should be able to PAX accordingly in the future.

King Hippo

this game has produced 6 touched downs yet only 5.3 fantasy points for Beatie Mixon. NAWT FAYUH!!

Doktor Zymm

I think he was just picking some lint off his jersey, that’s not PI, just being tidy!

King Hippo

NAWT Dre Day

King Hippo

goddamn you motherfuckers now I wants donuts

Horatio Cornblower

(Evergreen comment)

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

So is Joe Flacco still Elite?

Horatio Cornblower

This comment reminds me that we’re out of milk.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Apparently not on Thursdays.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Elite Twit of the Year

Horatio Cornblower

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Treehouse came out with another one. An 8.8 ABV Imperial Porter called Abstraction. The photos kind of blurry, but that’s OK, because after a couple of these, you’ll be blurry too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Cromartie’s Doughnuts

Horatio Cornblower

He can’t name them, either.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So I’ll see you at 85 Main, in like, what, an hour?

Horatio Cornblower

40 minutes, tops.

Doktor Zymm

So, applying the transitive property, the Bengals would beat the Bills by at least 65 points

Horatio Cornblower

Ah, but have you accounted for the Bills(-Peterman)x(Allen)/(racist tweets) Corollary?

Redshirt

Redshirt

We’re replaced the 2018 Cincinnati Bengals with the 1988 Cincinnati Bengals. Let’s see if anyone notices…

King Hippo

so I’m just back from getting drunk and pondering strip club…are y’all like FOAR REALS good and shit?

/hows about giving Beatie Mixon some love FFS

WCS

Gonna be interesting when they revert to the 1998 Cincinnati Bengals in the Wild Card round.

King Hippo

but what if they COULD!

Redshirt

If Jeff Blake QBs, we’re have a chance. If its O’Donnell, we’re fucked.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Anti-Green TD

Brocky

I want another green touchdown

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Claymaker
Claymaker

I actually kind of enjoy Joe Buck continuing the Al Michaels tradition of loathing Thursday Night Football.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

He loathes anything not cowboys, baseball or mayonnaise

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

JOE BUCK: Welcome to the top of the 47th
[Sun rises]
[Sun keeps getting bigger]
BUCK: yes
[World engulfed by flames]
BUCK: oh god yes

From twitter:
justin_klugh

Redshirt

I have no problems with the New York Fashion Week, I just wish the headlines wouldn’t include their acronym, NYFW. I’ve been disappointed by several clicks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Found a gif from a show about a couple of private detectives who work in Indianapolis.

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Not watching the game but following along via comments is fantastic. We need to somehow take over a booth for a game and do commentary like this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Oh dear. that poor ref must be going colorblind. these aren’t the patriots

Brocky

hehe, plowed

Beerguyrob

I’m stuck at work, and I get a text from the alarm company that it’s gone off at home. I call the wife who works three minutes away, and also the neighbour because I don’t want the dogs running around the street if the place has been robbed.

I’m now in trouble because it was a false alarm, and I didn’t clean before I left for work & the neighbour saw it.

And THAT’S why I asked for & got a whisky trip for my birthday.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Flacco with a Cutlerian effort on that play!

Claymaker
Claymaker

Hardy Nickerson? What year is this?

Claymaker
Claymaker

And Marty Mornhinweg?!?

Redshirt

Grr. The dream had to end some time.

Doktor Zymm

If the Bengals look this good for the rest of the season, we’ll be able to get really good odds on them losing their first playoff game!

Beerguyrob

Pre-weekend banner quote?

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Green came to terms that the Bengals are never winning a Super Bowl and said “fuck it, let’s break some TD records”

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

AJ Green best bengal since Susanna Hoffs?

theeWeeBabySeamus

hehehehe

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY!!!! Satellite just came back. Troy Aikman looks older than me. Which is interesting considering he has a shitload moar money than me. But still…..Yay.

But screw this game. Imma go keep reading and listening to muzak. Screw the Ravens….too bad they couldn’t play Buffalo every week.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Troy Aikman is 2 weeks younger than me, btw. I guess I should have explained that.

King Hippo

I hate this goddamned song so much I can’t even

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamn, I can’t step outside for ONE SECOND without A.J. Green scoring another touchdown.

Redshirt

Keep stepping outside please.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

had to check to make sure my opponent didnt have green so I can enjoy the game

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

This is my first year drafting Green I’m SO FUCKING HAPPY I DID

Brocky

.Note to self, send terrelle suggs a fruit basket