Meh. It’s sunny and warm here. TO THE GAMES!
Brownies/Saints:
He gone. Rumour has it Josh Gordon showed up to the Browns practice facility and was “not himself”. High. He was high. Funny thing, when I started doing these game intros I was told there would be no meth. smh.
Bolts/Bills:
Last week Buffalo was Nathan Peterman’s team. After the D gave up 369 yardos the brain trust decided that it should be Josh Allen’s team. Last week’s “I don’t think Allen is ready yet” morphed into “Gentlemen, after very careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that Josh Allen is ready-ish”.
Chefs/Stillers:
Both Pittsburgh corners are banged up and that’s not going to cut it vs. Mahomes & Co’s vertical, mid-field and short passing game. More bad news? Steelers defenders were flummoxed by Tire Rod’s jaunts out of the pocket last week and they meet up with another qb with the same ability to scramble.
Colts/’Dacteds:
The Architect didn’t exactly baby his arm last week after nearly 2 full years on the sideline. He completed 39 passes at a 74% rate for 300 yards. T.Y. Hilton looks forward to being fantasy-relevant again. (not really, he’s probably happy to have a competent signal-caller under center)
Fins/Jests:
Key to success for them Jerts? Keep Fanny Hill in 3rd and long sitchamucations-the only qb with worse numbers goes by the name of Bortles. Tons of interceptions? YES. I don’t throw around the word ‘retard’ very easily but I think the Jets long bout with irrelevance will be slightly retarded this year.
Iggles/Bucs:
The TB O that tossed 48 points onto the scoreboard last week vs. the Saints might just give Philly a bit of a headache. DeSean looks as though he’ll play which will open the field up for the likes of wr’s Evans and Godwin, te Howard and rb Barber. Looks as though Wentz is about two weeks away.
Panthers/Falcons:
Both teams are banged up as hell with the advantage going to Atlanta because they’ve got Tevin “No, it’s not Kevin, dammit!” Coleman starting in place of DeVonta. In this spot he usually gets 18-20 carries on top of his 6-7 targets in the passing game. He’s also good for a TD average-wise. Start that fella and don’t look back.
Texans/Titans:
Coach Vrabel said that both qb’s were going to play today. Huh? That shit never works. Thing is, no matter who is throwing the ball, they should have a great time against a Texans secondary that is signing kids off the street due to numerous injury issues.
Vikes/Pack:
The spinning eyeballs, the clipped speech-Rodgers post-game interview was one for the ages last week. He’s listed as questionable. Wait. Nope. He’s starting. Maybe. If he is this will be one hell of a game for the second week of the season.
Today’s games look good. You can make them even better by being your funny selves. Do it.
2nd straight tie? 2nd straight week Factory only working at 1/2 capacity
CLEVELAND ROCKS!
Boss Todd and Gregg going to sacrifice a kicker later tonight.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fired
I’ve never felt more disappointed at not watching a Browns game, what happs?
The missed a go ahead XP with 1:16 left
0-0-16 is a-coming
4th & 5, 50+ yard bomb to tie game. Go ahead XP misses wide left.
HOLYT SHIT!
-Blair Walsh
Blair will hunt this guy down for an autograph
annnnnnnddddd a 2nd missed extra point. the Draw dream LIVES!!!
….reopen the Factory…this fucking kicker.
Hokie!!!!!
BWHAHAHAHHAHAH! The dream lives. 0-0-16!
Holy fuck what a throw!!!!
Anybody wanna trade for Duke Johnson?
Well, Eagles are underachieving spectacularly here, but at least they’re getting injured at an unnerving rate.
CLOSE THE FACTORY!
Oh no, the factory is still open and quite operational.
Holy shit, Ty-Rod!
#ThePauls!!!!
TUH-ROD!
Seriously, ya gotta give it up for the Steelers refs-they really did their best but just couldn’t overcome Mahomes.
Hey! Njoku is alive!
My plan to make 2 bottles of wine last through the night game is looking woeful
On the plus side, there’s no way Cam remembers that pick.
/looks at FF numbers
BFC is currently beating me in the battle of woeful underachievers.
LMFAO
It appears that I’m being bailed out by my kicker for sitting a TE
Two minute warning already in CLE-NO?! Are they playing a rolling clock or 12 minute quarters or something?
Go go Gabbert. lol
?itemid=8810412
Jesus, someone tell Mahomes that he’s not in college anymore.
To all those that drafted Mahomes-well done, fuckers.
We have reached bananackes in Yinzerville.
If KC doesn’t win this…
‘Dacteds ded
As it is written…
Yeah, they do that.
Captain Luck has sounded the call to “Charge!” the native encampment.
Mahomey!
Flag on the play you say? Oh, it’s against PITT somehow, TD stands
Wish I had taken my own advice and ML’d KC.
Can you Digg it?
That was the ugliest TD run in the history of footed ball. Cheers Matt Ryan.
Fucking Browns…
this Sadness Factory is fully operational I assure you
HOLY SHIT Cousins Bomb
Not Thielen not Thielen not Thielen
Da Fuq is up with Antonio Brown??????????????
Da Ben regularly overthrows him, can only connect with Juju
I do love me some JuJu.
Got the assorted rednecks cleared out earlier than I expected.
Time to commence to drankin’ heavily.
Who’s winning?
You are champ. You are.
You misspelled “chump”, but thanks anyway.
The team with the most points….
Karmically?
Meaningless long FG. Nicely done, Jest.
What happened to Brees in N.O.? Is this a Wild Cat or is he hurt?
Mormoncat
He was at the top of the screen. Far left wideout.
A Brees to Thomas score would be somewhat cool.
FACK! At least leave me a FG
Welp, there you go!
Needed it so badly to overcome AJ’s 3 TD’s. WHOOP!
Statistical concept commentators don’t understand #413 : Small sample size
Hey leave Brett Favre out of this.
only good thing I can say about FF is that my money league foe left Mason Crosby on the bench
/I know, who the fuck carries two kickers?
Perhaps he’s been watching too much skip bayless. He’s still trying to make the Mason Crossbar nickname stick cause he’s still salty about the playoff game.
Crosby is my main consolation for sitting James
‘Dacteds now need Alex Smith to throw further than 5 yard outs
That’s how you tear a rotator cuff
Oh, when the say you can watch CBS All Access to watch NFL Games, that’s full of bullshit. You can only watch the game being showed in the CBS station in your area, even if your are out of town and want to watch your team play.
“Oh you thought you were going to pay $10 a month for something that would otherwise cost 50 a month? Pathetic.”
-Roger G.
Spoken from his own personal Money Bin.
The Alex Smith era is exactly what I expected it to be
LMAO, fuck off Redacteds!