Gawd! The hairs on my back are standing at attention! They’re nothing like my ‘cut and run’ nipples, I’ll tell you. I just can’t count on them anymore-well, not past three anyway. It’s the Jizziants vs. the Cowfolk for all the glory. What do these teams have in common? They both think that if they get out of this game with a 1-1 record there’s a clear path to a wild card spot. Shall we pretend to break this game down to all its individual parts and come up with a reasoned argument as to which team will come out with the W? Let’s! TO THE GAME!
Giants/Dallas:
For about 6 or so years in a row the NFL sked-makers have thrown this one up the first week of the year. Major curveball this year-it’s the 2nd week of the season. What a difference seven days makes! I can’t get too angry about the Giants loss last week to a Jags team that seems likely to steamroll themselves right back to the AFC Championship Game. They exposed New York for what it is-a generally upgraded team that still has some worrisome issues. [gives Flowers the stink-eye] Hopefully mistakes will decrease as the year goes on and te Engram has successful Cris Carter hand-transplant surgery. Negotiations are still on-going. The shine has really come off the Dakster hasn’t it? He’s thrown for under 200 yards in 8 of his last 11 games and is far from the difference-maker he seemed to be when he first arrived on the scene. If only coaches didn’t have game film to watch! Darn it all. Dallas fans are warming up the bus and their throwing arms in anticipation of the inevitable.
I’m tired of typing. It’s your turn.
Alright. Much like Ray Rice, I’m punching out. See you all here for MNF?
Later, Taters!
Go Bears!
(They’re going to break our hearts again)
If the Bears can break your heart…
….it isn’t filled with enough gravy?
My Bears fan heart has been black and cold for a while and that Satan Pact Making Aaron Rodgers reminded me last week why it’s dead.
Eli is bummed Adventure Time ended
Totally fair
Sharing this because last weekend I walked across the bridge in question.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/chi-0503100266mar10-story.html
Did you urinate through the deck grate? Because that’s what Dave would do.
Great second effort by Zeke.
Shit, you all are 2 minutes ahead of me. Thanks a lot, Justin Trudeau
Giants bar is very not pleased. It’s quite amusing
Imagine hanging out in a Boston bar.
This IS in Boston
I bet nobody knows their name.
There is no better argument for birth control than that shot of Zeke’s mom being proud of her son. I don’t want something like that coming out of me
Understandable considering the weight he gained off season.
He also needs a haircut. Just saying.
(you kids with your rock n roll music and your birth control)
Her or him? They’re both quite big to push out certainly.
Another argument for birth control: 2 year old temper tantrums.
Won my FFL. FUCK YEAH
Future Farmers of Lichtenstein?
You’re in a two week league? Weird.
ZEKE DOWN!!!!!!!!
Ew zeke
Points are scored!
am ok with Dak running. it keeps the defense guessing.
That was some classic Eli mope-face.
Oh dear, commentators stroking Dak for loads
How else are you going to get a load if you don’t stroke?
I dunno. When Pittsburgh was down 21-0, I was one score move away from messing up my shorts the fun way.
Zeke fantasy owners know exactly what he is
Giants’ d-line snoozing there.
Fucking clock-milkers is what the Cowboys are.
Come on Zeke. 3 more FFL points
That should do it.
Go for it
Wait. What down are you on? It’s 3rd down here
it was 4th down
Shit, you’re like 2 minutes ahead
I KNEW SPUR HAD FIGURED OUT TIME TRAVEL!!!!!!!
It’s going to be painful to watch Dallas abandon the run here.
/record scratch.
I worked my ass off to catch some of this game and I get a dog? Unacceptable!
On the plus side, one of you fine posters introduced me to Cassie Brown
What exactly were you expecting? This game is as sadly
Lovely girl, admittedly.
But I’d recommend getting a look at her ID.
Just noticed all the comments have my home timezone on them and I’m like “it’s still 7:30 bitches and I’m just getting started!”hi
*will be in bed by 10*
Dfo has always been on midwest time cause Dad is in Missurha I think?
After a pretty lively slate of earlier games, this contest is…lacking something.
Talent?
Interest.
Maybe if I go to bed the Giants will get better…
From Twitter:
The Toyota Camry has a better lane detection system than the Giants O-line
Oh that’s good
The West Coast: America but with 150% more tattoos.
Oh Sara Jean, I do hope you took your Claritin.
Kevin Nash tore his quad 4 times in that one take
Imma thank you for equal time, especially since I know it’s way easier to find lady pics than dude pics, you do good
Agreed.
thanks. I know its all in good fun for us all.
It’s possible that wrestling has desensitized me to half-naked men
Agreed. Finn Balor and Seth Rollins has evolved my opinion on homosexuality to “I don’t get” to “It doesn’t get me but I can see how it would”.
Prescott is garbage
Never ask for extra cheese
Hehehehehe
yeah, he’s cute but damn, what is he cleaning up down there?!
More than two adjusts and it’s playing with yourself, ppl forget that.
The proper tuck isn’t easy.
(watching Law and Order: SVU)
Squad Leader: “I need a partner for an assignment.”
Detective: “I’ll go. Its my last day before I’m transferred to another department, but I’ll help out one last time.”
Me: “He’s dead.”
Squad Leader: “You sure? Its a Domestic Disturbance thing.”
Detective: “Sure. I’ll be glad to help out.”
Me: “He’s SO dead!”
OK, no shit, this hurricane is really pissing me off.
Electricity, yes.
DirecTV signal, no.
I am not happy.
Don’t you have more books to read?
When did “books” become a slang word for “porn”? Did I miss a meeting?
Oh hell, I forgot all about porn.
THANKS REDSHIRT!!!!!!!
That’s what I’m here for.
?quality=90&w=650
Yeah I’ve got books but I’m trying to not be a nerd.
I want the footbaw!!!!!!
Likely story, NERD!
Hey, I’ll have you know that I have been reading through a very good Civil War anthology and….
Oh shit, I am a nerd.
Quit blaming the hurricane! Maybe the satellite exploded.
Don’t I wish. At least then I’d have fireworks to watch in the southern sky.
DirecTV is now asking me if I want to troubleshoot my “problem”.
Yeah, lemme get a coupla more shots in me then I’ll call you up and tell you about how YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO OUTSMART RAIN TO DUMB FUCKERS!!!!!!
Watching the game completely in gif form. what the absolute fuck was Eli thinking he was doing on that scramble?
Alright. Now go Zeke and Snacks.
ScarJo needs a lttle gaffer tape there … or not.
Looks fine by mie!
“TWO SCORE GAME! TWO SCORE GAME!”
/look, I’m trying
I do like a man who keeps his regular dental appointments, although my reg dude can’t afford and has gone to some sketch eastern Europe not quite totally pain killing places
How is his last year of high school going?
oh Eli….go get a Sunny D.
Fucking slide Eli
I shouldn’t laugh, but eli was basically harmlessly clotheslined
What’s the good word on this game? I saw a little bit of Manning face on the Southwest wifi but then stopped caring.
Eli got pancaked,,,,in a funny shape
http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/fd04b553-a643-4ce9-8c8e-5bb591c387a3/0fe2d10d-49d8-4320-9e1d-6ff84afcbb06.jpg
Luckily, o-line depth is a great strength of the Giants.
Finally back on the ground. I’m exhausted.
Bring in the cart!
Aw, not cool, dude is clearly in pain 🙁
Why don’t more people drink wine from the bottle? If it’s good enough for beer, it’s good enough for wine
I prefer from the box.
Technically a bag!
Another double entendre’d.
/double entendre’d
I’ve used bendy straws so they don’t fall in the bottle. No judgement from me.
This reminds me of a time in college where I so badly fucked up opening a bottle that I snapped the neck off and ended up drinking the whole thing.
That’s almost exactly how I bonded with one of my best friends in an alley at a dc punk show
There’s more to this story that needs to be heard.
I assure you my story has nothing more to it.
I made red sauce last night and finished the bottle with narry a glass.
Ok
Saquon has a wee bit of talent.
Yeah, too bad he stuck on one of the shittier versions of gigantes
They’ll get better!
Manifest is the sort of show that has a premise that hooks me but inevitably infuriates me because its writers have no idea what to do with it.