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Your “Today We Are All Vontae Davis, Josh Gordon and/or Jon Halapio” Monday Night Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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Unless you’ve been hiding under a mouse pad all day-and I know you haven’t been because HR has been very explicit regarding that no-no in the past-you may have trouble digesting the copious amounts of news popping up on your Zeke Elliot-inspired, NFL-centric “Feed Me! News Feed”. The trials and tribulations of various larger-than-average individuals earning wages (not so fast, Vontae!) in the sport that we adore/abhor have been quite interesting indeed…

Vontae:

Who among us hasn’t wanted to kick a career to the curb after suddenly realizing that the skill set that you relied on just doesn’t cut it anymore? Mr. Davis had the courage to channel J-lo and announce, “ENOUGH!”.

Josh:

Who among us hasn’t been given a sixth or seventh chance and waltzed into work higher than Sergei Bubka? You and I know there’s always another employer willing to spin the wheel and give us another chance. That’s just the way life is.

Jon:

Who among us hasn’t said, “every time God breaks my leg and ankle, he opens a window”. The silver casting on this god-awful injury is that Jon won’t bear any of the blame for the Giants atrocious O-line play for the rest of the season. When next I see him on the sidelines I’ll shout, “hey look, it’s citizen with a cane!”.

Bears/Seahawks:

Sure does look as though Seattle has seen better days. There’s still talent in some spots on the roster but it might be time for a mini-rebuild and if that happens I don’t think Coach Melting Beams is going to reap the rewards victory-wise. Will K-Mack be able to overcome the play of  Truth Biscuit? We shall see.

Jump in one and all-there’s a shit-ton to yak about.

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Beerguyrob

Oh man, the Seahawks home opener is going to SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

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Wakezilla

Woof. Twitter moments are stupid

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Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

Got a knockdown without even touching the guy.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Full Disclosure about the stupid space shit….

I’d really like to know what’s out there. And I really would go in a heartbeat. Mars, wherever. I just wanna see.

But I’m not ignorant to the risks. Both physical and immediate (of course the first people who go to Mars are probably gonna die horribly but I still want to be one who goes), but also….

The long term implications of our existence here on Earth as a species.

Literally, this is the shit that keeps me up at night.

That’s why I drink a lot these days probably.

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Wakezilla

Plus, you got the chance to tapping this

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Wakezilla

Or this

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Senor Weaselo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X82MbhuCgg

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Petronel

https://astronomyontap.org

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. I see my Bears handled their shit. I guess we’re not out of the woods yet.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Heh…i see what you did there.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Serious question. Honest to god, I’m not fucking around here, I’d like honest opinions…..

We’ve spent a lot of time and effort (and money) to send probes out into space. Obviously, to investigate our solar system and beyond, assuming the probes last that long. Go V-ger.

But we’ve also sent out signals. Innocently enough for the most part. But without giving my own opinion on the matter just yet, do you folks think that’s a good idea?

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Brocky

Yes.

screw the whole “aliens are inherently evil crowd”

we’ve got nothing to lose by attempting to contact other life. there wouldn’t be much difference between “finding a signal” vs “finding a prope” consequences will be consequences.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I get the whole let’s go explore and figure things out going forward. Yes.

And I’m not talking about just regular TV and Radio transmissions. That stuff is weak and would barely make it out of the atmosphere, Let alone the Van Allen.

But do we really want to be sending out high powered signals (which as I understand it we currently do) to let other civilizations know we’re here?

It didn’t work out too well for the Native Americans. Just saying.

Honestly, I’m with you guys as far as the attitude that I want to trust advanced civilizations to be civil. But history says otherwise.

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Brocky

I see it more from the perspective of if they find the signals, its only a matter of time before they find the probes.

if they’re nice to us, they’re nice to us, if they’re not,, they’re not.

what doesn’t make a difference is whatever we’re sending.

we’re fishing, may as well use our best bait

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theeWeeBabySeamus

True enough.

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Mr. Ayo

Absolutely, It’s part of the human spirit and why we’re not all still living in Mesopotamia.

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Brick Meathook

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Wakezilla

Neither the government nor the private sector (such as that piece of shit Bezos and Musk) should be investing in space exploration. There`s too much shit going on here that needs money, such as education

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This is a valid opinion.

But, I don’t necessarily agree.

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Wakezilla

Well, failure is common, Probes and satellites crash, exploration robots are lost, rockets blow up in the air, etc. and all those cost a shit ton of money.

Also, America has at least a million people without suitable drinking water and people die of the common cold.

Again, this is way more important than sending signals

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I get it. Seeing folks starve while sending shit into space is a difficult thing to reconcile. Especially when it fails.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, if you don’t want to get abducted by aliens, don’t live on a farm.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

But, what if I want to get abducted?

(no butt probes however)

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Petronel

Much of the exploration that humans have done over the millennia could well have been considered a bad idea initially. Exploration is scary, expensive, frequently messy, hassle-y, uncomfortable, and dangerous, and has zero guarantee of actually finding anything new, never mind enough to justify the trip using whatever criteria apply.

But we do it anyway because that’s what people do. Every time you try a new restaurant, you risk being stuck with an overpriced, badly-cooked meal, but there’s always the chance that you’ll find yourself eating the best damn steak that man has ever eaten. Worth all the inedible crap it took to find it? Maybe, maybe not. But we do it anyway. It’s about hope.

And that’s ignoring the “it’s all about the journey” stuff.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Have you read Soonish? Highly recommend.

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Wakezilla

There was plenty of backlash toward McMahon and what the WWF was trying to accomplish in the mid-1980s. Old-time fans were angry. Fred D. Pfening Jr. of Columbus, in this 1984 anti-WWF letter, complained that there was “Too Much WWF.”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

UHF. LMFAO. I’m old enough to remember that shit.

Wait, that’s not funny.

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Brocky

I only knew the term “UHF” from the weird al movie, so I didn’t know for years it had an actual meaning.

Obligatory:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously….theoretical physics says that as an object approaches the event horizon of a black hole, they will slow to a stop from the perspective of the observer.

So yes, I still think if we ever get close to a black hole, close enough to observe that is, there will be like a white trash flea market orbiting around that fucker.

Old TVs, cinder blocks, spare tires, 8 track tapes….. you name it. It’s all gonna be there.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg

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Brocky

what about some interesting things?

Like say……

the body of jimmy hoffa, the missing nixon tapes. and trump’s tax returns?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Bravo, Sir.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, here we go again.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Just trynna make ya’s think.

And yes, I still wanna go to Mars, but Elon Musk is a dickhead and won’t return my calls.

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Petronel

Exploration is awesome, but you don’t want to do this one.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghettification

Not that you’d be able to tell anybody what you saw anyway.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Event_horizon

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t believe in the spagettification thing.

Cells tear apart, they have their limits on stretching.

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Petronel

Yep – you’d die during the process. And you wouldn’t be able to tell anybody what it was like, because event horizon. So, there wouldn’t even be any useful science to come out of the experiment.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/science-vs-myth/what-if/what-if-fell-into-black-hole2.htm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4PfBF3OD70

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I like you a lot.

Answer my damned email.

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Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I enjoyed that game. Jesus helped him with the pick six.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Somebody needs a big bottle of shampoo.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Did you guys know that a photon of light which exits the sun’s surface takes about 8 minutes to reach the Earth?

But that same photon, produced by fusion of two hydrogen atoms into a helium atom, and giving off the light energy, takes about a coupla hundred thousand years to move from the sun’s core to its surface to begin with?

Think about that for a minute. The sunlight that hit us today and gave us warmth and nourishment, has been brewing in there since before pre-human primates evolved.

Seriously….think about that for a minute.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, fuck it….let’s sing a song….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDy2wCQYSrU

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ballsofsteelandfury

That reminds me, I gotta take a shit…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO. That’s probably been brewing for a couple hundred thousand years too.

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Brick Meathook

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Petronel

Stellar interiors are weird, strange, and ungodly hot places where heavy elements are made (up to iron, anyway). Stellar structure was one of my fave classes in grad school because we got to model the layers. And even more fascinating is what happens whe the star runs out of fuel…that’s a whole 101-level lecture in itself.

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Brick Meathook

I proud of Scott Van Pelt for working and keeping a cheery outlook during his chemotherapy.

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Brick Meathook

Same for Tim Hasselbeck. God bless them both.

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Brocky

WOOOOO!!!!!!

WE DID WHAT WE WERE EXPECTED TO DO!

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Horatio Cornblower

“The Cowboys, who took care of the Giants last night…”

To be fair, they had a lot of help from the Giants.

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Brick Meathook

They brought in the fancy kicker for that?

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Mr. Ayo

It could have worked.

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Brocky

Shot of Doug Plank Fan!

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Duchess

Fuck the Bearistocrats are going to fuck up this onside kick arnt they

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Sharkbait

Free football? Another tie??

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Brocky

In response to the last Chicago TD

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Redshirt

That’s a bullshit call. If a punting team touches it on the 1 and his momentum falls into the endzone, they don’t put it on the one. This wasn’t a catch or interception or him diving on a ball and rolling into the endzone. He was running backwards to pickup a lose ball and them tipped it. By the time he got possession, he one yard in the endzone.

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Brocky

yeah, but he had contact with a bears player.

even if the kicking team didn’t necessarily push him, that rule exists for a reason

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yep; it’s how the rule is written.

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King Hippo

thanks for letting Charmslinger have the easy garbage yards, dickholes.

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Sharkbait

BOO! WE WANT A SAFETY!

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Redshirt

Why the hell would you even think of touching that ball?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because he knows the rule book.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey guys…guys!!!!! Remember last week when I barely staggered to 100+ pts but still won with the lowest winning pt total of the week?

Well, 85 pts this week, and still won. Hehehehehehe….

Suck it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

As the person you beat, I say NO, YOU SUCK IT

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Fronkenshteen

so how did the Browns go from “we want to trade Josh Gordon out of conference” to “oh certainly Mr. Kraft, we’d love for you to have him” overnight? I’m incredibly angry about this.

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Sharkbait

For only a 5th rounder too.

/sploosh.

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Duchess

I blame it on Putin and the Oligarchs… Which sounds like a decent punk band

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Brocky

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Brocky

for the record, this was in response to chicago’s playcalling

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Duchess

What do I and Russell Wilson have in common?

We both arnt going to bang Ciara tonight

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Horatio Cornblower

I’ll tell her you guys said hi.

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King Hippo

c’mon, fuckers. ONE FIRST DOWN!!

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Sharkbait

LOLHOX

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Horatio Cornblower

Can’t wait until Wilson explains this loss by saying that Jesus took the Bears and the points.

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Brick Meathook

IF RUSSELL WILSON WAS ELITE HE WOULD HAVE MADE THAT TACKLE

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Duchess

Didn’t that guy wrestle in the WCW?

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Sharkbait

That’s why you run it.

Marshawn Lynch

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Brocky

Guys, I need a new pair of underwear:

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Fronkenshteen

INT-RUSS-CEPTION!!!!

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Redshirt

….and Seattle just Seattled.

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Mr. Ayo

Welp

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Fronkenshteen

Carson get hurt?

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King Hippo

have the BEARISTOCRATS! shat the bed yet?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah, they’re gon’ survive.

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Fronkenshteen

A mulatto. An albino. A mosquito. My libido.

On three…BREAK

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Someone hide the shotgun from Fronk before Courtney Love shows up.

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Fronkenshteen

/dying

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Horatio Cornblower

Literally

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Mother Puncher

The frotcast is good y’all. Subscribe to the patreon

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Fronkenshteen

I got seven of those words

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, I thought patreon was for chicks who wanted to earn very little money for really bad nude photos.
(no really, that’s what they do)

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Mother Puncher

It’s also for podcasts so you can pay for free things

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Brick Meathook

I just learned that Booger McFarland is a black guy. Wow I didn’t see that coming.

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Mr. Ayo

Are you a Dallas cop by chance?

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Brick Meathook

As a matter of fact I am. Why do you ask?

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Fronkenshteen

Three years of undercover work down the fuckin drain!

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Brick Meathook

I never follow sports news anymore. I heard the name Booger McFarland here and there, but I thought he was some good-ol-boy SEC coach or something.

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Fronkenshteen

Watching the GOP fast track a rapist onto the Supreme Court in order to strip women of their reproductive rights because they know they’re about to be historically bludgeoned in the midterms and this is their last chance is grotesque political theater. Where are this generation ‘s Mark Twain, H.L. Mencken, Hunter S. Thompson? Do they exist? Who will give the gonzo reporting from the impeachment hearings?

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blaxabbath

Norm MacDonald.

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Senor Weaselo

Late-night talk shows?

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WCS

Edward Murrow and Fred Fisher aren’t walking through the doors.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And if they did, Fox News would call them anti-american pinko whackjobs, and 30-45% of America would believe them.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Did this game just get good?
Shit, I wasn’t paying attention.

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Mr. Ayo

Of course. It’s the Hox way.

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herodotus450

The Emmy’s, huh?
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herodotus450

bit bigger than I expected…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that, I’d have zero nickels.

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Brocky

ah, A show-er not a grower huh?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Always did like her, but that is not her most flattering portrait, Sir.

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Mother Puncher

She’s like a sexy Wallace & Grommet

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