“The day for what?”, you ask. It’s still too early to tell but I guarantee you something will happen and when it does we’ll both know. At that precise moment you’ll say, “Damnit scotch, you were right all along. I’d rather strangle my own mother than doubt you ever again!” I’ll just lean back, take a long hard draw on my Kool cigarette and say those magical three words that indicate that all is well in the world once again- “TO THE GAMES!”
Cincy/Atl:
Ridley me this statman-why does a rook wr with 3 games under his balls-protector have more TDs than his much more talented teammate has in the last 15 games? My Julio-than-thou take? Ridley is a burgeoning wr1 that is getting single coverage . T’were this to happen again today he’ll no doubt lengthen his 4-0 TD lead over Jones. Also, GO TEVIN!
TB/CHI:
Last I heard the Bucs were going to keep riding the Fitzmagic Bus all the way thru the Bears’ alimentary canal. GO MS. FRIZZLE!
Det/Dal:
Has Patricia The Stripper turned the Lions D around or was the stunning result last week only due to his intimate knowledge of how the Pats O works? If it’s the former than I look forward to the Cowjerks going into full panic mode when they are in possession of a 1-3 record.
Buff/GB:
Buffalo is t’udder squadoo coming off the massive upset. Despite fumbling 3 times rook qb Josh Allen inserted a wee bit of oxygen into the limp body of the Bills O. For his next trick he’ll try to make wr Benjamin relevant again. Just kidding, he’s very much prone to mistakes and will have a lousy stat line at game’s end.
Phi/Ten:
Rb Ajayi and his fractured back are a go this week. Makes me feel bad about that time I called in sick because I had a bad dream. (yeah, I had a waitress co-worker do just that-she was a bit loopy and more than just a little dramatic) There’s an indication that wr Jeffrey is a go today but I didn’t see where he was cleared for contact. If he does play I’m sure he’s on a limited snap count so don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. There, I just forced him to score a couple TDs and rack up 150 yards.
Hou/Indy:
You must think that de Watt is going to get to Luck at least a few times (Colts are down 2 starting o-line guys) before he breaks his ankleshoulder in an injury that is, in his words, “the worst injury anyone has ever suffered. Period.” Btw, start wr Fuller because the shaky Colts secondary will be all eyes on Hopkins.
Mia/NE:
I don’t have the exact numbers in front of me but I believe the Pats are eleventy-five and less than zero after a loss. The Fins are gonna be exposed as the worstest 3-0 team ever.
NYJ/Jax:
The Jets-now known as “The Browns Win-Givers” are coming off a loss much like the Jags. However one of these teams is not like the other and that latter team is gonna add another W to their record.
Time for you guys to have your fun…
HAVARDCEPTION
It was a good run, BloodSugarFitzMagic
Zeke Down setup by a bullshit call. not a good look for the Refs.
They’re gonna start retroactively taking stats away from Fitz at this rate
Hm. The Titans game took a turn.
That is not a fucking penalty!!!!! really stupid call against the Lions.
I’m getting some nachos
Bigger bust? Her or the Fins today.
score that shit, Gio!!
Now you’re showing off, Mr. Prophesier.
That’s a twist: a team self-destructing in the Bengals game and its not the Bengals.
Wait a bit
I know, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts.
Smallwood is maybe not good at this whole pass protection thing
“Um, quarterbacks don’t block…” – Brett Favre
Sometimes dreams come true without getting your ass kicked.
One of my favorite lines ever
Rick: “Morty, try to get to the left nipple!”
Morty: “If you shut up I think I can get to both of them!”
I picked up a pizza on the way home last night and the place is next door to a Ducks bar.
Holy shit. I got high just walking from the car to the pizza place and back because. you know. smoking isn’t permitted inside bars anymore because “It’s unhealthy.”
RIDLEY TD!!!!!!
Am I the only one worried about splinters?
Chicago Bears Half Time Show-sponsored by the good folks at LSD.
So at this point do the Bears just tell Khalil Mack to just assault the quarterback on every single play and ignore anything else?
The Bears should bench Mack for rest of the game.
Good hold by Dallas.
As expected; LOLphin arrive back at the mean.
Am I still drunk?
nothing makes sense anymore in hellworld
If you have to ask…
This is just reality now
Holy shit, Bucs
I’m deeply confused by the fact the Bears would be looking at 4-0 if Rodgers didn’t go painkiller fueled Super Sayan in week one.
It’s called motherfucking prophecy
It’s called The Bears Still Suck
You gotta unleash the Biscuit
There are Japanese fishermen that are uncomfortable with the Dolphin slaughter being shown on CBS right now.
I feel like everyone is still catching their breath after Gratliff’s home run.
Maybe we should just start a new thread.
You know it’s a good one when you struggle to type it out because you can’t stop laughing
Couldn’t decide whether to eat the left over pizza or the left over brisket for lunch.
So I put the brisket on the pizza and I AM A FUCKING GENIUS!!!
o7
Bengals/Falcons O/U was 52.5 points. They’re at 42 and its not even halftime yet.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAA! TANNY FANNNNNNNYYYYYY!!!! TANNY FANNY.
/and that’s NAWT Sony Michel. PRICKS.
JamesWhitedown
/spits on ground
stream died right before yet another biscuitdown, can’t keep up
bucs, what is wrong
How the fuck did the Bears score 3 TDs when I went out to move my car?
they scripted the entire gameplan today
LOLphins
Bears are getting all their fun in before hibernation.
This Buc-Bears game does not look like a battle between 2-1 teams.
JPP gonna start telling his teammates to eat that V
BANNER
This is a Shakespeare-level instance of high + low comedy. Brilliant.
Belichick was right about Butler
People who call themselves Patriots fans booing a hurt McCain…dammit, there’s a joke in there somewhere but I just can’t tease it out.
They don’t consider those that fake injuries to be heroes?
Holy Biscuit
Touchdown Jordan Matthews? That sounds strange.
Booooo. Wentz ended the Tennessee fun.
One 97 yard drive later, I take back my previous statement about the game in Tennessee
Holy Shitballs! Josh Allen overthrows everyone.
So he’s both our new Internet Dad AND Supreme Overlord?
But goddamn, did you see how FAR he overthrew them? Pure potential.
3 penalties on one play, all on the P*triots!?! AT HOME!?!!! Gonna be a nasty call from NFL HQ to the officiating crew at half time for that one.
Announcer: “Sounds like the Patriots were trying to get an unfair advantage on that play.”
WHO WOULD EVER THINK THAT?
A new crew will start the 2nd half. The other crew will be buried in an unmarked grave outside Boston.
“I’ve still got the shovel.”
-Belichick, age 92
A hurt Ross means more AJ Green targets, yes?
Yes, but less catches. Defense will angle more towards him.
Boyd’s going to drink your milkshake
If Boyd, Eifert and Bernard keeps doing good, they’ll start to play Green honest. Then your points you all will get.
Oh good, it is snowing. Climate change isn’t real. It totally should be snowing in September.
It was 35 when I woke up. It was 90 10 days ago.
Capitalists, buy land on the coast please and thank you.
Jeebus weeps. When did you move to the Himalayas?
Andy Dalton a straight up thot
He is my DFO-ball backup. Unplayable, because Mahomes-y is mah starter.
/still 1-2
Dak is putting the passes on target, the receivers are dropping them.
Is that according to a Gallup poll?
Ross caught a touchdown! He hurt himself doing it, of course, but he something good!
Happy little accidents
John Ross hurts his wee-weeDOWN!!!
The League is funner when the Bears are good.
as prophecied
/I am the holder of Superb Owl champion tickets on all of RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, Jaguras, Chefs, and Bearistocrats. From back in the Spring.
//YES, those are the ONLY four
Odds?
Chefs were 30-1, Bearistocrats! like 80 or 100-1. Jaguras maybe 20-1, RRRRRRRAM IT!! 12-1. IIRC.
Even moreso when it’s at the Raiders expense.
Oh. I thought you said “funnier”.
Andy Dalton what