Your “We Are All Jack Doyle” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

The Adventures of Jack Doyle, Private Detective, 1951. Written and directed by Orson Welles

/Doyle’s office

Voice of Jack Doyle: It was a Thursday just like all the other ones. I was washing my balls when there was a knock at the door. 

Doyle: “Come in, Jones and hand me that towel, would ya.”

Dame: “You want I should blow dry them too?”

I covered up. I thought my houseboy was knocking. I had to think fast…

Doyle: “Uh… uh… There’s a banana in it for you if you want.”

Fuck! That was stupid. I’m not the best at this sexual entendre stuff

Dame: “You’re not very good at this sexual entendre stuff, are you?”

Doyle: “Listen Peaches, I don’t get paid for my words, I get paid by my actions. What’s the name?”

Dame: “Salsa Innuendo.”

Whoa. I knew at this point that the odds of me getting in over my head were pretty good

Welles: “CUT! CUT! CUT! [buries head in hands] SALSA INNUENDO? WHAT WAS I THINKING?”

Colts/Pats:

Thursdays have been fairly good to us so far this year so I’m thinking this tilt might only be a trash fire rather than what we’ve been treated to in the last few years. Gronk and Edelman are in, T.Y. Hilton is out. At least Luck has Phillip Dorsett to throw to. Scratch that. Luck has started off slow but actually has better numbers than The Brady in a few categories. I’m guessing that tonight the latter makes up some ground. Still, the Pats D is plenty lousy on 3rd and medium (29th) and 3rd and short (26th). Ten points is the spread-place your bets. BTW, the star of our little thingy is out tonight.

Let’s have at ‘er, shall we?

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theeWeeBabySeamusWakezillaCol. Duke LaCrossMoose -The End Is Well NighGratliff Recent comment authors
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Col. Duke LaCross

Saw Ozzy live tonight. My first concert was in 1992, it was Ozzy and he was on his first “retirement” tour and I clearly remember thinking “this guy is so old, how is he still singing and performing like that at THAT age”?

He was 43.

Pretty good show, but he’s slowed way down. The best way I can describe it is when you had a boom box back in the day and the batteries would start to run outta juice. The songs still sounds like Ozzy, just a little lower and slower.

Wakezilla

Well, he’s sober and close to 70, so that’s expected.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SHARON!!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Robert De Niro doesn’t like his nipples being sucked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Robert De Niro touched Gerard Deparidue’s dick in a scene from the movie 1900 released in 1977. A girl was between them so #nohomo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was today’s addition of odd Robert De Niro facts.

Thank you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

It’s depressing to see Cesaro, easily one of the best wrestlers on the planet, wasting away in the tag division for four years.

Fuck Vince McMahon

Wakezilla
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I still say she seems quite fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Something in the last 24 hours would make you doubt this?

*Doesn’t want to find out more about her; could kill teh fantasy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No one on this site really ever says it, and I don’t either….. but it is time to admit….. I REALLLLLLLLY FUCKING HATE THE P*TRIOTS.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Ice-Future-Raiders are currently down 5-1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Meh, Sasha Grey has done that numerous times.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There was a game tonight?

/out of fucks

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

MichelDOWN WOO!!!

/does not help money league but I have outside chance v. Litre now

Horatio Cornblower

Welp, guess I can go to bed after all.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That was fast. Stupid fat humps and their gravy covered hands.

blaxabbath

Did enjoy :

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Clots U Stupid.

Horatio Cornblower

Sad news guys and gals: Anal Cunt has lost their guitarist.

https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/1045364740267134983/zgMfvhmm?format=jpg&name=600×314

herodotus450
herodotus450

Probably got sick of being on all those album covers.

Horatio Cornblower

/Turns on game
//sees it’s 24-17

Ah, fuck, now I gotta watch it just in case.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’re just in time to find out that there is no “in case”.

Horatio Cornblower

yeah, that was some stunning “coverage” on Gordon.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Coltception

WCS
Gratliff

Looking forward to Vegas regressing to the abyss

litre_cola

Adding Stastny and Pachioretty makes them formidable again. Their back end is still quite questionable though.

Gratliff

I’m sure MAF currently has some opinions

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

C’mon CLOTS! You can cover!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They’re doing it!

herodotus450
herodotus450
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

The P*ts have two very fast and dangerous RB’s …. FUCK REAMBOAT!!!!!!11!!!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

The only thing good about this week is the guy I’m playing in money league has both TY Hilton and Horny Fourny that he has to replace with scrubs.

SonOfSpam

Brady Pickerception!

Wakezilla

The New York Yankees crossed the Boston hotel strike picket line today. That’s really on brand

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It’s funny how despite being in a union, MLB players have zero sense of solidarity with any other workers.

SonOfSpam

Almost like they can’t relate to guys making a thousandth what they make.

King Hippo

The ultimate Company Men. Yet still preferable to the SAWX. Fuck the AL.

Gratliff

Hockey is bad already

litre_cola

IT IS FUCKING AWESOME

Gratliff

I’m sorry, but the Flyers have given up a single goal and I have no evidence of any good coming

Gratliff

SORRY SORRY HOCKEY IS GOOD

SonOfSpam

Max Muncy has two walks and a 3 run dong as the Dodgers’ #3 hitter tonight, just like we all predicted in March.

litre_cola

Max Muncy sounds like he had a job in Mad Men.

SonOfSpam

1) He’s almost the Robert Duvall character in The Natural
2) When he does well, the stadium music guy plays “Brass Monkey” and the fans change the lyrics. See if you can guess how!

litre_cola

Crass Junkie? That isn’t very nice.

SonOfSpam

No, silly. It’s “Ass Spelunkie”

litre_cola

Hmmmm this seems like a friend of ours, rhymes with HallsAllyMcBealandCurry.

Spur
Spur

I miss Romo.

SonOfSpam

Anagram: Is Rims Moo

Tony Romo is currently tongue-bathing a cow’s butthole.

SonOfSpam

Evening gents. Not gonna lie, that banner pic made me Beavis-laugh.

Gratliff

Hooooooooly shit. Rags get a delayed penalty and send a SEVENTH man on the ice. Delay, matching minors. lol smurfs.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Ice Cowboys score three right damn quick in the 2nd while hosting the Ice Cards.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Is there any hope that turns to ash in your mouth as fast as the hope the Patriots will *finally* be shitty?

Gratliff

Can’t wait for next season’s puck drop after the all-star game

Spur
Spur

Gratliff

Oh my god, still 8 minutes of Rags left I just want Flyera

King Hippo

My sanest child just imformed me that I am forcing her to go to Wake Tech because I basically won’t fill out her college applications for her. I asked her to tell me SPECIFICALLY what she was having problems with. I get no response. Because she expects it to be done for her. Fucking entitled asshole, even though not raised to be that way. Fine, go to community college. See if I fucking care. I am FUCKING DONE with this shit.

herodotus450
herodotus450

The Fightin’ Talons

litre_cola

10th anniversary, huge soccer matchup against USC- Lancaster on Thursday.

King Hippo

I really have no idea why I thought it was sane to continue my DNA line. A cat or two was always my limit as far as responsibility goes.

SonOfSpam

It’s really quite something. My daughter just started college, but I joke (not at all jokingly) with my wife that I’m enjoying my second round being a coed. Everything from parking stuff to books stuff to grades/assignments…whatever, I guess it helps her out of the house sooner.

Wakezilla

Wake Tech? Go fightin’ Zillas!

SonOfSpam

They got robbed against Northern State.

Spur
Spur

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Spur
Spur

Country Halftime???Alt-Country Halftime???

herodotus450
herodotus450

moar like ctrl-alt-delete halftime amirit

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

GRONKSTARTSKI!

Spur
Spur

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I think we’re seeing the next evolution of Patriots unsufferableness. They’ve apparently decided that win or lose, all of their games will be blow-outs and boring.