If the tilts keep coming I’ll keep doing the intros. TO THE GAMES!
Oak/LAC:
The things you learn when you do a bit of homework: rook safety Derwin James is by far the top-rated first year player that plays in the secondary, according to PFF. That rating system also places him 4th overall among all players. The guy leads the team in sacks, plays the outfield, plays on the edge and does work at slot corner! Are you kidding me? This fella might just be something.
Min/Phi:
The Vikes D that was #1 in points allowed last year is now 18th after four weeks. (maybe you should play Ajayi, scotch) More bad news-Minny’s league-worst rushing attack figures to stay that way as Dalvin Cook sits another game out this week.
Ari/SF:
This should be the bestest of chances for the Cards to grab a W even though they’ve got a rook qb starting for them. C.J. Beathard, who otherwise shows no signs of being concussed, recently stated on the sports radio that the Niners are a playoff team! Everyone together now-say “Oof!”
LAR/Sea:
After much hand-wring and pearl-clutching and decisioning I’ve decided to split my chances between Goff and Brees in my money leagues. I can’t go against Breezy at home and I have to play Goff until he lays an egg. (note to my fantasy buddies in Ottawa that don’t read the site-how did you let me get Goff in the 10th round in one league and for $4 in the auction?) Methinks The Goffer is going to expose the once mighty Legion of Boom for what it is now-older, missing some key parts and quite vulnerable in the secondary. Prove me right, youngster!
Let’s do that thing we do.
Dakota Jeebus is really, really stupid.
I’m just glad the NFL gifted the Raiders that win so I don’t have to spend time worrying if they are going to join the 0-16 club.
Who made the offerings to Shan’khor this week? They should do it more often because she is definitely been doing her thing today.
Sacrificed Mason Crosby career to the doink lord
GODDESS BLESS
Kickpocalypse Now! Part 2: Electric Shankaloo
Back to the Home Depot parking lot he goes.
O HAI SHAN’KHOR
Have a day, Gurley Man!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! thanks BLEERGH!
Praise SHANK’LOR
He also wrote the film. I’m intrigued.
That sounds suspiciously similar to “The Jerk”.
Being There sequel: I like to watch
Well, last time I turned the Raiders game off in frustration because I expected their opponents to casually kneel out the clock it turned out good, so let’s see if I can make it two for two.
Hey
Hey your username is how I feel about the Raiders’ performance.
Evergreen
“Everyone thought the Garbage Time horrors were over when Blake Bortles got treatment for his multiple personality disorder. Nobody was prepared for Garbage Time 2: Carrbage Time.”
Pederson has a very large pair.
quien es un CATCH?
Alright knuckleheads, I’m putting a story together for later tonight, I’d like your opinion on 2 questions:
What quarterback do you associate the most with the phrase “lack of arm strength”
And which one do you think of most with the phrase “inaccurate”?
Tebow?
Active: laserface and peypey
Retired: pennington and most jests
1) Alex Smith (unless historical, then Pennington)
2) Elisha or Brokeback (unless historical, then TEBOW!!111 or Akili Smith)
“Arm strength lack” Gary Hogeboom.
“Inaccurate” Vince Young
why isn’t OAK going for the win???
Because that wouldn’t be a GRUDEN GRINDER thing to do?
Ha ha, I just realized if you drop some letters from Jared Goff you get Ja’goff.
The Donks’ potty-mouth humour guy goes withn “You’re Not Beatin’ Goff”
For chrissakes Goff, you still have Woods on your team!
I’d be okay with more Gurley touches!
I wanted a passing score to Gurley Man, but will take this. I need a buffer for tonight, when I just have Hopkins left, opponent just Watson.
Only with her consent.
Let’s RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!
Good job not fumbling in the open field, Bryant!
The defense is on their heels! Checkdown time!
#BabySteps
One takeaway from seeing Carr live, that dude has a touch with little room for error. Those passes are jjuuuuussstttt over the linebackers when he goes across the middle.
Run-scoring balk, 3-0 Dirt Packers. #Rocktober might be a short month this year.
Tis ok, they DID THEIR JOB.
26-3, the door is ajar, Raiders!!
It’s within three scores!
Convert all 3 2-pointers, y’all WINS now
“IT’S NOT FAIR THE WAY THEY MAKE US THINK THAT WE’RE GOING TO GET A SACK BUT THEN THROW IT OVER OUR HEADS TO A RUNNING BACK!” – Raiders defenders
With Fitz in, what should be, his last year it’s nice to see Chandler Jones will be the next HOF individual to waste his career stats away in the desert.
How high were expectations for RTD with this Raiders team as of, say, July 15th?
You saw my preview; I had them at 8-8. They’re worse than I expected, but not that much worse.
Are they .500 with Mack then?
[benefit from 10 yard penalty]
[give up 12 yard play]
[benefit from another 10 yard penalty]
[give up 20+ yard play]
That’s My Raiders!
46 is not a number I see often…
Captain Dingleberry is still a terribad QB who telegraphs his passes. Sorry – the IGGLES have just been shittastic.
the differential in play quality between the two windows has been stark
I hope Carr is taking money to shave points because at this point he might as well profit from it a little.
“I don’t think that would be in the best interest of CHRIST.”
– D Carr
“Duh, he wants you to acquire as much moneys as possible FOAR urself, it’s in teh BIBLE!!” – Albert P., Anaheim, CA
oh noes, Rikki
Cousins, Dangerous?
Kissing your cousin, dangerous.
Purge your Thielens, everybody!
and a SKOL SKOL here, and a SKOL SKOL there
Who wouldn’t want to cover up a tight end?
— The coroner, zipping up the bag labeled: Hernandez, A.
One REALLY hopes he took fifties all day for some private time with THAT particular corpse.
Okay the Raiders have left me dead inside; I can now watch the rest of this game in a state of relative calm.
Any chance for some Cooper garbage time TD?
Who? Amari Cooper? No, they cut him two weeks ago.
In a just world, Cowherd would die in a freak burning woodchipper accident.
Too humane.
Fire ants all the way.
Maybe he dove into the flaming woodchipper to get away from the fire ants?
The second squadron of fire ants. The first was already stinging him half to death.
I might allow it if it is feet first.
As long as no fire ants are harmed in this process, I’m ok with this.
Preferably during a Brett Kavannah-led bender that somehow involves a clumsy Susan Collins and Joe Manchin.
Cooks is ded
Cooks ded.
DEs are gonna start throwing lariats at QBs cause fuck it, you’re getting the flag anyway
That would be really impressive, proper lasso technique is difficult!
That would be hilarious and awesome.
soon there is gonna be a d-lineman that’s gonna get pissed at a shitty roughing call and next play dives at the QB’s knees
hopefully it’s brady
ref: hitting the QB, 15 yard penalty, first down new england
ref 2: pats don’t play this week
Oh fuck that call
Great. Now I’m hungry for Cheetos…
[Spike the ball on 3rd down when you’re outside of field goal range]
That’s My Raiders!
and that just there??
Oh yeah you’d better believe That’s My Raiders.
That guy was moving for what, 360 lbs?
Fat boy tuddies are less fun when it’s the other team
PurpleFatDudeDown!
fat guy touchdown!!