2018 Quotables – Week 7 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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It’s late Monday and, if the last twenty minutes are any indicator, I am not going to be anywhere other than in bed sick as a dog tomorrow morning. I didn’t watch the MNF fixture last night but that’s fine because Thursday through Sunday was absolutely putrid.

Sunday was my first real full day watching blaxito alone so the living room tv was on from London game to Bengals getting Mixon’d in the PM. Jeeze what a day. CBS actually cut away from RAMMIT v 49ers to take us to a “more competitive” (read: NFC East) game…that just happened to be a DAL/WAS NFC East contest (more on that one below).

So I’m gonna go preemptively  “drink fluids” and load my gun, just in case I need to do my own honors. So please, enjoy your Week 7 Quotables.


BM makes the Browns Face.

Pretty much the Cardinals best defensive effort all season.

This Eagles team is just not the same without the guidance of Nick Foles.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Stayin’ Alive Stayin’ Alive

::JJFozz Joke::

When the ladies guess you’re anything other than King from Tekken for Halloween.

“You call that Redacted?! Watch my memory show you Redacted!”

Still a tighter defense than Cincinnati gave him.

Cowdoinks
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Redshirt

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I have no comment. I just want to say that a nice picture of me NBC took on Sunday night.

Redshirt

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“You can actually pinpoint the second his hope gets ripped in half. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now.”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“…and then, he killed the dog.”

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

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These Eagles, I call them Centrist Democrats, because when their opponents go low, they go high (and get their asses handed to them).

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s good and sad and true and no you’re depressed.

King Hippo

SEE, the Panthers were right all along. The white man’s time has come!
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King Hippo

poppers, DUDE!
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SonOfSpam

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Nice to see [*Redacteds] FINALLY defending their home turf. (Lookin your way, Cherokee tear-trailers)

Game Time Decision

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maybe if i stare at it, it will go in.
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Beerguyrob

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ICE deported the rest of the Lucha Libre tour, but El Tigre Blanco was somehow left behind.

Beerguyrob

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“So, Tony, do you still have any lasting effects from your playing career?”

“Well Jim, I remember almost everything, but the vision’s still a little fuzzy…but I don’t remember being black.”

Game Time Decision

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When cosplay goes bad

Ian Scott McCormick

Everybody already knows Cleveland is hell. Baker going with the full 666 uniform seems like overkill.
(I don’t actually know how to post pictures and gifs in the comments)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right-click, copy link address, paste that above your quip.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and delete the sizing junk after the file extension….. messy, MESSY.

Notice Hippo put his quip first……. he never follows procedure.

King Hippo

daggum it, I am used to YouTube, where putting sentence after makes it all ‘splodey

/plus I am a REBEL and I ain’t never gonna be no good ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Format…… FORMAT!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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And thus ended the first Cromarties vs. Rivers family basketball game.

Game Time Decision

In case of a tie, which ever dad can name more kids correctly, wins

Game Time Decision

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That looks like it might have Etrz

Game Time Decision

It ERTZ even more when you can’t spell and mess up the joke

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Close enough.

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Variations on the Hertz Doughnut joke are never old, and even if considered old makes it funnier.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Might as well trash that white shirt, cause those, uh, red wine stains will *never* come out.”

– Ray Lewis

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Make sure and burn it so they can’t tell……. where the wine was from.”

Game Time Decision

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[Ref]
Defense, number 52, roughing the passer, 15 yards penalty and automatic first down.

[Clay Mathews]
I’m not even there, wtf

nomonkeyfun

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Who the fuck still films on VHS?

Game Time Decision

VHS?, BetaMax baby.
-Uncle Rico

Game Time Decision

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Mrs. Blaxabbath’s reaction upon returning home and seeing the carnage of one day away.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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People talk about how Andy Reid has taken Tyreek Hill under his wing and that the player is now like a son to his coach, but this is going too far.

nomonkeyfun

Now, now. We all know Reid has spent waaayyyyy more time with Hill than he ever did with Garrett.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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ARIZONA VIEWERS: A dreadlocked black man wearing prominently displayed colors sneaking up behind a graying white man in a suit?

[click link for punchline]

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/3883da7c-c8d2-4d2f-abbc-acd27349e75e

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I’m not sure I can come up with anything funnier (to me) than the other Browns players and coaches that appear to be simply going about their business as usual in the background.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Pussy.”

-Leonard Floyd

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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These Jovan Belcher Halloween costumes are lacking a certain panache

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just can’t think of one involving him punching his pregnant GF.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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If that’s really Rex Grossman’s kid then show me the post game footage of cheerleaders throwing themselves at him

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Should’ve asked for that guy in return for Amari.”

–Jon G.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Gregory works on the burial grounds
Makin’ his pennies from Snyder
Ole Pappa JJ left a note on the door
He said, MY BOY’S A STAR YEEHAW I’M CRAZY
Hittin’ too hard can give him
A head owie oh DAK ACK ACK DACK ACK ACK

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The face of the Browns does indeed involve making a BM face

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Please adopt me and take me to my forever home!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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“The Eagle has landed”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Practice for the next time Andy Reid takes the team to that all you can eat BBQ place.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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If I am hitting long shots like that maybe I should see if Ms. Lafave will join me under the bleachers later.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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That moment of realization when what it means to truly be a Brown’s QB sinks in……

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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This is a guy who knows he’s about to get his ass kicked in the locker room.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

He’s just hoping that Ray Lewis’s stabbin’ knife is still in a safe hidden spot.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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I know he’s a kid and all, but travelling is still travelling.

nomonkeyfun

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“Penalty, roughing the passer on…”
“Oh really. So which one do we penalize?”
“They’re both bl- Oh shit, I left my microphone on.”

nomonkeyfun

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This is the only way you put hands on a woman without her consent, asshole.

nomonkeyfun

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35 years from now.

/puts hand in front of pants and slouches into couch.

“Did I ever tell you kids about the time I made a 3/4 court shot?”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3/4 Court is where Doug Martin had to go to contest his speeding ticket.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

3/5 Court is where Cam Newton had to appear after his roadside accident.