A Glass of Champagne and the ’72 Dolphins: Educating youths of a tradition never discussed

“When you go to history, let’s go into history. Don’t just go to your history. Let’s go to the history. Or don’t go into history at all. If you going to go back there, we can go back there. Or we can stay right here. … This is what they do, see. They go to their history, but they won’t go to all over the history.”

–Michael Irvin on the 11/5/2018 edition of First Take–

As your resident Miami Dolphins fan–yes, this franchise still exists, though you would be forgiven if two times a year, you confused the ‘Phins as the P*triots’ practice squad– I thought I would bring your attention to an annual tradition that has occurred since 1973. A tradition that only the tens of Miami Dolphins fans would know.

First, a little backstory:

Under Don Shula’s guidance. . .

/Wakezilla does the sign of the Cross, followed by a touchdown spike gesture

The Dolphins went 17-0 in 1972, culminating their perfect season with a 14-7 victory over the Washington Redacteds in Superb Owl VII. I wish I could gloat more about this amazing accomplishment, but, my dad was a teenager in 1972 and I was many years away from being a twinkle in his eye.

But think about this, sports fans. In the almost 100 seasons of professional American football, only one team has gone undefeated and won the Superb Owl, and that team is the Miami Dolphins.

Despite being the only team to run the table, no one ever mentions this perfect accomplishment. Their defense is literally named the “No Name defense” because no one knows who played for them. Just like Rodney Dangerfield, the 1972 Dolphins just don’t get any respect.

This cannot stand. If the Dolphins were named the Cowboys, Steelers, Packers or P*triots, it’d be mandatory in schools to know the entire team’s roster. This will be my cross to bear. I will no longer standby and let this team be ignored.  I will be the brave soul who will #Saytheirname.

Since this perfect season, two members of the perfect 1972 squad, Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka–though you may remember Csonka as host of one of a plethora of hunting and fishing shows on NBC Sports, or, like me, an analyst on American Gladiators– like to get together and have a glass of champagne when the last undefeated team of an NFL season loses. This isn’t to celebrate the loss of a team, but, it is done to celebrate the Dolphins’ perfection. However, nobody has seen footage of this annual tradition, until now.

As you’re aware, the last undefeated team of this season, the LA Rams, lost to the Saints on Sunday afternoon. As more of the 1972 Dolphins squad dies off. . .

*Wakezilla pours a KEO beer out for Garo Yepremian*

There are fewer people around who know how to commemorate this special occasion. Perhaps it’s because they want the future generation to remember the only perfect team in NFL history, but, Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka have graciously decided to show the football world how they celebrate when the last undefeated team of the season loses. I’m very happy to share this special Dolphinian tradition with the rest of the NFL family.

Enjoy.

Special thanks to Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka for allowing DFO film crews to enter Morris’ home to record this annual tradition.

On behalf of DFO, I’m Wakezilla.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still beats watching the Cowboys

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looking at all those empty seats I thought this was a Chargers game.

Warthog

Fuck I’m old.

Don T

Michael Irvin > George Santayana

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, I thought that Irvin quote up top was gonna be a Trump quote.

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

It seems fishy to me that Morris and Csonka failed to include Jim Kiick in their celebration — I think they did it on porpoise!

Beerguyrob

Katy Perry wishes she’d had them instead of those shark assdicks at the Super Bowl.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Ya know, she’s a middle-aged woman now, but there was a time not long ago where Katy Perry was quite the ample vixen songstress, bless her heart. And a few years before that so was Madonna.

I dated them both, and I’m starting to regret kicking them out of my hot-tub party, but fer chrissakes those two gals farted up a storm. I got limits.

nomonkeyfun

Are those… gay dolphins?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s magnificent!

King Hippo

That’s really fucking glorious!