The 500s past the 500 mark. That means at least 3 things.

The 500s, officially known as the Houston Texans,  are winning at an over .500 pace.  Their record past the halfway (.500!) mark is either 5-4 or 6-3 depending on what happened when Demaryius Thomas met his ex-girlfriend.

(Update: he didn’t quite do as too many NFL players do in an elevator or in their houses or arrange for others to do their dirty work while they have the alibi of being in another city: He didn’t really beat the shit out of her. 6 3 receptions,  146 61 yards,  2 0 TDs. Screw you for messing up a joke,  Demaryius!)

So,  the 6-3 Texans are on the verge of losing their invisibility cloak.

Truth be told,  this is an exciting and promising team!

I mean,  looking at this fooking roster!

The offense is stacked with a healthy Deshaun Watson,  Demaryius Thomas, DeAndre Hopkins, Sammie Coates, Julie’n “Don’t call me Najeh” Davenport,  Lamar Miller,  and Alfred Blue.  Heck,  even Brandon Weedon is a proven veteran backup that can win a game or two in a pinch!

The O line has been solid and,  more importantly,  has so far protected Watson well and prevented another injury like the one that derailed last year’s season.

The defense has a lot of big names that have played up to their reputations/expectations like J.J. Watt, Jadeveon Clowney, Whitney Mercilus, and Tyrann Mathieu (the Honey Badger LIVES!).

Heck,  even Iron Mike Tyson is out of retirement and playing like the monster that raped Miss America contestants (ok, just one) and bit Holyfield’s ear off! (To borrow a phrase from Game Time Decision,  this may or may not be true.  Don’t care.)

In any case, for as much praise that Hippo is throwing around at the LA Lambs, I honestly feel this team could not only challenge for the AFC berth in the Super Bowl,  but,  if they were to make it,  would be able to handle any contender from the NFC.

Here are the teams they’ve played so far:

That’s six wins in a row after a tough loss to the Pats on opening day,  a tough divisional loss to the Titans,  and an inexplicable loss to the shitty Giants.

Seriously,  how the fuck did that happen?

Here is the schedule to finish the year:

Seems manageable,  doesn’t it? I mean,  divisional games are always tough,  but their non-division opponents are the Jets, Browns, Washington,  and Eagles.  That’s probably three wins out of four.  Take care of business within the division and that’s an AFC South championship with a home playoff game in the Wild Card round.

In 2016, the Brock Lobster-led Texans WON a Wild Card game against the Raiders at home before losing to the Patriots on the road.

(“Sigh. Only TWO years?!? Seems like forever ago!” – Rikki Tikki Deadly)

That 2016 team was due for bigger things last year until Deshaun got hurt and the team missed the playoffs.

This should be the year they make that delayed leap.

But they need to improve.  I mean, how do you lose to the fucking Giants and then escape by the Broncos thanks to the kicker missing a field goal? This is not a proven success strategy.

But it is lucky and sometimes teams just need a little luck to get over the hump.

And now, Obligatory:

Ok, laters taters! I’m off to buy a Ford F150.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Brick Meathooklitre_colaDon TMoose -The End Is Well NighWakezilla Recent comment authors
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Wakezilla

Based on their results, this team seems like they’ll lose in the divisional round. They play down to their opponents too much for them to go even further.

litre_cola

It will be Texans v Bengals, and it will be 12-6 because this is the world we live in.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It’s one thing to keep the running gag of an imaginary team named the “Texans” going, but to make them an actually good team? That may just be a bridge too far…

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Heck, even Brandon Weedon is a proven veteran backup that can win a game or two in a pinch!

Oh, man, they got to Balls.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They play the Jets and Browns…… if it is not one of those you have a good point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“. . . like a young boy’s anus.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3, 3, 7, 13, 19…these are the margins of victory until the Broncos game. Kind of sad to see the trend end.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Donks will fuck it up at the end (see most games this year)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A friend of mine in college (the same one that slept an hour later every day for a full 24 cycle) ate enough ramen that his body started rejecting it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of the fucks at work eat it all the time too because he is a cheap bastard. Same dude who was pushing an energy/ “health” drink mix that his wife sold (like Amway or some shit). He is very short.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There are few thing on earth I find more ridiculous that “zero-calorie” energy drinks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think the shit he was selling was no calorie, but yeah. I’d like to add the stuff tastes like shit.

nomonkeyfun

Dump some coke in water. There’s your zero calorie energy drink.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Ian Scott McCormick

Honestly you should get relegated to the CFL for losing to the Giants this season.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Hey now. The Stamps would likely kick the shit out of the Giants.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They shouldn’t have a problem winning the division going away, unless they get better they’ll be one and done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I read this and have a sudden urge to buy a new Ford SUPER Duty truck. Can’t afford it, but you know.

blaxabbath

Election Day in Houston WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The nose never falls far from the leper.