Everything sucks, but nothing quite so much as Donks soon-to-be-ex-coach Vance Joseph.
Denver lost 19-17 to the 500s. OK, I can understand the result. But the how, and the complete, abject failure to learn from one’s prior stupidity…I just can’t even. I will be mad about this for WEEKS, and it has nothing to do with HAILGAMBLOR.
First, Joseph decides to attempt a 62+ yard FG near the end of the first half. KEY NOTE – near NOT at – something anyone but Joseph would factor into account, in a 3-point ballgame. McManus predictably misses, the 500s predictably hit 2 easy completions to the middle of the field (they had timeouts of course), boom, 16-10 halftime lead. After Joseph SMRTLY! ices the kicker (the iced attempt missed).
Now, fast forward to the end of the game. Denver fought and clawed to stay in it, converting 2 4th down plays including an incredible throw and catch to Sanders around the Houston 40. After picking up like 5 yards on 1st down to get into reasonable FG range…Joseph sits on it. SERIOUSLY. Takes the clock all the way down, hands off up the middle, calls timeout with 3 ticks to play. DOESN’T EVEN TRY TO GET CLOSER THAN 51 YARDS. I don’t care if you are at altitude, that’s not a gimme – more like a 50/50 shot at best. 5-10 more yards would increase your chances dramatically. Everyone in the League (now that Hue is fired) would TRY – but NOT OUR VANCE! Predictably, he misses again, game over.
And of course, as everyone knows, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! lost, after they reacted very poorly to a bad replay decision (on a fake FG run) in the first half. A 35-17 hole was just too deep, even if they did eventually tie it. I applaud how they fought back, and how Goff played. But it will be key for them to have home field advantage if they play Breesus again, and hopefully next time they don’t punt on 4th down, down 3 with under 4 to play. I don’t care where you are on the field, against Brees, that’s a death sentence. Also not as fun to watch as advertised, fitting the weekend theme.
Elsewhere, Mahomes-y continued his terrorizing of the AFC, stomping #ThePauls 37-21. The most fun part of this game is that Believeland got to 21 by going for 2 THREE FUCKING TIMES…and never making it.
Sam Darnold went to Miami, and the humid air didn’t clear up his Touch of Downs. 4 picks, including one taken back for a score in a shittastic 13-6 match. Whoever watched this all the way through deserves a medal.
Speaking of stupid QBs…Fat Stafford stood aimlessly in the pocket all day, allowing Minny to set a franchise record with TEN sacks. 24-9 was your final, and that flatters the Cuck Lions, and is really thanks solely to Captain Dingleberry being hisself.
Rise up! Our Black Panthers are shit hot, moving to 6-2 with a 42-28 win over BloodSugarFitzMagic. Though they did make it interesting, coughing up 75% of a 35-7 first half lead. Still, whoever plays the #1 WC will be shitting their pants.
Shitting their pants? The Redacteds, who got housed by the stupid Falcons. So much so that even Julio Jones got into the end zone. Tiny Hands was bad, aside from hitting AP in the balls/taint area with a pass.
Balmer continued its downward spiral, losing 23-16 to the Yinzers and failing to kill The Ben in the process. Nothing good came out of this day.
Oh, I guess maybe the Bearistocrats! absolutely pounding the fuck out of Buffalo was somewhat enjoyable. J Peterman is who we thought he was, to absolutely nobody’s surprise.
The SeaTruthers were awful, but had an untimed down from the Shitty Clippers’ 1 to send things to OT (with a 2-point conversion also needed). Of course, Petey wanted a complex pass play, they false started, then dropped the pass from the 6. This game was just awful.
Speaking of awful, I have money on true Greatest QB of All Times Aaron Rodgers at the Massholes, so I apologize in advance for ensuring the P*ts win and associated Dreamboat dry humping. I have no desire to stay up later, or edit this draft to cover the result, so I will not. FUCK OFF, 4 November.
Vote on Tuesday, if you haven’t done so already. Preferably for non-fascists, but you be you.