I Really Want To Hate On These Guys But Can’t – ‘Niners At The Bye

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

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The ‘Niners are not my team.  I am not a fan.  Far from it, actually.

In fact, one might say I enjoy seeing them suck.  Yes, I’m a petty and vindictive asshole.  But their pain nourishes my soul.  I can’t help it.

So why am I doing this bye week review?  I volunteered actually.

And honestly, I really wanted to write this thing from the “Nyah, Nyah, Nyah” perspective.

But I can’t.  I just can’t.  And here’s why….

Currently, 10 games into the ’18 season, the ‘Niners sit at 2-8.  Their lone wins coming in week 2 vs Detroit (a win which evened their record at 1-1 at the time, btw) and two weeks ago vs Oakland, a blowout of 34-3 proportions (we’ll get to that).  But first, let’s talk about their losses.

As I stated above, the ‘Niners have eight losses. Having said that, five of those losses have been by one possession (@MIN, @LAC, @GB, @AZ, and vs NYG).  Four of them have been by less than a touchdown (@LAC, @GB, @AZ, and vs NYG).

They also lost @KC in a game that was more of a blowout than the final score appeared (38-27) and likely wouldn’t have won that game regardless of a fairly impressive Jimmy Garoppolo comeback attempt.  Problem is that game is the one in which Garoppolo went down with a season ending ACL tear.

Enter CJ Beathard.  Even with Beathard, they were close in all of those games I mentioned above.  Then Beathard goes down to a wrist injury, anyway.

Enter Nick Mullens.  What did he do in his debut as a starter?

16/22 for 262yd, 3TDs against 0INTs.  A passer rating of 151.9.

Granted, it was vs Oakland (sorry again, RTD) but still.  That was the highest passer rating in a QB’s debut since 1970.  Not bad.

Of course he came back to Earth somewhat last week vs the Giants.  Not surprising.  It happens.  A rookie (more or less) QB just isn’t going to put up those kinds of numbers consistently.

What’s my point here?  I’m not sure I have one.

However, the ‘Niners have the overall 10th ranked defense in the league.  Not terrible.  Good enough, one might say.

Offensively, they are 4th in the league on the ground, but 22nd through the air.  19th overall offensively.

Would Garoppolo staying healthy have made a difference?  No way to know, but I think maybe he would have in at least some of those close losses.  So I suppose my point is that this team could have been pretty good.  Maybe not playoff good, when it’s all said and done.  Who knows?  But I suspect they’d be better than 2-8.  And given the warmed over ass most of the rest of the NFC is, they might still at least be in the hunt for a wildcard at this point.

They got a raw deal.  But, that’s football I suppose.

So, what’s gonna happen the rest of the way?

They’re not going to beat the Bears or the Rams.  Probably not the Seahawks in Seattle, either.

The other three?  At home?  I could see all three of those going either way.

Tampa Bay is in a death spiral, and even on the road are ripe for the picking next week.

Seahawks and Broncos at home?  I could see it.  It would take a great effort against the Hox, even at home.  But the Donks have not been a good road team.

Any win they get it’s going to take a Nick Mullens performance closer to the Oakland game than the NYG game.  And while I don’t think he’ll come anywhere near the Oakland performance again, I think he’s better than the NYG performance.  We’ll see.  But I kinda think he’ll get it together and notch another win or two.

So let’s call it 2-4 down the stretch, a final ’18 record of 4-12.  And once again looking forward a better year next year.

And this concludes tonight’s episode of “tWBS knows nothing about this team but did enough research in the middle of the night while on vacation and totally not drunk (as far as you know) to at least sound smart until he’s proven wrong but by then you’ll forget all about this anyway so who cares?

Good night, and God bless.

(drops mic)

((passes out))

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Col. Duke LaCrossBrettFavresColonoscopylitre_colaMoose -The End Is Well NighBeerguyrob Recent comment authors
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Col. Duke LaCross

Some of my darkest memories as a little kid and a Bears fan were of the Niners repeatedly kicking the shit out of them, and usually in primetime as my Niner fan dad talked shit. So I’m over the moon to see them on the other end for once as a franchise.

FUCK YOU DAD!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m surprised there haven’t been more random young Niners retirement announcements; that’s what I associate most with this team in recent years.

ballsofsteelandfury

This post needs more hate directed towards NoCal people.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Ian Scott McCormick

“Their lone wins coming in week 2 vs Detroit (a win which evened their record at 1-1 at the time, btw)”

That is generally what happens when your first win comes in week 2*

*Barring ties.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Several teams that were 1-1 that week were just fooling themselves and were living a lie; deep down they knew they were really 0-2.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

– The Jets

blaxabbath

::Shoves twbs to the floor::

Look, the Niners suck because the Niners are dog shit. And they’ll continue to be dog shit, and deserving of every little bit of ridicule sent their way — legitimate or not — because their owner is Jed York.

Lil’ Jed, gifted control of a top-tier franchise by mommy and daddy, proceeded to burn the entire fucking thing to the ground because Mean Ol’ Uncle Jim told Jed to stay out of the way and let the coach handle the coaching. As if Iim Harbaugh, who nearly won a Super Bowl with a traitor at QB, didn’t have the knowhow to KNOW WHO JED IS?!

So the 49ers installed Hobo Jim at HC because, as any Cowboys fan will tell you, front office interference — not coaching — wins championships. That didn’t work because obviously a man who made it on he streets for decades wasn’t innovative enough. So they got mr innovation himself, Chip Kelly, to take the helm. That lasted all of one year.

Now they’ve got Kyle Shanahan, who really isn’t the worst coach, but the window is closed. Closed, sprayed with lock-tite, and thrown into the Pacific. RAMMIT is awesome and SEA is hanging around. SF is part of no conversation except which team’s fans are taking the longest commute for the least-satisfying gameday experience to further enrich an owner who, if not for Gruden trying to condense a five year rebuild into a nine month process, wouldn’t even have the luxury of owning the best NFL team in the Bay, let alone across all sports (see: GSW).

As for the close loses, don’t give me that shit. If the fucking Browns are going into OT every other week, anything other than a last-play-fluke-score is a blowout. Garrapolo is a bitch (I’m not gonna prove this right, you prove me wrong). Shanahan is not his father (but that’s why he has the job — also, he doesn’t talk back, so he’ll make a fine teplacemyin Dallas when Harvard’s time comes). John Lynch is a tv personality turned executive — yeah, because that never causes a nation to regret such a promotion.

::Kicks twbs in the ribs and tells him to never be soft on SF again::

Game Time Decision

fozzian levels of hate here
/love it

blaxabbath

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Blax’s entrance (dramatic re-creation):
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lofty hate, WEIRD even.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

That is some fantastic hate Blax.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So not related to the 49ers, but rats (roof rats, I think) have been eating my blood oranges and I want to go all Pickle Rick on them. Unfortunately, the traps haven’t worked (they eat the bait, but the traps don’t go off. One did last night, but it didn’t catch anything). So I am going to make my lazy-ass cat sleep outside tonight and she’s not allowed back in until she has killed something.

nomonkeyfun

We will tell Dr. Mrs. Deadly how great an imaginary friend you were after your cat kills you.

Cats are assholes.

Senor Weaselo

It is apparently National Pickle Day, so I think that means have at it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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there’s one way to be sure.

blaxabbath

When the bait is poison, the trap goes off.

Ian Scott McCormick

Stop delaying the inevitable and get a damm ocelot already.

Beerguyrob

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Beerguyrob

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have not hated this team since the Montana days. During the Steve Young era, it was simply that I preferred them to the Jerry Jones Cowboys who held my NFC playoff hate. Even with that, when they were good they nearly always had excellent playoff games and good solid, if not spectacular players. The 55-10 Owl with the Donks was fucking terrible for multiple reasons, but that was not the 69ers fault. As for this year; can’t hate on them at all with the exception that I wish they were better to make for better games.

If true to form when they play the Donks; it will be a close hard fought game and the Donks will have multiple missed opportunities to control it. Even with that, they will have an opportunity at the end to win and will.