To borrow from that Lightfoot song that everyone knows, in northern Ontario the winds of November come early. I use that to my advantage. Earlier in the spring I noticed a guy talking to himself by the corner store. I was waiting while my wife was playing her ‘special numbers’. I got out of my pickup, grabbed a twenty from my wallet and stretched the old legs. I walked up to him and said, “I think you need this” and handed over the bill. “I’ll buy some smokes”, was all he said.
Later that summer I spotted him at the entrance of the grocery store I frequent. Still babbling to no one in particular, still in the shabbiest of clothes. I called to him, ‘remember me?’. I think he nodded out of habit, maybe a bit annoyed about his external monologue being interrupted. I tossed him another 20. He looked at it and said, ‘yeah, yeah, yeah…’. It was a good sign that things weren’t getting any better for him.
As I say, November comes round and the little itch has turned into a pounding in my head. I drive by the bus station, the liquor store and the 7/11 on a regular basis. Nothing. You cultivate a crop with care and you expect that the harvest will be bountiful. Couple days later I spot him. He’s shivering under a lamp post downtown. “Hey dude, wanna warm up?” He recognizes me, for that I’m grateful. Makes things easier. He gets in the front seat and I tell him to open the glove compartment so he can have the cigarettes that I bought more than a few weeks ago for this occasion. He’s grateful. He smells just as bad as I thought he would. Maybe worse?
We both don’t talk much. He’s trying to get the feeling back in his toes and I’m wondering why the closed beach seems like the right place. “Ah fuck it” I think, and pull out the pistol and fire into his forehead. His head ricochets against the window, shattering it. Warm blood on my face feels really good. Hope I get back to the garage before anyone notices anything.
TO THE GAME!
Vikes/Bears:
Will Ursa Major or Ursa Minor show their visage ce soir ? The Hippo that we all know be hopin’ it’s the former. After all, there’s money on the line.
I want candy.
This must be that one song.
That call? Bad.
that call? WORSE
Gentleman. Lady BFC and I just hung out with a neighbor. Things are alright in the world.
Devil’s triangle?
riiiipppppped from teh headlines!
Hey BFC we should all meet up again in Playa. Show Lady BFC that your imaginary friends are real. All are invited.
That’s my commute every day! (I’m the truck driver)
You take direction from Spielberg quite well!
Spielberg? I made that kid.
Let’s meet up I’m Torrance. I’m almost out of Monkish.
There’s some cool places in Torrance! That little downtown area is awesome!
Count me in for Torrance!
Bears like going for 2 it seems.
/I look forward to your jokes
Nobody hears it!
NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Cody Parkey is the joke.
*extreme King Hippo voice*
I believe the prophecy
YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!
Me: *screaming about Bears being good*
Bar: Time for some 311
Me: *too drunk to care* WOOOOOOOOOO!
22-6! How fun.
remember, y’all. 3 years, $84M guaran-fucking-teed
I do like a simple, joyous TD celebration
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KIRK COUSINS YOU FUCKIN SUCK LOL
Mr. Jackson if u nasty!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS
Captain Dingleberry strikes again
You keep wipin, he keeps popping right back
This bar: Hope you like Sublime
Me: *sways a bit in a circle*
This bar: Here’s some Sublime
UGH, needed to pick that up
THIS TARIK COHEN I CALL HIM MEL BROOKS MID-MASSAGE BECAUSE HE IS ONE SLIPPERY JEW.
VIVA Bollo de la Verdad!!
Is it wrong that I actually like the idea of Al and Cris hosting the Westminster Dog Show? It’s the closest we’ll get to Fred Willard’s character from Best In Show.
“How much do you think I can bench press?”
21-6?
reminds me, I really fucking hate parades
Pretty sure Drew just smashed a beer bottle over his head, and used the broken glass to cut himself.
That’s a solid reaction gif
CHI**** is trying to give this one away.
well, I DID bet on them, only makes sense
Every commercial I see for This is Us makes me think it’s pretentious as all fuck. Am I correct in this assumption?
Never watched it, but my understanding is that it’s more “emotional porn” than anything else. “Look at the sad thing that just happened to this character? Aren’t you SAD? Aren’t you crying? Ok, we just killed his puppy — how about NOW?”
So it’s like a cumpilation, but with all the sad Scrubs episodes.
*smashes through comment section walls*
THIS BAR SURE PLAYS A LOT OF EVERCLEAR
*dives through wall and runs into the darkness*
My wife wants to know what city you’re in. And yes, we’re both enjoying your comments.
I’m pretty sure it’s Chicago.
This comment will provoke at least one commentor to explain why Chicago is the source of all unhappiness. Bet you can’t guess who!
ICRM turned into Kool-Aid Man so gradually, I barely noticed!
I think that every time Dan Bailey makes a kick during a game he is still thinking about that one kick. The team probably hires coaches and specialists to make sure he doesn’t think about it, but I’m pretty sure that he does.
Ok, 21-3 would do it. Nicely.
Can you afford 21-10? I just need one sweet pea from Dingleberry to Thielen.
just not Diggs!
Or Rudolph. Agreed.
Oh never mind. The Viks o-line seems to have gone on strike.
So, with Alex Smith getting Theismann’d (seriously, that was nasty), who will take over for Washington… wait..
BAH GAWD! THAT’S NATE PETERMAN’S MUSIC! HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE TONIGHT, LIVE!
Colin Kaepernick’s lawyers asked me to give this a +1
Maybe they will sign BOTH J Peterman and QuarterPax?
Now for the FG, TV timeout, kickoff, TV timeout, handoff, TV timeout montage!
Plus end of 3rd Quarter TV timeout!
Again, I LOVE 4th and short conversions, followed by having to kick a FG anyway
WE NEED MOAR HOBO KILLIN’
Scotchy’s out a-lookin!
Put Latavius in the game for the love of god.
Just run it for the first DINGLEBERRY.
Woof, Truth Biscuit. Woof.
The U*NC still pokes out sometimes
SUDDEN CHANGE!
Fuck, where is defensive holding when one needs it?
Goddamn is troobs quick.
a little too quick it seems
In other ways, not so much
Nagy is pretty smart about how he controls the clock
I like how he seems to have learned from his mistakes from that first game against green bay
Methinks 17 would do it.
/Chmura joke
In terms of interesting Superb Owls, Nagy v Reid ain’t far behind a RRRRRRRRAM IT!!/Chefs carnival.
Wait, Vikings have a lineman named Riley Reid or did the announcer fuck that up?
A bit undersized, but she packs a punch!
the tackle is Reiff . Funny though
Also, is Simms still Al’s partner? I don’t usually listen to announcers
Al and Collinsworth
I laugh every single time they do it too.
Ungood
Haldo.
Forgot to do the Kickstarter for Trogdor THE GAME. Because I want it.
Have to think Minny might be worn down by Q4
This Bears D I call it Mia Khalifa cuz it is filling all the holes!
They sure ain’t to be run upon
Damn right. Every other NFC North team needs an Edelman.
Al (presi) Dente called Rep. Schiff “little Adam Schitt” today on teh twitters. Somewhere, Jim Acosta smiled from ear to ear and poured himself a scotch.
Damn, I wish I could conceive a way around RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Bearistocrats meeting in the Divisional round.
Bears lose in the wild card round?
well, other than THAT
Bears aren’t beating the Saints.
they are about all who could right now, enough offense but can pressure/hit Brees
yea I’m out.
maybe I just need to chill the hell out but….
I fully belive beyond a shadow of a doubt Trubisky is gonna get more shit for 1 pick (at least so far), than cousin’s will get for throwing 2.
WHY THE FUCK is there this unwritten rule than anything any chicago team does magically doesn’t count? I don’t to see the same criticism for other sport cities.
Dingleberrrrry AHOY!!
Trubisky Leads all NFL qbs in rushing yards
What about Cam Newton?
http://cdn-webimages.wimages.net/0527b319548a5aba26b62f466cbc2745d1d778-v5-wm.jpg?v=3
Dagnabbit, don’t let your foot of the throttle
-Rob Bironas