Your ” Three Loss-a-Palooza” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

To borrow from that Lightfoot song that everyone knows, in northern Ontario the winds of November come early. I use that to my advantage. Earlier in the spring I noticed a guy talking to himself by the corner store. I was waiting while my wife was playing her ‘special numbers’. I got out of my pickup, grabbed a twenty from my wallet and stretched the old legs. I walked up to him and said, “I think you need this” and handed over the bill. “I’ll buy some smokes”, was all he said.

Later that summer I spotted him at the entrance of the grocery store I frequent. Still babbling to no one in particular, still in the shabbiest of clothes. I called to him, ‘remember me?’. I think he nodded out of habit, maybe a bit annoyed about his external monologue being interrupted. I tossed him another 20. He looked at it and said, ‘yeah, yeah, yeah…’. It was a good sign that things weren’t getting any better for him.

As I say, November comes round and the little itch has turned into a pounding in my head. I drive by the bus station, the liquor store and the 7/11 on a regular basis. Nothing. You cultivate a crop with care and you expect that the harvest will be bountiful. Couple days later I spot him. He’s shivering under a lamp post downtown. “Hey dude, wanna warm up?” He recognizes me, for that I’m grateful. Makes things easier. He gets in the front seat and I tell him to open the glove compartment so he can have the cigarettes that I bought more than a few weeks ago for this occasion. He’s grateful. He smells just as bad as I thought he would. Maybe worse?

We both don’t talk much. He’s trying to get the feeling back in his toes and I’m wondering why the closed beach seems like the right place. “Ah fuck it” I think, and pull out the pistol and fire into his forehead. His head ricochets against the window, shattering it. Warm blood on my face feels really good. Hope I get back to the garage before anyone notices anything.

TO THE GAME!

 

Vikes/Bears:

Will Ursa Major or Ursa Minor show their visage ce soir ? The Hippo that we all know be hopin’ it’s the former. After all, there’s money on the line.

I want candy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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This must be that one song.

Brick Meathook

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Fronkenshteen

That call? Bad.

King Hippo

that call? WORSE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentleman. Lady BFC and I just hung out with a neighbor. Things are alright in the world.

Mr. Ayo

Devil’s triangle?

King Hippo

riiiipppppped from teh headlines!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Hey BFC we should all meet up again in Playa. Show Lady BFC that your imaginary friends are real. All are invited.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

That’s my commute every day! (I’m the truck driver)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You take direction from Spielberg quite well!

Brick Meathook

Spielberg? I made that kid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s meet up I’m Torrance. I’m almost out of Monkish.

Brick Meathook

There’s some cool places in Torrance! That little downtown area is awesome!

ballsofsteelandfury

Count me in for Torrance!

Senor Weaselo

Bears like going for 2 it seems.
/I look forward to your jokes

Mr. Ayo

Nobody hears it!

NO ONE DENIES THIS!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cody Parkey is the joke.

...

*extreme King Hippo voice*

I believe the prophecy

King Hippo

YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!

...

Me: *screaming about Bears being good*
Bar: Time for some 311
Me: *too drunk to care* WOOOOOOOOOO!

King Hippo

22-6! How fun.

King Hippo

remember, y’all. 3 years, $84M guaran-fucking-teed

Petronel

I do like a simple, joyous TD celebration

...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

...

KIRK COUSINS YOU FUCKIN SUCK LOL

King Hippo

Mr. Jackson if u nasty!

Gratliff

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS

Mr. Ayo

Captain Dingleberry strikes again

King Hippo

You keep wipin, he keeps popping right back

...

This bar: Hope you like Sublime

Me: *sways a bit in a circle*

This bar: Here’s some Sublime

King Hippo

UGH, needed to pick that up

Fronkenshteen

THIS TARIK COHEN I CALL HIM MEL BROOKS MID-MASSAGE BECAUSE HE IS ONE SLIPPERY JEW.

King Hippo

VIVA Bollo de la Verdad!!

Dunstan

Is it wrong that I actually like the idea of Al and Cris hosting the Westminster Dog Show? It’s the closest we’ll get to Fred Willard’s character from Best In Show.

Fronkenshteen

“How much do you think I can bench press?”

King Hippo

21-6?

King Hippo

reminds me, I really fucking hate parades

WCS

Pretty sure Drew just smashed a beer bottle over his head, and used the broken glass to cut himself.

Gratliff

That’s a solid reaction gif

Mr. Ayo

CHI**** is trying to give this one away.

King Hippo

well, I DID bet on them, only makes sense

Gratliff

Every commercial I see for This is Us makes me think it’s pretentious as all fuck. Am I correct in this assumption?

Dunstan

Never watched it, but my understanding is that it’s more “emotional porn” than anything else. “Look at the sad thing that just happened to this character? Aren’t you SAD? Aren’t you crying? Ok, we just killed his puppy — how about NOW?”

Gratliff

So it’s like a cumpilation, but with all the sad Scrubs episodes.comment image

...

*smashes through comment section walls*

THIS BAR SURE PLAYS A LOT OF EVERCLEAR

*dives through wall and runs into the darkness*

Fronkenshteen

My wife wants to know what city you’re in. And yes, we’re both enjoying your comments.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m pretty sure it’s Chicago.

...

This comment will provoke at least one commentor to explain why Chicago is the source of all unhappiness. Bet you can’t guess who!

Dunstan

ICRM turned into Kool-Aid Man so gradually, I barely noticed!

Brick Meathook

I think that every time Dan Bailey makes a kick during a game he is still thinking about that one kick. The team probably hires coaches and specialists to make sure he doesn’t think about it, but I’m pretty sure that he does.

Spanky Datass

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King Hippo

Ok, 21-3 would do it. Nicely.

Fronkenshteen

Can you afford 21-10? I just need one sweet pea from Dingleberry to Thielen.

King Hippo

just not Diggs!

Fronkenshteen

Or Rudolph. Agreed.

Oh never mind. The Viks o-line seems to have gone on strike.

WCS

So, with Alex Smith getting Theismann’d (seriously, that was nasty), who will take over for Washington… wait..

BAH GAWD! THAT’S NATE PETERMAN’S MUSIC! HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE TONIGHT, LIVE!

Dunstan

Colin Kaepernick’s lawyers asked me to give this a +1

King Hippo

Maybe they will sign BOTH J Peterman and QuarterPax?

King Hippo

Now for the FG, TV timeout, kickoff, TV timeout, handoff, TV timeout montage!

Dunstan

Plus end of 3rd Quarter TV timeout!

King Hippo

Again, I LOVE 4th and short conversions, followed by having to kick a FG anyway

Brick Meathook

WE NEED MOAR HOBO KILLIN’

King Hippo

Scotchy’s out a-lookin!

litre_cola

Put Latavius in the game for the love of god.

Mr. Ayo

Just run it for the first DINGLEBERRY.

WCS

Woof, Truth Biscuit. Woof.

King Hippo

The U*NC still pokes out sometimes

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

King Hippo

Fuck, where is defensive holding when one needs it?

Fronkenshteen

Goddamn is troobs quick.

Brocky

a little too quick it seems

Gratliff

In other ways, not so much

King Hippo

Nagy is pretty smart about how he controls the clock

Brocky

I like how he seems to have learned from his mistakes from that first game against green bay

King Hippo

Methinks 17 would do it.

King Hippo

/Chmura joke

King Hippo

In terms of interesting Superb Owls, Nagy v Reid ain’t far behind a RRRRRRRRAM IT!!/Chefs carnival.

Mother Puncher

Wait, Vikings have a lineman named Riley Reid or did the announcer fuck that up?

King Hippo

A bit undersized, but she packs a punch!

Brocky

the tackle is Reiff . Funny though

Mother Puncher

Also, is Simms still Al’s partner? I don’t usually listen to announcers

litre_cola

Al and Collinsworth

Gratliff

I laugh every single time they do it too.

King Hippo

Ungood

WCS

Haldo.
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Senor Weaselo

Forgot to do the Kickstarter for Trogdor THE GAME. Because I want it.

King Hippo

Have to think Minny might be worn down by Q4

litre_cola

This Bears D I call it Mia Khalifa cuz it is filling all the holes!

King Hippo

They sure ain’t to be run upon

Fronkenshteen

Damn right. Every other NFC North team needs an Edelman.

Fronkenshteen

Al (presi) Dente called Rep. Schiff “little Adam Schitt” today on teh twitters. Somewhere, Jim Acosta smiled from ear to ear and poured himself a scotch.

King Hippo

Damn, I wish I could conceive a way around RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Bearistocrats meeting in the Divisional round.

Brocky

Bears lose in the wild card round?

King Hippo

well, other than THAT

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Bears aren’t beating the Saints.

King Hippo

they are about all who could right now, enough offense but can pressure/hit Brees

rockingdog

yea I’m out.

Brocky

maybe I just need to chill the hell out but….

I fully belive beyond a shadow of a doubt Trubisky is gonna get more shit for 1 pick (at least so far), than cousin’s will get for throwing 2.

WHY THE FUCK is there this unwritten rule than anything any chicago team does magically doesn’t count? I don’t to see the same criticism for other sport cities.

King Hippo

Dingleberrrrry AHOY!!

Brocky

Trubisky Leads all NFL qbs in rushing yards

What about Cam Newton?

http://cdn-webimages.wimages.net/0527b319548a5aba26b62f466cbc2745d1d778-v5-wm.jpg?v=3

King Hippo

Dagnabbit, don’t let your foot of the throttle

Brocky

-Rob Bironas