Latest posts by King Hippo (see all)
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- Even MOAR Multi-Cultural Awareness – Behold teh Afrikan Euros! – June 22, 2019
Well, terrible (even by Ginger Hammer Era NFL standards) kind of ruined my enjoyment of this week, what wasn’t ruined by the mediocrity of the slate.
This included the Donks WOO!! trip to Shitty Clipper-land, when an absolutely bizarre OPI call seemingly killed a potential game-winning drive. But full credit to Case Keenum, he sacked up, converted 3rd and long with 2 great passes and McManus ended up booting the game winner anyway. 23-22, and the cromulent 6-game winning streak is over. THANK FUCK. Worth noting that Denver likely doesn’t even get in FG position if not for King Laserface’s bizarre throwing the ball away on 3rd down at midfield, giving Keenum and crew a 40 second bonus.
In more successful fuckery, the zebras fully gave away the Jaguras’ rightful win over the Yinzers. You all saw it. PIT is now 100% worse than the P*ts, in my view. Just fuck those guys. Luckiest bunch of shits ever.
David Johnson also had the clinching TD run called back by a late holding call, Derek Carr somehow managed to similarly lead pre-Vegas down the field for a game winning FG. 23-21, futility bowl clinched.
N’Awlins just eviscerated Philly, and I suppose there is just no more debate over the best team in the League. Still, they leave me cold, despite all the fun with Tayson Hill. Iggles are a dumpster fire, now that teams have tape on Dakota Jeebus (and no healthy DBs).
Atlanta is just as cooked as the defending champs, following a home loss to DAK! and pals. 22/23 seems to be the lucky number, with 22-19 being your final here. Julio Jones was meastly in defeat, but nobody else stepped up.
A missed extra point (and short FG) ended up costing the Black Panthers a win in DET. Riverboat Ron, no longer trusting his kicker nor likely feeling great about OT. went for 2 with 1:07 left and Cam missed the open receiver. 20-19, Cuck Lions. Those NFC Wild Card sides no longer look so threatening.
But speaking of that…the Colt McCoy era has dawned for the 6-4 Redacteds, who came up just short on a 63-yard would-be-winning FG. Another 23-21 lucky number win, despite Coach Buttchinski’s best efforts to give it away. Unless the Non-Gendered Cowpersons continue their hot streak, that sad WAS unit will host a playoff game this January. Yikes. As pointed out by coked-out RedZone guy, this was 33 years to the day since that Monday Night Football LT/Theismann moment. And Theismann hisself was in the stadium watching Tiny Hands getting his lower leg torn plum off. If you didn’t see it, makes sure you pull up YouTube on an empty stomach.
Sad but entertaining! Elisha wins 2 straight, 38-35 over Team MRSA. BloodSugarFitzMagic is back in the doghouse.
Did you know Balmer’s starting QB tied Saquon Barkley with 27 carries on the day? Also like Saquon, he won by 3 points, 24-21. Let the LAMAR! campaign begin, while Cincy continues drifting aimlessly. They at least put up a good effort this week.
That leaves only the Humps’ demolition of the Tits, 38-10. I guess we should have expected an implosion after that complete team effort to take apart the P*ts, but I really didn’t see this much reversion.
Sunday Night brings the battle for NFC North pole position. I really liked that video game as a kid. Instead of staying up to type, I plan to get medium drunk and will #TheProphecy over the line. Fuck, are the Vikings ever boring. Let’s have some new blood!