As I mentioned last week, this is my weekly outlook as to who will make the playoffs,  who won’t,  who will win,  and who won’t.

Essentially,  it will be an exercise in pissing Hippo and Moose off.

Also,  as promised,  I’m keeping track of what I say week to week so you can call me out on any bullshit you may see. At the end of the season,  I’ll recap and highlight in green any predictions I got right.

If any.

Without further ado, TO THE STANDINGS!

AFC

Balls’ crystal balls are coming into focus as the official standings are now pretty reflective of what I saw last week.

Let’s talk about the Houston Texans,  who last night took care of business against their closest AFC South rivals,  Don T’s favorite non-Latina TITS. Unlike SOME PEOPLE (cough cough Steelers cough cough), the Texans beat a team they were supposed to beat.

The way I look at it,  the AFC divisional races and the Wild Card races are pretty much over.  The only intrigue left is to see the seedings. I see it as a two team battle for the Wild Card positions because every other team in the AFC is absolute dogshit.

Maybe Indy sneaks in,  but that’s a big maybe and only if Harbaugh fucks up the QB situation and he very well could. You read it here first: the ambrosia salad days of mayo, Wonder bread,  and vanilla ice cream are over.  It’s Lamar Time!

Here is how I see them finishing this week:

#1 – Kansas City

#2 – New England

#3 – Houston

#4 – Pittsburgh

#5 – San Diego

#6 – Baltimore

Here is the comparison to previous weeks:

AFC Playoffs

Pitt makes too many mistakes to be able to achieve anything this season. Granted,  that’s the kind of thing that can get fixed and, given their talent,  they are capable of making a serious run,  but they have to stop losing to teams below them on the ladder.

New England is quietly loading up for another deep run.  Barring another injury to Gronk, they will take the AFC with ease.

Hippo: BUT CHEFS!

I SAID WITH EASE!

NFC

The Cowboys and Seahawks did what they needed to do to justify me including them in the Balls Gazings (TM pending). There is only one divisional race in dispute and the Cowboys should be able to pull it out as the Eagles have the toughest schedule remaining and the Potato Skins lost Alex Smith.

While the Panthers lost,  so did the Falcons,  the Bucs are a trainwreck, the NFC East, West, and North blow, so they managed to hang on to the last Wild Card spot. I now have the Seahawks ahead of them in the Wild Cards due to yesterday’s big win.

Excited voice coming from a massage parlor near LAX:  BUT SKOL VIKINGS!

Asian masseuse: Have you seen their schedule?

EVCFAMPNL: Oh, yeah.  Tip’s on the table.  You may commence.

Here is how I see them finishing this week:

#1 – Rams

#2 – Saints

#3 – Bears

#4 – Cowboys

#5 – Seahawks

#6 – Panthers

Here is the comparison to previous weeks:

NFC Playoffs

With the flip flop of the Wild Card slots,  I now see a home playoff win for the Bears which would increase the amount of titty kissing in Chicagoland exponentially.

But they’re still not sniffing the big prize…

Superb Owl

Saints beat New England.

***

Go ahead, yell at me and tell me I’m stupid. And no,  BFC, it doesn’t have to be on topic!