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So it turns out I have a sinus infection. Also, these meds have me all loopy so please see below for your Week 13 action.
2018 Quotables – Week 13 (Submissions)
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*Coughlin’s “Shout At Clouds, Onion On Belt, Get Off My Lawn” parlay comes through.
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“MY CIALIS KICKED IN!”
“Well of course I would sacrifice all of them if God asked me to. But, wait, what if He asked me NOT to?”
Former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin contributes to a broadcast during Week 13.
I don’t see mountains of cocaine in that gif.
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Next? YOU!!
I tried to tell everyone this is what would happen if they let women work as referees.
Clearly the “44” on his jersey does not refer to vertical leap.
“I haven’t seen someone look so oafish leaping out of the way of something thrown by a Colt since Mavis got bucked off by Buttercup and she almost landed on Pa!” – Carson Wentz
/I know Wentz isn’t *that* much of a hick, but I couldn’t think of anyone better off the top of my head.
Uhhhh… [Furiously searching on phone] DID YOU KNOW VIC BEASLEY USED TO PLAY BASKETBALL?!
He was just showing up his evil alter-ego, Johnny Heckler.
Michael Irvin seen doing his best Zeke’s Girlfriend impression, followed immediately by his best NFL Independent Investigator impression.
Follow up, I hope someone locks Michael Irvin in a wooden box filled with fire ants and honey.
“Tonight… You.”
damn it, you beat me to it (and got phrasing right)
/still laughing
/deleted bad joke
What a pro…
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Not only does he glare down receivers for not catching his own passes overthrown three rows into the crowd, he even does it to the opposing team players…
DON’T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, MCLOVIN.
I don’t know what they teach at The U, but this is not what Malcolm Little looked like when he was shot.
Get your hand out of my pocket!
“Hope you’re ready for me after the game, son.”
More like Suck-DOWN, amirite?
“Hey Johnny…betcha 10 bucks you won’t do a ‘Patrick Bateman fucking’ impression during a field goal.”
“Pay up, Z.”
Ten bucks is ten bucks.
THIS ATLANTA FALCONS DEFENSE I CALL THEM MY OLD PROCTOLOGIST BECAUSE THEY’RE BLOWING UP THAT BUTTHOLE WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT
These new Depends ads are too much, man
Whose hand is that? The widow Richardson?
Tell that bitch Lucy I said what’s up.
See what happens when they hide meth in the football?
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I hate his O Face, too
–Mrs. Rivers
That’s not how you call your shot
-Babe Ruth
.
Tawmmy knew he wasn’t a “fackin queeah” but he couldn’t explain the light-headedness and tingles in his tummy away as all the dip spit and Four Lokos he’d consumed during the game. He knew, deep down, that his hero was winking at him, and him alone.
Hekker did his best to complete the Make-A-Wish kid’s unusual request to play “Pull My Finger” during the game, but Zuerlein refused to cooperate.
“The TB12 “diet”? Oh yeah, bro, totes legal, nothing to worry about!”
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/Winks knowingly
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“Damn, that looks like a good playing surface.”
-Danny boy and Dan Rooney
“This is the look I give Giselle when I want a little of the ‘old in-and-out.’ 70% of the time, it works every time.”
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“See? See!? No one wanted to believe me, but I told you years ago: that field is full of gremlins!”
-M. Sanchez
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Early Bird special is back at Golden Corral!!! Tommy’s eatin’ tonight!!!
*not available at all locations
“Awww, fiddlesticks.”
-A. Reid
Guys
Jeem, Haaay Jeem, there’s a “Brandon Beane” on the phone for you.
He wants you to fly up to Buffalo this week for a tryout.
* note this was made before Buffalo cut 2 WR
“Nice job, Charlie Brown.”
-Beau Brinkley
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The Brady-bot can display human emotion, but it has only mastered schmuck.
Gotta watch out for those sneaky kicking nets
-OBJ
How you doin’
Hands up, baby, hands up,
Gimme your heart, gimme, gimme your heart
Gimme gimme
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“Ryan is trying to demonstrate an aptronym, however he forgot about the last syllable of his name..”
Damn, missed this when I commented
Deep cut.
This is what happens when the electrified chair no longer has any affect on the subject
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“Matlock is back on TV!!!”
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Johnny Hecker, seen imitating the opening credits from his favorite 80’s action show.
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“If you open the scissors, like this they make a good slashing weapon, but if you close them…”
Nice.
An apt summary of the Jaguras season, in gif form.
How many did Cromarte have again?
The patented “Ha ha. Made you look!” defense against the Bills kick block team.
/under his breath
“You know she’s gonna ask you their names. ALL their names. Christ on a cracker, at this point, I’m not even sure how many kids we’ve had.”
Looks like Rivers is practicing his “gun slinger” stare for Red Dead Redemption 2, where god fearin’ people came out west to put the heathens in their place.
“This is one Eli taught me a while ago. He called it the Fort Night Roomba.”
” MOAR COCAINE! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCAINE!”
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