Your “Low-Scoring Games Can Be Exciting!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Good evening, ladies and silly men. Were you to start up your own football league would you put the word “Freedom” in the title? Well, guys like Ricky Williams, Jeff Garcia, Terrell Owens and Simeon Rice thought just that very same thing and beat you to the (not attached in any way to a domestic violence ‘incident’) punch. The Freedom Football League is going to pretend to launch in 2020. Where is the funding going to fall short? Well, from private folks and the issuance of bonds because money falls from the sky these days and alternative professional football leagues have a long track record of success and profitability.

You know those tents on the sidelines for injured players? In this league there’ll be nothing but pergolas. Team physicians will be replaced by spiritual advisers. Replay officials? This is 2020 people! From now on remote viewers will be contacted in their lair in the hills of Wyoming for their interpretation of what constitutes a catch and by gum, they’re gonna get it more righter than the NFL ever did. Welcome to the future.

TO THE GAME!

JAX/TEN:

Hey, it’s the last quarter of the season (Quarter? Did someone say quarter? -Jim Tomsula) and unless you’re in a dumbass fantasy league that plays its champeenship in Week 18 when starters get rested, your ass might just be on the line. Not that you’d be playing fellas in this game… As for this tilt… oof. Who will win the Battle of The Incredibly Disappointing Running Backs? My money is on ‘neither’ because Fournette and Henry both don’t deserve to have anyone depend on them for a victory. Get ready for tired old phrases like ‘clock control’, ‘field position’, ‘defensive struggle’, ‘what else is on?’, ‘the toast is done’, ‘I’m leaving you’, ‘these pants don’t fit any more’, ‘are there any doctors on board?’, ‘I told you she was dead’ and of course, ‘it was like that when I got here’.

Shed some inhibitions. Just not right here, right now.

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King HippotheeWeeBabySeamusUnsurprisedCol. Duke LaCrossMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Col. Duke LaCross

I made two fairly large errors in judgement tonight. First, I really hate waste and I dig energy efficiency so I’m replacing the shitty, non-working lights on our old pre-lit Christmas tree with LED lights. If you’ve ever tried to de-light a pre-lit Christmas tree, might I suggest you do something else. Trying to be a decent citizen of the earth during the holidays is an unbelievable pain in the ass.

The other is watching a certain 1994 Bruce Willis vehicle called “Color of Night.” Not good.

Jane March was a smokeshow though.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You’re all welcome. Happy Early Sexy Friday.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Merged.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

This Alex Smith injury is crazy. Is he gonna die?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Most likely MRSA. Could lose his leg, but not going to die.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Well, I see Jacksonville didn’t do Miami any favours in tonight’s game.

Fronkenshteen

Happiness is a winter plumped tabby busting balls for more wet food.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

CNN:NY’s been evacuated again for a bomb threat. We need to bring back the pillory.

WCS

Daily Caller says it’s about damn time. (About bombing CNN.)

Redshirt

New proposed rule: If you’re on defense and you celebrate a stop when you are down by 21 points, the other team is awarded one point on principle alone.

WCS

The American Rouge!

Senor Weaselo

The Jaguars defense is PUMPED that they won’t let the same guy score five times on them.

Brocky

This reminds me of Jamaal charles in week 15 against the raiders. 4 receiving touchdowns plus one rushing nabbed me points

Brocky

And of course that jamaal Charles game is on the list that pops up when you click the google link unsurprised used

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That was a brutal asskicking as I recall.

Brocky

If I remember correctly it was actually a shootout, both teams had over 40 points.

Theres an Oakland shooting joke in their

Senor Weaselo

I haven’t heard this much chanting for Henry since the last time I watched Rookie of the Year.

Brocky

Stupid question…. is there a way to see the highest scoring single game by a running back in previous years?

BECAUSE HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Clinton Portis: Dec. 7, 2003
Portis completely thrashed the K.C. defense in a 45-27 win, rushing 22 times for 218 yards and five touchdowns. He also added two receptions for 36 yards.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Brocky

Funny.

I would have used LMGTFY

King Hippo

Seems like Joe Addai had a 5-score game in there, too. Know he single-handedly won me a matchup with it, then promptly went back to doing fuckall.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel bad that Leighton Meester never got to play the part of a woman in her twenties.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hey.
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Senor Weaselo

Man, I wonder who has Derrick Henry in the DFO League… nobody. Nobody has him. (BFC dropped him a few weeks ago.)

Brocky

He’s available in every single one of my leagues. Its absurd

Horatio Cornblower

Troy Aikman’s head injuries must be really kicking, based on how he’s putting the officials and the NFL on blast tonight.

SonOfSpam

The way Trump is tweeting tonight, this Infrastructure Week might end in an interesting fashion.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry, not taking the bait. Fuck that orange piece of shit, may he rot in hell forever.

Senor Weaselo

Why would you do such a thing to Hell?

Redshirt

This is a good argument for the existence of God.

If there is no God, when Trump dies, nothing happens to him.
If there is a God, when Trump dies, the fun begins.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Boo, scorigami ads have gone through the floor.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

odds. I am not drunk enough to be making that kind of typo.

Redshirt

Well then it sounds like you got some drinking to do.

Game Time Decision

Wow. Toes in by a billionth of an inch

SonOfSpam

/cums

– Rex Ryan

Senor Weaselo

After reviewing the play, fuck it, sure.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mike Pereira is so sure that I know it was the wrong decision.

Col. Duke LaCross

NAWWWT A CATCH!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Upon further review, his name is not Derrick Henry. No touchdown.