Let’s get right to it! Welcome, fellow Commentists, to the first NFL Saturday night of the season.
And how is the NFL rewarding you for your patronage and fandom?
The Cleveland Browns versus the Denver Broncos.
Actually, in the previous decade, this game would have been such absolute dogshit most other networks would have programmed against it to win the ratings. But this year there is the intrigue of the success (?) Cleveland has made of their year. At this point last year, we would have been rooting for the Browns to either win their first game or run the table to 16-straight. This year, they have disposed of their head coach and somehow not yet permanently damaged their rookie QB. The net result so far is a 5-7-1 record, placing them…
third in the AFC North, a half-game up on the Bengals – which should FINALLY bring an end to the Marv Lewis era – and within catching distance of the Ravens (7-6) and the Steelers (7-5-1). Do you realize that we live in a world where there’s an outside chance the Browns could win their division?
The Broncos are faring cromulently, given that Case Keenum is their QB, the AIDS quilt is their offensive line, and Von Miller is about ready to kill the next teammate that costs them a victory. A 6-7 record is kind of surprising given the number of injuries & weird coincidences that have occured with them this year. If they could ever get ownership stability, they might have a chance to compete against the Chiefs & Chargers, once Andy Reid runs out of ideas & Marmalard retires to sire more children for his cult.
So pour yourself some bourble, grab some snacks,
sit back and let’s get through this together.
After seeing the announcers listed, i am so glad I am watching the game with the sound off.
Since the Chefs now have to win out no matter what, think I want the P*ts to beat the Yinzers.
I’m just hoping for a smorgasbord of injuries in that one.
“I like these young guys, because they totally think I’m awesome and don’t know any better”
-Case Keenum
Not so uppity! – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL
Come on Browns you have to at least try to win
pretty sweet athletic play by the 5th string TE
bahahaha!
Gingers, smh
STOP making our leering all creepy!!
Buddy, that ship left the harbor, keeled over, burned to the waterline and sank a long time ago.
Swallowed up by Chubb!
I’m pretty sure my shower doesn’t actually do this, but not sure b/c no adorable kitty 🙁
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApN73TUVMEU
Mayfield is the new Sexy Rexy. “Hmm, there’s five guys there. Two of ’em are ours. That means three of ’em are theirs…fuck it, I’m throwin’ it deep!”
Dear God you’re right
Just like a stopped clock.
I for one have no problem with this. He is a bit more mobile than Rexy.
Would that be the ‘motion of the ocean’?
well, he DO have small hands…
Baker Mayfield singlehandedly halts Cleveland’s population collapse with surge in gameday pregnancies.
D-O-N-K-S!!! say fuck yo fake
The first one from like…10 years ago : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4pi1LxuDHc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKvNqe8cKU4
TD!
KITTY!!!!!
The BEST ANIMATED KITTY!!!
he all like I meant to do that which is THE ESSENCE OF CAT
I miss my kitty.
Kitty sadness is the worstest sadness.
She was pretty damn special. Had her for 18 years but still.
Keenum had no one to throw to
Synchronizing watch.
It’s 5:47 and I’m taking an edible. It’s 50 mg THC and it’s a Molly Rancher watermelon.
Follow along at home!
Hippo already has three prop bets on this.
I’m sure the entire neighbourhood has been waiting to see your twig and berries, GO FOR IT!!
This fucker tastes really green.
SEE, folks? He teh Jolly Green Giant!!
let them play refs
no way ,, BLEERGH away the shutout amen
Can you ghostride the leg whip?
Oh, good; Ariana Grande as a dominatrix. That’s one more FBI list for us!
Chubb on Chubb violence. How does that not sound totes gay?
gay AND British
who’s got the bigger chubb?
Especially when one is described as ‘quick, explosive’
But wait! theres more!
What internet browser is most used? How about video game console? Historical or Sports events effect?
Its all here!!!!
https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2018-year-in-review
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blJKoXWlqJk
Hard to pick a favorite James song. This is in the consideration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJcPJKDQaVc
I need some beer.
No, you need a lot of beer
/checks fridge
Everything’s coming up Horatio!
This exact scene is how I remember Richard Nixon’s middle name
Wrong. You need a scotch and some beer.
no, 1 bourbon, 1 scotch, and 1 beer
I have a bottle of Glenrothes and a bottle of Basil Hayden’s if anyone wants to come over and get really stupid.
/no hobos
Yup, Imma slay that consolation bracket, despite starting a RB out with a concussion on R
OH HAI BROWNS
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!?!
Great Play by the Browns
I somehow missed this last week *belated hyperventilating intensifies*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw3lrXlti-8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNNJxUUldyk
Currently switching to…
That stuff is fantastic.
Delicious and got it for only 18 bucks at Ralph’s today.
I dislike your booze prices. 45 bucks up here.
Again, it helps to live at the source.
Decoy is good, and even if it’s not filled with wine, it’ll lure other wine for you to capture and drink
Kobe advised them to blame Shaq for anything….ANYTHING
Cleveland Apocalypse Now (Playoffs?!) Breakdown:
Remaining Schedule:
CLE (5-7-1): @Den – CIN – @Bal
PIT (7-5-1): NE – @NO – CIN
BAL (7-6-0): TB – @LA – CLE
Pittsburgh owns tiebreaker over Cleveland (1-0-1).
Cleveland wins out (wins over Broncos, Bengals, Ravens). Pittsburgh loses out (loses to Patriots, Saints, Bengals). Baltimore goes 2-1, with one loss to Cleveland.
CLE: 8-7-1
BAL: 8-8-0
PIT: 7-8-1
Browns are technically alive for the Wild Card, but five teams are ahead of them. This scenario would be a lot worse.
6. BAL: 7-9-0
——
7. IND: 7-6-0
8. MIA: 7-6-0
9: TEN: 7-6-0
10: DEN: 6-7-0
11: CLE: 5-7-1
12: CIN: 5-8-0
—–
Eliminated from Playoffs: Buffalo, Jacksonville, NY Jets, Oakland
Browns in the playoffs is all I want. They’d get picked apart by the Chargers or Chiefs but I’d be so happy for them
I admire Pakistan’s Big Dick Energy
WTF with Asians loving hentai?
And yes, that explains Chile, Perú, and Bolivia.
Lesbian #1 over here eh? Not my 1st choice.
1st and only choice!!
LOVE that Anal outlier in Western Sahara.
/balls plans trip to South Morocco.
Musical guest, Anal Outlier!
Instead of “Black” or “African-American” I’m going to start saying “Ebony”.
Just saw a tweet where someone said this was a cool new Risk board.
Gonna be even harder to hold on to Asia now
Least surprising?
Germany
Not even a little Asian love? The fuck man?
Peyton is trying to sell me Pizza and meals in a bucket.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqflFMhkqHM
hey its the girl from stranger things!
Never forget:
Sounds like a night better spent getting caught up with Yahtzee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pYc8X9F75w
Fuck da Eagles.
That isn’t Ride to Hell!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWxEwdGpIPQ
Still a classic.
“Ownership stability is not all it’s cracked up to be”
–Redacted’s Fan
Folks this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while
I laughed until I coughed at this. It’s too fucking perfect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mF2soXgtxto
this is Howard Stern appearing on the Magic Hour. Howard just humiliates him, watch it all if you can. But if you to to 33:40 you meet karen mcdougal. Yes, the karen mcdougal that was in love with Trump. Listen to her hate of Howard but now in retrospect we now she fucks and loved Trump.
Karen McDougal always had a screw loose.
Wait…the Browns can still win the division?!?
Go Browns!
Aw, hell. Pete Davidson’s breakdown looks to be getting bad.
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/celebs-fans-rally-behind-pete-202926175.html
Ariana Grande is going to start getting a pretty big body count at this rate…