28 December JV NFL Preview

More balls will be footed today, huzzah!

Purdue (+3) v. Auburn, Bring Back Faith Hill Bowl (Nashville, TN – 1:30, ESPN)

The nation watches as Purdue Pete tries to win one MOAR for Cancer Boy.  Unfortunately, the SEC West – much like cancer – always wins in the end.

West By God Virginia (+3) v. Syracuse, Heil Hitler Mouse Bowl (Orlando, FL – 5:15, ESPN)

Les Fuckers du Cousins are without their star QB, so very hard to predict where this one goes.  Cuse is a team I generally can’t understand, so maybe stick the over if so GAMBLOR inclined.

Iowa State (+2.5) v. Washington State, Texas Is So Butch, Y’all Bowl (San Antonio, TX – 9:00, ESPN)

Hey, a fixture between two sides I like!  But Mike Leach just might be the best coach/pirate in D-1A, so one has to like them in this spot.  Cornpone State can be overrun, as the Steerfuckers showed in Big Twaaaaaalve play.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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herodotus450

Sure yesterday was Boxing Day, but where’s the love for today, Bauxing Day, a celebration of our most trusted mineral?

Brick Meathook

If there’s an unfunny aluminum smelting joke I haven’t heard it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whoever smelt it dealt it and is also dealing with ridiculous tariffs.

herodotus450

What do a cyclops and Aluminum have in common? They’re both missing an ‘i’

herodotus450

Because cylopses are missing a large enough frontal lobe to have a concept of self, you see. They’re supposed to have one eye.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

If the college playoffs were just three games of Alabama scrimmaging themselves, it would probably have enough viewers/rating to survive.

Brick Meathook

I just read the entire Evening Thread Intro / Year in Review,
and then it just vanished!

Mr. Ayo

Same. It’s a great post!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No one will ever believe you.

Brick Meathook

It doesn’t matter now. I already know what it says.

Brick Meathook

That won’t take long.

Senor Weaselo

Apparently some numpty wrote 17:00 instead of 7 PM. Not naming names.

Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

I can only assume the piss-poor espn streaming experience this bowl season is just their attempt to save me from the shit-poor games themselves.

scotchnaut

Piss-poor? shit poor? HERE I COME TO THE RESCUE!”

G.G. Allin

Senor Weaselo

-Najeh Davenport

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Right in the clit.

scotchnaut

“That’s gotta hurt!”

-A Man In A Boat

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Damn the torpedoes.”

ballsofsteelandfury

So, is this an American Asian thing?

Not a complaint, mind you. Just want to see if I need to keep my eyes peeled in my neighborhood.

ballsofsteelandfury

I do believe they are saying “Clit Tap” right before they do it, too.

Genius.

herodotus450

Just a friendly reminder for all yous: bowl game results only matter if they support your own personal regional biases, otherwise they don’t matter because the teams weren’t trying.

scotchnaut

This makes a helluva lotta sense given the Northern Ontario Beaver Pelt’s upset loss against the Miami Cocaine Goldiggers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I am having such a delightful time comparing this game to the 2012 notre dame Alabama game:

You’ve got an Alabama based school utterly destroying a relatively overrated Indiana based school that thinks gold is an acceptable color.

The difference is notre dame at least had the decency to commit their murder before the game

scotchnaut

Auburn smells blood in the gravy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “blood gravy” is what Vampire Andy Reid needs to survive.

scotchnaut

True Fact:

I’ve been sitting on an Andy Reid “All You Can Drink” Gravy buffet joke for more than a few weeks now.

Brick Meathook

Alternative Fact: Gravy is murder

scotchnaut

Alternative Alternative Fact: The Smiths feel that that joke isn’t funny funny anymore anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Jesus Christ…just back from a six hour round trip dropping off my sister and her dog.

I need a vacation from Christmas vacation…

litre_cola

EIGHT. TEAM. PLAYOFF.
STOMP STOMP CLAP!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

SEC ORGIES ARE THE BEST ORGIES

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They shouldn’t even be going to class.

JustStopDude

“Just give it to Alabama at the start of the year”

scotchnaut

Most Surprising Stat of the Game:

Gus Ferdiddle, a 54 year-old welder out of Opelika that was picked out of the crowd averaged 6.3 yards per rush on 7 carries.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I think Sandusky went to jail ferdiddle

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Yea, Eddie Sodomizedmulitpleboyswhilepeoplelookedaway is out with a tight hamstring for Auburn

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

No only their trees

scotchnaut

God, I hope so.

scotchnaut

Auburn 63 Purdue 14: The Cove 2 Boogaloo

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Tyler Trent has terminal bone cancer and he’s having like the fifth worst day of anyone in that stadium.

Brick Meathook

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Brocky

This is…. completely accurate.

It cannot be overstated how inflated the egos of some purdue fans are

scotchnaut

Quitters!

scotchnaut

Purdue Coach: “Are you guys ready for a comeback?”

Purdue Players: [wipes cum off their back] “Again? Jesus Christ, coach!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Just turned on the television, checked the score, and turned the TV back off. ‘Tis a glorious slaughter, evidently…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If it’s any consolation the kid with cancer had $5k on Auburn and the over.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I haven’t seen Purdue take it up the ass like this since it came out they were giving hormones to chickens.

litre_cola

Has anyone checked on the Cancer student? If the disease hasn’t done it, this game could.

WCS

I’d say I’m going to hell for laughing at this, but, that was already a known fact. Take your +1 you magnificent bastard.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“I could’ve given up 56 points in one half….”

WCS

We’ve replaced the Music City Bowl with a snuff film. Let’s see if anyone notices.

Hey, at least WVU won’t have the worst performance today! Right? RIGHT?!

litre_cola

I bet Auburn giving the points and Syracuse money line so you should be fine.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Auburn leads Indiana 56-7 at the half, and 21-19 in people who say, “FUCK TRENT RICHARDSON IN THE ASS WITH HOT POKER”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THIS PURDUE GAME I CALL IT NEIL REED BECAUSE IT IS DISPLAYING THE ABUSE OF AN INDIANA COLLEGE ON NATIONAL TV

scotchnaut

8/10 thrown chairs. Would bang on the timekeeper’s table.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sometimes you just gotta sit back on the possession arrow and enjoy.

scotchnaut

All of us get raped in the second grade. Most of us go on to better things.

SonOfSpam

/checks comment from a couple hours ago

Yep, apparently I admitted I liked Purdue in this game. As a public service, I reiterate my support for the Orange in the next bowl. Bet on West Virginia to your hearts’ content.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

AW BURN!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like the kid who can’t play because I have to study, but in my case it’s because the power is out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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scotchnaut

Purdue is playing from behind but I haven’t seen them fondle Auburn’s nipple not even once!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Garth Pillsbury was the headmaster at the English boarding school I didn’t go to. We called him “Dildoberry” because we were quite immature.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Purdue should really start playing soon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I’m willing to wager that none of these gals has ever had sex with a sober male.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take the other side of that bet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yep.

Brick Meathook

US$100. After talking to any one of them for five minutes you’ll be downing shots of tequila just to numb your brain. Oh I’ve seen this before. This is easy money for me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“If it ain’t humor according to Brick, it ain’t humor.”

Brick Meathook

Thanks!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your thoughts are fairly transparent.

Brick Meathook

It’s the triumph of the uncluttered mind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Uncluttered is understatement.

Brick Meathook

P.S. being jacked on antidepressants ain’t sober

Senor Weaselo

Well, I fixed my primary doctor, so I can get a physical in 2019 instead of get too busy right around that time last year. Let’s see what’s next on the to-do list: Buy teachin’ music? Auuuugh.

SonOfSpam

Your primary doctor being neutered is a strange goal to achieve, but huzzah I guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Hope everybody got some nice presents too.

Brick Meathook

OH YEAH GET SOME GET SOME GET SOME

SonOfSpam

When stuffed animals are just asking for it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I used to take my laundry to a cleaners in Brooklyn that was owned and operated by Chinese immigrants. I would often chastise them for perpetuating such a dated stereotype but dang if they didn’t clean my underpants for cheap and they folded the hell out of ’em too. I don’t think they understood a word I said though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A perfect example.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

You now have two things Rogue (the other being your autographed book by Sarah Palin).

scotchnaut

Mother Nature is pulling all the tricks out of her handbag-snowstorm last night followed by fog this morning followed by rain now and snow again this afternoon. Tomorrow the temp drops to -19 Celsius. That’s 2 degrees for you Fahrenfuhrers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No winter here… in fucking Denver.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No; Donks won’t show. The typo works.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They were for a while.

SonOfSpam

Have just one disagreement with you today, so bet it: I like Purdon’t this morning. I also like Syracuse because of the qb thing, and agree on Wazzu.

Hooray for football on a weekday!

blaxabbath

“What’s a QB thing?”

– Sean McDermott

SonOfSpam

Trust the porn stache qb. Always.

yeah right

Just get me through this last shitty day and I’ve got a 5 day weekend.

My turn for bacchanalia dammit.

blaxabbath

Lot of black people suffering migraines in Mississippi, no doubt.

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rockingdog

In other news….. Milkshake Duck!!!!

https://twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/1078448608196870145

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Buenos días

ballsofsteelandfury

Pup n Taco

SonOfSpam

Aw, now I wanna go there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still in Florida but adding it to the list.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re a few years too late, unfortunately.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whose fault is that?

blaxabbath

It’s damn cold here today and getting colder through the weekend, according to the news. Though we’re taking blaxito down to the Fiesta Bowl Parade tomorrow morning and it’s going to be biting cold, this weather makes me smile. First because it disproved global warming but, more importantly, because Mike Bidwill is the Grand Marshall of the parade and that means he has to sit his ass up on some white trash mustang convertible for hours freezing while I push a stroller along the parade route screaming at him to move his shitty franchise to L.A.