Naw, I don’t think so-it’s already been done by Shakey The Sphere and that was some time ago. Let’s compare each of these games (many of which are…hold onto your barnacles…completely irrelevant!) to say, an offering at a buffet-style restaurant or a meal/snack I enjoyed as a child.
What’s that? Did you just mutter, “I came to this site to read about all the win/lose scenarios and how dizzying it all is and also cogent analysis of the games and the why’s and wherefore’s and suchlike”. Buddy, (or skirt-whatever-you do you) did you come to the wrong end of the net. Scoot back to one of the mainstream sites where former players and mathematicians reside. You’ll feel safer there.
TO THE BUFFET! Damn, let’s try that again.
TO THE GAMES!
Fins/Bills:
Hey look-it’s the mashed potatoes! There’s not a single lump, so creamy. IT’S BECAUSE THEY WERE POURED OUT OF A TIN. They’re fake just like everything’s fake. [puts small amount of mashed taters on plate]
Lions/Packers:
This sides table seems to go on forever. Hey, beans! Good old beans. They keep you as regular as Detroit acquiescing to the Packers’ will year after year. (I’ve no idea what their history is, it just feels right to type it).
Jets/Pats:
Everybody loves the carving station! Look at that monstrous hip of beef from that 30+ month steer. Impressive. And that dude with the face tattoo in the chef’s hat? Probably the only place he could wield a knife that size without children crying at the sight.
Panthers/Saints:
Whoa! Check out the breasts on [clears throat] the steam table. Looks as though they’re slathered with some sort of high-fructose honey-garlic solution. Yummers!
Cowboys/Giants:
Okay, I’m not going to lie-this plate is getting a bit heavy. Hmm, something light is what I need. I believe I’ll take a single deviled egg. Ah, what the hell, I’ll grab two. [immediately makes plans to ‘Dutch Oven’ the wife later on]
Falcons/Bucs:
Soooo, what’s missing? Sides? Check. Protein? Check. Ah! Something to drink-a carbonated beverage is just the thing to wash this down. After all, this wait staff has to do something and I haven’t seen Braden in a while. Or was it Jaden? Aiden? Pretty sure it ended with an ‘n’.
Jags/Texans:
I couldn’t be more stuffed! But I didn’t pay $29.99 to walk out of here without some sort of dessert lodged in my lower intestine. Perhaps you can figure this out for me. I hate date squares but I always grab one because I feel sorry for them. There’s always plenty of them because I think most folks feel the way I do and just walk on by. Not me, I’ll put one on my plate so that it has company with things that actually taste good. And no, I’m not going to eat it. That stuff is vile.
Enjoy the offerings before you.
Come on 2-point Defense Conversion!
Beasley earned his bag of coke for today.
Go for 2, Princeton; you’ve got a plane to catch.
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS!
They might be bad,
They might be sad,
They might be hilariously incompetent…
So 1 patella = 2 feet?
1 knee is down right?
Holy crap Boyz
MAXIMUM CHAOS
Ohgod, I’m going to do the unthinkable.. and move to the other thread and switch to the Charge of the not-so-light Yinzers
Holy shit. What a way to end a totally meaningless game!
But no! One knee equals two feet! We’re doing this for 10 more minutes!
Unless the PAT is shanked
bahahahaha!
Dak getting fucking decked on every play to own the libs?
Man that Prescott. He’s not very… Dakurate
I wonder how Blake Jarwin would do on Monday Night Football.
Anyone but Joe Buck.
LOL, did the Jets just fumble to end the year?
you know it!
bahahahaha thats so jets!
Giants kryptonite is a slow tall guy in the middle of the field. You can’t defend that. Nobody can.
Oh my god. Dallas is gonna tie and get another 15 minutes out of this quagmire.
QUAGMIRE! QUAGMIRE! QUAGMIRE!
?itemid=4084933
10.
But I’m sure it will seem longer.
Blame Hippo; he called this a while ago.
There’s no way both of them made it to ’95.
no way Red will go for 2.
Barkley slips and falls squarely on his ass. Thus does the natural order of things reassert itself.
That’d be great if Barkley blew out his knee on the turf right about now.
If your daughter’s new boyfriend beats the shit outta you, that’d be great.
it was more a comment of why he was even in the game at that point. I like Barkley.
Non-Gendered Cowpersons calling timeouts on defense
When you’ve got a linebacker left not displaying CTE, you have to extend the game
I love that Princeton is gonna get another few years out of this shit.
I think he still needs to win next week or he’s gone.
I like the one pacifist who’s having none of that.
Aww, shit!
also the Team MRSA Jizzmoppers committing to Rapey Jameis another season
Tampa Bay sucks.
I cannot wait to see what kind of money Amari Cooper demands.
All of it.
Barrels full!
Derp It!
Now sit everyone Dallas.
Momshirt: “Redshirt? Can you fix your sister’s computer?”
Redshirt: “Can it wait until after football?”
Momshirt: “Its a quick fix.”
Redshirt: “If its a quick fix, why can’t you or her do it?”
Momshirt: “We’re too busy blaming each other for breaking it. Come on, it’ll only take a few minutes.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QEB38D0pu4
Redshirt: “Its fixed.”
You are not the hero they need; you are the hero they deserve.
WE READY…WE READY…WE READY…FOR CTE!!
Chad Johnson with thoughts….
https://twitter.com/ochocinco/status/1079183602867425280?s=20
I’d watch if they made it like the Drunk History show.
If its Chad Johnson and his pre-04 work ethic, yes!
If its Ochocinco and his post-04 work ethic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRy3wICXVXI
lol just saw the Packers score lol
So Saquon just dunked on people. That’s not a sentence I expected.
Asshole at the swimming pool.
Daks – Gints turning out to be surprisingly fun.
I look forward to the inevitable arguments about whether or not Barkley had control of the ball before crossing the goal line.
Although it looked pretty clear that he did.
Go for the flip, it doesn’t have a srimech!
Dr. J ABA reference! Drink!
Way ahead of you there.
Yakkety Sax Bowl
That was wacky, zany even.
Cowboys starting everyone in a meaningless game, trying to hold off the juggernaut that is the 2018 Giants.
Jesus, Calvin Ridley could have caught that ball on the 5 and then rolled into the end zone.
I still think his best film was Alien.
Anyone else feeling a Farvian pick six coming for Eli?
Too small.
Oh, no R.
No, I’m smelling OVERTIME!!
Check your shorts; that ain’t overtime.
I have been waiting for incontinence day to arrive
I think you did it on purpose.
Giants are probably better off losing and moving 2-3 spots up in the draft, so I’m thinking a TD bomb to win it.
That last step by Josh Allen. That defender has to give him his wife now. That’s how that works.
apparently Gilbert Gottfried is Black Panthers’ #4?
AFLAC!
No silly its garret gilbert
“Vanderesch is back out there, and that’s great news for Cowboys fans!”
No, no it’s not. Get him and anyone else even remotely important to the team the fuck off the field. Put Jason Garrett in at QB; no one gives a shit if he gets hurt and can’t make the next game!
Cowboys fans, however, are stupid.
I can’t argue that point.
DOINK-shone Kizer?
OOPS! Wrong Kaiser
you let Hurns score on you?
MOAR GIMPY COWBOYS
This game has rapidly changed from “meh” to banana-cakes fun. I mean, Allan Hurns? Is alive?
crazzzzzyyyyyyyy!
yea more footballl!!!!!!
Cool!
Is there a significant difference in draft position between 5-11 and 6-10, and if so, are the Giants aware of it?
Probably, and probably not.
BOOOOOOOO
I am enjoying that “Cable Guy” article.
More than Tom Waits?
/mumbles incoherently
Jaylon Smith and Leighton VanDerKampsFishSticks banging knees in the 4th quarter of a meaningless game is just a perfect way for the Cowboys to go into the postseason.
“Jeff Heath is an excellent tackler” says that coloUr guy, just before Jeff spending the next three plays proving the exact opposite.
Woke up (I GOT A NAP TODAY FUCK YEAH) to feed blaxito and my broadcast options were DAL/NYG and NE/JETS. So I’m watching Season 2 of Making a Murderer.
What is, having those as your own broadcast options? Incidentally, urge to kill… rising…
Obviously Teresa Halbach suggested the Jets are the near-class of the AFC East and so these two Pats Nationals has to put her down.
Why the cops had to plant the evidence, now that’s just outcoaching yourselves.
Eh, I’d watch the Giants, it can fully be the last game before they take Eli behind the barn and shoot him!
ARI “makes a splash” giving up a third and assuming the 2019 contract to give Rosen a mentor in 3 tequila shots….2 whiskey shots…1 Keim Time Moonshine shot….
OK, the 3 TD performance was fun and all, but it may be time to take Dak out of the game given the OL is a bunch of backups.
Awwww,what’s the worst that could happen?
Something called Cooper Rush.
Eh, as a Pats fan that doesn’t sound bad at all ! Hell, that sounds like an improvement to Dak!Dak!Dak!
Wasn’t that a movie in the 2000s?
Or a Porn star? Knowing Jerry, it could even be the porn star
Huzzah, Black Panthers want t draft after Donks WOO!!