So much not-that-bad-if-they-try action!
Virginia Tech (+5.5) v. JV Cincinnati, Military Industrial Complex Bowl (Annapolis, MD – Noon, ESPN)
I moneyline bet the Castrated Turkeys, as this is a de facto home contest, and they are fairly well-coached. This will be at the half when this posts, so y’all may already be mocking this.
JV Pittsburgh (+4) v. Stanford, Sun God Ra Bowl (El Paso, TX – 2:00, CBS)
I guess we should also dedicate this to Beto O’Rourke? Anyway, Pitt is utter shite (they gave U*NC their lone conference win), and Stanford tends to blow the fuck out lesser foes. I bet this when Stanford was still -2.5, huzzah!
Michigan State (+1) v. Oregon, Karen Gillan’s Vagina Bowl (Santa Clara, CA – 3:00, Fox)
I knew as soon as I bet the Quackers that it was dumb to bet against Sparty. But what’s done is done, and who knows, Oh-ray-GAWNE can still light up the scoreboard. Enjoy this:
Oklahoma State (+9) v. Missouri, Weird Office Libertarian Bowl (Memphis, TN – 3:45, ESPN)
When I am this confused as to how high a line is, usually I stay away from it. As with this. Drew Lock is shite, but BDSM State is a frequent no-show side this season.
Northwestern (+7) v. Utah, Florida Gulf Coast University Bowl (San Diego, CA – 7:00, FS1)
Get it? Could also insert a Spanoi joke here. I love me some Team Secular Big Love, but that’s a lot of points to give against a side that typically keeps the score down. But the Mildcats are the B1G version of Pitt, so…
NC State (+7.5) v. Texas A&M, Gator or Gator-Bait Bowl (Sacksonville, FL – 7:30, ESPN)
I also ML bet my Shitty Wolves, even though playing without budget-caliber Randy Moss, aka Kelvin Harmon. Ryan Finley is still playing, with lots to prove. Plus, Dave Doeren is soooooooo much better a coach than TAMU moneybags Jimbo Fisher. Bet on coaches in JV exhibitions. Here is my favourite version of my favourite wolven song:
Happy New Year! Oops . . . sorry . . . carry on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_0BPqWpM_M
No real reason. Just thought you all could enjoy a good guitar solo
https://twitter.com/picksixpod/status/1079594809155698688?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1079594809155698688&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fembed.scribblelive.com%2FEmbed%2Fv7.aspx%3FId%3D2844202%26ThemeId%3D32513
Ugh…as a single guy, I am really only around kids and pets around Christmas time. It never fucking fails…the last six years or so, I get home…and then I get sick. I only fucking get sick around New Years.
I’ve been fucking sneezing since I woke up this morning. My ear drums feel like they are going to rupture.
I feel like shit…
Tasty, and provides the etymology behind the word “brisket.” Honestly, for $9.95 you could do worse.
New Year’s in Rizhao two years ago was pretty lit, we were in the hotel bar with Spotify playing bachata until like 3 in the morning.
That was an excellent Quackers defensive series.
Bengals want to interview Josh McDaniels. Assuming he actually takes the job this time, is this a good thing or should I find a sturdy tree limb or support strut?
Look on the bright side, he will be easier to fire than nice old Marvin!
Yes.
He is very short and has small feet.
Holy cats, this is deffo BananaUpsideDownCakes at Karen Gillan’s Vagina.
Why does Oregon have yellow tape on the back of their jersey?
Crime scene.
Yeah, it’s been a crime against post-WWI era offensing.
It is balls fucking cold in Estes Park right now
Good timing on the cold front.
I have excellent timing when it comes to Mother Nature deciding to whip it out for the measuring contest.
You prolly don’t need a jacket.
Do the local youths call that Testes Park?
Man, I would.
YEAH, they really thought you would punt from a spread formation at the Sparty 28. JEEBUS
Burnout!
I have OR at -2 here. NEEDS POINTZ
found a funny:
OK guys. My New Year’s resolution will be to stop making All The Small Things song parody jokes.
[January 1]
HER: What are you making? Eggs Benedict?
ME: ? SO HERE’S YOUR HOLLANDAISE
I’m a few minutes early but happy New Year DFO from my family to yours. We’re in Disney in France so almost midnight here. Be safe and I hope 2019 kicks 2018’s butt for you
Happy New Year!
Did anyone there fart in your general direction?
Haha. Not yet. But lots of smokers blowing it everywhere
Topical:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1Y9xCxO8jg
I’m ready to party.
Thanks for joining the DFO crew in 2018! Good work ringing in the New Year ahead of the rest of us.
Bonne Année!
I was hoping for heavy rains tonight so that my dogs wouldn’t have to spend half the night being terrified by the neighbor’s firing off their fireworks from 10 pm till 2 or 3 am, but looks like clear and cold. Fucking Bubbas.
Fortunately, they just annoy the cats. But agreed on “fuck teh Bubbas” sentiment.
Welp, no sex tonight.
15 years ago I decided to try the Times Square New Year’s Eve thing with a friend. We got there at 8. We left at 9 because fuuuuuuuck that bullshit.
After that we went to Bleecker Street and got entirely too drunk. How drunk? Well we did wind up walking up the FDR expressway from about 3rd street to 14th. During that stroll did we even once mention that we were currently waving our dicks at the Grim Reaper and calling him a beta cuck? Nope. We were talking about some bullshit from high school. Did we go to the same high school or know each other then? God no. It wasn’t until the next morning that we even acknowledged that had happened.
Pretty good night, all in all.
One time I crossed the 8 freeway in San Diego on foot after getting refused entry to a gay club in Hillcrest because I was too drunk. Freeways are really fucking dangerous.
You say that, but you’ve survived. I survived. Maybe cars are NBD. Have we ever considered that they’re more afraid of us than we are of them?
I don’t like the general public anyway, just more so on NYE.
SAME. I just hope the Shitty Wolves match doesn’t make me so angry I can’t fall asleep before midnight.
Were you next to the FDR Drive on the foot paths or were you on the asphalt and everything?
We were on the shoulder watching at least a few drunk drivers whizzing by about two feet from our own drunk asses.
It’s probably a form of attempted suicide.
Actually, maybe I will NAE bet the Bearistocrats! match. All home teams are 1-point favourites…except Chi**** at -7.
Vegas believes in Glorious Prophecy?
Billy never wanted to sing bass anyway.
Early money came in on 3 teams I’m surprised the sharps like: Philly, Houston, and LAC.
ABOUT GODDAMNED TIME, Trees.
/bet $50 more ML at +120
//still would prefer 17-13
Appropriate that in the Karen Gillan’s Vagina Bowl – both participants are getting shut the fuck out.
SHE’S TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF US
Foles has bruised ribs. Mack needs one clean shot to fix that.
may he get it, and right quickly
/I’mma bet the fuck out of that game
This makes the 7 point line slightly less shocking.
folks
Boy…remember when Oregon scored points?
Pepperidge Farm remembers!
AB benched for missing practices and meetings? Drama in Yinzburgh
Benched from what? Watching the playoffs on TV?
Maybe they’re like Alabama where they automatically qualify for the Playoffs regardless of records or standings?
LOL, beat me to it.
I just read the article in the Pittsburgh paper.
Yeah, AB is following LeVeon out the door…
So you’re saying JuJu is teh shit now?
quite the MAGA atmosphere they are fostering yinz way…
From the team golf outing, dummy.
/halftime of every bowl game ever
Host: [describes every scoring play]
Analyst #1: [makes argument that the leading team will win]
Analyst #2: [makes argument that losing team will win or make it close]
Host: [makes mention of the game sponsor]
Executives: [pocket millions of dollars, smirk]
– GEICO
SAVE ME, BLEERGH
[tosses 10 ton weight in Hippo’s direction]
“Did I do a good?”
-BLEERGH
Uh oh. Too fast.
I dunno, maybe not for VPI’s offensing unit
You’ve been talking to my Junior Prom date again, I see.
Shit, should have read……..
That’s what she said.
Time for JV Cincy’s Last Stand.
“You guys watching the Redbox Bowl?”
“Nah, it’s a boring sport even WITH Lindsay Lohan.”
F-ck stanford, GOOOOOOO PIIITTTT!!
I took a break and slotted an episode of GBBS Masterclass after episode 4 of The Leftovers.
I hate it when Seniors are ejected for Targeting in the last game of their life. They should make it where, unless it was malicious, they can remain on the sidelines. Disqualified = Fouled Out. Ejected = Banned from the field.
AARP would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
(get it? Seniors ejected for targeting….ah screw it, never mind….wasn’t funny anyway)
Tyrone Wheatley’s kid just returned a kick for Va Tech.
Pretty sure I’ve drafted Ty Wheatley in FFL before.
So old.
I’ve been informed by some very reliable sources that getting old happens to everyone.
“ahem”
– Jon-Benet Ramsey
“JESUS CHRIST!”
-Jesus Christ
Jerk always did like the 3rd person.
And also the 3rd day after….well, you know.
Good to see one of the Carolinas is finally acknowledging the authority of the Federal government to enact a Taxslayer Bowl according to the 114th amendment.
Binge watching Shameless while working seems better than this slate of games.
Sen. Warren is apparently running for President. Jeebus, rooting for the Demmycrats feels like being a Bungles fan sometimes.
One of us. One of us.
Yeah, I like her as a Senator, but please, join Uncle Joe on the sidelines.
I know there’s no interest, but I’d love to see Michelle Obama run just to make racists step completely out of their closets.
She lost her chance when she ran a Genealogy Test. Not only did she listen to the dumbasses, the results could be used by said dumbasses to validate their actions. I’m probably related to Noble Blood of English and Scottish, but I’m not referring myself as Sir Redshirt.
yeah, she makes the PERFECT foil for our idiot Fuhrer. No political skill (nationally) whatsoever.
Get ready for 2 years of unoriginal raycess Native American jokes.
Aw fuck. The raycessness is bad enough, but the HERP POKAHONTAS DERP LOL shit is fucking intolerable.
By the way, reading Ian’s opus is a MUCH better use of your conscious brain than trying to intently watch these early matches.
One thing about you that I like is that you’re a far more generous soul than you think yourself to be.
The year ends the way it began : with my daughter screaming and us scrambling to find a pediatrician. Well, considering a pediatrician anyway. I say she’s a year older. Rub some dirt on it, Junior.
Good luck finding quality dirt in Manhattan…
We’re in Jersey. I’m sure Jersey dirt is just what an ear infection needs.
My only-ever trip to the NYC area included a lovely visit to an Urgent Care in Hoboken. Sunrise something. Helped my wife with her back, kid ear stuff is basically the same, right?
Like George Carlin noted (about growing up swimming in the East River) – our immune systems were tempered in RAW SHIT!
Oh, you can find it, but the hipsters have raised the price sky high with their little boutique shops.
I love this response.
VPI’s offense makes Wiscy look like Oklahoma.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgpCXld3eDI
I have redneck relatives showing up for New Year’s Eve dinner tonight. They won’t leave before 9pm, they never do. And tonight being New Year’s Eve? Who the hell knows when they’ll leave?
But they’re not gonna fuck up my watching NC State/aTm. And when I start cursing loudly at the tee vee box, I hope it scares them and they get the hell out.
Friendly reminder: take your pants off prior to watching the game to really make the relatives want to leave.
/also can try pissing in the sink like the Henrickson patriarch.
I was gonna go with masturbating.
But sure, let’s try your thing.
Save the shitting-on-the-coffee-table for desperation time.
LMFAO.
I just waxed the coffee table!!!!!!!
Wax on, whack off.
Hehehehe
They’re rednecks. That may backfire horrifically on tWBS.
Love how, according to ESPN’s Bottom Line, every other NFL coach was “fired”, while Marvin Lewis and the Bengals have “parted ways”.
maybe he was coaching for free this season, and thus only qualified as an intern?
He was on a one-year contract with a team option for 2019. They didn’t pick up the option.
Sounds like somebody is getting a chair in the 40 man analyst bunker!
Vance Joseph was “Relieved of his duties as head coach”……….
This Virginia Tech I call it the modern GOP, because it is killing itself with extreme conservatism.
Overly officious pricks reffing this tilt AIN’T HELPING, either.
but VPI plays in the ACC, should be used to it
I don’t know about the Southern Border, but the VT D-Line needs Da Wall to stop rogue Bearcats from invading the endzone.
noe prepositions! We just need wall. GIVE US WALL!!1111
/obligatory smgdh
/watching The Darkest Hour
This confirms my initial thought-the work of Gary Oldman is far superior to the work of Randy Newman.
So you want a stripped down tune? Only the barest of percussion and an organ? Here ya go. The lyrics kick in after a bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFU-FJzPE80
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae39kLn0N6g
Last day for this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg0CDxhJd78
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A promising Cincinnati postseason game is crippled due to a injury to their quarterback.