First things first-we’ll have a look at some of the fallout (or falldown in Allen Hurns’ case) from yesterday’s action.
According to a certain Mr. Schefter, Hurns has already had surgery on his un-located ankle, which is now relocated. Older white residents at the hospital are worried that Mr. Hurns’ presence will bring down the overall property value of their recovery rooms.
Some fella by the name of Kris Richard (Secondary Coach/Passing Game Coordinator for the Cowboys) will be interviewed by the Dolphins, Jets and Bucs today. Enjoy your ‘hot name’ status, guy that should be spelling his first with a ‘C’ and an ‘H”.
Another coaching candidate is the Colts D boss, Matt Eberflus. His unit finished 10th in points against with 21.6 for the season as a whole but I mathed the last six games, including a loss to the Jags and Indy is tightening the screws down to a ridiculous 13 points per tilt allowed. Given that they’re playing again next weekend I’ll save my joke about his last name till then.
TO THE GAME!
Bolts/Black Birds:
Seems fairly simple to me-the Chargers have to find a way to stop the league’s most effective run game (since Week 11) that manifests itself in the Ravens read option thingy. LAMAR!’s average is 5.5 yards per rush and when he hands off to rb Dixon (7.9) or Gus Edwards (6.4) even more damage is done. I don’t see that happening.
Last time these guys went round the maypole Baltiless forced the Rivers and Co. into 3rd and more than 10 on 66% of their total drives. Combine that with a 44% pressure rate when The Fecund One dropped back to pass and there’s your recipe for failure, if not total disaster. A partial solution might be to involve rb’s Gordon, Ekeler and Jackson in the passing game some more. This unit combined has 6 catches or less in 5 of their last 6 tilts. That won’t cure all ills but it might be a start. All in all, this is Bally’s game to lose, methinks.
Crank up the Mimosa Fountain!
If this shit happens during the Bears game, I will completely meltdown
#isthisatd?
#isthisstd
— Mark Sanchez
ESPN’s broadcast would have been in commercial this entire time.
Floating?! We’re now debating if a ball is floating?!
and it wasn’t even Laserface!
Especially considering when they could just ask the world-renowned expert that’s sitting on the sideline.
And now for another episode of CSI: Touchdown
Banner.
This is fucking insane.
THIS! IS! FOOTBALL!
this game owns for all the wrong reasons
Chaos, beautiful chaos
Whatup, cheesedicks? Looks like I tuned in at the perfect time…
A battle of 3’s in Baltimore or as it’s also known, “Wet T-Shirt Night in Glen Burnie”
Holy balls
That ball looks like it was coming out before his elbow hit the ground.
I usually come before my socks hit the ground!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING
CHAOS REIGNS
CHAOS REIGNS
HALLELUJAH
CHAOS REIGNS
LOL WHAT?
I’m fucking truly dumb-founded if this stands.
I hear whistles!
That’s just a stroke.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT LOL
oh god no
“After reviewing the play. I don’t want the fans to suffer by taking this game back to 3rd Quarter.”
holy jesus fuck
Turrble call
lol TOUCHDOWNS SIND VERBOTEN
welp, FG incoming
…and the Baltimore Ravens hopes have figurately and literally spiraled out of control.
Meanwhile…
Insurmountable lead. Even if it’s called back.
According to Twitter, the British now have an ice skating version of dancing with the stars. I love the idea of putting several people who’ve been on that show onto ice wearing razor sharp blades.
Ice skates aren’t really that sharp. Concussion city, though.
Nuts.
Canada’s been doing that for years. “Battle With the Blades,” featuring former NHL players paired with figure skaters.
Even less happier now.
Wait, are touchdowns even allowed today?
as close as a touched down as we’re gonna get today
What an ugly possible TD
Definitely on theme, though.
Harbaugh thinks his D is gonna get him some points.
/it hasn’t happened yet but it’s gonna happen
/Swoons
*clutching pearls until brain death sets in*
she really seems delightful (in addition to hot and smart), I would have loved being one of her bar regulars
should be the new morton salt girl logo
my god the tweets this week
She’s introduced me to a completely new concept: Ragehorny
Wait, you’ve lived this long and never had a ragerection?
Stupid Sexy Flanders!
If it wasn’t for the fact that she a hardcore Socialist who wants to turn our beloved Republic into American Germany, I’d be in love. I guess I can settle for a schoolboy crush.
That’s why I love her.
She’s gonna solve global warming just by generating enough horniness from America’s right wing to replace all carbon-burning energy.
Pretending national socialists were actually socialists is my favorite Twitter meme.
Socialism for some. Gas chambers for others. Little American flags for all!
I think it was one of our Canadian brothers that noted that what Americans consider Socialist is so far from real Socialism that it’s not even funny.
I imagine the European socialists have a hearty laugh at our so-called radical left when they’re not being actively hunted by the literal fascists that seem to be running most of Europe these days
Yeah … But then you meet real socialists online and it makes total sense.
That’s the problem with Republicans. They think today’s Socialist Germany is the same as 1930s-1940s Nazi Germany. Not me, I literally did the homework (college report),
If anything, its the 2nd best form of government behind Democracy. It just allows the better chance of corruption (though today’s America is forcing me to rethink that argument a bit).
best players in the afc, right now:
– 40 something QB
– QB that could only throw nerf balls 12 months ago
– QB that has fucked one too many times
– Old ass TE that once played basketball
– A kicker or two
NOT INCLUDED: players coached by Andy Reid, whom will lose next week anyways
HAHAHA holy shit, Bears deactivated Trey Burton, Eagles’ all-time best postseason quarterback.
What? Why?
Groin? He can have mine.
lol biggest offensive play of offensive game
I’m sad that we didn’t go an entire quarter without first downs
Gates: *one hand snags a catch*
Ref: *blows whistle, signals incomplete*
Gates: What the hell, ref?
Ref: You have to complete the catch and make a football move. That was more of a basketball move.
also, travelling
God damn it
Fucking Laserface went to my alma mater (and will be in the HoF), but I still hate the fucker. THAT is how awful a humanoid he is.
Has Lamar been benched yet?
ahem, Lamar!
when is one of the kickers gonna try for a field goal, but then he misses and instead hit one of the uprights…DOINK!
the way this game is going, I figure that’s gotta happen
That’s Cody Parkey ‘s job
I’m sitting in a bar watching this game.
I am not happy.
GO FIND A NUDIE BAR. YOU WON’T REGRET IT!!
(tWBS runs into first Strip Club he sees; turns out to be a Male Strip Club)
Eh.
Still better than this. And I doubt Seamus has a no-touching rule for the women.
Heh. I just laughed at the scene in Magic Mike when Big Dick Richie gives himself a hernia picking up that fat lady.
See, here’s the thing. Even if you assume playing for TDs is a 50/50 shot…odds are you end up with 7 total. Which is more than the absolute maximum you can get from 2 FGs.
But no, HURR DURR GOTTA TAKE TEH POINTS!!
Plus it’s still the THIRD quarter!
/and you’re still running the veer
//as even the 1930s-model Paul Johnson knows, the only way to leverage same is by going for it all the time, as it inevitably produces 4th and short
The AFC is absolute trash.
Field goals and fumbles. Just kicks and drops.
I am giving serious consideration into making Fumbles & Fieldgoals into an actual roleplaying game.
that sounds fun!
I know some TTRPG game designers if you’re serious and want help.
Jesus. Baltimore can’t run the ball, they can’t throw the ball, and now they can’t kick the ball, either.
Sounds like a bunch that could fuck up standing arou—
/Flag Flies Open (Delay of Game)
LIKE it’s a chip shot with wind that. It was 4th and goddamned 1!!
This is a fucking high school offense
KICKING AGAIN. Jesus fuck, dicknuts.
Harbaugh is losing this game like his name was Jim.
Just out of frame: Ivanka
Ugh. One of the few men as repulsive if not more repulsive than DJT.