Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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King Hippo

Ball at the 7?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fleshwound_NPG

LOL FOOTBALL IS DUMB

Gratliff

Gonna be a no clear recovery and I’m gonna flip

Dunstan

I noticed the clock kept running and wondered what was up

Doktor Zymm

Dude didn’t play enough Red Rover as a kid. YOU GO DOWN WITH THE ARM

...

And no, that was not a bad Trubisky throw

fleshwound_NPG

still no catch

Gratliff

Gonna be some fuckery now

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

(James May in background) Clarkson, you pillock!

Fronkenshteen

What a play

King Hippo

that’s good safety-ing

Recovery Whiskey

Miller you had one job

SonOfSpam

Normally it’s to get me drunk.

Gratliff

Some Reidian clock management

King Hippo

You don’t want to give Iggles time on the clock when you have to miss a long FG

Gratliff

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGH

fleshwound_NPG

dumb run call
dumber penalty

King Hippo

BLEERGH!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

That dog has three cocks!

SonOfSpam

Translation: “Please eat these chickens instead of me.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

That’s one way to do a bathroom demo…

Doktor Zymm

Seems like a legit way to amuse yourself in Swedish prison

fleshwound_NPG

lol robinson moved the spot of the ball forward

Doktor Zymm

That usually doesn’t work!

...

So that was stupid throw #3.

fleshwound_NPG

we’re done! all three with no result!

Doktor Zymm

As long as there isn’t some sort of ‘playoff multiplier’

Dunstan

Hmmm. Must check my “Fumbles & Fieldgoals Player’s Manual”…

King Hippo

the most important part of these Bud Light HURR DURR ads is that the female character never speaks.

Doktor Zymm

She does sometimes, but only to be annoying or sexy

...

Hmmm. So “dilly dilly” translates to “know your place, woman.” Cool!

Dunstan

Bud Light: Make America Dilly Dilly Again

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

I’m ashamed the name “Count Pampelmousse” makes me smile.

Old School Zero

I keep forgetting about NBC’s dumb green zone thing, and I haven’t been paying close attention, so I keep looking up and thinking “Why’d they only water that one part of the field?”

...

The Bears’ current offense
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King Hippo

how do you FIND this shit?

...

This just popped onto my Twitter timeline. What’s weird is that it was originally tweeted in 2014 and someone just decided to revive it today.

King Hippo

In a normal game, one might think about using a timeout. In this game, one sighs “one more punt and we can have halftime.”

Doktor Zymm

Smallwood, Littlegrove and Tinyforest walk into a bar

Dunstan

In Hobbitown, I presume?

...

The fact the Eagles can’t run the ball and seem to only be succeeding on floaters that somehow find an open man, the Bears are in good shape if they can *check notes* run an offense.

...

Or score on defense. Whatever. Just don’t lose to this Eagles team.

Gratliff

This, but the other team

King Hippo

first side to 5 wins

fleshwound_NPG

cubs 5
phillies 3

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Robinson was more out of bounds there than sodomy in repressive parts of the bible

Dunstan

As opposed to the fun-loving liberated parts? I mean, I guess if you’re into incest…

Recovery Whiskey

F it I’m goin’ deep

...

This game sucks lol

Doktor Zymm

So far this game is something like 247% better than the games yesterday, and that’s pretty impressive for a game with few points

Recovery Whiskey

Neo’d another bullet Trubisky.

Dunstan

So, if this Experian scan tells me that my SSN is on the “Dark Web,” WTF am I supposed to do with that information? Ask noted internet security expert Rudy Guliani?

King Hippo

9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 !!!

Doktor Zymm

Guliani will just tweet something about the ‘Darkie Web’ and how we need mandatory minimum sentences

Sharkbait

Your group celebration will be for naught

Senor Weaselo

The best kind of group celebrations!

King Hippo

it should get an unsportsmanlike if the play is overturned

fleshwound_NPG

that’s two really really bad throws mitchy has made, his usual quota is three per game

both will have no result, that third one’s commin, tho

Col. Duke LaCross

Did a shot just because that pass sucked.

...

Very possible Mitch is not alright

Senor Weaselo

That’ll get overturned but still. Picks for everyone!

Old School Zero

Only a week until the Mahershala Ali True Detective season starts.

King Hippo

WOO!! I get to use HBO again

Gratliff

Pitt types have been raving about Maddox being a turnover machine since he started playing. He’s definitely got that Asante Samuel all or nothing ballhawk shit going.

Redshirt

If the same foot went down twice, does that count as one foot or two?

Recovery Whiskey

One foot equals no pick.

Gratliff

Goddammit

fleshwound_NPG

no pick

...

Incomplete

Doktor Zymm

the makers and fans of ‘Manifest’ will be super upset when they discover that everyone on Malaysia Fligh 17 is dead

bk109

and were better actors too!

Senor Weaselo

PICKERCEPTIONS FOR EVERYONE!

King Hippo

that will be overturned

Doktor Zymm

But in bizarro world that’s the same as turnedover!

Gratliff

YASSSSSSS

...

MOTHERFUCKER

Old School Zero

Ain’t that some shit.

fleshwound_NPG

on that pick they left alshon 1v1

King Hippo

Chi**** Offense – There Will Be Handoffs