Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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Doktor Zymm

BIKKIE BIKKIE BIKKIE, OI OI OI

Doktor Zymm

Sorry Kyle Long, I prefer Kyle Girth

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[kicks rock, walks away despondently]

– Kyle Bent

fleshwound_NPG

kyle motionintheocean has a sad

...

Are you proud of yourself for this joke? lol

SonOfSpam

Going for back-to-back banners?

Recovery Whiskey

Gimpy QB cant escape

...

Hey Nagy stop running on first down every time when it doesn’t fucking work

fleshwound_NPG

phenomenal night = less terrible (borderline good) 2nd half

fleshwound_NPG

that man survived charles haley

WCS

BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

I want every single one of these royal court Bud Light commercials to go Red Wedding.

Mother Puncher

How many years has Bud gotten away with “Bud lite, unless you’re gay” for an ad campaign

SonOfSpam

They know their consumers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My actor friend used to complain about this Verizon ad campaign because they auditioned people for it, but were planning to use Middleditch the entire time. They only auditioned people to get his price down. It’s kind of like that series of episodes on Louie where he was getting groomed to host the Late Show.

herodotus450

Or like when any black guy is interviewed for a head coaching job.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“But what if the black guy has the lowest price? You hire him, right?” – Mike Brown

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No.”

– Bob McNair

Mother Puncher

That’s the secret to the masked singer. They’re all replaceable.

...

Capitalism, baby!

...

Oh my God the rumored replacement for Thibodeau is Hoiberg LMAO

fleshwound_NPG
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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King Hippo

somebody should make a hobo chili out of all the ppls dressed as Ditka

Brick Meathook

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fleshwound_NPG

all that hair goo make for one runny, greasy chili

...

RUN IT BACK TARIK

Gratliff

But that one’s not DPI sure

...

The PI calls in this game have been uh… inconsistent for sure.

King Hippo

too floaty FOAR flag

Brocky

Look like hicks was just gonna absorb him like the blob

Doktor Zymm

LOL at Kalil falling into a pushup so he doesn’t get flagged for falling on the QB

Brocky

Flark!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

So Next Gen Stat does a good job at….counting?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The previous generation was designed by the Watership Down rabbits, so yes, it’s an improvement.

Mr. Ayo

Counting is the First Gen Stat

King Hippo

Is Boston Scott just on the team to make Tiny Darren feel big?

SonOfSpam

Sounds like one of Simmons’ friends.

Mother Puncher

Ironically, no chance he ever plays for Patriots

Gatoraids

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That porn is gonna be GOOOOOD.

Redshirt

It’ll be like when a wrestler walked in on Andre the Giant having sex:

“It was like seeing a bunny rabbit on top of a bear.”

...

Rumor is the Timberwolves just fired Thibodeau lol

fleshwound_NPG

amazed there isnt a player/coach in the nba right now

Gatoraids

Lebron is player/gm

SonOfSpam

What, they didn’t beat the Lakers by enough today?

herodotus450

Still bugs me that refs try to act like kindergarten teachers, rounding up players and trying to separate them and get the ball back. There’s like 4000 balls on the field, just get another one and spot it and ignore the jackass running around after the whistle.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dear Lord

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The beer that make the Bears good again: https://revbrew.com/beer/deep-wood-series/deths-tar

Mother Puncher

That looks like extremely my shit

...

They’re like Goose Island in that they release a whole series of beers–their Cafe Deth coffee stout is a favorite of mine–and are almost as good as Bourbon County.

Their Rye on Rye (Rye beer aged in Rye whiskey barrels) was the second best thing I’ve had this winter.

SonOfSpam

1) Deep Wood series, heh heh
b) 14.8% ABV? CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
&) Sounds delicious (he said, while staring at a fridge full of Michelob Ultra)

Sharkbait

Everything I’ve had from them has been fantastic. Also liberated a pint glass from their tasting room last time I was in Chicago

...

They did a tapping of the Deep Wood beers at a bar by me and their reps were begging me to take their free merch. I got a nice glass out of it.

Gratliff

Gird your loins, folks

King Hippo

15-10 it is, then

Brocky

Cmon d get a turnover

SonOfSpam

Just fuck a pie instead.

Brocky

Hey I don’t tell you what to do with your life, now do i?

SonOfSpam

Someone should.

Doktor Zymm

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Gatoraids

True Binski Season 4 looking good

Sharkbait

Do we have a game now?

fleshwound_NPG

a game…has been made!

Mother Puncher

I love kissing Td’s!

fleshwound_NPG

BISCUITCANNON

Doktor Zymm

Bears? Yes, Bears!

King Hippo

OPI, or stepped out?

...

Neither!

Brocky

Erck

Brocky

This is literally the sound i made when I saw the flag at first

...

He stepped out, didn’t he?

...

NEVERMIND THAT’S A FUCKING TOUCHDOWN WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

King Hippo

seems the Bearistocrats! spent all week practicing spinning the ball

SonOfSpam

Weird, but that was a really nice play design.

...

Fuck! If he had just stayed on his feet!!!

Gatoraids

Bears vs Eagles feels longer than the actual Cold War

fleshwound_NPG

and that’s still going

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nah, Putin won.

fleshwound_NPG

oh yea, jordan howard plays for the bears

Brocky

Who?

Doktor Zymm

Remember when the Bears used to establish the run?

King Hippo

He’s dogshit 80% of the game, then hits THAT toss.

SonOfSpam

“Ok, on this drive, let’s try to get Taylor Gabriel killed.”

Redshirt

53 Bears: “Ready?…

(said simultaneriously)
52 Bears: “…Break!”
Tyler Gabriel: “…what?”

...

Now that’s some primo Mitch shit.

King Hippo

Bollo needs another happy shot

Gratliff

Gonna be death by a thousand cuts, but which fanbase will die?

Brocky

Yes

...

Ideally? Both.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[nods solemly]

– their cardiologists

Gatoraids

No one has bigger hawts than us

...

It’s weird that I’m wishing for a bubble screen but fuck, run a bubble screen or something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m hoping that Russell Wilson plays with Darren Sproles someday so we can see a nanobubble screen.

Mother Puncher

Is Trubisky the QB you’d most want to be friends with? The rest all seem like Christian weirdos.

SonOfSpam

Maybe active…but all time? Namath, obvs.

fleshwound_NPG

it’s a VERY short list

Mother Puncher

Maybe fitzmagic before he had 20 kids

...

He seems very… normal.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, I don’t have the best experiences hanging with young twenties dudes, they’re not particularly interesting

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is true, I had about as much to offer as a sex doll when I was that age.

...

Fuck it. I’m cracking a Deth’s Tar.

SonOfSpam

A little early to turn to heroin.

Gratliff

What is this conservative horseshit?

Redshirt

I’ve been asking that question since 2004. I still don’t have a fucking answer.

SonOfSpam

First time watching Fox News?

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