Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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Recovery Whiskey

If the bears recovered that and ran it back wouldnt it have been 2 for Chicago?

King Hippo

YUPPPPPP

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would have been. Atlanta lost a game to the Chiefs on a pick-2 in a similar situation (up by one, trying to go up by three)

...

Yes, which is why I yelped when the ball came out.

Gratliff

Repeat Third Down

...

NO

Gratliff

oh god terror

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooooo

...

Beaten by Golden Goddamned Taint

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d like to see a pick-2 here. That would be funny.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, it’s too bad the Bears didn’t pick it up and run it all the way back.

Spur

Da Bears?

Redshirt

Agent: “So what is a football team like that called?”

Gratliff

I can feel my heart again. That’s a good sign.

Brocky

Dmn it

...

WELL FUCK THIS

Gratliff

HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE YALL THOUGHT I WAS FINISHED

SonOfSpam

– Gratliff, upon being served the limp biscuit

King Hippo

Golden Goddamned Taint

Doktor Zymm

By the reaction here, I guess they go for it? Or call a timeout? WAS!?

herodotus450

Telegram for Dok: I hope this missive finds you well. The children are old enough to plow a field. The Eagles just scored a touchdown.
/The periods are read as “STOP” ?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Al Michaels is right; that was garbage clock management.

Gatoraids

Lurie looks like he’s going to run off to Burma

Redshirt

You’ve gotta be shitting me! Why do you call timeout there?!

Gratliff

OH MY GOD REIDIAN TIMEOUTS FOR ERRBODY

Brocky

HHDJSKKXKSJF k

...

OH MY GOD I CAN’T HANDLE THIS

King Hippo

QB draw

Doktor Zymm

Maybe it’s Crazy, but is it CRAZY? Or CrayZY?

...

EEEK

Gratliff

oh jesus fuck here it comes

SonOfSpam

– Mary Magdalene, surprised late one night by a drunk savior

Redshirt

And this is why you don’t get cute at the goalline. You just score the touchdown!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s run a play in the vicinity of Khalil Mack.

Let’s do it again!

SonOfSpam

Wait…isn’t he on the Raid-

/gets murdered by RTD

SonOfSpam

Foles gives to Sproles who can find no holes damning Philly fans’ souls.

Redshirt

Mr. T pities those fools.

...

Which Reid protege will fuck up clock management most? STAY TUNED!

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know….am I rooting for narrative, or the narrative that busts the narrative?

Gatoraids

Be careful if foles doesn’t pull that thing out on ya

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We know, we know

Gratliff

*breathing intensifies*

...

Ahahaha this fuckin sucks

Gatoraids

To the pain

Doktor Zymm

I think that was yesterday

Gratliff

Whatever you got in your fucking bags of trick needs to be pulled fucking now, Doug

...

It’s bad that I’m betting everything on the Eagles fucking up, right?

Redshirt

Its a safe bet, at least.

King Hippo

At least Chi**** will still have time to go down and….I can’t even finish the sentence.

Gratliff

Hoo baby. I did miss this feeling. Fucking playoffs, am I right, folks?

Col. Duke LaCross

Only because you know how this one is gonna end.

Doktor Zymm

The reason I’m a Xennial is because I know that ‘Who Killed JR?’ is a thing, but I have no idea who killed JR, but I’m reasonably certain that Simpsons ep was based on that

Brick Meathook

Nobody killed JR

SonOfSpam

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Based on my age, I guess I’d be an Xennial too but I don’t really want to have anything to do with either generation.

herodotus450

I know whoever shot JR was being controlled by MKUltra in conjunction with the Rand Corporation.

herodotus450

But we’ll never know for sure because Jack Ruby killed him.

Brick Meathook

It was Doctor Bellows.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

After he retires, Zack Ertz needs to open a donut shop.

(plus, he can get an endorsement deal from Microsoft)

Mother Puncher

Anybody can be a business owner. All you need is Microsoft, hard work, and millions of dollars with lifetime health insurance from your NFL contract

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pick that shit

...

Aha they’re gonna get the winning TD here and I’m gonna throw a chair out the window

Gratliff

TWO TIGHT END SET MURDER OF A NON HERNANDEZ KIND

Doktor Zymm

Oh! Hey ICRM, go get a pic of the Art Institute lions with the Bears helmets on!

King Hippo

the Bearistocrats! are gonna suck and fuck this one away

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like everyone else in America, I’ve had enough of Dallas

Dunstan

“You’re telling me!” — Debbie

...

FUCKING WRAP HIM UP

SonOfSpam

– every woman that Trump’s paid to have sex with

Gratliff

DALLAS!

fleshwound_NPG
Doktor Zymm

Motion detector office lights are a bitch

fleshwound_NPG

GO CHICAGO BEPRS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A little too much chatter in the BFC household about the game’s possible interference with the golden globes….

Mother Puncher

Don’t worry. Trubisky can’t wait to get home to some Golden Globes

SonOfSpam

Look, I’m not saying you SHOULD hit her if she don’t shut up…

Doktor Zymm

Gild your balls and you got their Golden Globes RIGHT THERE