Hey everybody, welcome to another (late) week of Quotables. I will be taking over this segment for Blax from here until the end of the season, unless my worst possible outcome occurs, in which case I’l have drank until my heart stops and someone else will have to take over following the Superb Owl. I promise going forward that Quoteables will be back to its usual Tuesday/Friday schedule starting next week, with this week’s results on Monday. As such, I am cramming the quick results from last week’s feeble attempt at this segment in below the usual Gif-y goodness. And yup, I had to pick one of my own. It felt fittingly Goodellian.
Anywho, go forth and make me laugh like a maniac at work!
Goodell Results:
See you next week. And yes, I’ve been reduced to rooting for the Patriots this weekend. Don’t cry for me, I’m already dead.
“I came here on tWBS Friday orders.”
You guys see me land on my head that last play? Man, that was awesome! Didn’t even feel a purple monkey dishwasher!
Man, my neck just hasn’t been the same since that last barn-raising.
The uterus? Oh yeah, it’s right…
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OVER THERE!!!!
I think the Superfans finally got their answer to Ditka vs. Hurricane Ditka.
[…] But regarding yesterday’s Quotables Submissions … […]
“This is the church,
This is the steeple,
Get on inside,
AND WATCH FOOTBALL YOU PEOPLE! THE SHIELD IS YOUR GOD NOW. ALL GLORY TO THE SHIELD!”
Oops, this was an old one. Carry on.
You’ll be hearing from my attorney.
Got nothing for a caption, but it’s eerie how his movements synchronize with those of the guys behind him.
“No, it doesn’t work when you pat *other* people on the head, J.J.” – Lindsay Vonn
“When I said I wanted to put a bounty on his head, I wasn’t talking about a towel!” – Gregg Williams
Not so sure about the “lock” part, but Philip Rivers certainly has the “pop” part down.
Tiffany River’s uterus: (screaming internally)
Goddammit. I knew I should have scrolled down before going with a “Phillip Rivers-uterus” joke.
Can’t even beat the Colts? Quit chewing cud and go out back to the old yeller section.
Guess who earned some time in the JJ Watt Wood Chopping Cabin of Greatness!
Canned ham can’t melt steel beams
Oh no, too sexy!
BREAKING: Tim Tebow engaged to be married; ancient Tebow sperm rejoice at the prospect of fleeing testicular prison.
Well-that is-certainly happy-news. Good-luck to-the happy-couple!
/you have to look up who she is for this joke to make any sense.
Good-stuff quality-joke.
Based on his accuracy, he’ll probably miss future Mrs. Tebow and end up impregnating the neighbor across the street.
I’m NOT HAM!…Assholes.
we know, we know, processed ham product
You called?
Let’s see Peyton Manning try this, Fat Humps.
+1 NeckAIDS
And Mrs. Rivers gets pregnant, again.
I thought he had to be present in the insemenatory for that to happen.
The “I’ve got some butter you can churn” mating ritual would work like a charm if any Amish women actually watched tv.
“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.”
The Terrible Towel’s Non-union cousin strikes again.
Looks like Andrew finally got around to seeing “Night at the Roxbury”
Sadly, Rivers’s 12th attempt at dabbing wasn’t any better than his first 11.
“And I thought I like white defenders.”
-R. Spencer
“What’s wrong with defending whites?”
– Rep. S. King
“And you people thought I was an asshole.”
-Rep. P. King
Da Bears fans have a collective erection related coronary.
Sadly, a cumulative 6″ of penis had to be amputated for safety reasons.
Man, these cyborg necks are so much better than in Peyton’s day.
I don’t care what McNair said. You’re one of the good ones.
Yo Mom
Send help, we’z getting our asses kicked. Bring Ray-ray and Little john.
Winny
Dearest mother,
We have beaten back the Generic Texan folk. The battle went according to plan. We live to fight another day.
Your son
Hodor