Your “You Win Some, You Taysom” NFC Playoff Open Thread

Speaking of which, I think we should all take two years off from our current responsibilities and dig an irrigation ditch in Ghana. WHOSE WITH ME? Nobody? Fine then, I’m not going either.

TO THE GAME!

MOVE BOMBERS/YOUNG SATCHMO’S:

Do you want a super-spooky stat that will soil your undergarments once you hear it? C’mon, at least you’ll have a legit excuse for your skidmark-laden Underoos for the very first time. (Mom is such a bitch!) Okay, here goes-

The last (and first) time that the Saints won it all back in ’09 their only three losses were to the Cowboys, Bucs and Panthers. This year’s three losses have been to those exact three squadoo’s!

[waits patiently while the commentariat changes]

Something that favors them Saints is that they’ve not lost a playoff game at home since ’93. But one troubling thing I mathed is that N.O. put up 40+ points six times this year but the last time they did so was two months ago. Over the last five weeks they’ve averaged a paltry 19 per game.

One Eagler you might want to keep an eye is rook cb Avonte Maddox. He’s played nickel corner, safety and as of a few weeks ago was put at outside corner. I don’t know if he’ll cover fellow rook Tre’Quan Smith or Mike Scott but if either of them venture out into the parking lot, he’ll be there. He’s an ‘outside’ corner, you see…*

*[inner voice] You went ahead and explained your stupid joke! It feels like I don’t know you anymore.

Do that thing where you dribble inanities all over your keyboard. I love that shit!

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Unsurprised

I wish I could monetize making gifs. So many gifs and video clips that people use suck ass because no one puts work into the originals even if and when they use the HQ/HD sources. I have that eye, damn it.

Brick Meathook

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At least I’ll be able to root for someone in the Super Bowl. I have no confidence in the Chiefs not Reid-ing their way to a loss next week, but life is full of surprises I guess.

Unsurprised

Rooting for the city-killing meteor every year.

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I’m tired of the meteor’s bullshit. DESTROY JUST ONE DAMN CITY

Unsurprised

It’s like doomsday cultists. When the day comes and goes, instead of pelting the prophet to death with produce and stones the majority of the cult doubles down on their faith and redoubles for the next event. And the next one after.

That’s me and this goddamn meteor.

King Hippo

Good thing is, with METEOR, you only have to be right ONCE

Brick Meathook

Big meteors only hit Russia. And Arizona.

Unsurprised

And that one that created the Caribbean Sea Gulf of Mexico.

Spur

Happiest person in New Orleans right now is Carson Wentz.

litre_cola

Absolutely.

Horatio Cornblower

Cue discussion about who Philly can trade Wentz to and for how many 1st round picks.

LemonJello

Blake Bortles breaks into a cold sweat.

Gratliff

He’s gonna have a long, long career, and it’s gonna feel like fucking eternity if he gets to spend it being asked what it was like watching the Eagles win their only super bowl from the sidelines.

King Hippo

good thing he doesn’t seem like much of a thinker…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s no Einwentz.

Gratliff

So was the fake punt the turning point?

litre_cola

Micheal Thomas killed us.

King Hippo

Spoiling Hippo Thoughts, but I think the 4th and goal TD was what really flipped it. Though the fake punt was a necessary predicate.

Doktor Zymm

I hear the government shutdown has extended to the national bird

litre_cola

If they arent paid is the Alaskan coast under a national security warning?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Did the NFL know 15 years ago that the kid with the missing hand was going to sign with the Seahawks some day? Were they filming him even back then? Or did they grab some orphan off the street and amputate his hand to play the role?

herodotus450

I think you know exactly how they made that commercial…

Brocky

I like to believe theres a support group for twins where 1 twin is physically deformed compared to their twin, and when gilette wanted to do that commercial, they knew a guy

Brocky

So….. with 2 NFC probowl quarterbacks in the conference title game, does this not Guarantee that 1 more alternate will go for the NFC squad.

The alternates are matt ryan and mitchell trubisky.

Is it wrong that I want whichever qb loses next week drops out also. I can only assume ryan is ahead of trubisky in voting

Dunstan

Alright, time for some Australian Open tennis!

Gratliff

I forgive you, Alshon. comment image

Mr. Ayo

Drew Brees apologizes to all the Eagles fans for this result. He hopes you can forgive him at some point.

herodotus450

Bears got Parkey’d but the Iggles got Jeffrey’d

Horatio Cornblower

The Gang Gets Furiously Drunk.

Unsurprised

It’s a day ending in ‘y’

Unsurprised

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I never really cared about the Eagles one way or the other over the years, in fact they were and are my favorite NFC East team. I loved it when they beat the Cowboys in the 1980 NFC Championship game and love it every time they beat them. I didn’t even have any real negative feelings towards them when they played the Pats in the Puker Bowl in ’05.
That all changed back in February, and while I don’t hate them for beating my team in SB LII, I am happy to see them fall back to earth like Icarus after their one fluke season, while the Pats move on to their eighth conference championship in a row.
Enjoy the memories of your only SB victory, Eagles.comment image
I will now revert to my regular non-condescending Pats fan persona.

Recovery Whiskey

This was textbook “why everyone hates New England.” Well done

hippofant

I will now revert to my regular non-condescending Pats fan persona.

Say what now?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Speaking only for myself, not the rest of Pats fandom. I know most are complete dicks.

Brick Meathook

I never really cared about the Eagles one way or the other over the years, in fact they were and are my favorite NFC East team.

I like your logic

Brocky

In a cynical sort of way, the eagles defense holding the saints to 20 points kinda shows how underrated that unit is, and how bears aren’t exactly chokers for only scoring 16 against them

hippofant

Doink.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Hell, if the Bears had scored 16 points on them, who knows what might have happened in OT.

Brocky

Shit. Off by a point.

In a football game.

This isnt an opening for a joke

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The Eagles front four was wrecking the Bears’ not-bad O-Line all night. Nagy never did a good job adjusting his play calls and there was only so much Mitch could do, but I’ll give the Eagles their due.

Unsurprised

Hey fucknuts

LemonJello

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Unsurprised

Yes

hippofant

Good guy Pederson. Bellichik’d probably give Jeffery the silent treatment while visualizing the agonizing deaths of his family.

WCS

…and by “visualizing” you mean “sending out his hit squad.”

hippofant

That’s after the game.

Or maybe Bellichik has an assistant to take care of that for him during the game. That’s probably it.

King Hippo

Quality Control Assistant

Spur

Stupid Eagles. Now we’re doomed for Brees and Brady

fleshwound_NPG

81 years combined, what kind of a league is this

Unsurprised

How perfectly NFL

herodotus450

Fletcher Cox’s name literally translates to arrow maker with no expenses.
-My application to be the next PFT Commenter

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Anyway, I don’t have any real ill will toward Jeffery but seeing him eat shit after taunting Bears fans all last week is kinda cool.

Brocky

Fuck him

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THIS FOLES I CALL HIM BIG PICK NICK BECAUSE HE’S A WORK-SPONSORED SUMMER EVENT FOR FAMILIES THAT HAS GRILLING AND SHIT wait what?

Gratliff

Personal thank you to Kirk Cousins and Mitch Trubisky for letting me experience two more games this year. comment image

litre_cola

Didnt expect it and it was fun.

Brocky

Hey, that was all mitch’s doing. Dont give cousins credit he doesn’t deserve

fleshwound_NPG

live by the bears (parkey) die by them (alshon)

Beerguyrob

I am now sad. Not $440,000 sad, but sad that I cannot attend a party hosted by a guy nicknamed the “Porn Baron”.

herodotus450

The Count of Cock?

LemonJello

Pants-shitting or more of a bed-shitting on that pickerception?

Brocky

… is that game?

Like, can NO take 3 kneel downs?

Beerguyrob

Yep.

Brocky

Technically no. If no hadn’t got the first down theyd have to punt

Redshirt

Limp Nick Foles strikes again!

WCS

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makeitsnowondem

napoleon give me some of your tots

Viva La Tabula Raza

NICKERCEPTION! GAME OVER.

Mother Puncher

Let’s uhh . . . not call it that.

litre_cola

Why?
/says out loud
Ohhhh

litre_cola

Well fuck

...

Looks like Big Dick Nick hit the back walls on that one!

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like the wizard put the brooms back in the closet.

Gratliff

After the year Jeffrey had, that’s how this ends. Wow.

Mr. Ayo

There’s the Foles we all know!

Horatio Cornblower

What a dumbass penalty to take right there.

Viva La Tabula Raza

BLEERGH once again rumbles to life.

Recovery Whiskey

Soft call

Gatoraids

Leave it to Davenport to shit the hamper

fleshwound_NPG

MUCH BLEERGH

Brocky

Based on how wonky that ball looked, I thought for a second they had blocked another field goal. So I can spend all week bitching about no one giving the saints kicker shit

Gratliff

LET’S GO

Viva La Tabula Raza

Has NO Defense even laid a finger on BDN this game?

King Hippo

Guess they heard ya

Gratliff

AS IT TURNS OUT, YES

herodotus450

They did but you could hardly even tell it was there.

Redshirt

Alright. Time to see if Foles is a god or not.

Col. Duke LaCross

He’s fucking great at getting the defense to rack up forty yards in penalties in the last two minutes.

Brocky

Well, there’s something

WCS

Well, well, well…

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ, if the Eagles get through two rounds of the play-offs because of missed FGs I will…

well, I probably won’t do much of anything, actually.

Gratliff

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

litre_cola

Holy shit

fleshwound_NPG

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mr. Ayo

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Gratliff

Many doinks, please