Your “All Signs Point To Evil Afoot” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The Bears are going to take a run at Kareem Hunt.
    • Matt Nagy knows him from working with Hunt in 2017 when both were still with the Chiefs.
    • Hunt is currently on the Commissioner’s Exempt List, meaning ol’ Rog will have to let him back in before anyone can use him in a game.
  • Gary Kubiak signed with the Vikings as their new assistant head coach/offensive adviser.
    • Probably key to the deal: his son Klint (ugh) was also named QB coach.
  • The NFL is losing more zebras to retirement.
    • This year, it’s Walt Coleman & Pete Morelli.
    • Their last act will be serving as co-referees at the Pro Bowl.
  • One ref not retiring is John Parry, who has been tagged to be the lead official at Super Bowl LIII.
    • It’s his third time working The Big Game™®©
      • He was a side judge at SB XLI & referee at SB XLVI.
    • The whole crew has been selected, and like previous years it’s the “best of the best” at their position.

Finally, the projected weather forecast for Sunday at Arrowhead is…not good.

https://twitter.com/RyanMaue/status/1084832590387908609

So it may not matter that the game will be played under a lunar eclipse.

  

As noted in Foxboro,

**grumble grumble**

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Kings at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Caps at Preds – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Penguins at Sharks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • T-wolves at 76ers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
    • Warriors at Nuggets – 9:00PM | TSN4
  • NCAA:
    • Arkansas at Tennessee – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Kentucky at Georgia – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • West By-God Virginia at TCU – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Marquette at Georgetown – 8:30PM | FS1
    • Davidson at St. Joseph’s – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • Notre Dame at U*NC – 9:00PM | ESPN
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00Pm | USA / Sportsner360

For you night owls, there’s always tennis.

THANK YOU. QUIET, PLEASE!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
138 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As the sun rises on Day 4 of KILLSTORM ’19, I step outside to take stock. The rain barrel is overflowing and a trickle of water runs, unimpeded, across the patio. The plants in my garden, confused by the lack of constant sunlight, droop slightly, as though they share my feelings of dejection. The cat cries at me, frustrated that her paws will grow damp if she ventures out. As I stand there, the temperature in the house falls below sixty degrees and I hear the heater kick on.

Nevertheless, we persist.

LemonJello

Thoughts and prayers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Oh no. A copy of Queen at Wembley in 1986.

h

ttps://openload.co/f/DcJlfg3a9FY/Queen_-Live_at_Wembley_Stadium_%281986%29.m4v

Unsurprised

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

tWBS: Squirrel trapper extraordinaire.

How do these little assholes keep getting in?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, I go downstairs and see something move.
Ahhhh fuck.

I got him/her and didn’t even get bitten this time.

But holy shit this is getting old.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No shit, I had one drown in the toilet about a year ago.
Stupid drowned sexy squirrel.

Go into the bathroom to take a shit and see that and tell me how it feels.

Unsurprised

Did the tail tickle your taint?

Unsurprised

I give it 50/50 I’d have noticed before I sat down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I went in and saw it and thought….da Fuq is that?????????????????

Unsurprised

Ghost Pooper!

Unsurprised

You don’t close the poop flap in your pajamas?

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Some asshole uploaded a copy of the original Schmitt’s Gay ad with Van Halen’s Beautiful Girls.

h

ttps://openload.co/f/8yPK6OUtVWY/192schmittsBIG.flv

yeah right

All of you east coast and midwest folks hoping for a friendly winter got a surprise coming.

Motherfucker it’s cold and wet and shit is coming your way.

Got damn it’s cold.

Be safe.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s 54 degrees. Calm your tits.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha! You’ve only been in LA a few months. Blood hasn’t thinned quite yet…

yeah right

Yes sir. And if it’s 54 here think what happens when it crosses the Rockies.
We’re the first outpost of weather.

It will get worse East of us.
Oh yes.

Brick Meathook

Yeah it’s 54º but’s it’s a Pacific Coast 54º.

Plus, I’m only wearing a T-shirt and shorts so it’s extra cold as shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too!
comment image

Brick Meathook

The two phones gives away your identity.

Unsurprised

You look taller.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the ballsack.

Brick Meathook

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY GODDAMMIT I TOOK THAT PHOTO AND YOU DON’T HAVE COPYRIGHTS TO IT!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

yeah right

Taking requests for Sunday Gravy Season 4.

Drop a suggestion.

Jesus I must be fucking insane to do this.

Let’s do this damn thing!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Chateaubriand?

yeah right

Done and done.

Will accept.

Where’s my Puerto Rican lawyer so I can expense this?

Unsurprised

DonT?

yeah right

Yep

ballsofsteelandfury

Eggs Woodhouse?
comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Unsurprised

I can’t think of anything. WTF.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Beer? Beer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Changed my mind. Whisky.

yeah right

I’m doing both just in case

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MAGA hats, insisting that they would be “honored” to be served fast food at a White House reception (artist’s conception):
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

More loving care went into that than most families will ever expend and receive.

Unsurprised

A song and a dance makes it all better.
comment image

herodotus450

Speaking of ducks, the Anaheim Ducks of Anaheim about to lose their 11th in a row. Eleven in a row is bad in any temperature scale sport.

herodotus450

Apparently it’s 12 in a row, not 11.

Senor Weaselo

BRING BACK GORDON BOMBAY!

WCS

Quack. Quack! QUACK!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

yeah right

As a Devils fan I’m more partial to this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj2URP8wJlU

King Hippo

I wish my alma mater didn’t suck at everything.

ArmedandHammered

C’mon, they do great at failure.

WCS

Don’t get down on yourself. You’re a tremendous slouch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

herodotus450

Yearly reminder that Bobby Ryan had a fucking ridiculous childhood
http://www.espn.com/espnmag/story?id=3782270

Brick Meathook

There are several temperature scales I’ve been educated on during my lifetime: Fahrenheit, Celsius, Absolut, Kelvin, the list goes on and on, etc etc, blah blah blah.

Regardless of your own preferred scale, let us agree that “-5º” is fucking cold and doesn’t need a qualifier.

Thank you and God bless our troops.

King Hippo

just don’t EVER day degrees Kelvin!

/I know you wouldn’t, Brick, being the Renaissance Man you are

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks for the warning; I WILL NOT day Kelvin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

herodotus450

Absolut? What a pussy. Ketel One is the only temperature scale I use.

herodotus450

Also -5 Kelvin or -5 Rankine would be pretty fucking cold.

King Hippo

-5 K would violate the laws of space and time!

Brick Meathook

-5 K is the danger zone, and that’s where I live.

LemonJello

comment image
Which one are you, Brick?

Brick Meathook

comment image

LemonJello

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of the best homoerotic movies of all time.

Brick Meathook

Q: What’s the difference between -5ºF in Kansas City and -5ºF in Las Vegas?

A: Legalized prostitution

Unsurprised

I had an abcess drained today, which is because I’m old and stupid.

King Hippo

ah, the ailments stage!

#ItGetsWorse

Unsurprised

Woohoo!

It’s always reassuring to get an audible “oh my goodness” from a doctor. It’s a big damn abcess. I’m I big boy.

King Hippo

in four consecutive years, I had multiple foot bones (each foot) reshaped, then my knee scoped, then had the PeyPey neck surgery, THEN went randomly deaf in my right ear.

I was really worried the following year, but apparently God had laughed enough. These were ages 37-40 IIRC

Unsurprised

That fucking blows.

I already have hearing loss and random retina damage was found last year (along with an eye infection that didn’t heal correctly, so I will always have big floaters in my vision). I was supposed to get a checkup on that but had to cancel due to the surgery. So everything is coming up Milhouse.

King Hippo

surely one your ailments should be opiate-worthy, at least?

Unsurprised

Nope. Not even for the draining. I’ve been taking Aleve for a couple of days since I had this thing the size of an old iPhone aching for a week. OTOH, I live down the street from a dispensary if it gets bad.

King Hippo

merde, you got hardass doctors up there

Unsurprised

Oh, yeah. No shit. You need a prescription for Claritin-D here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I Hate Danny Manning.

That is all.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When a meeting is running an hour long and it’s almost 6pm, you can just walk out, right?

Unsurprised

Unless it’s billable, yes. If it is billable, the rate should double.

King Hippo

tell ’em you will file a grievance with the union. Management just LOVES union humour.

Unsurprised

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

D’awwwwwww

King Hippo

delicioso!

herodotus450

Not stuffed-in-a-cage-to-promote-fatty-liver enough for me smh

Unsurprised

True genius is rarely recognized in its own time.
comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is everybody here in LA holed up properly to avoid KILLSTORM ’19?

King Hippo

what, is it gonna rain for a whole straight hour?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Possibly two.

WCS

Better start building that Ark.

Brick Meathook

It’s been raining here for a week. I went outside once and I almost died.

LemonJello

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Another game needlessly gets a franchise.
/Verifies that there is indeed a game called Killstorm

Unsurprised

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Suggested intro music for the KC game:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lbiS1fris

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Unsurprised

They can get him cheap because he’s desperate after losing all of that money on cryptocurrency.

Unsurprised

I’d have used this gif
comment image

LemonJello

comment image

Andy Reid has the weirdest boner right now.

Unsurprised

/DOOR FLIES OPEN
comment image

DID SOMEBODY SAY A FOOT!?!

Unsurprised

God, I love that photo. It needs to go into the Library of Congress.

Brick Meathook

-5°F and a lunar eclipse? That’s awesome! Although somebody’s probably gonna die.

Okay, New England, fuck your Atlantic Seaboard cold! Wait til you get a taste of prairie cold!

King Hippo

Can I nominate Brady? OK, I nominate Brady.

Brick Meathook

Brady will somehow thrive, and they’ll get a close-up of him and his eyeballs are glowing red.

Unsurprised

Is he a Terminator or the Jack Frost demon that fucks Shannon Elizabeth to death in a bath tub?

Brick Meathook

PEDs.

Unsurprised

Demon.

Senor Weaselo

Yes? I’m gonna go with yes.

King Hippo

Shitty Wolves head to Winston Salem tonight. Wake Forest is really, really poopy.

Senor Weaselo

So Carol Channing died. I’ll always remember her as done by Ryan Stiles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dxc1KTOwGsE

Unsurprised

He did her?

Well … Pussy’s pussy. Just had to dust that one off a bit. Move a doily or a couple old cats.

Senor Weaselo

Arctic Blast is a Pokemon move, right? Brocky, Low Commander?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFdwqZ2CmKw

King Hippo

/ppl forget that

Unsurprised

The sled dogs don’t.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Sounds right. Could also be a Mountain Dew flavor.
comment image

Senor Weaselo

Is that… blue Powerade and Mountain Dew? That’s either a terrible idea or the worst idea anyone has ever had.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I mean, I’m of the opinion that after drinking enough Mountain Dew, people should just become sterile, so you’re not wrong.

Unsurprised

Don’t they already?

rockingdog

It’s like he has set a trap to catch the Hamburgler!!!!

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Ruble ruble?

Unsurprised

I actually liked this one a lot.

Mmmmm. Steamed hams. AKA Patented Skinnerburgers.
comment image

Unsurprised

I don’t get it but I don’t care.
comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised

Re: the original image above, the best caption just said “The portrait of Lincoln really makes it perfect.”
comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, even the backdrop is pathetically sad.

Unsurprised

It’s like he has set a trap to catch the Hamburgler!!!!

All he’s ever going to catch is Diabetes.