Your “And Then There Were Only Three” NFC Champeenship Game Open Thread

But scrotchnat, you slur through your 5th mimosa, there’s two teams playing and four teams remaining. You can’t count worth a McFiggins! Well, you got me on the the ‘not being able to count’ observation but I will counter that I was talking about the number of games left.

Yup, that reality that everyone knows about but no one wants to address. (It’s a lot like a beautiful woman letting rip a real stinker in an elevator full of strangers) There’s only three to be played and 66% of them will be gone in mere hours. We’re winding another season down folks and much like me flexing in a mirror, it ain’t pretty.

TO THE GAME!

Ewe Bangers/Halo Huggers:

Injuries:

The Rams have not a one fella on the injury report but the Saints will be missing te Watson with an appendicitis and wr Kirkwood as well. The latter didn’t get the ball often but in five of the last seven games of the season his longest catch ranged from 19 to 42 yards and he picked up a couple of TD’s along the way.

Surprise!:

With the emergence of C.J. Anderson the Rams have morphed into something of a power running club. This is a huge advantage for The Other Sean because there is so little game film for defenders to look at and you gotta know that McVay is scribbling new plays and formations on a napkin as we speak. On top of this development is the fact that qb Goff has a solid stats vs. the Saints-he’s throwing at a 66% clip and his TD’s far outnumber his INT’s.

Scoreghazi? Nah.:

As mentioned last week by yours truly, the Saints finished up the latter part of the regular season averaging 19 a game and tossed up just 20 last week. Brees is content with Kamaro, Ingram and wr Scott moving the chains rather than looking for the big play. (though he will toss one up if it’s available-Ginn Jr. will be the one to drop it today) Witness last week when the New Orleans O took an entire quarter out of the game on that long drive in the 3rd. Also, cb Talib was missing last time these two met and Scott went off for 200+ yards against cb Peters. Talib is just as physical as Scott and should be able to push him out/off of a route or two.

Ace up sleeve:

I think the edge belongs to the Saints once again. Taysom Hill is what Tim Tebow would be if he was possessed of any humility whatsoever. Secondly, Payton’s proclivity for chancing it on 4th downs tends to pay off. [pulls stat out of nutsack] He’s gone for it 18 times this year and been successful on 15 of them. This could be the difference in a tightly-contested game.

Prediction:

That’s for everyone else-I just know this is going to be a great game. [whispers] Saints by 3.

Let’s tie one on.

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Unsurprised

Hmm.

Fact: Wine is only palatable as you age and your taste receptors degrade so you can't tell how truly disgusting it is.

— SwiftOnSecurity (@SwiftOnSecurity) January 20, 2019

Unsurprised

Then a beer nerd walks into the replies.

Anyway, whatever it takes to dull the pain.

King Hippo

I will pill-pop to that, chuh chuh

makeitsnowondem

I’m extremely a beer guy and even I think this is unacceptable.

...

The fact people have very difference sensitivities to taste is documented and probably should be better known so people stop pretending literal taste is objective.

Doktor Zymm

I think it’s pretty well known, but it’s just more fun to tell people how wrong they are

Doktor Zymm

I’m almost certain that’s not how taste receptors work. Kids basically just like sugary stuff, if anything they’re working with underdeveloped taste buds

Spur

Rams D is going to need to make two turnovers happen.

King Hippo

and score on same

Senor Weaselo

I haven’t seen this many people decrying the actions of a man called Gurley since MRAs complained about that Gillette commercial.

Doktor Zymm

I really hope it doesn’t end up being Pats/Saints…that’s just so boring and conventional

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be excellent fodder for the Tales from the Meteor series.

Doktor Zymm

If the Chiefs make it we should change that to Tales from the Meatier

fleshwound_NPG

since jan ’03 the afc title game has had either a manning, brady, and/or big ben in it

thank the afc for being a nuclear waste dump

...

It’s great pointing out this fact to people fiercely pushing the idea of a salary cap in MLB for competitive reasons.

King Hippo

Hippo Thoughts will be one line tomorrow, if so

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m not sure why there is a perception that Pats in the SB is a boring thing. The last five SBs that they were in were all very exciting, and they lost three of them.

hippofant

The coverage will be boring. Every other article will just be an article from 2018 cut and pasted with the year replaced.

Doktor Zymm

I crave novelty, dynasties bore the shit out of me no matter how good the games themselves are

Viva La Tabula Raza

I see your point. I remember when the Bills went to 4 SBs in a row and it did become tiresome.

Redshirt

Will someone tell the referee that its against the rules for a crowd to use noisemakers (e.g. whistles)?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it legal if they are doing it manually, though?

makeitsnowondem

Darren Sharper asked the same question.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or is it orally?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t tell if that “Alita” movie is live-action or animated. Maybe it’s both, like a Matrix style version of “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”?

Gratliff

CG-“enhanced” I assume it exists so otaku types can jerk off to something slightly less shameful.

...

Eagerly scanning every second for the single frame where I see CGI titties

herodotus450

Is the CG character the imaginary used tampon that only Alito can see that told him how to vote on the SC?

makeitsnowondem

It’s live-action but it uses effects to make its actors look grotesque, like Darkest Hour.

makeitsnowondem

I think at this point you’ve just got to bench Gurley for the big round former Super Bowl hero.

King Hippo

DONKS WOO!! HIGH FIVE!

makeitsnowondem

DONKS WIN THE SUPER BOWL (BASED ON MY MADDEN ULTIMATE TEAM RESULTS)

Gratliff

So Saints-Eagles was the actual Super Bowl, then.

Spur

Cut Gurley

bk109

Yeah, cut him… NE can always make do with the next Dion Lewis-style reclamation project 😀

King Hippo

HOW CAN YOU KICK HERE??

King Hippo

Gurley is liquid shit today

Mr. Ayo

Heard he’s more injured than RAMMMIT is letting on.

bk109

Shouldn’t that usually be a good thing, lol? After all – that scattershot diarrhea ought to find and squirt through the gaps!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I liked Joe Buck describing that throw as “safe” just as Cooks got creamed.

King Hippo

Given how much FOOTBAW ah watch, all these promos and ads make me like y’all don’t noe me a-tall

Spur

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Redshirt

Andrew Whitworth has a face that screams: “Aw, hell. Its happening again. Different team, but its happening again!”

...

Remembering the time I did a shot of giardiniera-infused malort and I can’t think of anything more disgustingly and performatively Chicago.

Gratliff

The only acceptable use of giardiniera is mixing it into so much meat that you can’t tell it’s there.

...

Intensely and powerfully wrong answer right here

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rahm Emmanuel, perhaps?

makeitsnowondem

You can’t argue with the results.
— Jason Van Dyke

...

Related: Voting for Gerry McCarthy is my original example by for people who live in Jefferson Park.

makeitsnowondem

dressing up as a leprechaun and swan diving into the river

...

Only after it’s been dyed green.

Spur

have you had deep dish “pizza” yet?

...

It’s delicious and no one says otherwise.

makeitsnowondem

It owns and the the next time I’m in Chicago I’m taking a cab straight from O’Hare to Giordano’s.

Gratliff

Love tomato soup w/ meat

...

I know.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh man, they get THE Steve Harvey for the NFL Honors? Can’t miss that!

makeitsnowondem

They had hard time getting him. Had to promise he wouldn’t have to give any awards to women or Michael Sam.

Gatoraids

Steve Harvey would host hook worms if they paid him

makeitsnowondem

C.J. Anderson looks like they put a Rams helmet on top of a much larger Rams helmet.

Redshirt

14:31 minutes into the game and C.J. Anderson gets his first carry?

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Sharkbait

I do have a smart lock on my rent rental property. But we have backups in case of failure

bk109

Delightful, just wanted to congratulate you on giving anyone but the dumbest non-tech-y burglars an easy way to enter… Seriously, “Smart locks” are like “Keyless” car fobs, a fucking joke if you have the right (and easily obtainable) shit from China 😀

herodotus450

A $10 lockpick set or any blunt tool will defeat a normal lock/security though.

bk109

And a 100$ of gear can batch unlock a whole building worth o’ plundering… Best part is, some smart-locks reuse tech from keyless car setups, so you can then load your shit into the best car in the parking lot 😀
Also – why use a 10$ lockpick when you can use a free rock ? 😀

hippofant

But it’ll take more than 5 seconds, will leave physical evidence, and requires skill.

Yes, breaking into even cars with old-school physical locks isn’t that difficult ultimately, but they don’t present nearly the crime of opportunity as being able to wander a parking lot scanning cars to crack with a keyless fob entry.

Spur

CJ Anderson is going to take your beads NO.

Spur

Crowd is slowing down…need more Gumbo

Mr. Ayo

Whoever has that whistle in the crowd needs to be drawn and quartered.

Ian Scott McCormick

Who dat?

Senor Weaselo

BRING BACK THE VUVUZELAS!

bk109

Yeah, that whistle makes me miss the vuvuzelas

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing in New Orleans is “slimming”.

Senor Weaselo

Hekker is the leading passer now.

Gratliff

Hell yes. Right Into my god damn veins. Miliboo(?????) has created the world’s first smart sofa. It has YouTube! How does it have YouTube! Why!!!! pic.twitter.com/ayaG1K42WR

— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) January 10, 2019

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Spur

oh…tricky Rammit

King Hippo

LEAVE HEKKER IN

fleshwound_NPG

oh?!

Doktor Zymm

I was really expecting the first quarter to be more competitive

Spur

WTF Woods? Bounce that run to the outside!

Redshirt

Well at least the Bengals coaching staff will get setup this week. Plus, Mike Brown won’t have to play for someone who coached in a Super Bowl.

King Hippo

nothing downfield at all, just dickless

Unsurprised

Oh, we’re doing reaasons why IoT sucks?

I just realized – I was in such shock about the terrible locks I failed to mention the rest. They expect me to connect a smart hub from some 2bit IoT startup to my personal router to manage it, as well as a thermostat and water meters.

No, my lease doesn’t stipulate broadband.

— Lesley Carhart (@hacks4pancakes) January 18, 2019

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s only a matter of time before they do that to my building given the type and pace of renovations since I moved in.

For people just tuning in – concerns:
– Lock has no mechanical override and a history of glitches.
– IoT hub collects entry / thermostat / water data with no clear privacy / use / breach notification agreement.
– Property requires residents connect hub to their personal network.

— Lesley Carhart (@hacks4pancakes) January 18, 2019

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...

I saw a rehabbed rental building near me had some of this smart tech and I think they using it to justify to utterly exorbitant rent they’re charging.

Gratliff

“Water damage on the ceiling turning you off? Well, maybe this door that doesn’t unlock will change your mind!”

King Hippo

Sounds like a way around rent control laws

Unsurprised

Exactly

hippofant

Cool, everybody plug this Huawei device into your homes!

Gratliff

An important aside: If you buy one of those hyper cheap smartphones (not just Huawei), you have purchased spyware. They subsidize the cost of the phone by selling your data.

Unsurprised

OH! Gotcha covered fam.
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...

More like the Internet of SHIT

Gratliff

?roidmi my friend pic.twitter.com/d62LzT4fa4

— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) January 10, 2019

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herodotus450

I can’t help pronounce it as “Roid me.” Hemorrhoids no, steroids maybe.

Viva La Tabula Raza

GOOD DESIGN AWARD 2018.

“Is that design OK?”
“I guess it’s good.”
“AWARD TIME, BABY!”

King Hippo

we wanted a fun game, instead we get a bunch of guys Beatin’ Goff

Spur

and this is New Orleans ever Sunday? comment image

herodotus450

Looks like Snowmageddon is done and all we got was two soft white inches. Now I know how my wife feels.

King Hippo

BANNER

Redshirt

Shut down the BANNER. We’ve got a winner.

fleshwound_NPG

we only got maybe an inch and a half and now i know how stormy daniels felt

Recovery Whiskey

Gonna Goff it

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I like how NFL Network uses Micheal Irvin talking in their commercials, as if that’s a positive.

bk109

It’s astute observations like that make me wonder, why don’t broadcasts just use crowd noise and have all commentary be optional (and opt-in)… Well, that and who’s Mrs Andrews fuckin’ and how good to keep doin’ that job

herodotus450

Sometimes you can get the cable cam feed that has no announcers. It really reminds you how boring this game really is.

Gratliff

Cyber rod. Charge up your fishing rods charge it up. Charge rod smart fish rod pic.twitter.com/0l8gpF9KlG

— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) January 10, 2019

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fleshwound_NPG
Senor Weaselo

I’m pretty sure that Papa John’s does not make New Orleans happy. Just a guess.

Mr. Ayo

I know when I think New Orleans food, pizza is right at the top of that fucking list.

King Hippo

We are in Darkest Timeline

...

GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO PIZZA

Gatoraids

Rams suffering the work trip to Bourbon Street

Spur

voodoo at work

fleshwound_NPG

colin cowherd predicted rams/chiefs

this was all inevitable

Spur

Do they know they’re on the same team comment image

King Hippo

sound is off, one more score and buh-bye, picture

...

So if it’s the case one game will be a blowout and one will be close, this means the Patriots are going to fuck us up late after Andy runs out timeouts, right?

Sharkbait

Subscribe.

Spur

Dilly Dilly

Dunstan

If there was a way to bet on that specific outcome I would be staking large amounts on it.