Greetings again, and welcome back to the first annual [DFO] Banner Tournament Preview. And may I confirm, this is just the PREVIEW. The tournament proper doesn’t start until Friday, as that is March 1st. These four days (yesterday, today, tomorrow, and Thursday) are just the unveiling of the regions—take that NCAA, and your two-hour selection show. Ours takes four days! So you can give your handicapping and thoughts all you want but it doesn’t mean anything until Friday. In case you are curious, we don’t have a bracket challenge… this year.

After covering the BLEERGH Region yesterday, it’s time to move over to the GAMBLOR Region as find the sixteen comments duking it out in that particular quadrant. Obviously the same rules apply about anonymity so don’t ask. Without further ado, here they are:

1. “I keep waiting for one big hit that causing [sic] a player’s jersey to start flashing 12:00.”
16. “THESE PROVIDENCE FRIARS, I CALL THEM LEX STEELE BECAUSE THEY ARE PUSHING THESE TROJANS TO THE LIMIT!”

Loss of some points for the grammar error but it is about telling not spelling. On an unrelated note, fuck Providence, no I am not bitter.

8. “My name is Bond. Denied Bond. -Paul Manafort”
9. “Sweden: the Dante Hicks of the World Cup”

Manafort jokes are still in season as he tries to remain more criminally relevant than Roger Stone trying to see if he can last a whole 5 minutes without trying to skirt a gag order. As opposed to Michael Cohen, who couldn’t go 5 minutes without having to gag a skirt order. Hiyooooooo!

Shit. That could have been my breakthrough and I waste it in a post. Ah well, moving on.

5. “As they say in Japan, a draw is like sniffing your sister’s dirty underpants.”
12. “This [TNF] game is the Futurama suicide booth come to life.”

Two World Cup jokes on the same side of the region! Meanwhile, that is true about all Thursday Night Football games. Oh, speaking of draws while we’re at it—I will not vote, but if there is a tie in the polls then I will, which is in all likelihood a fancy way of saying “higher seed wins the tiebreaker.”

4. “Man that is messed up, and right after he [Jonathan Martin] shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.”
13. “Home ice is just a cocktail awaiting bourbon.”

Wow, that’s a 4 seed? I mean that’s pretty fucked up. And the lower seed is definitely one of the truer things ever said on this site. Bourble is represented! But it only got a 13 seed sadly. On the bottom side:

6. “I can’t wait for Justify to decline the upcoming invitation to the White House.”
11. “I guess on a night they were honoring Snider, the Flyers fans weren’t gonna take it anymore!”

Of course, when invited, Justify said neigh.

3. “Kennedys don’t retire, they die in office. Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?”
14. “Don’t bother sucking on that pistol. It ain’t gonna get any harder.”

I guess in fairness, Justice Kennedy wasn’t one of those Kennedys. And it could have been worse, we could’ve… oh right. Fuck.

7. “This Hull defense, I call them Mia Khalifa because they are letting lots of men in their backdoor to score.”
10. “I haven’t seen an Alonso destroy a Cassel like that since the [C]atholics reconquered Spain from the Moors.”

2. “‘…the calming effect Tony[ ]Dungy had on the high-strung quarterback.’—If only he had that calming effect on his high strung son.”
15. “I was going to ask what’s wrong with Vikings fans, but they’re Vikings fans. It’s self-explanatory.”

Nice to know that that out of the four 1/2 seeds unveiled so far, suicide jokes occupy two of the spots! The committee is slightly fucked up, methinks.

Well, that’s two regions down, two to go. Another region awaits tomorrow, so until then!