Your “Hittin’ The Big Time” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Free agency:
    • Le’Veon Bell to the Jets – 4 years/$52.5 million.
    • Adrian Peterson is staying with the [Redacteds] – 2 years/$8 million
    • Earl Thomas to the Ravens – 4 years/$55 million.
      • The Ravens play in Seattle this coming season.
    • Mark Ingram to the Ravens – 3 years/$15 million.
  • Franchise tag:
    • Chiefs taggee Dee Ford will be traded Wednesday at 4:01PM ET to the Niners for a 2020 second-round draft pick.
  • Non-free agency:
    • As most of us opined upon last night, OBJ was traded to the Browns for a 2019 1st & 3rd, plus Jabril Peppers.
      • ESPN had the best quote:
        • Months after paying him a $20 million signing bonus, they traded one of the league’s best young players at any position to the Browns for the sort of offer the computer would reject in a video game.
      • As was pointed out to me by blaxabbath, at least OBJ has fled the ghosts of the Meadowlands.
    • Aaron Hernandez has had his murder conviction reinstated by the Massachusetts Supreme Court.
      • The Court also threw out the principle under which Hernandez’ conviction was overturned, calling the standard outdated in the face of modern law.
        • What will be entered is a conviction and “the court record will note the conviction was neither affirmed nor reversed because the defendant died while the appeal was pending”.
      • This decision has current impact due to Odin Lloyd’s mother’s lawsuit against Hernandez’ estate.
        • Proving that if you hang around long enough, you eventually find yourself the villain.

It’s been a banner day for me – after commenting on the Aaron Hernandez conviction restoration, I got called a scumbag on Deadspin:

I was then asked to return to Barstool, which is actually the most offensive thing in the thread.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blackhawks at Maple Leafs – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
      • Jesus – go Blackhawks
    • Devils at Oilers – 9:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet1

  • NBA:
    • Nets at Thunder – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Pistons at Heat – 7:30PM | TSN4
    • Warriors at Rockets – 9:30PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • ACC Basketball Tournament:
      • Louisville vs. Notre Dame – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
      • Syracuse vs. Pittsburgh – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
    • Big 12 Basketball Tournament:
      • TCU vs. Oklahoma State – 7:00PM | ESPNU / TSN3
      • Oklahoma vs. West By-God Virginia – 9:00PM | ESPNU / TSN3
    • Big East Basketball Tournament:
      • Providence vs. Butler – 7:00PM | FS1
      • St. John’s vs. DePaul – 9:30PM | FS1

POST AWAY, MY PRETTIES!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Back to this weird ass BnB following an IRL dinner with LCSS. Which of you all is still imaginary?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

There are few musical acts as underappreciated as Warren Zevon.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Full disclosure, Werewolves of London is one of my all-time least favorites so I’ve never really given him a chance. But this shit rocks and I clearly need to explore his catalogue more.

Fronkenshteen

He hated it too.
(Start at 11:35)
(Then watch the rest of the episode. It’s Larry Sanders, for chrissakes.)
https://youtu.be/Khc8riKVbEI

yeah right

It’s worth the time. Good to see you skol brother!

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Good to see you too buddy! With how much free time I have I don’t spend nearly enough time on here. Gotta try and become a regular again.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I saw Warren Zevon live at the legendary Bayou in Georgetown in D.C., back when Georgetown was the greatest bar district in America. The Bayou is gone and Georgetown is no more.

Fronkenshteen

Watching Liverpool v Munich. I recorded it before I went to work. The United States will not be able to produce this level of football talent for a hundred fucking years.

rockingdog
rockingdog

warriors squeak out the win at houston. Go dubs!

rockingdog
rockingdog

wonder what these smell like?
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Don T

overexposure

Redshirt

All of a sudden this showed up on my screen. That’s one way to have a heart attack.

Fronkenshteen

HAHAHA! Stupid fucking libtards. Liking political figures who try to fight creeping facism and virulent racism. Losers.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That only describes RBG here.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Failure & Incompetence

Don T

Yo Rob: that’s what happens when you hang with heathens. If you sleep with kids, you wake up full of pee.*

* Traditional saying, not presidential scenario.

Fronkenshteen

So the Simpsons pulled the Michael Jackson episode from…existence. Guess I need to watch that documentary.

Redshirt

I’m on the fence.

On one hand, he was investigated several times while he was alive and nothing was caught. Plus, its not really right to trash someone who is dead and cannot defend themselves, unless there is 100% irrefutable proof.

On the other hand, I think a lot of us was blinded by Michael Jackson because he was all but royalty. When chose not to believe it because we didn’t want to believe it. “He didn’t have a childhood growing up, so he’s really just a kid at heart.” This isn’t OJ Simpson getting away with murder or Donald Trump using his power or influence to turn the Imperial Presidency into a Regent. Michael Jackson transcended everything. You take that away, and you take away a big piece of the 1980s. Thriller? Disconned. Super Bowl Halftime Show? Disconned. Beat It. Bad. Billy Jean. Man in the Mirror. Black and White. Pretty Young Thing. Even the Jackson Five songs. All of it. Gone. Guilty by Association.

I may watch it eventually. But you’ll forgive me if I embrace my procrastination this one time.

Fronkenshteen

You get the feeling R. Kelly is gonna pay for Jacko’s crimes, so to speak?

Redshirt

No, R. Kelly’s gonna pay for his own crimes.

Fronkenshteen

Have you tried listening to any of the old Cosby albums since the Unearthening? It’s hard to stay focused on the comedy.

Redshirt

Chocolate Cake.
John Ritter the nervous dad.
Theo in the real word.

That’s three things I love I can never watch again.

Fronkenshteen

“Bill Cosby: Himself” is on par with Richard Pryor’s “Live In Concert” from 1979 (video, not album), Lewis Black’s “Rules Of Enragement” and Eddie Izzard’s “Dressed To Kill” as one of the strongest standup performances I’ve ever heard. Can’t watch it ever again.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Bullshit. Michael Jackson was a freak since the 1980s and it baffled me why he was celebrated while he was obviously doing incredibly strange shit, and there were little boys way back then too.

Fronkenshteen

As a kid (80s), I remember him hanging out with Emmanuel Lewis, but I think he was an adult at the time. He was hanging out with chimps and shit.

Fronkenshteen

Damn shame what happened to deadspin. That comment section used to be some of the best humor I’ve ever seen. My National Lampoon, you know? I guess those guys are all on Twitter.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

A.J. Daulerio fucked that whole place up, long before the lawsuit. Anybody there now is a fourth rate hack. A fourth rate internet hack.

Fronkenshteen

If I named some Deadspin commenter names, could you tell me if you know them? Not who they are, of course.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I dunno. I look at it occasionally but I never read the comments. I can’t even read the articles. Dave McKenna was the only real writer left there and even he might be gone now. Jalopnik is still sort of OK.

Fronkenshteen

Sgt. Hammerclaw
Raysism
Same Sad Echo
Sonar Jose
Amazing Sneiderman
Bevraj of Choice
Doug Exeter
Steve U.
HitBullWin Steak
Dubai At Night
Iron Mike Gallego

Where are those guys? Kid Hustle checked in the other day and instantly cleared 500 recs.

Fronkenshteen

He tries his damndest to cut a sympathetic figure in “Nobody Speak”. Fucked up film.

Senor Weaselo

St. John’s didn’t totally fuck it up so they stay on the bubble!

Redshirt

https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/every-star-trek-captain-ranked-by-competency/ar-BBUJskE?ocid=spartanntp

Incoming nerd rage alert. Get you Simpson GIF ready. EDIT: One LONG ass nerd rant!

Good news, Patriots! You’re no longer the worst winner of this year.

Spoiler

Janeway?! Janeway?! She was good, but not the best. And competent?

Ocampa: Why are you choosing these people over your crew? Their God kidnapped you and your crew and killed half your crew in the process. Plus, he himself said his efforts will only buy them a few years. You are stranding your crew in GodKnowsWhere, damning them from possibly ever seeing your family for a few years? But you want to be a hero? Sounds good. Why can’t you set a bomb to go off after you the WarpZoneWave back home? You go home, Ocampa are saved (for a few years). Everyone wins! You have a crew of Terrorists on your ship (not racist). Odds are one of them knows how to make a bomb!

Kazon: You can’t share technology, but who says you can’t give them all the water and food they want for safe passage.

Vidiians: Klingon DNA was proven to fight the Phage. You can give them a bottle of Klingon DNA and say “Here is a possible cure. Leave us alone?”

Seska: “Oh, no. She’s a Cardassian spying on the Maquis, we can’t trust her! Oh, my friend who was spying for us? That’s different.”

Ferengis from TNG: Why did you send them back to the planet they were enslaving? Oh, they’re involved in their culture? It could cause society to collapse? Good point. Someone get the British back here! We’re giving America back to the King….’s descendant. It was wrong of us to overthrow an unjust ruler. It caused a society to collapse. Also, THERE’S LITERALLY A TUNNEL IN SPACE THAT GOES HOME! Why are you so focused on the two Ferengi enslaving a population that you care so much about that YOU LET THEM GO! Honestly, this should’ve been the point where the crew mutinied and sent Janeway out an airlock. If you get outsmarted by two C-list Ferengi villains, you cannot be Captain. If its not a rule, it should be.

Warp 10: Okay. It happened. You and your helmsman binged on Rare Candy, evolved into Future Human Lizards (someone Charles Darwin is spinning in his grave), had sex and had Future Human Lizard Spawn. You don’t like it. We don’t like it. But the shuttle was going infinite speed. If you can find some way to end up on Earth, have the Doctor (no, the other one) cure you like he did before. Even if you can’t, just copy and past flying instructions to the Doctor’s program, put him on the shuttle and then you now have a Supply Line with Earth. You can even have Starfleet build the most advanced deep space exploration ship with the most advanced weaponry and shield technology.

Time Travel Saves the Day: Yay! You’re home! Admiral Janeway’s sacrifice was not in vain. Screw what happened the last 16 years of travel. I’m sure it was nothing important and you didn’t make any sort of impact on any of the people you encountered. Setting aside the fact that you may have created a paradox because Captain Janeway will have no reason to go back in time to set right what once went wrong, what going to stop the Future Time Police Starfleet from showing up and going “Nice try. Go back to the Delta Quadrant.” They did it once before only when they found Voyager in orbit of Earth in 1996. Now this is them using Time Travel to destroy the Borg and going home with their ship full of futuristic technology and weaponry. The Temporal Corp’s only missing is to monitor and prevent changes to the Timeline. You don’t think this is going to show up on their radar?!

Honestly, that crew was lucky they got home in one piece.

1. Picard
2. Kirk
3. Sisko
4. Janeway
5. Kirk (reboot)
6. Archer

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Is it Janeway? She’s my fav.

Redshirt

Then just read the first word, then stop. The rest is just technical information. Boring irrelevant crap, really.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You actually to time and wrote that?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Picard is so obviously #1

NuKirk is dead last by a fucking light year behind whoever would be immediately before him. He makes me wish for the death of the Federation for being so fucking pathetic that it entrusted him with not just an officer’s commission, but it made him the captain of a fucking starship.

WCS

Hey, WVU actually won their first game in the Big 12 Tournament. Here comes the nine-game win streak to win the conference, and the whole NCAA!

Ron Howard: They lost their next game by 25.

rockingdog
rockingdog

nice work beerguyROB! LOL!

found a funny:
wrote HELP in large letters on the beach of this desert island After months nobody came so I changed the H to a W, shrugged, and slowly died

Redshirt

Pilot: “No, wait! False Alarm. Its a “d73H” signal on the beach. Let’s move on to the next island.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

She really needs to get a tan.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For the fucking skin cancer?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Much like Latavius Murray to the Saints run game, I don’t have much to contribute to this thread.

Nonetheless, evening gents.

King Hippo

Both got good names!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Well, that’s vaguely threatening.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t worry; you won’t get pregnant.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I love that in the book he is basically Jerry Falwell (and his wife is equally physically repellant and not, you know, one of the hottest women in the world Yvonne Strahovski) but God forbid anyone ugly get cast as the archvillain in a misogynist dystopia.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Eulers-Devils, what a rivalry! I think they’ve had more hilariously botched trades with each other than games played in the last few years.

nomonkeyfun

The outdoor game next year is Sens at Coyotes. Game will be held outdoors as the season opener.

“No, Bettman. You can’t take your pants off here. Go inside first.”

herodotus450
herodotus450

MappleThorpers took their beating well and got it close, 5-4, but fell the the Black(and White)Hawks in the end.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

#FREEPIMPBOT5000

Senor Weaselo

Let’s all watch St. John’s finish fucking away what would have been an 8 or 9 seed!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wort……. the hell is going on?

Senor Weaselo

Johnnies by 7 with under 16 to go. But they’ve fucked up bigger leads this year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You no like St. John’s Wort joke?

Senor Weaselo

Woosh! (Sorry.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was a terrible pun.

Gratliff

It’s going to be 65 degrees tomorrow. …Did we make it? Is winter finally over?

Ian Scott McCormick

There’s always one more backbreaking cold spell. Just when you start to believe.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

As a Minnesotan, winter is never over until that ONE last snowstorm in May.

Gratliff

Do not miss the summer frost bullshit in the UP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is snowing like fuck here. The cold part is over, now we get our snow……. this new weather is a bit odd.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That wasn’t a sex-trafficking joke, it was a hand-job joke. Classic comedy.

also

Aaron Hernandez didn’t commit suicide, he murdered himself. Because he liked to murder people.

Senor Weaselo

You heard it first at the Krusty Komedy Klassic. At the Apollo Theater!

litre_cola

Soooo the Gints are paying Eli a 5 million dollar roster bonus on Friday. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

herodotus450
herodotus450

Well they paid Beckham’s (20 Mil?) and then traded him, so… Eli to the Broncos on Saturday?

litre_cola

Hippo gon explode bulllleee dat chuh chuh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They already have as much elite-ness as they can take. The right tackle guy they just overpaid helps.

herodotus450
herodotus450

MappleThorpe Leafs bring it to 5-2, proving the old adage. “a five goal lead is the most dangerous lead in all of hockey.”

King Hippo

that’s one solid bullwhip-up-the-arse!

Gratliff

One last video of Manami Toyota being dope af. This one takes place right around SummerSlam ’95 which was headlined by Diesel vs. Mabel for the WWF Championship, and Bash At the Beach ’95, which had Hogan vs. Vader which sounds way way better than it was.

King Hippo

there is no point in Dedspin whatsoever

Sharkbait

There’s Drew and….that’s about it.

King Hippo

eh, his booky-books are good but he’s otherwise not really been funny to me in about 3+ years (the Borg is assimilating him)

/may be a mangled analogy, as I don’t really watch teh Star Trek

//yes, this made me the object of much scorn at engineering school

Gratliff

He’s been kind of shitty the last year or so. I’m pretty sure he’s unfixable after the last Viking playoff run

Ian Scott McCormick

Happens to every sports personality not named Hunter Thompson. Rick Reilly used to be good. Sure that change occurred 25 years ago, but it happened.

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

The Post Mortal should have been rated “O”, for “Oh my god where was his editor”. I got through it but can’t recommend it, at best maybe you could call it a decent first attempt at fiction writing.

Redshirt

(actual, literal conversation at work)

Me: “I’m actually having a good day. I’m getting stuff done. People are being helpful. Nothing can stop me.”
Migraine the Size of a Golf Ball: “Hiya, Redshirt!”
Me: “No. Why are you here?”
Migraine the Size of a Golf Ball: “Well, we haven’t seen each other for a few months, so I felt like stopping by.”
Me: “Can’t you wait until the weekend or something?”
Migraine the Size of a Golf Ball: “Nah. You won’t mind me. I’ll just cozy up above your eye like I always do.”
Me: “No. I do mind.”
Migraine the Size of a Golf Ball: “Here I come!”
Me: “No. Please. If you have any decency, you wont.”
Me with a Migraine the Size of a Golf Ball Above My Right Eye: “SON OF A BITCH!”

litre_cola

I would say some cbd oil but not sure about laws in Ohio. Meth?

Gratliff

As good as the women’s division in WWE is now, here’s a bunch of shit you almost certainly won’t see them do:

Redshirt

Compared to what it was last decade, the WWE Women’s Division now is like the Bride vs. the Crazy 88s.

King Hippo

The Bride was dope as fuck, chuh chuh

TRUE HIPPO STORY! When I was still somewhat at ease with the outside world, I waited for Volume 2 to hit the theatres so I could see Volume 1 at the “dollar theatre” in the afternoon, then Volume 2 across town the same evening.

Much popcorn was eaten. Even after a brief pause after “the eyeball part.”

/shudders for a few hours

Wakezilla

4-0 Ice Bears? I haven’t seen Toronto look like such a disaster since Hurricane Hazel

Sharkbait

Toronto will not make it out of the second round. If they’re lucky.

Gratliff

Manami Toyota has some of the best matches in wrestling history

Gratliff

Goddamn, what a waste of a perfectly good username

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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UUUUGE snow storm here….. fun times.

Sharkbait

Big Time?

scotchnaut

Dying to bore you’s all with Cuse updates but the Insomnia Monkey must have its way with me.

#thingsarentright

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So what’s the appropriate ruling on LeVeon for keeper leagues? Is he still worth whatever pick he was last year? Does he move one round lower or do we act like last year never happened?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Oh meadsirbort thems some good jokes. I love that deadspin “commentists” believe that anyone who doesn’t fit their mold is a Stoolie. Fuck that, look deeper in the interwebs and here we be. Funnier, less mysoginistic and more accepting than both those sites. Except for 1 guy…. but he ain’t round no more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey, I cleaned up my ac……. no I guess not.

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Wakezilla

Bell to the Jests? Can’t wait to watch that blow up horrendously

Rob with some killer jokes.

scotchnaut

“The Le’Veon bell tolls for Thee. Get it? Martha, help me with the re-write, please!”

-Hemingway

Ian Scott McCormick

Concern trolls gonna concern troll.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Concerned.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s funny to me seeing all these big signings and trades going on, and the only news I’ve heard out of the Spanoi camp was that they signed Tyrod Taylor to a 2 year deal. Just what you want in a backup QB; someone who plays a completely different type of game from your start–
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Oh, now it makes sense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, but the was a handjob joke ….. also what kind of over-sensitive asshole has a name like 1988 Toyota? What a humorless fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

You should have replied, “Full-blown? Despite my username, i’m not Robert Kraft”

ballsofsteelandfury

That right there is why Deadspin has gone down the shitter.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I know someone else who has some strong opinions about The 1988 Toyota Manami.
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