Your “Sweet Sixteen Window Is Closing” Sunday Afternoon College Ball Open Thread

If you’re looking for insight, analysis, clues, savvy angles or sober commentary on these games, you’ve clicked the wrong site. All that malarkey can be found everywhere you look online. How ’bout we fever dream these matchups? (in chronological order)

TO THE GAMES!

#10 Hawkeyes/#2 Vols:

You dream of walking on grass still wet with dew. It tickles your feet-is that Bernard King picking blueberries off in the distance? Once you’ve awaken you realize that the gout has come back and the pain is unbearable. The whimpering causes your children to doubt your manhood.

#9 Huskies/#1 Tar Heels:

Life comes at you fast when you live in the spin cycle of the washing machine. The only relief one gets is when the laundry pod melts open and provides the lubricant for your masturbation session.

#9 Knights/#1 Blue Devils:

Jimmy Dean’s “Big Bad John” is not the story of heroism in a time of crisis. No, it is a scathing rebuke of the shoddy health and safety practices of mining giant Rio Tinto. That’s how I read the song, anyway.

#6 Bulls/#3 Red Raiders:

“The game’s not over ’til the fry cook burns the toast!” is what my dentist said to me after I asked him how I could best deal with tartar issues on a daily basis. I could detect the smell of battery acid on his breath.

#12 Flames/#4 Hokies:

The worst mistake that mayor ever made was giving me the keys to the city. Somehow, I was never connected to the spate of robberies which plagued the community for months afterward.

#9 Sooners/#1 Cavs:

Cadbury Creme Eggs are the perfect food if you can get past the fact that they come out of a rabbit’s butthole.

#11 Buckeyes/#3 Cougars:

Phi Slamma Jamma created unrealistic expectations for hundreds of pledges of sorority houses in the mid-to-late 80’s.

#13 Anteaters/#12 Ducks:

If you can somehow wrestle a #2 into a cage, you’ve effectively penned a pencil.

[wipes sweat from brow with tube sock] Well, that’s all I’ve got. Leave your questions, comments and social security numbers in the space provided below.

 

 

 

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King HippoWCSHoratio CornblowerSonOfSpamyeah right Recent comment authors
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King Hippo

surely the Buffalo game will be watchab….

FUCK YOU, UNIVERSE

/back for the NIT at 7

WCS

Buffalo Bulls channeling their inner Buffalo Bills.

King Hippo

circle-jerking the wagons

litre_cola

This game would be a lot more frantic if it was in Columbia the country.

WCS

It’s very early, but seeing Coach Ratface ratfacing is always a treat.

Wakezilla

If you haven’t already, vote in the DFO bracket because both matchups are tied

WCS

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litre_cola

I have done research on Anteaters. Very interesting creatures epecially the 22 year old ones in Irvine proper.

SonOfSpam

Mating rituals include wine coolers and The Cure*.

*Research last updated in 1991.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

scotchy is the king of slightly disturbing nonsequitirs

Horatio Cornblower

Slightly?

King Hippo

How is “North Macedonia” abbreviated “MKD??”

yeah right

In local tongue is pronounced Severna Makedonija.
Is good reason da?

WCS

I despise Virginia Tech, but, I can’t stomach Falwell U. in the Sweet 16.

King Hippo

We are all Castrated Turkeys today

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s kinda weird watching a game where both teams are playing a soft zone.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, there should a law passed that when they “pass it over to Allie LaForce”, that they by law actually have to show Allie LaForce on camera.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I’m told Washington’s Colonel Hap Hapablap is now warming up on the sidline.

theeWeeBabySeamus

WCS

Punishment fits the crime.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup, just had to cover up and stay away. But decided to be a dick instead.

Horatio Cornblower

This is my favorite thing I’ve seen today. Fuck that guy.

King Hippo

What to watch, Northern Ireland v. Belarus, or Slovenia v. North Macedonia??

King Hippo

GOOOOOOOLLLLLLL, Slovenes!

litre_cola

Spam are you fucking ready to Anteat some fucking Ducks?

SonOfSpam

WE GON FEAST ON SOME WATERFOWL TONIGHT!!!

(Oregon’s athleticism is terrifying)

OH YEAH, THE STREETS OF SAN JOSE WILL RUN RED WITH DUCK BLOOD!!!

(Really hope we don’t get blown out)

King Hippo

As is my rule, I turned the teevee off for the Blues. I will re-connect at 6:10

King Hippo

this is the kinda day where I just bet Lesser Footy until I bust, because why the fuck not?

King Hippo

/but then Chapecoesne scored, and there was much Hippo rejoicing

SonOfSpam

Aren’t they the team whose plane crashed and they had to eat each other?

litre_cola

“Had”, that was some tasty Peruvian meat.

King Hippo

it’s all about teh spices ,, ppl forget that

SonOfSpam

Love the preview. The gambling tips are in there if you smoke enough.

In case you were wondering (you were not), Trump is golfing today with Mick Mulvaney, Trey Gowdy, and Lindsay Graham. I believe that’s referred to as a “Devil’s Foursome.”

King Hippo

methinks I am gonna refer to Sen. Graham going forward as Mr. Smithers

SonOfSpam

I dunno, Waylon has a conscience.

King Hippo

-ish

litre_cola

Who is Crazy Wahoo? His bracket is impressive.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oh, so higher scores are better?

Horatio Cornblower

“How My Bracket Survived Rick Barnes: A Horatio Cornblower Story”

yeah right

It seems that Jadeveon Clowney has a cousin and he just committed to LSU.

His name?

Demon Clowney.

I can’t wait.

Col. Duke LaCross

Horatio Cornblower

I’m beginning to doubt the wisdom of picking Tennessee to win it all. Apparently there’s a reason I was the only one to do so.

Col. Duke LaCross

Never a doubt!

litre_cola

I am not sure what I just read. Afternoon folks.

King Hippo

Jimmy V would foul here. 😀

herodotus450
herodotus450

There’s gotta be somebody named “General” out there, and maybe we could throw “Marshall” in there as another military name.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hold up, there’s a guy name “Admiral Schofeld” playing for someone in this game, or do I have reverse aphasia?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Where’s the damn ship?

King Hippo

ah assume he’s going down with it?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Ha, he’s real! Now we just need he and Captain Munnerlyn, and Major Applewhite to start a band or detective agency or something.

King Hippo

welcome to the Rick Barnes Tournament Experience

herodotus450
herodotus450

Iowa almost back to within 10!

Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

I hate dentists. It’s personal, actually. Anyone who makes their living by putting his hands into other people’s mouths is not a person to be trusted. Feared? Yes. But if the plane is going down and there aren’t enough parachutes to go around, the dentist will die. That’s how it is.

Great preview. I feel it has a good weight to it.

King Hippo

I remember as a teenager reading that dentists had the 2nd highest suicide rate of any profession (us law talkin’ guys #1 obvs). I expressed surprise at that, to which my dad responded in his best engineer deadpan:

If you had your hands inside people’s mouths all day, you’d wanna kill yourself, too

herodotus450
herodotus450

So there’s been what, three good games so far?

King Hippo

this torneo es merde

Col. Duke LaCross

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This is the best preview I’ve ever read.

King Hippo

scotchy is just insanely good at this

Horatio Cornblower

“ly good at this”

-this seems unneessary

King Hippo

it can be too things

King Hippo

I heard these Kiwis perform this cover on my way back from Target. It moved me to tears. Yes, I am properly ashamed.

/reminds self not to check brackets