![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
I’m not going to get verbose here.
Wow you guys are sooooooo mean.
Anywhoooo….
It’s baseball’s opening day. As I type this I’m watching the Yankees kick the shit out of my Orioles. Which isn’t a surprise exactly, but I was hoping for a miracle.
A minimum of 120 losses this year. Mark my words.
Anywhoooo….
If you’re watching baseball, talk about it here.
If you’re not watching baseball, talk about it here.
If you’re watching porn…..maybe don’t talk about it here.
😀
–
Why the fuck is it so hard for leagues and TV networks to figure out sports streams? If I’m logged in with my cable account, and everything works fine during game play, I shouldn’t then have my video stopped and get yelled at to disable an ad blocker and refresh because they insist on having a separate stream coming from a shitty advertiser CDN.
Just your standard 14-pitch, 10 foul-balls-in-a-row last batter to win the game.
Nailed it!
— Mark Sanchez
Live shot at the Cincinnati Reds
Unfortunately they built a new one.
Hey at least Great American Ball Park looks like a ball park.
Paul Brown Stadium looks like it was designed by someone on crack. And maintained too.
I’m not foolish enough to think that this game means that the Yankees are going to go 162-0, but I do think that the “Orioles” might go 0-162.
That is perfection.
…and that is why you don’t see many two-inning saves.
These reliever pitchers, I call Jim Levenstein because they blow their load early and before 2 rounds.
INT. BILL BELICHICK’S OFFICE – DAY
GREG SCHIANO steps into the office.
BELICHICK: [offers a rare smile] What’s going on, Greg?
SCHIANO: [smiles back instinctively, but then the smile runs away from his face] Bill, I believe this is killing me…
BELICHICK [Sighs] Which strain?
♬ As a smile ran away from his face ♬
If I couldn’t I would’ve give you so many +1s.
INT. BILL BELICHICK’S OFFICE – DAY
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Fuck baseball.
I assume the night thread is baseball WAGS, so let’s prime the pump.
The Reds have a Relief Pitcher playing Center Field in the 8th inning of a non-blowout game!
Cincinnati Bullpen: “Boy, we suck!”
Pittsburgh Bullpen: “Hold our sunflower seeds…”
LOL
found a funny:
*crowded sports bar with 17 TVs
“COULD YOU CHANGE ONE TO CARTOON NETWORK?”
Adam Jones in a D-Backs uniform is really bugging the crap out of me.
yea gooo PADRES!!!!
Okay. NOW its Reds Opening Day!
Padres shutting out the Giants in the 6th; since Low Commander is in attendance, which is the likeliest possibility?
1) Low Commander is completely sober
2) Low Commander is under arrest
3) Low Commander is in a committed relationship with the Padres’ mascot (i.e. homeless guy begging for change outside the stadium wearing a knock-off “Podrays” t-shirt
I’m going with 2.
And also 3.
“MADISON IS A GIRL’S NAME!” [Punches nearest Giants fan]
2!
4) Low Commander is working field security for the game.
So I got my depressing Orioles tickets today. Seriously good seats. 3rd row behind visitors dugout.
I can wait to start throwing batteries at Aaron Judge.
And I ain’t talking D cells…..
Remember to lift with your knees and not your back
Judging by social media exploding, it sounds as though Phillies did a thing. Only, uh, 7 months of near daily games left.
Braves’ reliever just gave up a grand slam; according to the ESPN box score, his ERA is “INF”
Shouldn’t that be four infinities?
It’s actually short for “INFINITIVE” as in “To calculate an ERA, this fucker has to get someone out.”
Its part of his plan. If he doesn’t record an out, he won’t get an ERA over 20 to start the season.
Trout’s 0 for 2 with a walk. NICE JERB EARNING $430 MILLION JERK. Angels should cut him. Then kick him off the team.
Watching opening day with the sound muted while listening to music through the headphones, and eating butterfly shrimp.
LIVING THE DREAM MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!
Back to back HRs in Chavez Ravine, the fans go crazy.
Well, maybe not crazy. They harumphed a little bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt3GBlVjUd0
A lot of them are stoned. Very very stoned.
Why haven’t I learned after this many years to take opening day off from work?
That’s OK because I’ll miss the first 2 sweet sixteen games too.
Shit!
Holy crap 2 HRs for Javy on Opening Day!
Semien just homered for the A’s and the fans are going ape.
Ape? They’re going full Homo erectus!
Well, they do seem excited when the guys grip their bats.
Pittsburgh Steelers: “We are know for our defense.”
Pittsburgh Pirates: “What is defense?”
Orioles have them right where they want them like last year.
How in the hell do you lose someone in a rundown? He can only run a straight line between 2nd and 1st base and he gets back to first?
Looks like the Patriots won’t be Schiano men after all.
Either that’s an amazing coincidence or these teachers went to an orgy.
Could just be one really hot 12 year old.
That’s a hell of a professional development day!
Wait, did someone say orgy?
Hey, they’re already preggo, no risk!!!!!
AH! FLYING BAT!
You have my attention.
na na na na na na na na SKANKY
Its Marty Brennaman’s last Opening Day. It feels like an era of my life is ending.
Think he’ll notice?
Baste…ball?
I enjoyed that scene.
Mostly because it meant that part of the film’s storyline had come to a close.
Yes, because hitting something with the force FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT would only caused a trench the size of the projectile. Everyone on that ship is dead and maybe everyone on the planet.
It seems like it would be pretty easy to argue that it hadn’t reached lightspeed yet.
I don’t know. That seemed faster than light to me. At the minimum, that ship and everyone on it should be dead and Episode IX would be better because of it.
Here’s a way to look at it. You can’t jump to lightspeed/hyperspace in an asteroid field because something like this would happen as you’re accelerating (plus gravitational effects from the asteroids would make it hard to avoid a collision even if the path ahead is clear). But once you’re *in* hyperspace you don’t interact with matter at all, so you don’t really have to worry about whether or not there’s asteroid fields (or anything else) between you and your ultimate destination.
Ah, okay. Now I get it.
No you don’t. Stop letting RTD use his words on you!!
No. I went to Wookiepedia to confirm. Hyperspace is an alternate dimension ships go to when they go FTL. Its not like Star Trek where they use subspace as an asspull but still stay in space-space when they go FTL.
Does Wookiepedia actually say the same thing? Not to brag, but I made that up myself. Take that, nerds!
Itz a flesh wound. Fight me, you coward.
That’s what I like about Opening Day. Even the Visiting Team gets Pre-Game On Field Introductions.
I’m opposed to rolling up the large field size American flag. Fold it properly. Its in the Flag Code.
Apparently the last Game of Thrones throne was found… and it was in Queens. You mean I could have copped myself a throne despite never watching an episode or reading a page of the book if only I had gone to Bayside and walked through Fort Totten?
I thought there could be only one? Or am I thinking of something else?
I am not watching anything. I am working.
Not even pornography? Look at Mr. Professionalism over here.
That’s what five minute breaks are for.
Or working from home.
Or telling your secretary to close the office door and check out this video of adorable kittens…what, it was just a joke! Listen, if I can’t fire my secretary for failing to treat an incident of sexual harrassment for the joke that it was, what CAN I fire her for?
(sighs; pinches bridge of nose)
Once again, its not that you invited her to watch the kittens with the door closed, its that you phrased it as “Hey, check out these cute pussies I found on the internet!”
Five minutes? Oh, hey errybody, look at the marathon man over here!
Braggart.
You not supposed to factor in the tearful apologies, shame, regret and nap?
Gain some weight. Sure, it’s because weight-based ED is real, but it definitely means that you will last longer – in fact, last so long that you often debate whether to quit or keep going because of the sunk-cost fallacy.
Seriously, I found the weight threshold for me. I went under it and then above it when I stopped my diet because it wasn’t working well enough and now I’ve gone full circle back to eating shit all week. But I need to fix this.
ANYWAY …
Wait, tWBS is from Houston?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOlIYCEvYec
😀
Me disfruto el beisbol!
Regardless of what ESPN, CBS and MLB says, its not Opening Day until the Reds take the field.
Not to get all Godwin’s Law, but Hitler said pretty much exactly the same thing while his armies advanced on Stalingrad.
What’s the record for losses in a season?
120 by the NY Mets, who are my favorite squadron.
How’s it hangin’?
Low and lazy!
’62 Mets had 120 which is the modern record. The 1899 Cleveland Spiders went 20-134 but the owners owned them and St. Louis so they moved all the good players to St. Louis (including some Cy Young guy). And a bunch of the Spiders home games. And called the Spiders a sideshow.
Whatever the Orioles finish with this year.
If I wanted to listen to some chick sing God Bless America in the 7th inning, I’d dig up Kate Smith and have sex with her, mostly because I’m a necrophiliac.
Worse than the ’62 Mets you say? But there are guys I’ve heard on on the O’s! Who aren’t totally useless! (I’m looking at you Chris Davis.)
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.