Your “Slow News Day” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The AAF, as expected, has “suspended operations“.
    • It was expected to cost Tom Dundon – owner of the NHL’s Carolina Hurricanes – about $20 million to finish the season & four-team playoffs.
      • I guess you don’t get rich subscribing to the “sunk cost fallacy”.
    • Deadspin speculates that the reason Dundon got involved at all was to obtain the rights to the gambling aspects the AAF were developing.
      • That the $70 million he’s allegedly already spent on the league is cheaper than the auction process that would have developed had the league folded on its own.
        • To borrow from ESPNOne of the more attractive things about the league was the technology it developed with its app. It allowed for faster real-time technology to reach consumers and also tracked multiple biometric data points. The hope was that other leagues would see the technology and express interest in using it.
      • Or, put another way,

  • The NFL is quietly worried about the number of referees retiring to take on higher-paying TV jobs.
    • PFT notes that so many have retired, current retirees are replacing others at the networks, most recently with John Parry (Super Bowl LIII ref) replacing Jeff Triplette at ESPN.
    • It’s a trend so obvious, even Peter King noticed.

Finally, Russell Wilson has given an artificial deadline of April 15th to work out a new deal with the Seahawks.

  • He wants to avoid all the noise that surrounded his attempts at a contract in 2015.
  • He’s entering the final year of a four-year, $87.6 million contract, and the $21.9 million he’s scheduled to earn in 2019 places him 12th among active QBs.
    • If the Seahawks can’t work it out, Wilson’s franchise tag value in 2020 would be $32 million.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | NBCSN
      • need to root for the Bruins so the Habs can catch Columbus
    • all Canadian teams are regional broadcasts only
  • MLB:
    • Orioles at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Red Sox at A’s – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Regular NBA:
      • Lakers at Thunder – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
      • Nuggets at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
    • NBA G-League Playoffs:
      • Lakeland Magic at Long Island Nets – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Santa Cruz Warriors at Rio Grande Valley Vipers – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • NCAA:
    • NIT Basketball Tournament: Semi-Finals
      • Lipscomb vs. Wichita State – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • TCU vs. Texas – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • College Baseball:
      • Texas A&M at Texas – 7:30PM | FS1
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “go-home” before Wrestlemania, which will have to work hard to top this moment from RAW, helpfully aided by “Yakety Sax”.

https://twitter.com/nickpiccone/status/1112903841383628802

LEAST ANTICIPATED MANIA EVER!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
126 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Unsurprised

Shit. I just saw a photo of a classmate from law school who now looks like Brendon Gleason in In Bruges.

Unsurprised

There’s a woman in these photos who looks like John Goodman in his blond Linda Tripp wig. The resemblance is uncanny.

comment image

Unsurprised

He’s more broken in In Bruges.

Gratliff

Just mindlessly reading twitter instead of sleeping
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsGuXk9Aeac

Brick Meathook

comment image

Unsurprised

And that’s the moment little Brick decided to become a pilot.

Gratliff

Nationals fans should take heart that Bryce Harper’s new fans all have to root for the Philadelphia Flyers

— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) April 3, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Unsurprised

Holy shit, sports reporters are stupid.

WCS

comment image
Are you suggesting that the guy who was so convinced Nick Saban would be Andy Reid’s successor he banned any callers who disagreed from his show isn’t very intelligent?

Unsurprised

He looks like Jerry Sandusky with less game.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Unsurprised

That’ll pucker your asshole.

WCS

Captain, to co-pilot: “Hey, watch I can do!”

Gratliff

Draft hats have been revealed and they are fucking atrocities.

comment image
comment image

Senor Weaselo

I assume the Jets aren’t there because they’re getting new/tweaked unis in a week or so? But yes, almost all of these are garbage. AND NOT THE BAND.

Gratliff

Yeah, they’re gonna reveal them with the new unis for maximum eye bleed

Gratliff

Just thought of a fucking super tasteless joke, but I’m a good enough man to not make it, and also because I’m not artistic enough to recreate 9/11 on a hat.

Unsurprised

You can’t even do the twin towers with the Lombardi trophy because those losers haven’t been back in fifty years to vie for a second one.

WCS

Whoever designed that Panthers hat was blasted out of their mind on mescaline.

Unsurprised

I totally forgot the South Carolina flag has a crescent moon and I don’t know why we haven’t spread the rumor that the civil war was because South Carolina seceded to protect states rights to enact and enforce sharia law. The CSA was Islamic. Confederacy is just the English word for caliphate.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Colts one looks like it’s in a gun sight.

Unsurprised

Where’s the blue line running across the Raiders flag hat?

What a joke. Raiders gear went from the uniform of NWA to the the uniform of NRA losers.

Gratliff

Gonna be lots of Oakland LA Oakland Vegas? fans in the GOP this year

Senor Weaselo

O/U “SILVER AND BLACK LIVES MATTER” used unironically?

Unsurprised

100%. That’s a gimme bet even Hippo would be ashamed to take.

Unsurprised

That Colts hat is based on a design originally embroidered on a hat Governor Connelly gave to JFK as he arrived in Dallas.

Unsurprised

Are those stars on the Browns cap for hiding signs of a concussion to the poor son of a bitch who they draft as defense chow, I mean quarterback, because their O line is made of rice paper?

nomonkeyfun

Correction draft hats are stupid. Whether they are ugly.or not doesn’t matter. The teams already have official hats. The coaches wear them.

Do you really want a hat that will remind you of the time your team took Ken O’Brien when Marino was sitting right there?

Unsurprised

If you’re a Dolfan? Probably.

blaxabbath

Bears got a good look.

blaxabbath

What’s the Patriots one? The NE logo inside of a ejaculate stain from discount handjob from a Chinese slave whose owner is an influencal member at the President’s private club?

Unsurprised

It’s low-hanging fruit, but Jesus Fucking Christ: the Seattle hat has a 12 on it. 12, or as Seahawks players know it, the number of times Pete Carroll has forced each of them to watch the Loose Change “documentary.”

Col. Duke LaCross

The Bears one is actually decent. Too bad they don’t get to draft until like Saturday or something.

rockingdog

I tried to stay up to watch basketball but I am toooooo tired from reading a few pages of my new book.
Last Funny:

*large male nurse rolls chair all the way across room, coming to a stop with his forehead pressed against yours*
SO YOUR CHART SAYS ANXIETY?

Brick Meathook

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thought that looked like a stall there for a sec.

Unsurprised

Are you showing off again?

“Yeah, kinda like that, baby.”

herodotus450

Would you rather: girls named Joey, or girls with a nose ring but it’s in the middle like a cartoon bull?

Unsurprised

A septum piercing is this decade’s lower back tattoo

herodotus450

Panguins have looked thoroughly awful tonight, and they don’t even have Big Baby Malkin out there to start a fight because he’s losing and then get kicked from the game and automatically suspended for the next one but the league immediately overturns it because he’s too big of a star.
/Not bitter

Sharkbait

Meanwhile, the Ice Giants get to wait for a week from tonight, when the draft lottery cruelly awards New Jersey the #1 overall, while they slide to 12th.

Senor Weaselo

Somehow they will slide to 16th. YES I KNOW THAT IS NO LONGER A LOTTERY PICK.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bah

theeWeeBabySeamus

What are you, a sheep?

Unsurprised

Quick! Hide the Welshmen!

… waitasec

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are you not?

Redshirt

Vince: “Okay, Kofi. You can have your WWE Championship match at WrestleMania… OR you can risk it ALL…for what inside this box.”
Big E: “The box! THE BOX!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Should’ve just taken the red snapper

Unsurprised

One of the divas is a redhead?

Unsurprised

Well, I thought this was sexist and funny.

WCS

comment image

Unsurprised

Yelling “THE BOX! THE BOX!” is why I got kicked out of that Planned Parenthood.

Brick Meathook

comment image

litre_cola

That is quite the murder box!

WCS

comment image

Unsurprised

I grilled the fuck out of some chicken thighs earlier. Mmmmm.

Unsurprised

Fuck the NFL.

Sharkbait

What have they done this time?

Unsurprised

Existing

Sharkbait

Legit.

Unsurprised

2 Legit 2 Quit

litre_cola

Know what else is in this video? Dudes on a lot of cocaine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCXvWpFxb6I

litre_cola

Right where they want them TwBs?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Orioles have gotten so freaking lucky so far this season.
So many bad decisions have worked out.

Unlike myself, of course.
😀

litre_cola

I enjoy watching the Jays lose. Basically every Toronto team except the basketballing dinosaurs, I am indifferent to them, stupid name though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve never cared for the Jays, division rivals and all. But I don’t dislike them as much anymore since Joey Bats left town.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trying to decide how much homemade CBD oil to take tonight. Probably not too much.

Unsurprised

Nah. Take as much as possible. It’s harmless.

Sharkbait

Hi everybody!
comment image

rockingdog

Hi sharkbait!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Glad to see you haven’t gone all Hollywood on us.

Unsurprised

Just to the upstairs medical college.

Redshirt

HI, DR. SHARK!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yo.

Also, I think you should change your screen name from Sharkbait to Masterbait.

Hehehehe….yes I find that funny.

Sharkbait

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

We should actually refer to him as “champ”.

Unsurprised

John Elway bristles at the word. He’s really come unbridled.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Orioles knock Stroman out of the game in the 6th. He’s literally crying as he leaves the mound.
Am I surprised? No I am not….he played at Duke.

theeWeeBabySeamus

2 runs on 9 hits.
O’s (Cashner) had another no no until the 5th. 2 hitter at this point, but Cashner needs to get pulled soon.

Senor Weaselo

Seriously, Vlad Jr. is their only source of offense and he’s still at Buffalo until he gets healthy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cashner walks the bases loaded.
WHY DOES NOBODY LISTEN TO ME??????

theeWeeBabySeamus

And they’re still leaving him in, holy shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Flyout to left, holy crap they got lucky.

Redshirt

Littlest Cutest Cancer Patient: “I don’t want much, but can you pitch a Complete Game tonight?”
Stroman: “You got it.”

(six innings later)

Stroman (being dragged to the dugout by the Pitching and Bench Coaches): “NOOO! I PROMISED THE KID! YOU’RE KILLING HIM!!!!!!!!!”

rockingdog

found a funny:
Me: *getting off the couch*
I’ll be right back.

Dog: I would really feel more comfortable if we went together.

rockingdog

nuggets vs warriors should be good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why are Polka Dots so attractive?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-45sR2rDhlE

Redshirt

I don’t know if I’m ready for a world where there was a professional football league that was worse than the XFL.

Gratliff

If this is any indication, it’ll be a record soon to be broken by XFL

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jonathan Villar…when you’re on second with nobody out in a scoreless game, and you take too big a lead, and Marcus Stroman stares at you for like 15 seconds, it’s time to go back to the bag and….

Oh never mind, you got picked off. Fucking dumbass.

Ian Scott McCormick

Meanwhile Thanos snapped his fingers and half of the Yankees are gone.

Senor Weaselo

It’s a different permutation that the movie, as Gary Sanchez is Groot (and I wrote him as such that time) ad he’s still around.…The two of us are going to wrap our heads around this now, aren’t we.

/Greg Bird is Falcon, dressed as Birdperson of course

Ian Scott McCormick

Best guess at the ones who are gone:
Luis Severino: T’Challa
Miguel Andujar: Peter Parker (His saying he might play this year is his “I don’t want to go” moment)
CC Sabathia: Nick Fury (He’s already died before, so this is more of an inconvenience)
Didi Gregorious: Peter Quill
Giancarlo Stanton: Drax the Destroyer
Jordan Montgomery: Gamora (Because he went first, and really might never come back)
Jacoby Ellsbury: Gwen Stacey (Really, really, really never coming back. Ever)

Senor Weaselo

Aaron Hicks: Bucky
Ben Heller: Falcon

Gratliff

All-timer. Country sucks. sorry not sorry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V0fje7WGKE

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m sorry, but even if staged, I find this hilarious…

Redshirt

Sad thing is Becky Lynch and Ronda Rousey had a Main Event Feud that was hot and ready last year. Charlotte wasn’t needed. Now WWE screwed themselves out of a picture-perfect ending of WrestleMania with the NXT Four Horsewomen (Lynch, Flair, Sasha Banks, Bayley) standing tall holding up their Championship belts.

Gratliff

Not involved in the plans for wrestlemania:
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Marilyn Manson is prettier than I remember.

Gratliff

comment image

Gratliff

But really, whomst among us didn’t take the art student->video game artist->model->internationally renowned pro wrestler career path?

herodotus450

“Hicketts on your Guentzal” could be a call in this hockey game, or it could be the last words you want to hear from your doctor.

herodotus450

Panguins facing off against the Red Wings tonight, who are currently composed of 51% minor leaguers.

Gratliff

Wings stayed dominant just long enough to fleece the entire state of Michigan, and then immediately regressed back to pre-1997 levels.

herodotus450

Michigan/Detroit and corrupt leadership, name a more iconic duo

Gratliff

Mania being good is going to be entirely dependent on whether or not Kofi Kingston wins the title. I just don’t know if Vince can set aside his color chart long enough to make Kofi champion.
EDIT: I love when they smash cut their uploads and take out most of the good shit. Somewhere between being dumped into a stable full of dancing black wrestlers with a gospel theme and carrying around a nerf net so he could dunk on random stage crew, Kofi became one of the best talkers on the show. Jump to the 445 mark
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW9SCrCWk9I

Gratliff

-Dwayne Johnson

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Roommate Commander’s close friends had a baby yesterday. They waited to find out the gender until she was born, and am happy to report that she’s as healthy as can be. But then she told me the name they decided on.

“Sailor.”
“Sailor? Uh…”
“I like it. It’s different.”
“It’s, an interesting choice for a girl, I guess. I didn’t really picture them as Sailor Moon fans.”
“They’re not. And it’s not spelled like that. It’s with a Y. Say-lor. It’s a thing.”
“……..of course it is.”

Now apparently I’M the asshole.

herodotus450

Saylor? Son of Gamblor?

herodotus450

When she’s an annoying teen: Saylor, go to your room and Say-no-more-lor

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, daugher of Lrr of Omicrom Persei 8.

Senor Weaselo

Challenged the Justice Friends at sailing for the fate of the Earth and was defeated by Monkey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They can call her “Say” for short. What’s the problem?
(but seriously, healthy kid is the most important thing…best wishes)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibX2AGv10VY

“Saylor, this is Ian. Ian, Saylor.”

“Lor?”

Just Lurking

That’s not the girl on girl I was expecting….but oddly arousing?

King Hippo

oddly is teh best kind of arousing ,, ppl forget that

/but NAE Lurkers

King Hippo

Just imagine a world where The Shield paid refs an amount proportional to their importance to the game.

And then meaningfully held them accountable.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

[Pictures an image of BOLTMAN having stabbed Goodell through the heart with a bolt blade and holding the severed head of Dean Spanos by the hair while 345 Park Ave burns in the background]
comment image

King Hippo

I say 9-9-9 but don’t mean that liek NO

Unsurprised

I could go for some Godfather’s dessert pizza right now. Any pizza, tbh. They weren’t the worst in the world or anything.