NFL News:
- Isaiah Crowell has torn his Achilles tendon, and will miss the 2019 season.
- Recently signed by the Raiders, the former Jets RB was projected to be the top back heading into camp, at least until draftee Josh Jacobs is ready to carry the load.
- One free agent they can’t sign as a replacement is Jamaal Charles.
- He signed a one-day contract to retire as a Chief, and as their career rushing leader with 7,260 yards.
- He finishes his career with 7,563 yards, 56th on the NFL’s all-time rushing list.
- He signed a one-day contract to retire as a Chief, and as their career rushing leader with 7,260 yards.
- Jason Witten’s mic skills might’ve been wet boogers, but Monday Night Football has decided to make Booger the full-time colour commentator.
- Lisa Salter will work the sidelines, and something named John Parry will be the “officiating analyst”.
Finally, Jesus Joe Theismann has spoken from the mountaintop on 106.7 The Fan and decreed that Dwayne Haskins may wear #7 for the Washington football team.
- “I just got off the phone with Dwayne just a little while ago, and I told him it was OK to wear No. 7,” Theismann told the radio station. “Given him permission. Not that I felt like I needed to, but he was respectful enough to ask.”
- That’s mighty
whitenice of you, Joe.
- That’s mighty
- Theismann’s #7 isn’t retired by the [*Redacted] s, but the number is one of a bunch that the team has “protected” by keeping it out of circulation.
- Other “protected” numbers are:
- #9 – Sonny Jurgensen
- #28 – Darrell Green
- #42 – Charley Taylor
- #43 – Larry Brown
- #44 – John Riggins
- #49 – Bobby Mitchell
- #65 – Dave Butz
- #70 – Sam Huff
- #81 – Art Monk
- According to Wikipedia, Sean Taylor’s number #21 is not “officially” protected.
- Other “protected” numbers are:
- Sammy Baugh’s #33 is the only number that has been officially retired.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: Games 4
- Islanders at Hurricanes – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Canes up 2-1)
- Blues at Stars – 9:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Blues up 2-1)
- AHL:
- Calder Cup Playoffs: North Division Final – Cleveland vs. Toronto – 7:00PM | TSN2
- NBA:
- Trail Blazers at Nuggets – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Astros at Twins – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- Blue Jays at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
That’s a good dose of everything. For Canadian commentists, it sure is nice to see that the Toronto Sports Network found a way to get more Toronto playoff hockey of any kind onto our TVs. Meanwhile, the WHL playoffs have been on local public access TV that you can only get if you are signed up to that one provider. FUCK THEM ALL!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWmETxWM0h0
Man, project work is long and gruelling and worst of all, it keeps me from coming on here. That’s some bullshit.
How’s everyone doing here?
Same
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r99iHelKAFc
https://giant.gfycat.com/DetailedShyBeetle.mp4
My stamina grinding at doc review sucks after this long-ass break.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3WVFspnM84
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-p7wDnv7gQ
Beth Hart has her shit together ya’ll.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_gVxYOiJu8
I don’t get it…
https://youtu.be/AcwW2L0rCN4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwzbLtJrX2E
Marathon work day and business dinner over. So tired. So thirsty.
https://youtu.be/ii6kJaGiRaI?list=RDAGHmr1NyBTw
Now this is Lovely; I get why Andy Richter likes them so much
Kevin McHale can go eat a bag of dicks. Hopefully he’ll choke on one of them and die.
Made it to 50 today. Lost $10 on a cornhole tournament with one of my best friends against my son and his best friend. Might be taking a deposition tomorrow with a fantastic hangover.
Here’s to playing the back nine of life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sSofokAIiw
Happy Birthday old man.
Let’s light one up.
Your life is officially over. From this point on you are just taking the scenic route to the graveyard. Aside from that, Happy Birthday.
Thanks man. I hoping for 25 relatively good years, then I try heroin.
AND I WILL CATCH THAT FUCKING DRAGON!!!
You don’t look a day over 49
So the new Korean show we are watching is called “Romance is a Bonus Book”. It’s fine.
When you’ve done your job with the foreplay.
Oh, she knows.
I need to get back to work
She seems nice.
Sydney Maler. She seems very nice.
Guess who got a federal jury questionnaire in the mail? Unfortunately it’s the Eastern District so I wouldn’t get definitely-not-collusion-or-obstruction cases.
Don’t be so sure about that. I feel like these conspiracy cases are going to have spinoffs of spinoffs.
….. and spinoffs.
*Hopes so.
Just write “I vote guilty” on it and mail it back.
I normally go for the Phoenix Wright approach.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8QRExBfQhs
Was that regular fries or chili fries?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z15DhxVSZaM
Can’t believe the Islanders haven’t pulled their goaltender yet.
Oooops, never mind. They did while I was typing that.
Eat it Islanders
2 empty netters.
That’s just embarrassing.
Well, they shouldn’t have retired so early, bound to run out of money.
Oh….. NETTERS.
That’s damn good typing.
Some days are better than others.
She “pulled her goaltender” is a terrible euphemism.
LOL
So Happy It’s Thursday?
LMFAO
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT.
*In Kazakhstan.
Man, I am so glad tomorrow is Friday!!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU………………
….ck.
TGiTh
Every day can be Friday if you quit your job!
You’d think so…but trust me….
Never mind.
I don’t want to be homeless on Fridays.
Change the locks.
That’s how I was homeless last time.
Lost the new keys?
Well……..
LOL
just set your office on fire, everyday is Friday for awhile!
/see, I have good goddamned ideas
The sprinkler system put that out.
you’re an engineer, sabotage that motherfucker!
Good point; there is a bunch of them there. When you know enough about fire protection systems, accelerants, and Polish sausage you can get away with stuff.
Denver (AP): Unidentified Man Beats Crowd To Death With Polish Sausage.
I’d watch that.
“I don’t think that was real mayo.”
-Bystander
I mean it was somebody else who set it, who somehow guessed my security code.
Um….
OK, if you’ve got a racoon in your house doing chores, you might have some bad choices in life.
OR GOOD ONES!!
Because expert coon trainers are very expensive.
Where I grew up that meant RACCOON.
LOL…smgdh.
Yeah, well. Better him than me.
https://m.imgur.com/kwdLSek
o7
Man, today was NOT the right day for a client who hasn’t paid me in close to 8 months to declare something to be a “rush job”.
set his house on fire
It’s a her, and I’d have to drive to Temecula to do it, but then again…
https://deadspin.com/twitter-user-makes-35-minute-drive-to-fight-kobe-hater-1675230267
#RoadTrip!
SHOTGUN!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLG1ys2CGcI
beautiful, cleansing, holy fire
Don’t forget the shells
ooooh, we goin’ rollin’ down Rodeo?
LOL
Would that be a rush job?
Hahahahaha
Henry Rollins voice acting as a mercenary in the World War Z audiobook is so weirdly flat in his affect.
Lizard people.
OK, everyone sit down. And brace yourselves for this news.
The Baltimore Orioles won today. On the road, even.
INORITE???????
Had plans to run 10K today but freezing rain got in the way. My workout journal says “25 minutes on elliptical” #fuckingweather.
I took a 90 minute nap. There will be no journal to record my sloth/shame.
Ummmm…I think you might be wrong about that. Look what you just did.
Speaking of shame though, I’ve been home for 2.5 months and yet I’m still more or less living out of a suitcase.
I might be lazy.
MOAR ppl will read scotchy’s journal than this. smgdh
Tens of people!!!!! Tens I tell you!!!!
OK maybe I just misspelled twos.
That’s what we’re here for!
“Joe’s number isn’t retired but his fibula and tibula sure are.”
-LT
There was a very solid comment on deadspin about how the 7 next to Theisman’s name was actually a photograph of his tibia.
A “+10” seems like enough for an automatic banner quote
Theismann’s number is as protected as his leg was.
LT should just show up at his house, cripple him again.
That would rule.
Cinco de Drinko is coming. And so am I.
https://giant.gfycat.com/PepperyExhaustedArcticduck.mp4
Of course, one not on Washington’s list of protected numbers is the Six (Nations).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQlPsZmx8l0&ab_channel=9dodoso832a
Let’s all not get caught up on who got stuck in what.
– Gere household gerbil