Hola morning people!
Let’s start off here, I know nothing of Peruvian football or footballers.
What do I know about Peru? They make Pisco which is a fermented grape alcohol that makes a Pisco Sour and is bloody delicious. They have that, and cocaine. I imagine every Peruvian party to be Pisco, fist-fighting and a lot of blow. Which brings me to a Christmas tradition in the Andes.
Do you not think that if we did this here that there would be less problems at the dinner table that night? Uncle Jim is already loaded and is spouting off some racist bullshit so you get to punch the hell out of each other. Respect.
There are a lot of alpacas in Peru however the national animal is the vicuña which is a smaller version
Peruvians celebrate New Year’s by giving one another yellow underpants on New Year’s Eve to bring good luck in the coming year. It’s tradition to wear them inside out until midnight, then flip them around at the stroke of midnight.
These people know potatoes, there are 3000+ varieties.
As I have done for the World Cup previews, let’s take a look at the number one banger there right now.
Sech is Panamanian and he must have been cold in this video as he has a Balls size parka on at times. They are really into gold chains it seems. Final question is what the fuck is with the plushie in this video?
On to the football,
Soccer player Teófilo “El Nene” Cubillas is considered Peru’s greatest athlete. From 1966 to 1991, he played in 513 games and scored 303 goals. He received only one yellow card over the course of his career apparently, so he was soft.
The current team is ranked 21st in the world (I had no idea) and has a lot of guys who play in South America and Mexico which is to be expected. In reviewing the list I have no idea who any of these people are.
Who do they play?
Group A consists of Bolivia (63rd) so that seems doable. Venezuela (29th) which will be a battle. Finally Brazil (3rd) which should be a bloodbath, especially as it is in Sao Paolo.
Seems to me it all hinges on the Venezuelan game and if they win that they are through.
Pisco Sour recipe
Join the Women’s World Cup Pool, the footy is phenomenal and very little of the diving.
https://predictor.fifa.com/match/leaguejoin/da1fde69
League code: da1fde69
Nice work on game 1 Don T and Hippo.
Today is the DFO pub crawl, uggh, I shouldn’t be where I am,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj3kTdx1QBw
The commentary compelled me to put a quarter down (+488) on Team Apartheid to hold this lead.
Spain’s short passing game is phenomenal but their crossing passes are brutal. Gotta think that they’ll figure it out sooner rather than later but for now…
Spain has Marranos on the national team?
Glad to see the tribe in the tourney.
I haven’t seen an African excursion into Spanish territory like this since the 8th century.
I don’t understand this reference because I only read herstory, thank you very much!
[orders a kale salad, continues reading The Female Eunuch]
Holy Shitballs! Whatta Strike!
Lot of praise for Duetchsland earlier, but I’ll take Spain any day, at least they’ll give you a siesta halfway through.
Who are the favorites in the women’s cup?
Two girls.
British Announcer: “If you’ve just joined us, this is the FIFA Women’s World Cup.”
Huh, here’s me thinking it was Ice Road Truckers. Thanks, buddy!
Tarzan: “Me Tarzan. You mid-fielder for South Africa.”
Jane: *he finally gets me* “Yes, Tarzan. Very good!”
Trying to talk myself into betting on either Bosnia (Everton’s Madman Mo Besic) or Azerbaijan.
The font on the Estonian jersey uniform numbers is very Flintstones-esque.
/I’m pretty sure that was a joke.
Way too early for soccer
/downloads Australian footy to watch on the way to the pubcrawl
Maybe I need a nap-the PSA poster at the beer store-at first glance-read as “Cooking is the major cause of home fries”. I mean, yeah, but why point that out?
Vigilance is the first step…
(Dumps case of Busch Light into styrofoam cooler)
Ahh, got my “DFO Pub Crawl: Home Edition” all set up and ready to go.
[drinks beer in bathroom] “Woooo!”
[drinks beer in kitchen] “Woooo!”
[drinks beer in S&M dungeon] “Woooo!”
[drinks beer in hall closet] “Woooo!”
-herodotus450
Commander to Spam, Commander to Spam.
You can find me on the second to last train car (241) of the 661, right inside the backmost door. Unless this baby behind me starts crying, in which case, just follow the sirens.
drumming intensifies
I find it utterly appropriate that we’re doing our pub crawl on Pride weekend.
In Hollywood.
This could be legendary.
I guess now I have to wear my cute shit.
Oh, honey. They’ll eat you alive.
something that says…Daddy likes leather!
I’m not a bear though.
I’m more panther.
“Sir! What are you doing?! This train can’t fly!”
“Officer, where we’re going, we don’t need tracks!”
Hippo really wants the TSN broadcast right now….
sooooooo jelly
Spain v S. Africa next, I imagine the Spanish team isn’t the type of big bottomed princessas I adore from Mexico…
South Africa might make yer rockin’ world go ’round, though
NO MOAR GOALZZZ I HAVE THIS AT 1 NIL
Okay, I’m going for a long walk before I squander this whole day away.
Well, as far as length goes it wasn’t exactly The Trail of Tears but it may have been The Trail of Meniscus Tears. [rubs knee, winces]
/one thing I finally learned (at the age of Fifty-fucking-five) is to not try to push thru small injuries because they only get worse
(Chinese team running over lots of people inside a quadrilateral)
Chinese Government: “What, we don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Tanks for the memories.”
-Protesters
That’s my girl! Gwin giving Germany the GWIN!
She looks like she’s eleven. I’m glad I moved on from her.
“I know. I hate when they get old.”
-R. Moore
inorite?? – Marc T., parts unknown
I like to imagine they are all yelling at each other in different languages, even the ref, so no one can understand anyone else.
“Shaka, when the walls fell!”
-German wing-back, arguing with the ref
And the Australians talk like the kids in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. “Remember in the way way back, the long long ago?”
Popp getting testy.
The last time I was up and ready this early on a weekend, there was someone else in my bed.
Speaking of wangs, you should check out the Chinese women’s soccer team.
Germany das-booting away all their opportunities.
This is a heck of a lineup:
?w=1000&h=600&crop=1
That looks like a group photo of lebensborn women.
Halftime! Let’s now pick the hottest Chinese players!
*sound of crickets*
Not to sound raycess or like Andy Rooney, but why do so many Asian women soccer players have the short haircut that makes them look like boys? I don’t get it.
State-mandated haircuts? I wouldn’t be too surprised, military does it after all. Or it’s shame-based, like if you have long hair it’s because you’re trying to be a showy capitalist pig.
I always thought it was ridiculous for *any* athlete to have long hair. Just seems like it would get in the way and get weighed down with sweat.
That, my friend, is what pony tails are for.
Also, Dermot Brereton and the rest of the AFL scoffs at your suggestion:
I really should be ogling, I mean watching this Chinese team.
#23 looks like the only one old enough to get my pickup line: hey baby, wanna see my Marshall Plan?
Giving a yellow card to China, das rayciss
But Coach Parcells smiled
Another German giveaway-is the game being played in Versailles?
that would have been pretty awesome Froggie trolling
Scotchy must be feasting on fresh hobo. He’s on a roll!
he knows how to season so they last all summer
For Hippo:
absolute GODDESS. She could fucking PLAY, too
Almost half her torso is below her belly button. Maybe that’s normal tho i’ll have to do more research I’ll report back
Okay, #2 and #13 are gone. Hmm… I’m taking #15 Gwinn. (she’s only 19!)
/I’m gross
hey, at least we acknowledge our grossness!
Wait, I called #15 below!
Gotdamn it! I’m going #11. She’s the captain and that’s good value.
HIPPO! #2 NEEDS YOUR HELP!
hey now, Litre saw her first! 😀
/but YES, Hippo would pill-share
German #15 is quite cute
China’s feng shui defense really pulls the whole team together.
Do you think the magic medicine spray is different for women? Like flower scented?
Is it made by Summer’s Eve?
We are dealing with Chinese and German folk. It smells like hard work or else they will send you to a camp.
Germany’s magic mist smells of hibiscus with just a hint of eugenics.
REALLY sounds like the soccer talkin’ ladies are saying “Long Dong Schlong” as the name for one of the Chinese players.
Somebody post that Yao Ming with midget stripper pic again
ppl forget Yao was basically a eugenics experiment by the Chinese goverment smh
Damn you, getting the eugenics joke out there before me!
German #2 is a relentless smokeshow.
left-footed defender, too.
hey, no fucking up Gylfi Sigurdsson, you communist fuckmonkeys
HOW THE FUCK DID THE CHINESE NOT SCORE THERE????
There Will Be Executions
I thought they relaxed that “One Child” policy? smgdh
the “Please Don’t Drown Your Daughter in the River, It Fucks With Our Water Quality” corollary
If the German men’s team is called “Die Mannschaft’, then it follows that the women’s team should be called ‘Die Neinschaft’.
BANNER this!!
Annette Schwarz is on the German team?
so, is #13 like the universal hot gal number? Because that left footed Kraut?? She does stuff to Hippo.
Damn, I was hoping you’d have a thing for #11 so that I could make a “Popp goes the Hippo” joke.
/returns to watching the game and languidly fondling his genitals
she and #3 are also quite divine, no question
Have to get my stream going, $69 (NICE!) to make $50 on Iceland spunking the little Albanian boys.
These (primarily) hot German lasses solemnly singing Kill teh Jews is bittersweet.
They are hot, the footy is good, less diving, more hair pulling.
Whoa, German starting lineup.
yep, once we get past the “grotesque mismatch” stage it should be even better
Six year-old me pronounced the country “Pee-yew” and that was quite funny.
/btw, the key to getting one’s deuces a delightful iridescent burgundy hue is to eat red lentils three days in a row. Just so you know.
Hippo it is an all female panel for TSN. Delicious.
One is Kaylyn Kyle, yeah? SO DREAMY
Absolutely.
why hasn’t she answered mah letters!!111
Are you using the Queen’s English in your correspondence?
is hard to write extra letters in blood ,, ppl forget that
Are these world cup games on the teevee anywhere? Just curious, my interest has nothing to do with pornhub being down.
Fox y FS1
As to game 1, what can I say. I am really into the French and have never had an Asian fetish. Hippo Chambers, dancing to victory!
BC Dick and I discussed the scoring system. We had 3 nil and got 7 points, you hit it and got 300 and change, gunna be weird.
I couldn’t recall if I had offered 4-nil or 5-nil, yeah I have no idea re the scoring system. I didn’t feel that looking up rules would be sporting.
Of course neither of us looked it up either.
Yeah, wtf?!? I had the 3-0 also!
Wait, they don’t even bang them vicuña?? What a bunch of wankers ,, amirite? – All Colombian men, apparently