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¡Vamos peruanos! – Peru team preview.

litre_cola

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Hola morning people!

Let’s start off here, I know nothing of Peruvian football or footballers.

What do I know about Peru? They make Pisco which is a fermented grape alcohol that makes a Pisco Sour and is bloody delicious. They have that, and cocaine. I imagine every Peruvian party to be Pisco, fist-fighting and a lot of blow. Which brings me to a Christmas tradition in the Andes.

Do you not think that if we did this here that there would be less problems at the dinner table that night? Uncle Jim is already loaded and is spouting off some racist bullshit so you get to punch the hell out of each other. Respect.

There are a lot of alpacas in Peru however the national animal is the vicuña which is a smaller version

 

I can see your soul

Peruvians celebrate New Year’s by giving one another yellow underpants on New Year’s Eve to bring good luck in the coming year. It’s tradition to wear them inside out until midnight, then flip them around at the stroke of midnight.

These people know potatoes, there are 3000+ varieties.

As I have done for the World Cup previews, let’s take a look at the number one banger there right now.

Sech is Panamanian and he must have been cold in this video as he has a Balls size parka on at times. They are really into gold chains it seems. Final question is what the fuck is with the plushie in this video?

On to the football,

Soccer player Teófilo “El Nene” Cubillas is considered Peru’s greatest athlete. From 1966 to 1991, he played in 513 games and scored 303 goals. He received only one yellow card over the course of his career apparently, so he was soft.

The current team is ranked 21st in the world (I had no idea) and has a lot of guys who play in South America and Mexico which is to be expected. In reviewing the list I have no idea who any of these people are.

Who do they play?

Group A consists of Bolivia (63rd) so that seems doable. Venezuela (29th) which will be a battle. Finally Brazil (3rd) which should be a bloodbath, especially as it is in Sao Paolo.

Seems to me it all hinges on the Venezuelan game and if they win that they are through.

Pisco Sour recipe

2 oz Pisco
1 oz Fresh lime juice
1⁄2 oz Simple Syrup
1 Egg White
Bitters if you have them for garnish.
Put in shaker, shake the hell out of it, strain it over ice, add a dash of bitters.

 

 

Join the Women’s World Cup Pool, the footy is phenomenal and very little of the diving.

https://predictor.fifa.com/match/leaguejoin/da1fde69

League code: da1fde69

Nice work on game 1 Don T and Hippo.

 

Today is the DFO pub crawl, uggh, I shouldn’t be where I am,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj3kTdx1QBw

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King Hippo

The commentary compelled me to put a quarter down (+488) on Team Apartheid to hold this lead.

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scotchnaut

Spain’s short passing game is phenomenal but their crossing passes are brutal. Gotta think that they’ll figure it out sooner rather than later but for now…

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nomonkeyfun

Spain has Marranos on the national team?

Glad to see the tribe in the tourney.

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herodotus450

I haven’t seen an African excursion into Spanish territory like this since the 8th century.

2
scotchnaut

I don’t understand this reference because I only read herstory, thank you very much!

[orders a kale salad, continues reading The Female Eunuch]

2
scotchnaut

Holy Shitballs! Whatta Strike!

1
herodotus450

Lot of praise for Duetchsland earlier, but I’ll take Spain any day, at least they’ll give you a siesta halfway through.

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Fronkenshteen

Who are the favorites in the women’s cup?

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nomonkeyfun

Two girls.

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scotchnaut

British Announcer: “If you’ve just joined us, this is the FIFA Women’s World Cup.”

Huh, here’s me thinking it was Ice Road Truckers. Thanks, buddy!

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scotchnaut

Tarzan: “Me Tarzan. You mid-fielder for South Africa.”

Jane: *he finally gets me* “Yes, Tarzan. Very good!”

1
King Hippo

Trying to talk myself into betting on either Bosnia (Everton’s Madman Mo Besic) or Azerbaijan.

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Fronkenshteen

The font on the Estonian jersey uniform numbers is very Flintstones-esque.

/I’m pretty sure that was a joke.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Way too early for soccer

/downloads Australian footy to watch on the way to the pubcrawl

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scotchnaut

Maybe I need a nap-the PSA poster at the beer store-at first glance-read as “Cooking is the major cause of home fries”. I mean, yeah, but why point that out?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Vigilance is the first step…

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herodotus450

(Dumps case of Busch Light into styrofoam cooler)
Ahh, got my “DFO Pub Crawl: Home Edition” all set up and ready to go.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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scotchnaut

[drinks beer in bathroom] “Woooo!”

[drinks beer in kitchen] “Woooo!”

[drinks beer in S&M dungeon] “Woooo!”

[drinks beer in hall closet] “Woooo!”

-herodotus450

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Commander to Spam, Commander to Spam.

You can find me on the second to last train car (241) of the 661, right inside the backmost door. Unless this baby behind me starts crying, in which case, just follow the sirens.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

drumming intensifies

5
yeah right

I find it utterly appropriate that we’re doing our pub crawl on Pride weekend.

In Hollywood.

This could be legendary.

3
yeah right

I guess now I have to wear my cute shit.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh, honey. They’ll eat you alive.

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King Hippo

something that says…Daddy likes leather!

2
yeah right

I’m not a bear though.
I’m more panther.

2
yeah right

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Sir! What are you doing?! This train can’t fly!”

“Officer, where we’re going, we don’t need tracks!”
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litre_cola

Hippo really wants the TSN broadcast right now….

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King Hippo

sooooooo jelly

1
litre_cola

Spain v S. Africa next, I imagine the Spanish team isn’t the type of big bottomed princessas I adore from Mexico…

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King Hippo

South Africa might make yer rockin’ world go ’round, though

1
litre_cola

NO MOAR GOALZZZ I HAVE THIS AT 1 NIL

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scotchnaut

Okay, I’m going for a long walk before I squander this whole day away.

1
scotchnaut

Well, as far as length goes it wasn’t exactly The Trail of Tears but it may have been The Trail of Meniscus Tears. [rubs knee, winces]

/one thing I finally learned (at the age of Fifty-fucking-five) is to not try to push thru small injuries because they only get worse

5
herodotus450

(Chinese team running over lots of people inside a quadrilateral)
Chinese Government: “What, we don’t know what you’re talking about.”

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scotchnaut

“Tanks for the memories.”

-Protesters

2
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s my girl! Gwin giving Germany the GWIN!

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scotchnaut

She looks like she’s eleven. I’m glad I moved on from her.

1
nomonkeyfun

“I know. I hate when they get old.”

-R. Moore

1
King Hippo

inorite?? – Marc T., parts unknown

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herodotus450

I like to imagine they are all yelling at each other in different languages, even the ref, so no one can understand anyone else.

3
scotchnaut

“Shaka, when the walls fell!”

-German wing-back, arguing with the ref

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And the Australians talk like the kids in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. “Remember in the way way back, the long long ago?”

1
scotchnaut

Popp getting testy.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The last time I was up and ready this early on a weekend, there was someone else in my bed.

2
scotchnaut

Speaking of wangs, you should check out the Chinese women’s soccer team.

1
scotchnaut

Germany das-booting away all their opportunities.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

This is a heck of a lineup:
comment image?w=1000&h=600&crop=1

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nomonkeyfun

That looks like a group photo of lebensborn women.

1
scotchnaut

Halftime! Let’s now pick the hottest Chinese players!

*sound of crickets*

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ballsofsteelandfury

Not to sound raycess or like Andy Rooney, but why do so many Asian women soccer players have the short haircut that makes them look like boys? I don’t get it.

0
herodotus450

State-mandated haircuts? I wouldn’t be too surprised, military does it after all. Or it’s shame-based, like if you have long hair it’s because you’re trying to be a showy capitalist pig.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I always thought it was ridiculous for *any* athlete to have long hair. Just seems like it would get in the way and get weighed down with sweat.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That, my friend, is what pony tails are for.

Also, Dermot Brereton and the rest of the AFL scoffs at your suggestion:
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ballsofsteelandfury

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nomonkeyfun

I really should be ogling, I mean watching this Chinese team.

1
herodotus450

#23 looks like the only one old enough to get my pickup line: hey baby, wanna see my Marshall Plan?

3
herodotus450

Giving a yellow card to China, das rayciss

2
King Hippo

But Coach Parcells smiled

1
scotchnaut

Another German giveaway-is the game being played in Versailles?

2
King Hippo

that would have been pretty awesome Froggie trolling

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ballsofsteelandfury

Scotchy must be feasting on fresh hobo. He’s on a roll!

1
King Hippo

he knows how to season so they last all summer

2
ballsofsteelandfury

For Hippo:
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King Hippo

absolute GODDESS. She could fucking PLAY, too

1
ThurberHerder

Almost half her torso is below her belly button. Maybe that’s normal tho i’ll have to do more research I’ll report back

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scotchnaut

Okay, #2 and #13 are gone. Hmm… I’m taking #15 Gwinn. (she’s only 19!)

/I’m gross

1
King Hippo

hey, at least we acknowledge our grossness!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, I called #15 below!

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scotchnaut

Gotdamn it! I’m going #11. She’s the captain and that’s good value.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

HIPPO! #2 NEEDS YOUR HELP!

1
King Hippo

hey now, Litre saw her first! 😀

/but YES, Hippo would pill-share

2
ballsofsteelandfury

German #15 is quite cute

0
scotchnaut

China’s feng shui defense really pulls the whole team together.

2
herodotus450

Do you think the magic medicine spray is different for women? Like flower scented?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Is it made by Summer’s Eve?

2
litre_cola

We are dealing with Chinese and German folk. It smells like hard work or else they will send you to a camp.

2
scotchnaut

Germany’s magic mist smells of hibiscus with just a hint of eugenics.

2
herodotus450

REALLY sounds like the soccer talkin’ ladies are saying “Long Dong Schlong” as the name for one of the Chinese players.

1
King Hippo

Somebody post that Yao Ming with midget stripper pic again

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herodotus450

ppl forget Yao was basically a eugenics experiment by the Chinese goverment smh

2
scotchnaut

Damn you, getting the eugenics joke out there before me!

2
litre_cola

German #2 is a relentless smokeshow.

2
King Hippo

left-footed defender, too.

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King Hippo

hey, no fucking up Gylfi Sigurdsson, you communist fuckmonkeys

1
litre_cola

HOW THE FUCK DID THE CHINESE NOT SCORE THERE????

1
King Hippo

There Will Be Executions

0
scotchnaut

I thought they relaxed that “One Child” policy? smgdh

3
King Hippo

the “Please Don’t Drown Your Daughter in the River, It Fucks With Our Water Quality” corollary

2
scotchnaut

If the German men’s team is called “Die Mannschaft’, then it follows that the women’s team should be called ‘Die Neinschaft’.

5
King Hippo

BANNER this!!

1
nomonkeyfun

Annette Schwarz is on the German team?

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King Hippo

so, is #13 like the universal hot gal number? Because that left footed Kraut?? She does stuff to Hippo.

1
scotchnaut

Damn, I was hoping you’d have a thing for #11 so that I could make a “Popp goes the Hippo” joke.

/returns to watching the game and languidly fondling his genitals

2
King Hippo

she and #3 are also quite divine, no question

0
King Hippo

Have to get my stream going, $69 (NICE!) to make $50 on Iceland spunking the little Albanian boys.

0
King Hippo

These (primarily) hot German lasses solemnly singing Kill teh Jews is bittersweet.

0
litre_cola

They are hot, the footy is good, less diving, more hair pulling.

2
litre_cola

Whoa, German starting lineup.

1
King Hippo

yep, once we get past the “grotesque mismatch” stage it should be even better

1
scotchnaut

Six year-old me pronounced the country “Pee-yew” and that was quite funny.

/btw, the key to getting one’s deuces a delightful iridescent burgundy hue is to eat red lentils three days in a row. Just so you know.

1
litre_cola

Hippo it is an all female panel for TSN. Delicious.

2
King Hippo

One is Kaylyn Kyle, yeah? SO DREAMY

2
litre_cola

Absolutely.

1
King Hippo

why hasn’t she answered mah letters!!111

1
litre_cola

Are you using the Queen’s English in your correspondence?

1
King Hippo

is hard to write extra letters in blood ,, ppl forget that

2
herodotus450

Are these world cup games on the teevee anywhere? Just curious, my interest has nothing to do with pornhub being down.

2
King Hippo

Fox y FS1

1
King Hippo

As to game 1, what can I say. I am really into the French and have never had an Asian fetish. Hippo Chambers, dancing to victory!

1
litre_cola

BC Dick and I discussed the scoring system. We had 3 nil and got 7 points, you hit it and got 300 and change, gunna be weird.

0
King Hippo

I couldn’t recall if I had offered 4-nil or 5-nil, yeah I have no idea re the scoring system. I didn’t feel that looking up rules would be sporting.

1
litre_cola

Of course neither of us looked it up either.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, wtf?!? I had the 3-0 also!

1
King Hippo

Wait, they don’t even bang them vicuña?? What a bunch of wankers ,, amirite? – All Colombian men, apparently

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