Your Father’s Day Evening Open Thread

Not for nothing, but today has never been much more than another Sunday to me. I didn’t have the greatest father, or the greatest relationship with him. It’s hard to look up to the person who gave you ulcers at age 8, kept you in fear of the dock lock turning, routinely called you a disappointment for not following his half-assed career, and then dumped his wife whilst bleeding their joint account dry & left his two adult sons holding the bag to bail her out because she was their responsibilty now. I have the Gen-X trifecta of physical, emotional & financial scars.

I give him credit for ponying up to help straighten me out when I was going the wrong way, but I have to ignore his contribution towards paving that path in the first place to do so. Also, he helped me pay my way through university by giving me jobs with his mining company, from which I received enough money for tuition and the lifelong effects of pleurisy.

In the end, he chose to die alone & broke. I got a call from a notary saying he died, but that he wasn’t legally authorized to say when, where, or how it happened, or what happened to his body. The only closure I get is that I no longer have to worry about a phone call from back east asking if I can come to identify a body. Oh, and the creditors stopped calling.

Just don’t be dicks to your kids.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Cubs at Dodgers – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • Copa América:
    • Costa Rica vs. Nicaragua – 8:00PM | UNI / FS1 / TSN3
    • These have been great games so far. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I was pleasantly surprised Canada beat Martinique. As bad as Canada is, it still felt like a trap game & we’d lose to the Caribbean equivalent of St. Pierre et Miquelon.
  • College World Series:
    • Game 4: Auburn vs. Mississippi State – 7:30PM | ESPN2

Sorry this was kind of a downer. Enjoy the Copa footy tonight. Hopefully, you dads out there get some nice barbecue & a night off from the dishes. Mazel tov!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Mr. Ayo

Why is this a bastardized version of the original? The original was just fine.

ALXMAC
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Damn sellout

Mr. Ayo

Fuck the asshole that put this playlist together. There’s a few non-NIN songs in there and he should burn in eternal hell for their inclusion.

ALXMAC

That sounds like a NIN song. Maybe you should make a mix

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, I need to load up the Broken album now.

Mr. Ayo
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Unsurprised

My father was a piece of shit. Fuck Father’s Day.

ALXMAC

Happy Muther Fuckers Day.

ALXMAC
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ALXMAC
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

That one on the left is the one that bit my sister.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is brilliant, but will probably get you sacked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The new Luther is pretty entertaining; a lot of shit be going down in the final episode apparently.

Also; my man crush on Idris Elba knows no bounds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I have the exact opposite of Rob’s story, so I can empathize but not relate. There’s no deadbeats on either side of my family; I don’t think there’s even been a divorce in at least three or four generations. Everyone has just been there.

I mean my dad pisses me off sometimes, but he never stole from me.

Porky Prime

My dad was a good guy, but we weren’t really close until after my mom died, which sucks but we had that. I have regrets regarding his death, unfortunately, but won’t everyone? Looking back, he wasn’t a very proactive father, but he was THERE (except on Thursday bowling nights when he would leave for work at 6am and not come home until midnight with a hard buzz…but he always got up the next day at 5am for work. Respect.).

Dad never pushed me at anything, which doesn’t excuse me from dicking around until I was in my late 20s; just something I am able to point out. He would have adored the almighty hell out of his grandkids though.

Today, I didn’t leave the house. I got no gifts; no cards; barely a few social media greetings. But my new GF came over for the first ever house visit today and was downright masterful with my children; particularly my daughter, who cried for ten minutes until she was assured that we could all meet up again tomorrow.

Best father’s day in 3 years.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesome, man. Glad to hear it was a good one!

yeah right

Hope your new girl is a gem. You deserve that.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

OJ is on Twitter and I nearly sent him a compilation of all the Weekend Update Jokes from 94-96, but I like Norm and don’t want him to die.

Mr. Ayo

Just send them one per day.

This just in, murder is now legal in California!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And he so happened to join on the 25th anniversary of the murders….

Unsurprised

I wonder if he follows Chris Rock.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Honestly, Rob, it wasn’t a downer because you turned out great and recognized how good of a job your mom did. You do you, man.

yeah right

I’ve honestly tried to live a good and decent life and I have no idea why I’m being punished by having to listen to A-hole on Sunday night baseball.

Was going to ask if it’s possible for someone to be wrong every time they open their fucking mouth then looked at the orange gargantua in the oval office and slowly shook my head.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I should’ve marched in or at least stayed to watch the parade. It’s not like I’ve done anything useful since I got home.

King Hippo

If any consolation, there is really nothing useful anyone can do about anything. Life is shit.

rockingdog

found a funny:
black mirror season one: maybe a life mediated and experienced solely through digital reflections of itself isn’t one worth living

black mirror season five: imagine if you could suck your friends dick in street fighter

King Hippo

u wud qualify as Buddha Flamer imogodbless

theeWeeBabySeamus

There are some fish in this world just won’t be caught, no matter what you dangle in front of them.

Unsurprised

“You’re supposed to dangle it in front of them? Aw, man.”
— B. Favre

SonOfSpam

Trying to pay a hooker with a Discover card again?

litre_cola

Diners Club. The terms and conditions are strange.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

I thought Troy McClure was dead.

King Hippo

just resting (and growing out his mullet)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, no, I said he “sleeps with the fishes”.

Col. Duke LaCross

Who has some damn fine looking lamb shanks braising in the oven right now? THIS GUY!

Who also just burned the fuck out of his hand grabbing the lid from the Dutch Oven when it came time to stir, because he’s had 2/3 of a huge bottle of Pinot Grigio already tonight? THIS GUY!

litre_cola

Put new cold bottle in burnt hand.

Mr. Ayo

Then uncork, and pour directly into mouth.

Col. Duke LaCross

Who has a cold bottle of Uinta 801 in his hand right now? THIS GUY!

Don T

I’ll drink to not being dicks to your kids.
And this being a Sunday, how ‘bout some Scripture, the prophecy kind: https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609168/the-secret-betting-strategy-that-beats-online-bookmakers/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

litre_cola

So Costa Rica v Nicaragua, this is an ICE wet dream.

WCS

And Ben Shapiro’s nightmare.

“Save us, MAGAs!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like we need a special font when referring to Ben Shapiro, something micronized.

how about this?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

We can’t stop here, this is (wrestling) mat country.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

THAT IS THE GREATEST MACHINE I HAVE EVER SEEN

Mr. Ayo

How many guys have been de-dicked by this thing?

Asking for a friend.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

YOU FUCK THE BACON AFTER IT HAS BEEN SLICED!!

Unsurprised

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SonOfSpam

Hopefully this one doesn’t burn your asshole.

Unsurprised

Not without asking first

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, she’s not the one who is the lady who used the laser hair removal laser to cauterize your friend’s asshole shut. That place got shut down.

King Hippo

GOOOOOOLLLLL, former Everton heartthrob Bryan Oviedo!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Happy Fathers Day to all the other strong men who manage to do…oh, I don’t know — 15%?….of the child rearing.

We the real heroes!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

So the US beat Chile 3-0. It should have been closer to the US Thailand score, except Chile has what I think is the best goalie in Women’s soccer.
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Chistiane Endler was a fucking beast today.

Mr. Ayo

She can tend my goal anyday.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

hear, here!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

She better wear those gloves around my balls

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Upside of Father’s Day – cracking open a 24 pack of New Belgium Variety Pack.

Gettin crunk on a Sunday nite yall.

blaxabbath

::Rob Ford::

Unsurprised

I want New Belgium beer now. Jerk.

SonOfSpam

You’re right on both counts!

Unsurprised

OJ isn’t even the all-time league leader in murders. Fucking P*ts.

SonOfSpam

Chmura murdered a lot of childhood innocence, for what that’s worth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I am really more concerned with all of the would be children that were lost in his hot tub.

Unsurprised

That’s like worrying about the would-be fertilizer Najeh Davenport left in hampers.

JustStopDude

I took my old man on a family day cruise once. Like once a year, the carrier would allow you to bring family on board for the day.

So I told my kids that anyone swearing in front of my old man, I would kill them. Me and pop are sitting in berthing, waiting for the boat to depart and my old man leans over…

“JSD…why is everyone starring at me?” and with that, I notice that a bunch of my boys are starring at my old man. So I say to to the nearest one…

“Nick. Why are you starring at my father?!?”

“Shit….JSD…its just fucking weird…” I grit my teeth and I calmly remind him what is awaiting him if he doesn’t knock it out.

“Oh yeah…sorry. Its just weird man…your step dad looks just like you!”

“This is my biological father”

“Oh…so wait…you don’t know who your mom is???”

“I know exactly who my mother is. She is back home. She couldn’t make it”.

“Oh…okay. So I guess you can hit them both up when you are back home”.

“Yeah…its kind of easy because they live together”

“Wait…REALLY? Dude seriously?!?”

That is when I realized that it was a bit weird to have married parents in the US military.

Unsurprised

I got halfway through that before I realized you meant sailors and not family kids. That is pretty messed up though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My dad wasn’t the best husband by any stretch. She did stick with him through a really bad situation that he paid for for his entire life and he was eternally grateful to her for that. He was always great to me, I’m sorry about those of you who have/ had dicks for dads (go ahead and use that phrase for something else). I feel very fortunate since I hear stories like yours all the time.

Side note; he was a voracious reader with a tremendous ability for recall. He’d invite mormons and jehovah’s witnesses who were selling their brand in and debate them, since he new their books better than any of them did, which was fucking hilarious. They stopped coming around our house for some reason.

JustStopDude

My old man was a Jesuit priest when he met my mother. He loves doing that shit…inviting in the Mormons and the Jehovah Witnesses in for a talk.

I fully admit, I will do it with the Mormons if I am in town. I can’t help but like those kids because they generally are extremely polite. The JW’s are always fucking assholes though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I finally broke a million on that 2048 Crack game, so I’m setting it aside forever.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Live your dream, man, live your dreams.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Once I cracked a million I was ready to go big or go home. You can see on the right hand side I was trying to stack things up to get a 130k brick. It would have been pretty special, but it was not to be.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Here’s the best beatdown I ever delivered on Words With Friends. Is that still a thing?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

NERD!!!

JustStopDude

Greetings from Norfolk. I am stuck working on the quay cranes again.
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I have a crippling fear of heights…so I utterly detest being up on these fucking things, let alone driving them. This is from the operating cabin of a quay crane. I sent my old man the pic in a text.

He started freaking out, thinking I was dangling my legs over the side, going to jump. He didn’t realize I sitting in the chair controlling the fucking thing.

Mr. Ayo

Woah. That’s awesome!

JustStopDude

What sucks about them is that the cabin rides out over the boat and the water. The whole point is that you need to see what you are doing.

The really frustrating thing is that the people I am trying to train make about 20 times the money I do and I am starting to suspect they are functionally retarded.

Dear god I wish I was in a longshoreman union.

Unsurprised

But then you’d also be retarded.

JustStopDude

But I would be retarded rich as well…

Unsurprised

Good point. It still seems like a toss-up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All I presume I know about longshoremen is what I learned during Season 2 of The Wire and it didn’t leave me convinced that those folks were living the high life, though it certainly did support your second point.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not so bad with heights (not nearly as casual as I used to be) and even just looking at the photo made my palms start sweating. It’s good to see you, man.

Unsurprised

Yikes. I was staring down at the street from the tenth-floor terrace of the firm we had this event and it freaked out the host. I don’t mind heights when there’s a clear rail or barrier of some sorts, which is why I get scared when I’ve been around cliffs or just high mesas/bluffs (lucky for me I don’t have that problem much here). I could stare down the long side of the Sears Tower, but I could not make myself go onto the skybox even though I knew that it was safe even for my fat ass.

My father took my brother and I up on cherry pickers and cranes a couple times. When I was like 5 or 6 I loved trains and my grandfather was a railroad man but I couldn’t approach one too closely or actually get inside one. So …

Wait. Google or someone is collecting this all to sell me stuff I don’t want or need. Fuck you, Google.

litre_cola

BGR I believe we are have been on the same path. Mine was an alcoholic, who also was a womanizer, who also was rarely around, who also put my mother in a tremendous amount of debt, who also died alone, broke, and drunk.
I pride myself every day in being a better father to Decilitre than he was to me and a better husband to Mrs. Cola as well. He did teach me 3 things though, always be on time, racism is the fucking worst, and never hit a woman ever.

Still though, I am happy he is gone and not tormenting my mother any longer.

Unsurprised

I clocked 5.6 miles, almost 12k steps, walking to an event and volunteering, taking photos, etc. not really socializing but at least I was being useful and it was nice to be around everyone. So I celebrated by eating an entire take-home box of huevos rancheros.

litre_cola

You fucking deserve it.

yeah right

My dad was alright. Good dude if physically abusive. He got his point across. He died pretty young so my daughters barely got a chance to know him. He had his own issues but I miss him.
Not all of my brothers feel the same way about him but he went out on good terms.

I was there when he stepped off the mortal coil and that shit was haunting but at the same time I was there with him at the end.

Miss you Pops.

SonOfSpam

Hey Beerguyrob…similarish story with my own dad. I think he lives about 10 minutes away, but I haven’t talked to him in over 30 years. So I’m enjoying having all the attention today for the sole reason that I’m not a total dick to my wife and child.

Anyway, happy Don’t-gotta-do-shit-for-anyone-else Day to you too!

blaxabbath

I’d like Sharkbait to make a Bacanora drink next.

Wakezilla

Canada at the Gold cup is like those girls you went to school with in in highschool that always looked fine as hell and talked a big game about being slutty to get attention from guys, but it was all talk and no finish.

Every got damn Tournament, there’s at least 3 young, phenomenonal players that look like they’ll be stars in the big 4 European leagues, only to fall off the map a few years later, making Canada not come close to qualifying for the World Cup of Lesser Footy

ballsofsteelandfury

Are the Canadian guys as hot as the girls? Cuz the girls are pretty damn hot…

Wakezilla

We can be

herodotus450

The greeting card industrial complex will never get to me!

Unsurprised

Volcel 4 Life

King Hippo

Similar, since my Dad has been dead quite some time, and I HATE being fussed over. Am going to dinner tomorrow night with the two chill’uns still in North Cakalaky.

Wakezilla

I haven’t seen Ecuadorians get slaughtered like this since the Guayaquil Massacre

King Hippo

hey, they ain’t call it “guy-I-kill” for nothing ,, smh