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Your “I Can’t Believe I Haven’t Used This Yet” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • Seems like it’s going great so far: Giants #1 pick Daniel Jones was booed at Yankee Stadium yesterday. He laughed it off, saying the best way to make them be quiet will be to perform well on the field.
    • Taking it personally? Giants GM Dave Gettleman, who sounds like an aggrieved Trump supporter:
      • “Every once in a while, I wish the people taking the shots would take a minute to look at my résumé. I’ve been a part of teams that went to seven Super Bowls. I had a hand in some of them. But today, there’s no patience. And there’s no room for civil discourse in our society, which I find sad.”
  • Either keeping loose or trying to force Roger Goodell’s hand, Tom Brady is working out with Josh Gordon.
    • Gordon was indefinitely suspended back in December for violating the terms of his reinstatement.
      • The Pats did sign him to a one-year, $2.025 million contract this offseason, so they think he might be back at some point, despite the league having no updates on the situation.

Assorted musings:

I had a good day at Deadspin, commenting on their aghastness at NHL management by making reference to an oft-discussed topic here:

If you aren’t following Super 70s Sports on the Twitter, you’re missing out on gems like this:

While looking around for a cover picture for tonight’s thread, I came across video that verified something I had completely forgotten – Barry Fucking Manilow sang the national anthem at Super Bowl XVIII.

Back when both these teams weren’t jokes.

Not exactly a classic version, I still think he did a good job because he didn’t give us the Bleeding Gums Murphy version others have since provided.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • NHL Awards – from Las Vegas – 8:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
      • List of finalists in each category here.
  •  MLB:
    • Angels at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Giants at Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
  • NCAA:
    • College World Series:
      • Game 9: Texas Tech vs. Florida State – 7:00PM | ESPN
  • Fútbol:
    • Copa América Brasil 2019:
      • Argentina vs. Paraguay – 8:00PM | TELMUN / TSN2
    • CONCACAF Gold Cup Soccer 2019:
      • Cuba vs. Martinique – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN4
      • México vs. Canada – 10:00PM | UNI / FS1 / TSN

The Copa?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=591d-XV5rEo

The Copa.

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King Hippo

whew, now Mexico can get some sleep

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Time for Balls to go to sleep!

1
King Hippo

my balls are like, ALWAYS asleep now ,, smh

1
King Hippo

The Mexi-substituto is wearing a goddamned sports bra

0
King Hippo

oooooh, manager fight?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

That was great!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

T : if Argentina DOES get knocked out next game, we ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO follow Litre’s suggestion and do an Argentinean Fans React Reasonably post.

In Spanish.

3
King Hippo

en toto, por favor

1
Don T

/puts meme in chamber

2
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

#TeamBetterGuay comes through. Could have come through even more by crippling Old Man Messi (how is he only 31???) before the PK, but they’re doing God’s Work nonetheless.

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King Hippo

think I like this new, Blacker Canadia

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Horatio Cornblower

Why are the Mexicans wearing black? Is it to symbolize Mexico City’s air pollution?

4
King Hippo

something kidnapp-y?

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ballsofsteelandfury

/ nods knowingly

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King Hippo

who does the altitude favour?

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King Hippo

also es el Moose presente en el stadio del Donks?

2
Brick Meathook

I just drank an entire bottle of codeine-infused cough syrup so I guess my bender will extend into an eighth day. No telling what I’ll shit out tomorrow.

Oddly enough, even though I have no memory of the past seven days, I looked at my work schedule and I flew five flights for United Airlines (my employer) as pilot in command. They were all on an Airbus which flies itself but still that’s impressive. I was talking to one of my junior first officers who flies with me and we also do a lot of coke and make porno movies with some of the flight attendants and he said that on one of the flights they had to strap me in to the left hand seat and that I was completely limp and was bleeding out of my eyes yet when the tower gave us clearance to takeoff I answered on the radio smartly, then I went unconscious again. When we arrived in Des Moines they parked the plane and I just slept in the seat overnight. I have no memory of any of this.

9
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

+1 lifesaving 737 crank

5
Fronkenshteen

Hunter S. Meathook

2
Horatio Cornblower

A lot of these guys don’t look very Canadian to me.

By which I mean they aren’t on ice.

2
Fronkenshteen

I want to see a starting 11 made up of Bruce McCulloghs and Mike Myers-s, with a Neil Young looking freak in goal with hands like fucking oven mitts.

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King Hippo

if the Maple XI score, they should do the Terrier Dance

2
Fronkenshteen

Go Fightin’ Beerguyrobs & Litrecolas!

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Two matches, zero ARG goals from open play.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
Don T

BREAKING
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King Hippo

Google Translate insults del espanol are magnifico

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

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King Hippo

Better Guay have dominated this match. So unjust.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Argentina should give goalie Armani the “Order of Saving Our Bacon”

2
Brick Meathook

“Orden de Salvar Nuestro Tocino”

1
King Hippo

it was also a poorly taken penno

1
King Hippo

If the Draw holds, ARG would be out with a loss or draw v. Qatar (as Qatar would have superior goal differential)

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

When your career’s in the gutter, make sure your whiskey’s there too:
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Proper #12.

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King Hippo

Proper 12? That’s what I like too!! – Marc T., parts unknown

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There it is people. At least those too afraid, like me, to make a Larry Nassar joke.

4
Don T

Looks like an overpriced Cutty Sark

1
Sharkbait

I think that’s an insult to Cutty Sark

2
Horatio Cornblower

Martinique? Now they’re just making names up.

2
herodotus450

Sure, I could do for a Martini, thanks for asking.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Boy have I got a mixer for you!

2
King Hippo

we calls it “The Wound Disinfectant” all teh cool kids are drinkin’ it

2
King Hippo

oh goddamnit, God doesn’t watch Lesser Footy I guess

0
litre_cola

THEN WHY ARE ALL THESE GUYS DOING CROSS SIGNS???

1
Horatio Cornblower

My son turned 21 on 6/8, (yes, there was talk of his first bar crawl taking place with the DFO crew but that seemed cruel, and more importantly Mrs. Cornblower couldn’t make that weekend work), and for father’s day he went out and bought me a bottle of Proper #12, Conor McGregor’s “whiskey” (it was a joke, you see, because he knows I hate McGregor), and I tried it tonight and my review is as follows:

I can’t say I hate it because it has no taste whatsoever. I’m not even kidding. There’s an alcohol burn and a mild aftertaste of rubbing alcohol but otherwise nothing. Nada. Zip. I’m honestly sort of impressed. But, no shit, the rest of this bottle is probably getting poured down the drain.

2
King Hippo

ha, that’s my twins’ bday

1
Sharkbait

I’ve had it. Mistakenly bought it actually. I’d mix it with something. Certainly not the worst whiskey I’ve ever had.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I plan on mixing it with whatever’s in the garbage disposal.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t waste it.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Use it to mix drinks for people who come over who don’t like booze, but like alcohol.

5
Horatio Cornblower

I like this idea, except I don’t know any of those people.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are all over, but being a DFOer I can see not having a wide circle.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know me! I mean, I *do* like booze, but I also like alcohol.

1
Brick Meathook

Don’t throw it out! Are you one of the lawyers here? Keep it in your office and offer clients a shot of it at ten in the morning. Or use it as cologne for court appearances and bench conferences. If you’re not a lawyer strike all that from the record.

5
herodotus450

strike that

-Things McGregor doesn’t do so well anymore inside a ring but does outside.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just checked a few reviews and there was a lot of “meh” and ‘it is just the standard Bushmills product”

1
King Hippo

PENNO!!!!

1
litre_cola

MOAR PENALTIES!!!

1
King Hippo

how is that not also a red card??

0
litre_cola

Because the Boca ultras have the refs wife in custody.

2
herodotus450

I’m so mad I listened to this song twice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9fLbfzCqWw

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fucking hate when that happens.

1
Unsurprised

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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King Hippo

what a bunch of monkeyshit, weak assed ref

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
Sharkbait

Sup

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

oh, refs gonna fuck the Better Guays

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

reminder – Paraguay has never, EVER – in over 100 years beaten Argentina in the South American Euros.

1
litre_cola

Sadly they aren’t going to tonight.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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2
Sharkbait

HIGHLY underrated movie.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t hit me with those negative waves…..

2
litre_cola

Balls, if the Argies get knocked out can we have an Argentina fans react rationally. I will trust google translate which will make it even funnier.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

LOVE IT!!

0
Brick Meathook

So yesterday I finished up a seven day bender of booze and pills and codeine-laced cough syrup. I don’t even know what the pills are, I just buy them from drug dealers and swallow them all. I really can’t remember the last week.

So this morning I take the most hideously painful shit and then I hear a clank in the toilet bowl and I look down and this is what I found:

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I think it’s from a motorcycle, which is odd because I don’t own a motorcycle.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

So that’s where my other stroke went.

2
Don T

Strong fiber game.

4
King Hippo

This holds up, either Qatar or ARGGGGG will be out of el torneo.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Who in their right mind would want to be a soccer referee in South America?

3
Don T

Vargas Llosa wrote a story aboot a rich kid who wanted to be a ref and built him a field in their home and all the kids came play so he could indulge his passion. He was just, elegant, and people went to see games to see him.
It’s in this novel
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2
King Hippo

#BETTERGUAY!!!!!!

1
rockingdog

found a funny:
freeze frame on man running through bazaar
Jason Statham (VO): yeah. thass me. aladdin runnin frum the fuckin fuzz again

jasmine: who’s there
Jason Statham aladdin: names aladdin, sweetheart. thass a big fuckin dog you got
Jasmine: it’s a tiger

https://twitter.com/jon_snow_420/status/1032686780221284354

1
litre_cola

Oh goodness, in Buenos Aires they will riot.

2
King Hippo

LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN!!

1
King Hippo

LOLMessi, cont’d

1
herodotus450

In part 2* of my ongoing “Oh yeah? Wanna fight about it?” series, we have The Strokes and Jet. Can any blind listening tell them apart?
*: Possibly a repeat, and also I forgot what part 1 was. Franz Ferdinand I think.

1
SonOfSpam

Last time Jet and The Strokes were in the same sentence was when Michael Jackson babysat for the Travoltas.

3
litre_cola

The time before that was when there were sanctioned shower tickle fights at Penn St.

1
Brick Meathook

Here’s the spark plug that formerly resided in the number-sixteen cylinder of my Ferrari Sexarossa.

I removed it and installed its replacement using only my bare teeth.

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1
SonOfSpam

Pictured – Brick with his Ferrari, bless his heart
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4
Brick Meathook

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6
ballsofsteelandfury

So, are we doing a maple syrup/ tequila DFO Commentists’ bet?

2
litre_cola

Nope, this gunna be a paddlin.

2
litre_cola

8 to 1 for Canadia.

1
King Hippo

ESPN+ crew keeps saying “soccer” not “football” – and I have been brainwashed by my Everton imaginary pals enough that it sets my teeth on edge.

0
King Hippo

Argie tries to kill a guy headbutting. they only even stopped play when it was clear the recipient was bleeding like a stuck pig

1
SonOfSpam

Update from Canadia (specifically Toronto, which the NBA says reps all of Canadia):

Trout hits a Grand Slam (sorry Andy Reid, not that kind) in the top of the 4th, which is twice as useful as his two-run dong in the top of the 2nd.

3
LemonJello

He may need penicillin to clear up that two run dong…

2
Brick Meathook

USA! USA! USA!

3
litre_cola

That is worth 6 in Canadian grand slams.

3
Unsurprised

Nothing like taking a quick nap and then dream you just breaks down and cuts to the core of why you suck. I guess that was useful but JFC that hurt.

0
SonOfSpam

Dream Advice: Fall asleep with a boner, and your dreams will all be sexy.

2
Dolph Ucker

Hope Hicks:
– What was her job, precisely?
– Does she have something on Chief Two Scoops, or does he have something on her?
– How much did she make?
– Do you think she ever blew Corey Lewendowski in the back of a campaign bus?
– How is she not a supermodel?
– Does she speak Russian?
– How old is she?
– What is it that she is good at, aside from what would seem obvious?
– Has she ever been Melania’s stunt double?
– Doesn’t it seem like Michael Cohen would know her pretty well?
– Do you think 45 has ever grabbed her pussy?

2
Unsurprised

She was head of communications after The Mooch.

0
Unsurprised

I don’t think Trump has ever touched a pussy in any way.

1
herodotus450

– How do I view the Hope Hicks-Hope Solo sex tape?

3
Beerguyrob

In Hope, BC.

1
scotchnaut

I’ve been bothering you guys with observations gleaned from reading “Please Kill Me”. Here’s another one.

The most honest chroniclers of the punk movement will say “We were in a tight spot, so I called my mom and she sent me money to ‘pay rent’, ‘buy food’, ‘buy gas’, etc.

The vast majority of punkers-you know, the ones that said, “fuck everything! I’m going out on my own!” had anecdotes that went along the lines of…

“So there I was, my manager walked out on me. I was in Cleveland and had less than 5 dollars in my pocket.” (fast forward) That gig three days later at CBGB’s really turned things around for us!”

“I was stuck in Los Angeles. No money. No girlfriend. No way to get home. Anyway, I ended up in this great seaside condo and I met this awesome bass player and the gigs just started coming and it just took off from there!”

“I busted my amp and they were going to kick me out of the band but I scrounged around and replaced the amp and got some microphones as well.”

“It was so shitty living in that hellhole of a small town! But I moved to New York and I treasured that apartment that I had in lower Manhattan.”

Mommy and daddy’s money enabled much of the “revolutionary” Punk Rock movement.

1
herodotus450

Punk music is like free verse poetry: I don’t get it and I don’t like it. There I said it.

0
SonOfSpam

Perhaps you should
Find better
Examples of the genre
which
Touch your soul
Leaving you to
fly
FREE

1
scotchnaut

Punk and jazz are the same for me-I appreciate and respect where (I think) it’s coming from/what it represents but listening to much of it is a chore. Of course this is a blanket generalization and there are tunes that I like but I’ll be gravitating towards other genres most of the time.

0
SonOfSpam

This is artsy, especially lyrically:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYl8wkE5w10

1
litre_cola

I am a punk fan, from 18 to 27 I lived in a resort ski town. It was everywhere. Everyone has their own taste and I never put anything down, kind of like Karen Carpenter.

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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0
Don T

I appreciate more the parents’ patronage than the “trust fund revolutionaries!” angle. God I love adulthood.

1
litre_cola

Mexico v Canada futbol at 930 DFO time, this will be a murder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGJFWirQ3ks

1
rockingdog

Bahaha!
wait that Copacabana song is about a fight then someone takes out a gun and gets shot?
and some lady who drinks herself crazy?

0
herodotus450

I always thought that, like all songs, it was about cocaine.

1
rockingdog

10 yrs goes by fast….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE

1
scotchnaut

Crazy Frog was ten years ago? I’d give up everything to be 45 again!

0
herodotus450

Barry looks like a mix between Doctor Who and WIlly Wonka in that Copa video.

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