Now that the Thursday Nighter has been wiped from our collective memories by all the weed, booze and pills that it is possible to ingest, let’s see if today’s slate can make a mark. TO THE GAMES!
Rams/Panthers:
As Cammer’s shoulder goes, so goes Carolina and it seems fine. The Panthers are implementing a new 3-4 D scheme (Riverboat Ron’s baby) so what with edge Irvin out we’ll see rook Brian Burns flash his pass-rushing ability. The Rams begin the season with the goal of finishing second behind the Chiefs in points scored. Get down on your knees and pray for Gurley’s.
Titans/Browns:
Cleveland football fans feel all funny inside because they don’t have a word for ‘positivity’. They think it’s just gas. But thar be so much young talent! And a cracking D to go with the O! Look for the Baker-OBJ thingy to get off to a quick start because cb Adoree Jackson gave up the 2nd-most catches (66) to wr’s last year. He’ll be shadowing Beckham.
Chiefs/Jags:
Hill vs. Ramsey. Watkins vs. Abouye. These cb’s give up a passer rating on average, of only 68 but you have to think that Tyreek will bust one at some point. At least Vegas does-the o/u is 52.
Ravens/Fins:
LAMAR! rushed 17 times per game after taking over in week 11. Is that sustainable? No. Will a number of his passes eat dirt/sail into the stands? Yes. Is he finally bringing excitement back to the Ravens qb spot? Hell yeah! In the Things You Didn’t Know Department: Miami’s Albert Wilson led the league in average yards after the catch with 13.3. Huh.
Falcons/Vikes:
So much chatter regarding Zeke and Saquon but Dalvin Cook might be the guy that steals the rushing title out from under them both. Old Kirkie Cousins threw for 4,000 yards again last year but still doesn’t get any respect. He should get out early against the D that gave up the most fantasy points to qb’s last year. Julio signed so he’s playing. Will he score more than 5 frickin’ TD’s this year?
Bills/Jets:
Up upstate way there’s a buzz going on that Josh Allen to Cole Beasley is a thing. The Beaser caught 7 of 8 targets and looks to be the security blanket that the youngster desperately needs as he continues to develop. Look for rb Bell to do some quality galloping this year. He’s got fresh legs and nary a bump or bruise anywhere on his bod. That should translate to some quality early numbers and Unfrozen Caveman Quarterback should benefit. Will this process translate to wins? That’s up in the air.
Potato Skins/Eagles:
Second-year but actually rook rb Derrius Guice ran for 44 yards, 28 of which were after contact. He’ll have his work cut out for him vs. Philly’s front 7. Be on the lookout for the plodding Jordan Howard to slowly cede the starting job to the much more dynamic Kilometers Sanders.
Okay, get out there and DO YOUR JOB! (Fucking Pats, smgdh)
I am mostly sticking with my original fantasy picks, but I did swap out Gallup for Sterling Shepard. SUCH a hard call.
BOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IX_Q2nK3R7U
TWO!! TWO MINUTES TO WOPNER!!!
Rail that last line Scott! It’s GO TIME.
RedZone countdown has started! It’s really happening folks!
MERRY FOOTMASS EVERYBODY, AND A PLAYOFF-Y NEW SEASON!
These Rob Riggle segments on Fox are awful
You don’t really need the words “Rob Riggle” in that truthful statement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF6ZOezVCxg
Red ZONE BABAY!!!!!
psyched to see you dude!
may this demigod amongst men have all the Colombian Marching Powder he needs for Week 1
I just imagined how a RedZone channel would look for other things.
RedZone for CSPAN
RedZone for Traffic Jams
RedZone for RedZone
RedZone Weather Channel
I’m gonna go ahead and predict some sort of large news dump this afternoon during the games. Just a hunch.
My money’s on a leaked Trump-Pelosi sex tape.
My money’s on Trump declaring war on Denmark for hurting his feelings by calling him an idiot over the whole Greenland lunacy
well, good thing I ain’t already masturbated today!
JFK tapes – new angle footage
That reminds me, when I finish my time machine, I’m putting a suicide note in JFK’s pocket.
LOL
more details about the “peace talks” with the Taliban.
Games are set to record, sun screen applied, shoes strapped on. And out the mother humping door I went.
See you folks for the afternoon games.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31jvtk3Z8AU
this is a GREAT band
They’re no BLACK Reaper.
#VirtueSignalling
So Bengals WR bust-in-training John Ross has changed his jersey name from “ROSS” to “ROSS III” and his number from “15” to “11”. Hopefully, he also changed his effort.
So 3 steps forward, and 4 steps back?
The Bungles way!
oh snap, had no idea this was the same band, from a few years ago. EXCELLENT lady rock ‘n’ roll band.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hFYgMBDPFE
Have posted up at Giants bar with Mrs sharkbait, and two brothers in law that are giants fans. Am wearing the “I’m just here for the fantasy points” shirt. Hopefully that spares me when I inevitably laugh out loud at Giants derpage
Thoughts and Prayers for Sharkbait!
I look forward to tomorrow night’s “Monday Night Football and Wake for Sharkbait Open Thread”.
My favourite song on the radio now, also fairly describes my footy addiction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQYgcc02m5c
/also pretty sure I’m in love with the bassist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB9i0SYRMRI
NFL Commissioner: “How are ratings and revenue going down? We have a nice product that’s nice to see on TV.”
Underling: “Cincinnati’s CBS affiliate what’s to know what game will be showing in the 1PM slot.”
NFL Commissioner: “Tell them they’ll get no game! If they don’t like it, we’ll banish their team to London!”
/ the years may change but some things never do
‘Dacteds V Iggles OR Ratbirds V LOLphins
Jeebus weeps.
Or you can try drinkin! Drinkin’ makes everything watchable.. wifey’s Twatlight series (or it’s bastard spawn 50 Shades Of I’m not drunk enough for this) … Yes, Even a Thursday Night Tits @ Jags punt-fest!
Seems legit.
Twatlight seems like a great all lady porn parody of twilight
Am I sitting here on pins and needles, listening to the RedZone Channel heroic muzak?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07wuZ3EWMAA
This guy gets it.
By it, I mean all the pills.
I also timed the first sacramental pill of the day so it kicks in at 1p.
That’s just good self medicating.
/slaps Hippo’s ass. HARD.
You’re a damn pro. An inspiration to all of us shut ins.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrxW5PCIp5I
RAMMIT v Sex Pathers and Chefs vs Methheads
Redzone it is.
LOL, my Sky box is acting up, so I’m reduced to watching it off ProSieben Maxx (German channel) and the selection there is sub-optimal at best. Rams @ Panthers and then G-men and HOW ‘BOUT DEM COWBOYS…. So, Reddit /nflstreams it is 😀
Reddit is going to crash all day. get it early for those streams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XsufDwXu4w
Goddamn, the Browns suck
… Uhhmmmm… that was quick? Usually they have to like… see the field before people start screaming that 😀
https://twitter.com/TheFullerTron/status/1170662259783294981
Some are more afraid of heights than others
Aw. I don’t get to see the Browns. But I get the Redacted vs the Eagles. That’s one way to start the NFL season.
I get Atlanta-Minnesota, which means I get RedZone
Is calling them Deadskins acceptable?
That may actually be worse that the current name.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trail_of_Tears
The whole Nation is a Indian burial ground.
The Indians were anti-immigration racists. Pple forgit that.
Currently on board the train to the most polluted beach in California: San Clemente!
That actually is quite a surprise to me. If have guessed Long Beach would take the honor with a bullet.
Don’t take a scuba trip.
It’s a train riding day!
It’s usually Cabrillo Beach in Pedro for obvious reasons. I’m surprised as well.
FOOTBAW IS BACK…. Take 2…
Morning Folks.
Rolling into Union Station in Washington DC on the Amtrak Palmetto powered by the overhead catenary wires originally installed in 1935 when this was the Pennsylvania Railroad. The arched-roof building in the background is the former Washington Coliseum, built in 1940 as the Uline Arena, home to local pro basketball, hockey, inaugural balls, and concerts from the ‘40s through the ‘60s.
In February 1964 The Beatles gave their first concert in America here just after their appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show.
In November 1965 Bob Dylan played The Coliseum, where this photo was taken:
From the early 1970s to about 2010 it stood as a delapidated hulk; it has since been refurbished but is now an R.E.I. Store.
Great stuff man. Is DC your final destination on this trip?
No. Heading off to Montreal, St. John’s, and London.
Which of the NFL pregame shows is least nauseating again? I know it’s not Fox, which is currently running a Cooper Manning bit that makes seppuku look humane.
Staying away from those, playing they are billions till kick off time. I imagine the faceless foul hordes as typical Pats fans (the none self aware ones).
None of them?
I usually zone in on the Red Zone channel for the 2 hours leading to kickoff.
Still feels too early for football. As the Bears apparently also felt.
Damn, I just know Derrick Henry is gonna have a bad game but all I’ve got to replace him is the Bills Singletary so I have to stand pat. Frustrating.
Stupid cell phone. I turned it on for one (1) second and it spoiled the F1 race for me.
Just let me play my games in peace dammit!
Welcome home, D-Jax, on this holiest of holy days. Let’s get you a ring. Also, those Tampa color rush unis were traaaaaaash.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcfWr3mwDmg
Also, I have no idea why they used audio from Cowboy Bebop during the first bit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zFEjvS9nFw
Woke up too early in a state of nervous energy. Must walk 5 miles before the game!
Goddamn this sport!
I did 8 yesterday. The back isn’t happy with me.
Sunday tradition dictates that I must climb Grand Hill. I get to walk, all sweaty mind you, past all of the churches filled with worshipers who are praying for my very soul.
Whatever.
Fuck em
To me it is hilarious that most of them are praying for their souls in a religion that apparently dictates actions which puts their souls at risk.
lol NFL Network talking about how this is the year the Cowboys go back to the super bowl like they’ve never watched Jason Garrett coach
Maybe they think its being held in Dallas again this year?
I grabbed Julio & D. Freeman because Evan Silva pointed out the dirty birdys have 13 indoor games this year and don’t play outdoors till week 11. Hopefully Jones experiences positive regression in the TD department & Devonta’s groin stays intact.
/ narrator’s voice: “They didn’t.”
right there with ya. Julio gotta get more that 8 TD this season, right?
How’d you like that mid-week mini-drama re: his contract? “WHADDYA MEAN HE MIGHT NOT PLAY WEEK ONE?!”
gotta start listening to more music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2hUf9tf-0s
https://twitter.com/TheFullerTron/status/1170662259783294981
Gotta love the Dawg Pound. Doesn’t matter if their team is good, great, bad, or sucks, they are always in midseason form from the opening whistle.
found a funny:
The Patriots signed a guy who secretly records things without authorization?
Holy Shit! Well, we know he fits right in with the culture of the Patriot way!
(punches a brick wall for not thinking of this obvious joke first)
From Pft Commentator Twitter
good stuff.
I love reading those twitter replies to his question: How are you getting ready for football?
I’m not a fan of PFT Commentator, but that is amusing
Of all the people to not be a fan of, PFT?
Probably because he’s employed (and apparently likes it) at Barstool.
Eh, his shtick was funny at first, but now he’s meh.
So, basically he’s pulling a Magary and living off the diminishing returns to his shtick.. Cool
Eh, at least Drew still writes. If I had 72 hours in a day I might be able to squeeze in all the videos and podcasts I’m interested in. (At double speed of course)
“At least still writes” … Problem is, his writing is getting so stale and phoned in, he’ll have to start paying licensing fees to Dan Brown…
As for squeezing in podcasts and other media: Insomnia and working in IT helps immensely… It also helps that Dan Carlin’s been a bit tardy of late with his excellent Horrible History series 😉
Edit: SQUEEEEE – https://www.amazon.com/End-Always-Near-Apocalyptic-Collapse-ebook/dp/B07NCRXD9F/
Thanks for linking that, I just pre-ordered it.
My sister’s up visiting my Dad in the rehab facility, (don’t ride bicycles after age 75, kids), and for some dumbass reason she brought the whole family. There’s no room for that, and we all know how much fun kids have in nursing facilities. So anyway, kids and brother-in-law are headed to Uncle Horatio’s, where I am currently cracking beers for the brother-in-law and downloading violent video games that the kids aren’t allowed to play at home.
Best uncle ever.
I think GOG has the entire Postal series for a really low price!
I do stuff like that all the time for nieces and nephews. They don’t get junk food and time on devices is very limited so they get to relax and be themselves when they come over. Their mom’s a bit of a neurotic controller but her heart is in the right place.
We’re on Mortal Kombat now, and even I’m having second thoughts.
FINISH HIM
So, you know how the first part of recovery is admitting you have a problem? Well… I … I think I’m at that stage, for I’m watching AND betting on cricket…
Gotta be hard, waiting three days to see how your bet is going to turn out.
Extra hard, lol, because… I honestly don’t know WTF is going on screen half the time, lol.. Honestly, it was either that or Formula 1, but that’s been dead to me since before Schumacher retired the first time
Also, I’m pretty sure this is day 5 of the Fourth Test… I think I need to DVR some CFB from like the MAC or something as an emergency supply or something
Yeah, at that point you should just be trading stock options.
Point of clarification, Rikki, is Katie Nolan the voice of reason in the Losers’ club or are all these picks going to be dumb NFL advice?
She’s intended to be, yeah. I can’t guarantee that she’ll be accurate, though. It took less than ten minutes for my Kroger pick to go into the red.
(Steelers trade Brown to Raiders)
Experts: “About time the Steelers got rid of Antonio Brown. He is a selfish player.”
(Raiders cut Brown)
Experts: “About time the Raiders got rid of Antonio Brown. He is a selfish player.”
(Patriots sign Brown for $15M)
Experts: “The Patriots are the smartest franchise alive! He is a great player!”
“It’s all because Brady is on such a team friendly deal! He’s the best!”
/Remember when Brady was tagged/criticized as a game manager for a few years early in his career?
Patriots and Steelers fans when he’s traded to the Raiders: LOL, Good riddance / He doesn’t deserve to play for us.
Patriots, Steelers and Raiders when he’s cut from the Raiders: WHAT A HEADCASE! Bye Felicia!
Steelers and Raiders fans when he signs with the Pats:
99,99% of Pats fans after completely forgetting their stance on AB:
I suspect, (hope? Yeah, yeah, definitely hope), that is going to backfire spectacularly.
Honestly, I hope he livestreams Bill Belichik the same way he did to Tomlin and gets tossed out, but… somehow I don’t see that happening anytime soon 🙁
He’s already got the mind control chip implanted in his head already. He’ll be a model citizen until they don’t sign him and get a 3rd round comp pick. THEN he’ll go off the rails again.
So the Patriots are basically a football version of the Indigo Tribe from DC Comics? I can see that.
Nah, but we licensed the technology from the Stepford Wives 😀
Nice pull! Late 00’-early ‘10’s Green Lantern were must reads every month.
I bet Binaca Greek Last Name has fresh breath.
Semibananacakes Italian Grand Prix right now.
Vettel has lost it.
I’m sure it’s somehow the fault of Raikkonen.
Agreed. He’s done.
That should end it for Hamilton.
Some Italian Guy in a racecar: (Takes off rubber mask)
The crowd: “It was Aaron Burr all along!”
You’re about to see 100,000 people lose their minds.
Wait does that mean their fans are doing something shockingly racist again?
Iran up by 19 over The Philippines? Wha?
afternoon ladies, gents and whatever the hell Hippo self-identifies with this week… Sooo, now I know why all of you are so deeply disgusted with Pats fans – 99.99999999999999999999999999% of the fanbase went from “What a fucktard” and “Antithesis of the Patriot Way” to “ONE OF US!” literally in the span of seconds…
Yeah we have glorious screenshots in my league chat from “fucking diva… fuck that I wouldnt want him in our team” to five hours later the guy going “This is like an Early Xmas I’m fucking excited”
I know, right… Well, I for one … and probably the only one!… still hope the raiders block this guy from playing elsewhere in the league for the season, because actions have consequences.
Well the Raiders do have Burfict on their roster…
Which would’ve been helpful, if he A) figuratively killed (more like a moderate maiming) Brown when he got the chance (and doing it while protecting Mayock would’ve bumped his pay, lol) or if B) they were playing us in the next couple of weeks 🙁
Deep in the bowels of Terminal 6 at LAX.
There’s fantastic tunnels down here that connect the terminals and they are so gloriously 1960s yet they are still as clean and nice as the day they were built.
Note my great skill at framing all people out of my photos. Twilight Zone!
You truly are DFO’s enigma wrapped in a riddle Mr. Meathook.
No one walks down there! I’ve seen like a total of four people all the times I’ve walked through any of the tunnels over there.
The tunnel in the second photo was originally how you got to and from the gates back to baggage claim and the entrances, as the original gate structures (which still exist) were “islands” with no above ground access for passengers. There was no security checkpoints back then either.
There was a game on Thursday?
“No”
–Matt Nagy
So I flew from Los Angeles to Baltimore last night but dig this: instead of flying in a straight line from LAX to BWI the plane flew a straight line from LAX to Winston-Salem NC (several hundred miles south of Baltimore) and then turned north and headed to BWI. I was looking out the left hand window and it was clear as a bell; I have a weather radar app on my iPad and there were no storms. WTF? What’s going on here folks? I haven’t slept in days and I’m drinking Dunkin‘ Donuts coffee waiting two hours for my Amtrak train because there are no restaurants in BWI outside the security zone. You can, however, rent a P.O. box here for some unknown reason. BWI is a nice airport and everyone is very friendly but my god does every employee here move at half speed.
Ah. The scenic route.
Ground to ground radar since the FAA has struggled to get Congress to fund (and then for them to implement) GPS based nav. Your plan flies in segments from ATC tower to ATC tower unless it’s covering routes where they’ve implemented GPS. They claim they’re halfway through.