Mid-September Sabado Footy Extravaganza!

Oh men!  (and the occasional Nel and Dok visit!) There is some good stuff this weekend.  And if you want to be primed for the full RedZone dopamine rush, you need to limber up on Saturday.

If you want to wake up early and count the teeth (o/u – 60% of capacity), Liverpool are hosting Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN).  Realistically, it will just be a 2-hour Jurgen Klopp blowjob.  Make sure you have Scope at the ready, DonT!  😀  Christ knows that if I unfortunately wake up, I’mma go to ESPN+ coverage of Mighty Whitey hosting West Brom.

Chelsea at Wolves is the highlight of the 10:00 window, though you need NBC Gold (or a dodgy Belarussian stream) to watch.  United hosting Foxy Footy is also on Gold.  VERY surprising not to televise both Chelsea and United, against decent opposition, on the same weekend.  Spurs and Palace (sneaky, train wreck of a draw is possible) are the NBCSN offering.  NO THANKS!

12:30 spotlight dance dips into JV NFL time, which is good, because it’s a snuff film – angry Man City at Norwich.  Remember when Other Trash Birds briefly looked competent and exciting?  Didn’t last long.

Continentally, one might theoretically enjoy Juve/Fiorentina (9:00, ESPN+) and/or Barca hosting Valencia (3:00, BeIn).  Oh, and Bayern visit the Red Bulls in HAWT Nazi action (12:30, FS2).  That’s…pretty good shit!

Sunday Funday brings a quality doubleheader, with the Hippo/yeah right Derby to start (9:00, NBCSN), followed by Arsenal at the Moose Hornets (11:30, NBCSN).  The desperate Moose Hornets – classic “banana skin” match.

Likely, we get more interesting fixtures, which one of the Crack Lesser Footy Team will note in the comments.  To the perv content!

Litre_Cola’s Obscure team that Hippo (probably) bets on!

Today we stay in the East and profile  Football Club Anzhi Makhachkala (  Футбо́льный клуб «Анжи́)

NC State (-7) at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)

The Hippo/tWBS/WCS Derby may be an eyesore, but huzzah for local interest!  Neither side can pass downfield worth a flying fuck, and the commentary will no doubt center around how lunch pale! all the ‘Eers be.  Plus, being a significant home dog to the likes of my Shitty Wolves will no doubt piss them off.  JUST GREAT.

Maryland (-7) at Temple (Noon, CBSSN)

The One Where Fear teh Turtle Crashes Back To Reality

Kansas State (+7) at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)

The real game of the window, two 2-0 sides that nobody really knows anything about.  Shit, I don’t even recall if Unded Bill Snyder still ghouls along the sideline.  All three matches of the noon window an even 7-point spread, which I find soothing.

Alabama (-infinity) at South Cakalaky (3:30, CBS)

Means MOAR, my hairy white ass.  This here a 3-team league this go-round.  Wake me for LSU and UGA.

Southern Cal (-4) at BYU (3:30, ABC)

America’s MOST and LEAST sexualized cheer squadrons!  Oh well, I am amused.

Iowa (-1.5) at Iowa State (4:00, FS1)

Cornpone Derby, always a fun watch.  Staggered kickoff time, too!

Florida (-8.5) at Kentucky (7:00, ESPN)

Extremely lopsided historical rivalry, has produced some bananacakes in recent years.

Florida State (+7.5) at Virginia (7:30, ACCN)

Semenholes have no business being 1-1 (ie, should CLEARLY be 0-2), more than a TD underdogs to a pedestrian Wahoowa side.  I’m sure much Reacting Reasonably is going on throughout that shithole state.

Oklahoma (-23.5) at UCLA (8:00, Fox)

Laughing at Chip Kelly never gets old.  What a fucking joke he’s assembled at Westwood Klavern.

Texas Tech (-2.5) at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)

You fall asleep during the evening slate (understandable) then wake up, paw away the dried-up drool, and enjoy this sure-to-be-wacky tweaker fixture.  September is awesome, y’all.