Your “If I Have To” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

And I’m totally aware of just how batshit nuts and how much of a roll of the dice even the idea of this trip was. Outside of a couple close friends, I wasn’t really super-clear about what I was doing last weekend with anybody.

Me from a few years ago wouldn’t have done anything like this in a million years. I’ve had a couple brushes with mortality in the last five years with my health and a really bad car wreck and I decided I’m just gonna get out and do stuff and live life. Even if it’s weird. I think this midlife crisis shit is real.

EPILOGUE In the middle of nowhere Wyoming she calls me. The reception was the shits in my car, but she just wanted to again thank me for being so sweet to her. “I don’t deserve you.” She said more than once. I’m just a regular jagoff. I told her she deserved the world. And she also said that because of our talk at the game the day before, she realized that she’s been incredibly depressed and is now seeking out therapy. Just the thing I wanted to hear in the middle of a seven hour drive home. Truth be told, I’m glad she’s getting help. My phone cut out in a small canyon just before I could say goodbye, but I sent her a text saying., “Hopefully this makes it to you, but I just wanted to say, and I know how stupid and sappy this sounds, and even though you told me, repeatedly late Saturday night to just run the fuck away, I don’t want to. I don’t give a shit. I care about you a lot, like way more than almost everyone else in my dumb life. And I just want to see you happy, because if you’re happy, then I’m happy.

Sounds like it’s gonna take some work to get there, but I’m proud of you for taking the steps and I’m glad to support you any way that I can.”

So, my question for you folks, do I run away? I’ve got pretty deep feelings for this gal. Or do I keep trying to make a relationship happen here where things are unconventional, to say the least?

PART IV
The bar started closing down at about 1:30, we’d been there FOUR fucking hours, and the decision was made to take the party to that house we were staying at. We walked back to the house, I had a pretty bad buzz going as well. “I’m gonna go lay down for a minute she said. Go mingle.” I’d had enough mingling, but I went out into the backyard. A bunch of people started showing up and coke was getting passed around. I did not partake. I did take the time to admire the five perfectly groomed cannabis plants he had growing in his garden though. About the time two brothers started challenging each other to a slapfight, I went back inside to retire for the night. I went to the bedroom and she was laying down with her best friend talking to her, basically reading her the riot act for losing control. So I found a quiet corner of the house and started answering work emails. May as well be productive. A half hour later, it was probably 3 in the morning, not wanting to wake her up, I tiptoed back into the room, took my vitamins, and put on a t-shirt. I was seriously thinking about sleeping on the wood floor. But I slipped into bed and started drifting off. She woke up.
“Why are you so far away? Don’t you want to get close to me?” She said.
“I didn’t want to wake you.”
“No, slide over now and take off your shirt” I slid over and took off my shirt.
Keep in mind, three years ago I weighed 500 pounds and had a foot in the grave and the other one in a banana peel. It’s taken a major surgery and some work to get down under 250, but I still look like a fucking war-crime naked and I’m still self-conscious badly about it. It’s also probably been a decade since I’ve had any sexytime at all. After about five minutes of cuddling her and trying desperately to fall asleep, “After all that golf, I need a back rub baaaad.” She said and pulled off the covers to reveal that she was completely naked. A back-rub turned into a butt-rub and the next thing I knew she was jamming her hands down my shorts. And one thing led to another. I’ve got a lot of feelings for this woman and there’s nothing more that I wanted than to take things to the next level, but this wasn’t good at all. We were both completely wasted, it was sloppy, and being completely out of practice, I’m pretty sure I was disappointing on every level. We drifted off to sleep as I heard the sound of a coked-up guy falling out of the tree in the backyard.

PART III
I rushed back to the hotel, packed my small duffel, and busted ass back up to her house to pick her up. She walked out looking absolutely smoking hot, and had also obviously had at least another glass or two of wine. We drove up to Denver listening to punk rock songs and talking about the day. Then she said, “so after we drop off our stuff and the car, we’re going to go to this bar about a block from their house. Evidently there’s a party going on. It’s one of Duck’s buddy’s birthday. Just want to warn you, there’s gonna be this guy there. I’ve been trying to ghost him, but he keeps showing up. He doesn’t mean anything to me, but I’m just letting you know in case things get weird.”

I had no clue how to respond to that. I kinda felt like I was being tested. “I think you’re more than capable of handling your business, and I’ll back you up no matter what.”

We get to this bar and this party area is chock full of about twenty five mid-20’s-early 30’s steakhead looking dudes, a couple ladies and some older guys. Evidently everyone seemed to know about me. “HEYYYY! IT’S GOLFBOY!” I’m forty years old. I literally knew no one except my gal, and Duck and Lor in that room. Anyway, here’s where things went off the rails. She started drinking, A LOT. Like glass after glass of Cabernet. And smoking like a chimney chaining one right after another. I don’t care if somebody smokes, but she’d made a big deal a few weeks earlier of being a year cigarette-free. She was beyond fucked up, and I started cutting way back just so I could have a little better awareness of my surroundings. There was a fuckton of testosterone, coke, and dudes flexing on each other on that patio and this girl was enjoying being the center of attention. She’d disappear for stretches and at one time I found her inside the bar slamming shots and dancing on a fucking table.

PART I
Sorry for the delay. Here’s what went down on that trip I took to Colorado to hang out with this girl for the first time. This might be a little long. But any advice you fine human beings can offer on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Right now my brains and my heart don’t seem to be on speaking terms.

I had driven 400 miles to hang out with her on Thursday and as exhausted as I was after the drive, Friday might’ve been one of the best full days of my life. It was like something scripted out of a fucking movie. We met for breakfast at the aptly-named Cracker Barrel and the conversation flowed like we’d known each other our entire lives, even though we’d only been really communicating for about three months and change. Afterwards I finally was able to get her live on a range for an in-person golf lesson. After teaching her via video clip for three years it was nice to finally see her swing in the flesh for the first time. Then we played eighteen at her home course where I witnessed her second birdie ever. Afterwards, we got cleaned up and went out for a fancy dinner and drinks. She looked like a vision. Holy smokes, what a sexy lady! Her little dress barely clinging to her. In my familiar bowling-shirt/slacks I felt underdressed, but also made her look even more stunning in comparison. It was like we’d known each other for years and after I dropped her off at her house, she made me get outta the car and we kissed for the first time. Like intense and passionate and unlike anything I’ve had in years. I didn’t want to let her go. I went back to my hotel feeling high as balls.