I’m not really good – good at at all, really – with themes. But fuck me, do I love this song. Let it take us into 21 September 2019:
NBCSN wants your ass up early with Foxes/Spurs at 7:30. It’s an interesting matchup, for sure. I will try to make it for the second half. City/Moose Hornets is the snuff film main course of the 10:00 window. Because NBC also wants you paying for Gold, eh?
My schizo Toffees take on Team Knifey in a must win at Goodison. Fuck me, was that an awful yeah right Derby. AWFUL. Burnley also Norwich on Gold. Meh.
Brighton and Newcastle is your non-Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC). Who fookin’ wants to watch that over JV NFL?
Sunday brings a two-fisted double header. NBCSN carries Hammers/United at 9:00 (interesting!) followed by the Redshite at Chelsea (very interesting!) at 11:30. I am too sleepy to go into other Euro action, but Balls covered it on Thursday.
Litre_Cola’s Obscure team that Hippo (probably) bets on!
Team profile request line coming at you! We are heading back to Germany and looking at FC St. Pauli.
Tennessee (+14) at Florida (Noon, ESPN)
For the first time I can recall, this ain’t the 3:30 CBS matchup. And for good reason – the Vols is just turrrible. Not that the Gators are any great shakes. So much hideous orange.
Michigan (+3) at Wisconsin (Noon, Fox)
I keep forgetting whether Harbs the Lesser is still in Ann Arbor. Pretty sure it’s Alzheimer’s or just garden variety senility. I ain’t right in the head. Having to cheer for Bucky Badger is a strange feeling.
Michigan State (-8.5) at Northwestern (Noon, ABC)
Don’t go expecting touched downs, completed forward passes, or anything revolutionary like that. God, the B1G is ass.
Auburn (+4) at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)
Second-best game of the day, as we see whether or not the SEC actually has a 4th legitimate team or not. I still lean not, but ask me again next week.
Washington (-6.5) at BYU (3:30, ABC/ESPN2)
Original Recipe Team Big Love are sure enough interesting, but this result will tell us if they’re actually any good.
Kentucky (+6.5) at Mississippi State (4:00, SECN)
I expect Blue Moon of Kenfucky to curl up and die after yet another pants-shitting against Florida last week. But the Cowbells really aren’t much account, either. Some reason, I expect this to entertain.
Oklahoma State (+7) at Texas (7:30, ABC)
Looks like Vegas expects/anticipates a possible paddlin’ down Austin-way. Both of these sides are hard to figure out.
Notre Dame (+14.5) at Georgia (8:00, CBS)
No typos, that really is the spread. More than 2 full TDs, against a public team. I can’t make sense of it.
UCLA (+18.5) at Washington State (10:30, ESPN)
Another week, the hole digs deeper around Westwood Klavern. Really not sure Wazzu is that good, though Dread Pirate Mike Leach would no doubt enjoy running up the score.
Looks like this is going to turn into an Ass-&-raMming down in the Brazos Flood Plain, I mean Brazos Valley.
Sorry, Dr Pepper Fansville State fan, that kid is NOT your son. Your wife fucked a Tech fan, you can tell by the guilty look on her face.
The Cola’s day sans kid was a success. a brewery, 2 wbars, a dispensary, walk in the mountains, now more wine. Kid is alive with Gramma Cola. High and drunk and BC Dick’s sister is happy.
Methodists (SMU) vs Disciples of Christ (TCU) looking like a good matchup.
Sleep on Kenny Pickett at your own peril, UCF.
“Cast A Deadly Spell” coulda been a super great movie.
I haven’t seen a Mond pummeled like this since that Tori Black video I watched 15 minutes ago.
Someone reminded OSU who they were playing, and they rattle off 28 unanswered points
Texas AM is still coasting off of that one win over Alabama by Manziel like 7 years ago.
Texans love living in the past, like the 1950s or so. See also: Texas social programs. A very thin, underfunded book indeed.
Do kids still fuck in the back seat of cars? I read somewhere that millennials don’t even want cars, so they must be fucking somewhere else.
Their not fucking hence why we need all these illegal immigrants to do their minimum wage jorbs smh…
We need more US-born American kids to work those lawn-caring/vegetable-picking/slaughterhouse-working jerbs that pay so well!
Can’t wait to watch Bob Assahola on CBS this fall!
Kinda wishing I had put some dough down on Aubie.
And what’s up with UCF today? Jeebus.
They’ve run into the offensive juggernaut of Pitt.
Maybe it’s the Dan Marino/Tony Dorsett era throwback unis?
.
Commanding 2-0 lead for Miami over OSU
SURMOUNTABLE LEAD
Young Bro Gabbert apparently plays for Miami. He needs to be drafted by the Jets so he can once again take over for Colin Kaepernick.
WVU-Les Mileses aren’t on any of the 3239098 networks airing games, but, you can watch Bowling Green vs. Ohio National Guard! #MACtion
Can’t wait for Kent State to renew their rivalry with the latter.
Michigan qb has a Patterson of turning the ball over.*
*this comment is fully endorsed by Chris Berman
Reporter: “What’s your name, Wiscy lb?”
Zach Baun: “Baun. Zach Baun.”
Michigan trying the onside kick down 21 with 5 minutes to go is pretty sad
If by “pretty sad” you mean “fucking hilarious” then yes, I concur.
Hypothesis:: Harbaugh is tryign to get fired so he can go coach a real college quarterback with his brother in Baltimore
Vandy scoring 31 on Georgia?
How Camp Randall Stadium hasn’t collapsed in upon itself when the crowd jumps to ‘Jump Around’ is a mystery for the ages.
The only thing more depressing than this noon game slate is the 3:30 one.