Business is brisk at The Salvation Army store on Sundays. It wasn’t always this way, hell it wasn’t even open on Sunday before I offered to put in the time. You see, the shop is a nondescript building that faces another nondescript building and they’re separated by an over-sized walkway. The only other business of note open on the sabbath is a bottle store. I happened to grab some vodka before the football games and noticed the large amount of people loading up. Many of them were a certain kind of people. My kind of people.
I suggested to the world-weary and harried spinster that ran things that I could, perhaps, maybe run a Sunday shift. Hell, I could do it on my own-all she had to do was open up for me. Well, it didn’t take long for her, maybe just three weeks, to decide that missing the beginning of Coronation Street wasn’t worth the hassle. So I got the keys just as I had planned. Of course I was the only one working as well. And sales increased overall by 15% because, as I suspected, a part of the demographic that buys alcohol early on Sunday morning also happens to shop at a used goods store. Sometimes a plan is just that easy to put into action and, you know, execute.
A guy by the name of Brad started stopping by and I’d pour him a coffee and we’d chat away. The cashiers desk was elevated so that I could survey the entire store quite easily all while ‘flapping gums’ as they say. Brad’s clothes were worn but not raggedy so I guessed he’d only recently ran into a rough patch. He eventually made it known that he was working in a wrecking yard and busted up his leg in an accident. Some nasty hospital fees (no insurance of course) and a later infection that sent him right back into care for two weeks put an end to him having an address.
“You know what I miss most about having a place?”, he asked one day. “Huh, no idea”. “It’s being able to sit back today with a cold beer and just relax and watch football.” Of course his team was the Browns-it couldn’t have been any other. The gears started doing their calculations…
The following week I closed the store one hour early so that we could catch the 4 o’clock games. There was a dark dive bar that I knew, the sort of place where everyone is a serious drinker and everyone minds their own business or they’re out the door real fast. Brad drank down that first glass from the pitcher in two gulps. Yeah, as I thought, he liked his beer and didn’t get to drink much these days. I offered to buy him a burger or something but he wanted that alcohol to sit on his empty stomach for awhile. He entertained me with stories of Peyton Hillis, Dennis Northcutt (Dennis Northcutt?) and ‘that son of a bitch’ Butch Davis.
By seven it was time to go because he was sloppy and all over the place. I could feel a few eyes looking in our direction and that’s all it took. I insisted that he grab a spot on a park bench and sober up a little before heading to the hostel where he was staying. He was amenable. Things happened fast. I stuffed a rag in his mouth when his head lolled back, punched him hard in the stomach to knock the wind out of him and then I knew he was mine.
Heading back to the car I was worried about all the spatter on my clothes should someone happen by but it was a sleepy Sunday night and there was only dogwalker at a safe, unidentifiable distance. Business is still brisk at the store, might stick around a bit longer. Oh, almost forgot-Goodnight, Brad.
TO THE GAME!
Cowboys/Saints:
Dallas wins 20-10 as OC Kellen Moore continues to weave his magic spells over DAK!, Amari and Zeke.
Have at it gringos!
Would someone be kind enough to look up the result of the Australia-Wales rugby game and let me know whether it is worth watching? Final margin within ten points is a yes. Please do not tell me the actual score or who won!
Thanks.
That would be a yes.
Thanks!
I haven’t watched nearly enough of this tournament as I want to
If Hippo thoughts was in the old Night Owl Edition of the NY Daily News, I’d stay at the bar until it came out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5poYkQnOr0
Good book I read while on vacation: Jerome K. Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)
Good hustle all around.
I’ve switched to food porn on YouTube. Now I want fried chicken
I see there was a pick at the end. Was this ufford meme the pick? If so, lol.
That was an incompletion. But lol.
Surprisingly entertaining day of football all around. Almost makes one ignore the emotionally crippling onslaught of life’s misery. Plus, Amazon sent me my Hydrox cookies.
Always did like them better than Oreos. Didn’t know they still made them.
AMAZON HERE I COME!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEDgMsI7fd8
Fuck the Cowboys.
Done and done!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnHm4ro_l8s
Game ended early, so they’re just gonna play commercials till the local news comes on, correct?
Not on my TV.
I’m gonna play Family Feud.
“Name a football team everybody hates”
Cowboys currently winless against NFL teams. You hate to see it.
Why the fuck does Aaron Rodgers take his State Farm agent wherever he goes? Is he that accident prone?
Fuck you Teddy. You didnt do shit.
Maybe he needs some Metamucil?
Fuck this. I hope a Brees’s thumb falls off. Fuck you too Kellen, Dak needed designed runs.
I thought you were a Houston fan.
You’re going to be in bad shape after the Green Bay game.
Dallas fans react reasonably
y’all please read my turrible column in the morn. Good night and good luck.
With pleasure. Love Hippothoughts.
Highlight of the week. Love giving my Hippo decoder ring a workout.
While this is a fine way to end a Sunday, still blows that tomorrow is Monday
All ya gotta do is call in sick and eat taquitos while watching Jerry Springer.
Or so I’ve heard.
Fact.
I can only go by the score because House Hunters has been on my TV since the start of the 4th quarter. Can I assume that was a miserable display of football?
I didn’t watch all of it, but what I did see was some decent defensive play by both teams.
Dallas’s decision to butter their offensive players hands in the first half seems, in hindsight, to have been a mistake.
Remember this bullshit Dallas. Get even. Get revenge!
Yes, Dallas. Next time there’s a big hurricane in New Orleans, send all the refugees to El Paso. That’ll learn ’em!
Close the state line. Those Cajuns fucks can go to Arkansas
Just stick em in a boat to downtown Houston
Tainter-ception
DPI on the Saints so New Orleans will burn. Come on refs!
I also hoped for this. Or a roughing the passer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o00GKXWs__k
Kick the 70 yarder!!!!! It’s history!!!!!
suddenly all the Dallas haters appear. Bunch of cowards
Not litre or Grat
That’s not true. I’ve been here all along.
Suddenly?
Man, you need to show up more often.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GxxhjFcngM
Fuck it, go for the FG, what the hell.
How many fantasy points for a 70 yarder?
Right?
seriously, 70 yards in a dome is better odds than Hail Mary or hook and many laterals
Agree. Unless you’re Rodgers or Brady and 60-40 to get a PI call you may as well let the kicker take a shot at the record book.
maybe they even line up offside or some dumb shit
Touchdown Seahawks!
President Trump assures me that HE could kick a 70 yarder.
You call that NOW ?
Wow, that’s a terrible call.
am stressing out my dog
Quit smearing peanut butter on your balls
I’m glad you said it so I didn’t have to.
😀
choosy mutts choose Nutella!
oopsie doodle
SACK SACK SACK INTERCEPT SACK GROUNDING!!!
Worst screen pass in evar? WORST SCREEN PASS IN EVAR!!!!!!
Evening. Walked almost eight miles today. Some slight chafing ensued. Still feel better than Trubisky probably does.
TD? Please let it stand
ALL HAIL SCHROEDINGER, GOD OF WHAT IS CATCH
What is pass, in this case. Maybe a demi-god
We don’t know what he’s God of until we observe it
BUT THE BOX WON’T OPEN!!!
Let’s all go to Sean Payton’s house and raid his ‘fridge.
Hippo has dibs on the pills.
Catch.
It’s been a little over a year since I was last in NOLA, but it was super fun. GO SAINTS
Can’t wait for the 92 yard FG attempt
Good Lord. Not Smith
Hey Hippo…. ‘Member that night the Wolven Sort broke Teddy Bridgewater?
That poor guy got beat all to hell that night.
Safety for the safety Gods?
So, I’m going to be in Chicago third weekend of October. I would have to change from a morning flight, but if the Redacteds are still unfeated then (which seems likely) I totally want to go watch Niners@Snyders at my old Redacteds bar. Worth it?
Absolutely.
Is this the fastest game in NFL history? Possibly under 3 hours.
Been fantastic
Drew Brees looked like that little league dad who is trying his goddamned hardest to hold it all in in front of the kids.
Excellent analogy
And
Away
We
Go!
plus lost LT
plus plus 10-second runoff
Hope is a good thing – Andy
Oh look, here come The Sisters.
that made me giggle
Honestly stunned they didn’t just hit Jaylon for 15 yards for helmet-to-helmet on that one.
Really good defensive FITBAW!! here