No time to talk!
Fallout:
-Vontaze Burfict will be given the rest of the season off to not think about what he did to Jack Doyle. Somebody cue up Shirley Bassey’s History Repeating.
-The lesser-known (outside of the Rockies area) Chubb, Brad, is gone for the year.
-The even lesser-known (not to me) Ryan Connelly, rook lb for the Giants is gone as well after posting an 8 tackle, 1 interception and 1 sack stat line. Goddamnit!
-Josh Allen is in concussion protocol and will likely be back in three weeks after the Bills lose to the Titans, then take a bye, and end up with a more Buffalo-like 3-2 record.
-Unfrozen Caveman QB Darnold has been cleared to start throwing the old rock again. No word on whether spears are allowed just yet.
-Hey, if you invested in Bruce Arian’s O in the form of wr’s Godwin and/or Evans, congrats! You’ve got the 3rd and 4th highest scoring wideouts in fantasy.
TO THE GAME!
Cincy/Pitt:
Qb Dalton is rather spotlight averse. He’s lost his last four Monday Nighters, has never won on Sunday night and, well, there is that 0-4 mark on his reputation as far as playoff games are concerned. His counterpart Mason Rudolph is a bit of an unknown quantity but early reviews indicate that he’s not good at the deep ball or intermediate routes but that short checkdown pass is in his wheelhouse. I see plenty of handoffs so you fellas out there that are depending on heretofore incredibly shitty James Conner to win you your fantasy matchup just might have lucked into something.
Go get ’em!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYGyUsmmDbg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-aokvgd3ac
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK-0X6sq4WE
So somehow Maestro and I were against each other in DFOball, didn’t talk smack to each other, and between the two of us four starters met or exceeded projections. The two of us combined had 3.5 more points than the guy who had the most points. So nobody really wins.
DUDE. I’m 0-4 in part b/c I drafted Melvin Gordon in the 3rd round.
A reminder that Scotchy seems to have been playing with his hobo toys for a while.
https://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught#155715
That was a good one.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1178781464097374208
Is that your handywork?
Me and Sir Paul feel the same way. See y’all Thursday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMM_LNcNV-E
So, Juul is going to be the modern analog for R.J. Reynolds?
Good ol’ Bungholes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKrfNdBGUF4
Sorry, but the Orange Wotsit line kills me.
Affirmative.
She looks better as an alien.
Stop! Stop! The Bengals are already dead!
Tyler Eifert still alive? “Ooops Eiferted” still a viable fantasy team name?
[holds nose]
Yeah, I guess…
Times like these I’m glad there’s a republican in the while house, maybe these bengals will go extinct sooner rather than later.
“I’ve seen life slowly drain out of a person before but never an entire team. This is really hard to watch.”
-Sunday Night Hobo Killer
Careful out there Scotchy, you might run into this guy. Have I posted this before? Probably.
Saw that movie premiere at Sundance and met Rutger Hauer. I don’t think he was acting in that movie.
Fat Humps about to get even fatter. Pot’s now legal-ish in Indianapolis
Car-boat sales also projected to rise
Wow, this is devolving into Bengal-esque levels of incompetence so quickly that I am getting dizzy.
Round 167 of “Bengals or Booze”
Feeling dizzy? Maybe it’s because you’re watching the Bengals circle around the drain.
Perhaps. Alcohol also contributing to this effect.
Yeah, to hell with this.
WTH kind of coverage was that?
Bengals Radio Theory #1: CB thought it was zone coverage.
Bengals Radio Theory #2: CB and S were covering each other.
Speaking of baseball, the Tigers finished with a 47-114 record, a full six games behind tWBS’ Oreoles, and six games ahead of the all time record of 120 losses. Their season was so bad their record doesn’t even add up to 162 games.
Well, I tuned in to this game tonight with the vague desire of seeing Cincinnati be the less-sucking of these two sucking teams. Feeling a bit disappointed in that desire being destroyed.
So many shooty video games. So very, very, very, very, very popular. I just don’t get it.
Really. Why should anyone buy a video shooter game when the 2nd Amendment allows you to just go out and do it for reals?
“Several hundred brave souls have taken up the challenge of killing people in real life. Where are their medals?”
-The NRA
I don’t understand that theory. I played Nintendo, and I didn’t go out eating mushrooms or blowing up strangers walls looking for hearts.
I’m not drawing a direct line from shooter games to real-life shooters in that first comment. I’m just shrugging my shoulders as to why there are so many shooting games that are so immensely successful.
Ah, misunderstood.
You run faster with a knife. Everyone knows that!
I don’t know if Bray Wyatt is describing Hell in a Cell or tonight’s football game.
Wildcat TD! Everybody drink a Labatt’s Wildcat!
No, just kidding. Nobody should ever drink those.
I forgot how good Lagunitas Brown Shugga is. ?
How come it taste so good?
Fermentation
[shakes fist]
Don’t get smart with me!
Why dont DBs and linebackers turn around to guard receivers any more
It’s considered pass interference now.
Fucking bullshit
Have my 5 week post surgery appointment tomorrow. Cross your fingers I can get out of this god damn sling
Sharklock: “Ayy doc why you wanna suffer me these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?”
Doctor: “…you still have to pay the copay.”
“There’s a Jap guy wearing a Steelers jacket during the halftime show. That can’t be legal!”
-B. Parcells
“…and the rest of Trumplandia”
If any of you sportsfans have ears, I recommend the “Slow Burn” podcast. It’s pretty good, and there’s a normal amount of blowjobs about halfway through.
I loved the Nixon season. Haven’t listened to the Clinton one yet.
Well, that was…
He’s “Snoop Dogg” again? Wha happen to Snoop Lion??
He forgot.
From all the wacky tabacky.
Focus groups didn’t like it.
Name was taken on twitch
Snoop ditched it because he was worried Trump would get him confused with the CIA whistleblower “Snoop Lyin'” and have him whacked.
y’all hear this is the end of the line for Bojack Horseman? Can’t wait to see how soul-crushingly depressing the grand finale is.
Ends up in mega church with Kurt Catmoron
Imagine how good Joe Mixon would be if he played on an NFL team.
If this team had an halfway decent offensive line, it’d be 2-1 and leading this game.
2020 does look like a good draft for LT, at least
We got more problems that LT. The whole line is blocking worse than a couch would.
draft good tackles, move the shitty tackles inside
Thanks for showing that, ESPN. Are you showing video from my first date in the 2nd half?
How is Omar Epps still employed?
“Maybe he asked for a reasonable amount of money?”
-Terrence Howard
how boring is it? are we praying for an ebola outbreak?
Avert your gaze.
No big deal to add one more location for an Ebola outbreak to my list, I’ll place it under the oval office and Moscow Mitch’s bedroom.
Ju-ju… Christ-killer or not?
—Phil Rivers and his Quiverful
Great. am changing to the news.
Later Gators.
Not sticking around for the Shazier halftime show?
Word has it that it will really be moving
*slightly
Told ya.
Why is JuJu playing inst it Rosh HaShooShoo?
Spur, do you smell burnt toast?
“You’ve seen him post silly observations. You’ve seen him taunt fans of other teams. But tonight, see him as he really is. For one night only, Spur is Burnt Toast! Come for the sourdough. Stay for inevitable stroke!”
Oh, Rosh Hashana, is it? Gut Yontif!
Is this Andy Dalton being consistent?
Thanks, Sudden Change.
There it is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjUQMs0kVEI
Dalton?
Swayze was very much opposed to putting Baby in at cornerback. Not a lot of people remember this. smh
“Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”
– Ben “Nobody” Roethisburger
“Nobody” puts “baby” in the “corner”
“baby” being a motorcycle helmet and “corner” being fuckit you get it
“Nobody corners baby but me.”
John Dalton?
Changing the culture in Cincinnati means stopping the locals from throwing their unused paint and meth production by products in the Ohio River.
How else do you think we clean the river?
I got a bit of money today at work. That’s nice.
spend it all on pussy and beer!
And dope!
I believe that immigration and diversity is our great strength, but do you know who really hates immigrants? Indians. They hate all the immigrants. And I’m talking about the Native American scalpin’ savage Injuns, not those little red-dot dress wearin’ cab driver Sabu motherfuckers, although they hate everybody. Hatred has no place in my heart.
fuck it, Dude. I’m going drinking.
I just can’t understand why those brave warriors feel that way.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Philip%27s_War
I’m concerned that the latest “leaks” that Barr was reaching out to countries like Australia and Italy regarding the Mueller probe is a deliberate attempt to muddy the waters on the mob shakedown Trump pulled on Ukraine.
“See, he does it to every country! No big deal.”
Exactly this, yes. “Barr has been doing this publicly (if extremely quietly) the whole time with other countries; why would anyone care if they did it to Ukraine too?”
You really think the Trump Administration would be that smart?
They speak the language of stupidity extremely fluently, and nothing gets the eyes of the Trumpists to glaze over faster than a complex subject. So if they are under of suspicion of one crime, they expose themselves as having committed nine more, and then supporters get confused and take the easy way out and declare it as a vindication that it was all a “hoax” and a “witch hunt”.
AUSTRALIA IS ONE OF THE FIVE FUCKING EYES!!!
That fucking moron.