Your “Free Sometimes Means ‘Awesome'” Saturday Evening Open Thread

So, my brother is at the Notre Dame – USC game in South Bend tonight. Beerbrother was invited to give a speech there yesterday, and instead of a per diem he accepted tickets to the game. I asked him if he spit on the Joe Theismann statue, and he responds that he actually met him…and asked him about his Argos career.

All kidding aside, when in South Bend, you take the tour of the field.

    

The hotel where he’s staying is full of USC fans, so he asked me for the worst thing he could say that would guarantee the most offense. I said to wait in a line for something and then ask, “Is this the line to work a train on Aunt Becky’s daughter? Because, I can pay.”


Sunday broadcast maps: (courtesy 506sports.com)

CBS EARLY

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu

█ Houston @ Kansas City – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

█ New Orleans @ Jacksonville – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green

█ Cincinnati @ Baltimore – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon

█ NO GAME due to blackout enforced by local home team on FOX

————————————————————

CBS LATE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu
█ Dallas @ NY Jets – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
█ Tennessee @ Denver – Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
█ NO GAME due to blackout enforced by local home team on FOX
————————————————————

FOX SINGLE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu
█ Philadelphia @ Minnesota – Kenny Albert, Charles Davis
█ Seattle @ Cleveland – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
█ Washington @ Miami – Sam Rosen, Ronde Barber
█ San Francisco @ LA Rams (LATE) – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
█ Atlanta @ Arizona (LATE) – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
There appear to be a fair number of lopsided-looking contests tomorrow, so that doesn’t bode well for the viewing experience. As for that Wasington-Miami, WOOF! It might be time for CBS to try that one-off where NBC had no announcers. It was Jets-Dolphins, but Washington is just as suckable.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • ALCS Game 1: Yankees at Astros – 8:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet
  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Red Wings – 7:00PM CBC
    • Jets at Black Hawks – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Blues at Habs – 7:00PM | City
    • Flyers at Canucks – 10:00PM | CBC
    • Falmes at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Mississippi at Missouri – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Southern California at Notre Dame – 7:30PM | NBC
    • Florida at LSU – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Hawaii at Boise State – 10:15PM | ESPN2
    • Washington at Arizona – 11:00PM | FS1
  • CFL:
    • Lions vs. Eskimos – 7:00PM | TSN
  • Rugby World Cup: (weather permitting)
    • Namibia vs. Canada – 11:15PM | TSN / NBCSN
    • USA vs. Tonga – 1:45AM | TSN / NBCSN
    • Wales vs. Uruguay – 4:15AM | TSN / NBCSN
    • Japan vs. Scotland – 6:45AM | TSN / NBCSN

Enjoy your night, folks. Next Saturday I’ll be away in Seattle – because BeerBrother gets to use the box for the Seahawks game. As stated above, when it’s offered, you graciously accept the free thing.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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yeah right

I’m not sure if I agree on any ad campaign that advocates stealing “Steal a Taco.”

Because, if you think about it, you could walk into a Taco Bell tomorrow, steal a taco and walk out.

I’m not sure how to handle the litigation.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m in favor of anything that leads to more violence at Taco Bell.

herodotus450

If three of us, can you imagine three of us walk into Taco Bell, steal a taco and walk out, they might call it a movement.

SonOfSpam

There will definitely be a movement. In short order.

(talking about poopin)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s talk about poop, baby,
Let’s talk about turd parties,
Let’s talk about all the bad things that can happen with dysentery.

SonOfSpam

Yet another reason the build the wall.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is not what the drunk lesbian said.

Senor Weaselo

Stanton did a good? Holy shit, Stanton did a good!

Horatio Cornblower

I like Stanton. I think he gets shit on way more than he deserves.

Except for those last two at bats against Kimbrell last year; he totally deserved all the shit he got for those.

SonOfSpam

Ice Rams beat the Ice Titans 7-4. Probably shoulda watched that.

ballsofsteelandfury

They played pretty well. Ugly uniforms, tho.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, I don’t like the gray ones.

( – Roethlisberger’s ex)

Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

Which Vegas massage parlor does she work at?

– Y. R.

Gratliff

So are the Devils calling it a season, or?

Senor Weaselo

Well they had Lazlo Holmes interviewing PK Subban.

herodotus450

0-5, yikes.

Gratliff

Including a shutout by the Flyers of all fucking teams

SonOfSpam

Beavers getting pounded at home.

(Unfortunately, I’m talking about a football game, not my Saturday night.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dinner is served.

ballsofsteelandfury

Dumplings! Yum!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh – I thought we were having taters.

Gratliff

Catching up on New Japan a bit before the Flyera game they will definitely lose 8-2 since I can actually watch it. Previously mentioned Ageless Legend Jyushin Thunder Liger is wrapping up his impossible career with a feud against also previously mentioned Murder Grandpa, the equally ageless Minoru Suzuki. They’re doing an unmasking angle, which means the coolest unmasking gimmick in all of wrestling: Kishin Liger.

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Way back in 1996, in a match against Muta, Muta was doing a ton of dirty shit against Liger, culminating with him unmasking Liger in the ring. When the mask came off, Liger stood up with full face makeup, sprayed mist in his face, and ran around the ring trying to stab him with a fucking railroad spike. It was pretty dope. He’s only used the gimmick a few times, so it’s always a big pop when it shows up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWN7t1NfNaU

Spur

Dont forget tomorrow is bonus 6am Football from London.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

If they’re enhanced, wouldn’t that mean they aren’t the real Chasey Lain?

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, she did buy them…

Horatio Cornblower

I saw a “where are they now” documentary about porn starts and Chasey is not doing well.

herodotus450

I saw a “where are they now” documentary about porn starts and Chasey all of them are not doing well

ftfy

Spur

WTF? #53 for Notre Dame is wearing black face?

Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

A rose right between the tits?

Seems wrong somehow.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It might need to be “pollinated” .

yeah right

Think of it as a target.

WCS

Hello, miss.

ballsofsteelandfury

Looks like the competitive portion of tonight’s USC-Notre Dame game is over.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Thankfully the Lions are on bye so I get to fully enjoy what deserves to be Kirk Cousins’ last start.

herodotus450

It’s a good thing rapper Flo Rida wasn’t from Mississippi.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, is that Asa Akira? I thought she was much prettier. She looks horrid.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey, some people like to masturbate with both hands.

Gratliff

Whomst among us hasn’t cranked their shaft like they’re trying to start a fire without matches?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bacon grease.

Senor Weaselo

Jesus plays the punch game?
/Remember, it only counts if it’s below the hip

theeWeeBabySeamus

Balls seems to have gone down an Asa Akira hole.
Pun definitely intended.

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Senor Weaselo

Is he beating the everloving fuck out of Joe Buck?

Horatio Cornblower

Buck was actually very funny the first season of Brockmire.

I kind of lost the show after that. Need to catch up.

yeah right

It’s still pretty good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Very nice. But we might have to rent a steam cleaner in a coupla hours.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Ed Orgeron has got the (Wilhelm) Reich stuff.

Spur

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scotchnaut

“Usually they’re not that happy when they see the basement.”

-Ariel Castro

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dang. I could eat shrimp off that thing.
And would.

Brick Meathook

You could set your beer on that ass.

ballsofsteelandfury

You could set your clock by that ass.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m torn about this USC-Notre Dame game. I’ll greatly enjoy watching USC get destroyed but, at the same time, it would be hilarious to see Notre Dame lose at home and be eliminated from playoff contention.

ballsofsteelandfury

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herodotus450

I bet you can’t name me three US State names with a syllable-to-letters ratio of 0.75 or better.

Viva La Tabula Raza

If I understand the question properly, and I probably don’t: Iowa, Ohio, Idaho?

ballsofsteelandfury

Hawaiiii?

herodotus450

I think Iowa and Ohio only. It seems so unusual to have three syllables and only four letters, and then TWO states have the same properties? WEIRD.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

K’Lavon is an excellent, terrifying name for a giant, African-American defensive lineman.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

More terrifying if it is the same name for someone who just won “America’s Got Talent.”

yeah right

HOLY FUCK, JOKER WAS INCREDIBLE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I disagree; our president is terrible.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Is this the line to work a train on Aunt Becky’s daughter? Because, I can pay.”

That’s fucking poetry.

King Hippo

Complete ref fuckery in Waco. I get Guns Up!! to 2OT, but they should already have the win.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
herodotus450

“Some people are saying, I’ve been hearing this a lot, from some very good friends of mine, you know, the best–I have the best friends, that this would make a good anthem for the USA.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEt41bYQBgE

Senor Weaselo

We may have one the Cold War, but the musician in me has to admit that anthem is baller.

litre_cola

At a party with my inlaws, sans BC Dick. Lots of good wine and homegrown. I have befriended a Brazilian exchange student and we are watching the madness.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

I have befriended a Brazilian exchange student

I’ve seen this one, it’s ok but you can tell she’s faking it towards the end.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dear Penthouse letters,

I…..

herodotus450

Every presidential candidate should have to pick a new national anthem as part of the election process, and inevitably it would become the biggest voting issue for most people.

King Hippo
herodotus450

Alternatively, every national anthem rendition should have to be completed in or less than the duration of the most recent shool shooting.

SonOfSpam
Horatio Cornblower

Love to see the Nationals make the World Series the same year Harper went to Philadelphia and helped get his manager fired while missing the play-offs.

Senor Weaselo

In fairness Kepler got fired all by himself and nearly did it last year when he fucked up the lineup.

WCS

Wifey took Lil’ and Lil’er WCS to her mom’s house in Wheeling today, so I got a chance to actually clean the kids’ playroom, get some laundry done, and even watch the WVU game*.

Now, it’s time to rage drink in solitude.

*second half massacre by Iowa State

King Hippo

Come on, Guns Up!! At least win me ONE stinking #HAILGAMBLOR

SonOfSpam

I larfed pretty hard at the Aunt Becky line. (Your joke, not the “running train” queue.)

King Hippo

#BFIB can has baseball point!

/just the one

Redshirt

Damn it! I was two yards away from a 0-yard INT Return for a TD.

Horatio Cornblower

UConn now down 48-0 and Tulane is still throwing the ball.

The AAC is clearly not happy about UConn leaving the conference.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yes?

Redshirt

I’m surprised they haven’t sent in ringers just to break 100.

“What if we get caught? We’ll get probation and won’t be able to make it to a bowl.”
“Do you guys honestly think you’ll be bowl eligible?”

King Hippo

I mean, it’s still FUCKING TULANE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I did that and then had quite the antibiotic regimen after that before everything was cured.

King Hippo
Horatio Cornblower

I see I’m not the only one watching teh beisbol

King Hippo

nae. 🙁

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Happy Saturday.

Redshirt

ALA/TAM Referee: “Unsportsmanlike Conduct, Number 13. Pointing out to an official that he made a mistake. 15 yard penalty. 2nd Down”

Horatio Cornblower

UConn was down 28-0 to Tulane with :15 left in the half, got the ball across the 50 and, facing 4th and 1, fucking punted!!

They are now down 42-0.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s a great metaphor for the effort Randy Edsall is putting in to coaching UConn this year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We all should troll a little more at work.

herodotus450

BrotherGuyRob missed his chance to sell a bunch of “I paid 500k to get my daughter into USC and she still ended up in porn” t shirts to drunk fake Irish people.